What to do when your girlfriend / wife disrespects you

On November 16, 2010 by Shark

When your girlfriend disrespects you, you have to show her that you won’t put up with her bullshit while also showing her that it does NOT phase you. Doing these two things SIMULTANEOUSLY is KEY. 90% of the time your girlfriend is doing this to test you. She’s not consciously thinking, “I need to test my boyfriend,” it’s a subconscious response. She’s doing it to see if you’re a worthy mate. ALL girls test their boyfriends, it would be futile for you to attempt to find a girlfriend who doesn’t “play games” or put you through “shit tests”. All women are programmed to put their boyfriends / husbands through shit tests to see how well they handle it, test their masculinity, etc. And even if she’s not testing you, when she disrespects you by canceling a date or insulting you, you have to follow protocol.

Let’s get the second part down first. DO NOT lose your composure. In fact, it’s a pretty good idea to NEVER lose your composure. DON’T whine. This means NOT sending her a 15 page text message about how upset or mad you are. Easy way to lose attraction with her and make yourself look pathetic. Don’t call her 10 times to cry about something or yell at her. Remember this as a general rule: Always use the LEAST number of words and actions to get this message out: “I’m not gonna put up with your bullshit, and this doesn’t phase me,”

Sometimes when she says something that really pisses you off, you’ll want to insult her back or say something to get even. It’s a man trap, don’t fall prey to your emotions. If she says something that crosses the line, then dump her. Walk and don’t call her for 3 weeks. Show her that you have better things to do than waste your time with a disrespectful girlfriend. If you lose control of yourself and start screaming at her the same way she does to you, then you’ve proven to her that your just as out of control as she is. This is what she WANTS you to do. She WANTS you to lose your mind and start ripping off your nuts. That’s why she keeps egging you on. Keep your composure, speak in a calm resonating voice. Don’t throw things or ever resort to any type of violence (banging things, throwing things, threatening, etc)

So what you CAN do to handle the situation is to withdraw attention whenever she shows behavior that you disapprove of. You can even talk to other girls to remind her that she’s in a competitive environment. If you want your girlfriend to stop disrespecting you, it is absolutely critical that she realizes that you are a WANTED man, and that if you get tired of her bullshyt, you’ll go and date someone else.

The following is a good example of EXACTLY what your response should be like:

Making wife jealous.

In more extreme cases, you can confront your girlfriend about it. If you’re in front of your friends and your girlfriend insults you, take her aside and ask her “what are you doing?” and make her feel dumb trying to answer the question. Don’t sound like a corn ball and say “I will not put up with this,” you’re not her 2nd grade teacher. But you can say “What are you doing?” in a SLIGHTLY hostile tone, or tell her straight up that you guys are over if she does it again.

If she keeps doing it, you can show her the door. There’s a very important mental note you’ll always want to keep: There are thousands of girls out there MUCH better than the girl you have. You DON’T need her. SHE needs you. Her life is boring without you. So DON’T be afraid to shut her out if you feel that she has crossed the line. By simply shutting her out and telling her it’s over until she changes her behavior, you’ve showed her that you won’t put up with how she acts, AND you haven’t lost your composure.

Be watchful of a few things. First, you don’t want to ignore / confront her too often because then you’ll have TOO much power. A relationship is still a two-way thing, you don’t wanna completely dominate her. Doing so might make her insecure or unstable. Secondly, make sure you DON’T call her or try and talk to her first after you’ve shut her out. If she doesn’t try and reconcile with you after you’ve given her an ultimatum, then it’s over. It’s her loss. But if you try and talk to her or apologize, your walking into a death trap. You might as well ask her for permission the next time you wanna voice your opinion or use the bathroom. Third, if your married, this is probably not the best idea. You don’t want to go through a divorce because your wife canceled a date on you. You probably shouldn’t have gotten married to a girl that constantly disrespects you. But if you did, there’s still hope. If it’s your wife, you should directly confront her about it. Act swiftly and the next time she does something, talk to her about it immediately. Ignore her or give her less attention when she shows this kind of behavior. Then, reward her with more attention or flowers when she acts in a more reasonable way. You’ll notice that a lot of times, RIGHT AFTER you confront your wife about something, she’ll fix it, and then eventually she regresses back into bad behavior. What you need to do is reward her accordingly when she shows good behavior so that she WANTS to consistently keep it up.

