Long Term Relationships are like wars, but with more blood, violence, and chaos. The following are a few principles that you should use as guidelines, not commandments or anything. So when I say “Don’t see your girlfriend more than two or three times a week,” that doesn’t mean you should refuse to visit her in the hospital after her car accident because you already saw her for the last 2 days. The biggest problem in LONG Term Relationships is maintaining passion; so a lot of these are aimed towards preventing your relationship from getting the Doldrums.
1) Stay confident THROUGHOUT: A lot of guys don’t recognize this but as a relationship progresses, their confidence seems to gradually decline. They get jealous more easily, insecure in more ways, etc. This is because you have a long way to go before becoming a true Alpha, where confidence is infinite and insecurities can no longer exist. In the mean time, don’t lose control of yourself. Your insecurities are unfounded no matter how you look at them. And Remember, your insecurities can ONLY hurt you. So revealing them as a relationship progresses doesn’t strengthen your relationship because you were being “honest,” Â and “opening up,” it only shows your girlfriend that your actually an insecure bitch basket and that the confident, masculine guy she thought you were was a visage to get laid.
2) Don’t see her more than two or three times a week: If you see her too often, you’ll both get bored, take each other for granted, lose your passion, etc. If you don’t see her enough, she’ll think you’re not interested or committed enough. Balance is the key here. STAY BUSY. Have something else to do. If you have to “pretend” to be busy, then you need to re-evaluate your life because a girl is the least of your problems.
3) Don’t say I love you first: This is equivalent to going to a war but telling your opponent your strategy beforehand. There are a myriad of reasons why you shouldn’t say this, I’ll discuss it in a later post. For starters, it ruins challenge and mystery and shifts the balance of the relationship. Now she feels like she is qualifying you to see if she loves you, which isn’t what you want. You can say it when she says it, but NEVER say it first.
4) Always go to new places: To maintain passion in a relationship, avoid falling into mindless routines. Don’t go to the same cafÃ© every Saturday or spend your anniversary in the same hotel room every year. Change things up. Always think of new ideas for dates.
5) No gifts, flowers, candy etc, until three months have passed: No exceptions. No monthly gifts. Give her flowers if you think she’s earned them. Always gift her on your anniversary, and her birthday. Always give flowers / candy / stuffed animal on Valentines day.
6) Don’t follow regular phone routines: Don’t talk to her every morning or every night. Don’t talk to her on the phone for too long either. Try and keep it at 20 minutes max usually.
7) Don’t talk too much about yourself; let her find out more about you on her own: Main mystery. This doesn’t mean you should wear a cloak or intentionally lead her to misunderstand you. Rather, it means you just shouldn’t talk too much about yourself, or brag about your accomplishments.
8) Don’t give her advice for her own problems: Never get involved in her girl drama. She’ll love explaining every detail of it to you. Try and change the topic to a more positive one when you get the chance. If she needs someone to listen to her, then be there for her, but don’t act as her shrink. And remember you’re her boyfriend, not a flaccid shoulder to cry on. Listen to her, agree or disagree, but don’t attempt to over-analyze her problems.
9) If she cheats, it’s over: Never make an exception, it’s a slippery slope.
10) Never show any signs of jealousy: Don’t cry if she’s flirting with other guys, go talk to other girls. If you think she’s going overboard, then you can withdraw some attention or make a small comment about it, something witty, but that’s ALL. Nothing more, and DON’T lose your temper, get mad, or show any type of emotion. If she still keeps at it, give her the boot, don’t waste your time with trash.
11) Stay Positive and happy: A must. Not just for your relationship, but for all aspects of your life. Let your happiness ooze out of you, it’s one of the most attractive features of an Alpha Male. Happiness is contagious. Positive thoughts will manifest themselves in positive ways in your relationship.
12) Never lose control of your emotions: Don’t lose your temper, throw things, or even talk above your regular voice. Nice guys are ruled by their emotions. Jerks don’t have emotions. Alpha males have emotions, but are able to control them. Don’t be void of any feeling, just recognize when you’re acting impractical or letting your emotions get in the way of thinking clearly. Don’t ACT on your emotion, use logic and reason to guide your actions. Don’t let your head be clouded by feelings.
13) Never fully qualify her, and never reject her: Never let her think you love her “unconditionally.” This is in fact, impossible, and if you think you do, then you’re way too dependent on her and need a moment for some desperate self-reflection. If you love her “unconditionally,” she WILL take you for granted. Never let her feel rejected because it’ll damage her self-esteem, make her feel insecure, and create a myriad of other problems. Don’t walk out on her and don’t break up with her unless you actually want to break up with her. I e; don’t do it as a cry for attention.
14) If her interest level takes a dip, back off: VERY important point. When a girl’s interest level drops, which is almost inevitable throughout the course of a relationship, you cannot give heed to it. Most guys become clingier as their girlfriend tries to create space, causing her to want space even more and feeling suffocated. If she wants space, GIVE her space.
15) Don’t get married unless you want to: Seems logical, until you think about it. A lot of people get married for the sake of getting married or simply because they think it’s the natural course of things in an LTR. Just because you’re with a girl for 5 years doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to marry her. Explore her flaws and figure out whether you guys will really work well together.
16) Don’t get Oneitis- Don’t become dependent on her. Always remember that there IS another girl out there who can make you happier and that you DON’T need her.
17) Don’t become too needy- Girls smell desperation the way sharks smell blood.
18) Always tease and flirt- keep things playful to build rapport and make her feel comfortable
19) Good Sex- You don’t have to last as long as a Godfather marathon, but you should take the necessary steps required to keep her satisfied. (Learning more, trying new positions, new places, etc)
20) Mystery, Challenge, and Excitement can help maintain passion: Not much to say about this, just keep it in mind. Never try and build Mystery or challenge, just let it happen naturally. Mystery just means that your life is interesting, she wants to know more about it and you, but you aren’t eager to reveal anything. It does NOT mean that youÂ disappearÂ every night at midnight wearing a cape and mask and return at 4 AM and refuse to tell her where you were. A certain amount of disclosure is necessary to build trust, but don’t be over-eager to share your accomplishments, or your feelings.
21) NEVER cheat. ALWAYS break up with your girlfriend first if you think the temptation is to great.
22) Don’t propose until 6 months have passed. No exceptions, and it doesn’t matter how perfect she seems. You must unveil all her flaws, and then proceed with both audacity and reason.
23) Never let any of your decisions be based on Fear. Fear of loss or the fear that we’re going to be cheated on often drives our concerns and actions. BeÂ conscienceÂ of when your actions are being driven by your fears, it’s a dangerous thing to be ruled by them and one of the definingÂ characteristicsÂ of Men who have failed at life.