The chances of any long term relationship being successful are daunting in a society that has signs in every corner that read “Divorce: $300 Flat.” There are numerous reasons why relationships end up failing, but over half of them – especially marriages – end because either partner simply lost interest. The prospect of being dumped by the woman of your dreams after 7 happily lived years can be horrifying, but a harsh reality for a huge number of guys out there who aren’t able to maintain attraction.
The Desire Principle: People want what they don’t have, but they CAN possibly have; and they resent that which they can’t have at all.
The manipulation of this principle is absolutely critical to achieve lasting happiness in a relationship. Translated in terms of relationships, the principle simply means that you need to BALANCE your girlfriends need for acceptance with her fear of rejection.
(a) Loving someone unconditionally inevitably leads to them taking you for granted. The fallacy of the nice guy is that at the acme of his relationship, he chooses to eliminate all challenge for his girlfriend by forsaking all others and swearing to her his lifeless devotion. Instantly all the competitive social anxiety the girl had felt dissipates, leading to a slow erosion of the sexual tension that eclipsed the relationship. She is the only source of intimacy for him, she does not need to work to keep him, there is no sense of uncertainty in the relationship. The boyfriend is no longer a PRIZE or a PRIVILEGE, instead, he becomes an OBLIGATION. She has been trained since she was young to resent obligations and in concordance, she begins to resent him. Calling him late at night while she’s out with her friends becomes a nuisance. The agonizing death of her interest level and attraction ends with her dumping her boyfriend of 5 years for a new guy – a grim reality check for him.
(b) The fallacy of the Jerk is that his girlfriend always feels like she’s on the verge of rejection. She’s constantly paranoid he’s cheating on her, her social anxiety is not a positive encouragement for her to try harder, it’s an all-encompassing mentality that drives her to mania. Her “interest level” is not based on her love for him, but rather on her parasitic need for attention. The relationship itself is pathetic and in shambles, a sad reality for many women because of the numerous “It’s good to be a jerk” treatises that flood the internet.
The path to Nirvana is instead paved in balance. You have to keep your wife or girlfriend in an indefinite limbo. She needs to feel loved, but not unconditionally loved. She must not feel rejected, but she needs be aware that you CAN walk away if you need to. Love is not synonymous with dependency, affection is not the same as obsession.
Nice guy – Calls his girlfriend 10 times a day because he needs to know that she loves him (Fail)
Jerk – Calls his girlfriend once because he doesn’t want to show that he is needy (Fail)
Alpha Male – Calls his girlfriend once because he is busy studying, playing football, or working on a project for his job (Success)
Nice guy – Cuddles with his girlfriend for the rest of the day after climax because he needs the attention
Jerk – Jumps out of bed after climax to prove a point
Alpha Male- Cuddles with his girlfriend but gets up after a bit because he doesn’t want to waste his life away spooning
The list can go on forever, but you get the point. Check out this list of Nice guys vs Jerks for more examples