The reward/punishment technique I mentioned right above can be really helpful in situations like these. If you don’t like the way she’s acting, then give her less attention. If she does something you really like, show your appreciation with affection and attention. But don’t just turn the entire relationship into a system of rewards and punishment. Withdraw your attention when she really disrespects you, not when she’s 5 minutes late to dinner or something. And give her extra attention when she does something that deserves it. This kind of system works wonders and for every guy out there who might feel guilty about “training” their girlfriends, just remember that EVERY SINGLE FEMALE BEING out there does this with sex.

16 Responses to “What to do when your girlfriend / wife disrespects you”

  • Jay

    Lmao Everything you’ve said is true, Damn it, why do I always fall for the Trap and Snap back. I gotta keep this stuff in mind!

  • jason

    yeah my wife constantly talks crap to her mom about me even though there just alike nagging talking shit about everyone then when i confront her in the manner i know (yelling and calling names as she does im the bad one)? what the hell im gonna remember this crap man the writing above is dead nuts correct

  • jason

    i know im not perfect but she acts like she is she always reminds me im just like my dad when in all reality she is just like her dad my dads no angel and he doesnt put up with shit talking acting like angel women so i guess i am like him and just like him im sure he wouldnt like her mom who she is just like i think its divorce time!!!

  • nunya biz ness

    my GF constantly pulls shit tests on me all the time, and uses threats against me. we go and get a new apartment and bills cant be made, and she poses the threat “if you don’t do this and this etc…, you don’t care about the relationship” and she constantly threatens to leave me. i have heard before, “call her bluff” but i am afraid to do so in the event she actually may leave me. we both have kids and her daughter is now very attatched to me (i am the only father she has ever known) i have worked my tail off to try and get a job, with no luck, and she has not even slightly amounted to the effort in job searching that i have. she has resources to take her out to apply for jobs, and she does not utilize them. i don’t know what to do, maybe you should write an article on When to let her go………..

  • nunya biz ness

    by the way my comment above was left at 8:50 pm (EST)

  • nunya biz ness

    january 16th.

  • Stephan

    My wife of 5 years has really been disrespecting me for the last two years since I stopped “making money” at first she had a point, I kind of gave up. But now I’m clearly trying hard and taking care of our kids and she’s still disrespecting me in a way I’d never have taken from anyone else. A lot of the advice is good, but I one thing I can’t do is leave – the kids would be fucked and I can’t do that to them. I’ve tried a lot of the advice as I’ve read some of it before. Is there anything else I can do. She’s making it harder and harder not to tell her to fuck off – and in this situation I can’t loose my cool and I won’t.

  • P.s.

    Plz help me my gf iz nt talkin me ….
    nd ignoring me…
    what do i do… Help

  • kevin

    if women apparently play “games” with men, then what do you think all of this is?? it sounds as if you have no respect for her either… “taking her aside” “make her feel dumb” “she is in a competitive environment” ???? i mean really dude? it sounds as if you are seriously 17 years old. ladies, if a man would dump you for testing him then he isn’t a man to begin with. remember we test you also, just in our own ways.

  • Matt

    Would it be possible to give some more examples of situations and things that she says for this?

  • Frank

    What did you mean by “Don’t ignore / confront her too often..”?

  • George

    I NEVER leave comments on articles like this but i must say you nailed it!

  • Fattucchiaro

    Couldn’t agree more with the author. My gf is disrespectful, snaps at me for meaningless reasons and makes me feel like a loser whereas I make tons of money, and run a company. I would never accept to be treated the way she treats me from anyone else, yet, because I’m in love I let her treat me like shit. I pay for everything, I take her out on expensive week ends, I fuck her like a god… One minute she says I’m the best bf ever, the next she downtalks to me because I parked too far away from the house. I’ll try your technique, but as you said, I might as well move on because there are many other girls that would be happy with all I could bring for them

  • married 2 years, wife and her mother tag team got me really depressed. Your article is so right, wish i read it 2 years ago. I should have just walked away the moment her mum started putting thoughts in her precious princesses’ ear.

    anyways i’ve snapped out of my depression and i dont give a flying fuck. She has moved back to her mothers and if she wants to come back then cool but i am not going to bother anymore. plenty of other ass out there.

    I do feel sorry for any future relationship she has. At the same time, i do think if i had dealt with it properly then maybe i could have saved my marriage. oh well

    watch this space.

  • Ps for all you blokes out there. Fuck it. The moment your partner shows you disrepect- do not take it on your mind. Show her the door. Trust me. SHOW HER THE DOOR. You are a man and do not deserve to be treated like shit even if your Wife is super hot, super educated or whatever. ( my wife was/is HOTTTTT and top of her field)

    I wish i did. ruined 100k and 2 years of my life.

    remember if your cant be rich and happy, your’re rather be poor and happy then rich and unhappy.

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