The frequency of sex in a relationship goes into a downward spiral as time progresses because of a shift in the sexual dynamic between the two partners – the main result being a change in the way the woman views sex.
In the beginning of a relationship, Sex was a tool your girlfriend used to gain your attention. To pleasure you in your wildest fantasies, to show you that SHE was BETTER than any of the other females out there. It was a way for her to qualify herself, the same way you used your game, expensive clothes, and cologne to qualify yourself to her. Hence why the honey moon period of your relationship was filled with aggressive sexual advances from your girlfriend and morning blow jobs. Once you have committed however, sex changes from being a tool to qualify into a tool to condition.
And here is where the discrepancy occurs. The AFCs, the nice guys, the desperate men who have convinced themselves of their own game with their delusions of love begin to feed off of the occasional sexual highs their girlfriend gives them. Their girlfriend makes a demand, and they obey; in the hopes that she will reward them with intimacy at the end of their training sessions. Sadly, the sex comes (Yes, it’s a sad thing). And thus the idea of sex as a reward for good behavior establishes itself in a relationship. As time progresses, more demands are made, and more compromises are established. Sex becomes a weapon of mass control rather than a primal instinct. The woman’s once uncontrollable desire becomes just a vehicle she uses to encourage submissive behavior and the boyfriend becomes a desperate beggar, surviving off the rationed sex he receives once every winter.
The consequences are two-fold. First, the girl loses her passion. Anything in abundance is taken for granted. She can have sex whenever she wants to, there is no urgency for passion – no impetus for fulfilling exotic desires. As her boyfriends desperation for sex increases exponentially, she loses her need to qualify herself. Even if she gives him sex once every 3 weeks, he will wait obediently. Better yet – he will struggle in the mean time in the hopes that she might reward him early for extra good behavior. Sex simply becomes a utility she can reward her boyfriend with whenever SHE wants. She loses respect for her boyfriend; he is no longer the powerful figure she had to pry off of the social market, he is now a sexual vagabond (what I like a vagina-bond) who lives and dies by his girlfriends pussy.
The second consequence occurs on the side of the boyfriend. There are two ways men usually react to sexual withdrawal, both of them being a recipe for disaster
(a) If you’re a Jerk, then you react with hostility. You complain about her lack of desire, which actually works counter-productively (read the post on why it’s bad to complain). Your girlfriend reacts with shame, she is supposed to be respected, not treated like an employee at a brothel. As she feels worse about giving you sex simply to keep you from becoming mad, she withdraws even further. You get even madder, feeding a loop of frustration, shame, and anger. The both of you begin to fight about other things. Whether couples like to admit it or not, sexual frustration is a strong driving force for negativity and vexation.
(b) if you’re a nice guy, you try and show your girlfriend good behavior for a scooby snack. Unfortunately, women loathe men who feel the need to qualify themselves. Your girlfriend becomes bored of you. There is no challenge in the relationship, she never feels jealous, she never feels the need to work to keep you. As her interest level shoots down, blow jobs become a thing of legend and morning sex becomes a dream you have at night.
* Although cheating can never be justified, it CAN be explained. I have posted a countless number of times in women relationship forums about how stupid they were for believing their boyfriends would stay loyal after they chose to hold back sex for weeks following a fight. The girl finds out about some one night stand at a cheap motel and comes crying onto the forums about how big of an asshole their boyfriend was for cheating. Despite it being a sad reason for a relationship to end, it is also inevitable. And by inevitable, i mean TRULY UNAVOIDABLE. Women may not want to acknowledge it because they are ashamed of the idea that they must give up their bodies simply to keep a faithful husband. But ignorance in this case is not bliss – men will cheat if they must constantly deal with a girlfriend who chooses to hold back sex for long periods of time. The better his character and discipline, the longer he will last. But every man will break.
On that note, I’d also like to say that rather than cheating, you should break up with a girlfriend who causes you the pain of having to spend lonely nights with your left hand for months on end. The reason why guys CHEAT when they are sexually frustrated rather than end their relationship is because
(a) they still love their girlfriends – despite how much a girl says “you can’t love someone you cheat on,” it isn’t true. You can love your girlfriend, but if you don’t get to polish your nob for weeks, temptations can be irresistible. In this case, you need to get over your Oneitis and move on to a girlfriend who keeps you more satisfied.
(b) we feel guilty for breaking up over sex – The answer to this is simple, Don’t. feeling guilty over this is like being ashamed about being a man
So how can one keep their relationship in the midst of unyielding passion? You must shift the dynamic back into what it originally was. First, Your girlfriend must constantly a feel a slight attachment anxiety like she felt in the beginning of your relationship. She needs to feel like you aren’t dependent on her – that if you’re unhappy, you WILL be able to walk away. That means getting over your Oneitis. I love this blog article about curing Oneitis.
Second, increase your value. The higher your value in a social market, the more your girlfriend is encouraged to keep you happy. It will make HER happy to feel like she needs to work to keep you. Women want men who are wanted, and they LOVE the challenge of keeping a man to themselves who can otherwise be devouring women left and right with his ladykiller genes. The competitive anxiety she feels from knowing that she can be replaced and that you are a worthy male will stimulate her urgency to please you and generate sexual tension between the both of you.
And third, use your hands to subdue yourself if need be. Dealing with sexual frustration can be exhausting, but something every man has to eventually overcome. Keep this GOLDEN rule in mind: THE MAN’S NEED FOR SEX IN A RELATIONSHIP MUST BE BALANCED WITH THE WOMAN’S NEED FOR ATTENTION. In 90% of relationships, this delicate equilibrium is broken. Men succumb to their greatest weakness, their insatiable hunger for physical pleasure and as a result, end up becoming whipping boys for their girlfriend’s vagina.