Dealing with disrespect from your girlfriend

On January 22, 2011 by Shark

Reader comments:

“Hey Shark, do a write up on responding to disrespect in general please”.

 

“To win a hundred victories in a hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill”

 

Never before has a quote so beautifully captured an entire aspect of the crimson arts within the confines of a few words. Ironically it’s from Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War.”

Before getting into the specifics, I brought up this quote to point out an instinctual flaw in the way men normally handle disrespect and fighting. When our egos are pushed into full throttle, we tend to sublimate our alluring coyness and opt instead to eradicate all that stands between us and ego-redemption. “Winning” should never be the goal against your girlfriend. It doesn’t help your relationship, and more importantly if you’ve ever “beaten” her at her own game, it won’t change anything about the way she feels or behaves. If anything, it only guarantees that she will come to the next fight much more prepared.

There’s no full-proof method for handling every instance of disrespect, rather a style of approaching / handling based on the fundamentals of game. I figure the best way to explain it would be to go through different methods of disrespect first.

 

(a) If she nags about things that are wrong in your relationship

If your girlfriend nags, take it as a sign that she is a healthy female. Guys always fuck this up because they do what I pointed out above; they try and “win” by engaging her with rationalism. I’m not sure why men insist on fighting a girl’s vagina demons with logic, especially when they see thousands of carcasses lying all around them from men who have tried a similar approach.

Girl: You’re never home anymore
Guy: I was home on Wednesday and Tuesday; I have work the other times
(Fail.)

Girl: You never bought me chocolate
Guy: But I bought you flowers and jewelry just last week wtf?
(Fail.)

Notice how difficult it can be for a guy to pass this shit test in a relationship. Sometimes you just want to shake the shit out of your girlfriend and be like “WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

If you try and prove her wrong by bringing up evidence and hoping she has common sense, you promise yourself a teratologically gris death. The more you push, the more she will push back. And she will win. Not because she’s smarter, simply because women have the advantage of not having to make sense when they argue.

Instead, deflect shit tests the same way you did when you guys first met.

Girl: Why do you talk to that other girl so much?
Guy: It’s not what you think babe, I was trying to get her to have a threesome with us, I wasn’t gonna have sex with her alone

Girl: Things feel different between us
Guy: Probably because you’re gaining weight, there’s always less space between us now

 

(b) If she’s rude to you in front of other people

Legions beyond number of beta males have been slaughtered with this hurdle. The first time I was caught in a situation like this, I wasn’t even mad, I was rather amazed at how intricate the entire situation was, how easily a guy could fuck up a shit test like this, and how fucking INGENIOUS women can be at times. Think about it for a second, a guys relationship “IQ” can be overtly calculated, i e; a guy who knows what he is doing with a girl will be CONSCIOUSLY doing the right things. Girls however, have evolved beyond conscious and have fully internalized their manipulation of social dynamics.

At one point or another, your girlfriend WILL put you through this shit test. Your first immediate reaction is crucial: you can either neutralize the awkwardness by tackling her, shoving a pillow in her face, doing a Buno Take-down, or something of that sort and then following up by diverting your attention somewhere else. Maintain an aloof and un-serious frame. Or you can glare at her like a disappointed Sith Lord, and then walk away and wait 3 weeks for her to call you back. If she doesn’t call you back, her interest level was too low anyways and you’re better off without her. If you opt for immediate reaction #2 and then YOU call her back first, you’ve failed her shit test and will be receiving much less sex in the weeks following your display of betaness.

The immediate incorrect response would be to take her seriously and say something like “you shut up” or otherwise showing that it fazed you in some deep way. If you have a fragile ego, make a point to work on it.

The Super-Beta response would be to apologize. If you do, even by accident, perform Seppuku.

I postulated in a previous post that two things you have to simultaneously display is apathy AND disapproval. You blow the shit test if you miss either. If you are a regular reader of this blog, then your gf should generally defer to your dominance and will come apologize to you out of her own free will after her vagina demons subside back into her unconscious.

 


(c) Flirting with other guys

Honestly, women aren’t aware that they do this or why they do this. Girls shit test their boyfriends to see their aptitude for alphaness. We don’t live in pre-historic times so a girl can’t choose which guy to go out with based on who can kill a bear. As social adaptivity becomes the primary method for gauging a man’s provisional capabilities, women default to shit testing to determine whether or not they should dump their boyfriends.

Hence a Shit test = A girl throwing shit at a guy to see how well he handles shit.

The extent to which women do this subconsciously is fucking mind-blowing.

When guys flirt with other girls to make their girlfriend’s jealous, they WILL be at least SOMEWHAT consciously aware of what they are doing. Even if it’s not blatantly intentional, they will be aware of the effects. When women flirt with other guys to make their boyfriends jealous, they are COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS that they are doing so.

It’s actually all the more amazing and shows how deeply bio-mechanics is connected with evolution. Men don’t actually have a need to shit test their girlfriends, hence “testing” is more of an Overt approach and girls always freak out like “wtf, why are you doing this?” or “why are you being manipulative?” Girls have always had a need to test their boyfriends; hence they have FULLY INTERNALIZED the process. Women have ingrained shit test factories whereas men often think about it during their waking hours.

With this in mind, you have to understand that ALL WOMEN shit test their boyfriends and that it is an inevitable aspect of EVERY SINGLE relationship you will EVER be in. If you try and look for a girl who never shit tests you, you’re going to end up either developing Oneitis for a girl you think doesn’t play games but DOES, or you’ll never get married.

Shit tests are NEVER ENDING. There will NEVER be a point in your relationship where you will achieve blissful stability and where your girlfriend “fully understands” you. My point in emphasizing them isn’t to get you depressed, but rather to make you aware of the reality around you and to NOT constantly search for a non-existent Utopia.

Handling jealousy is pretty easy, you ignore it, completely. You are immune to it, you are past it, you have transcended normal humanistic emotions. You must rob your girlfriend of using jealousy as a form of utility.

The only exception of course, is when your girlfriend crosses lines or throws up red flags. For example, if she tells you she wants to spend x-mas in Pennsylvania with her ex and his family because they are still “friends” she should never hear from you again. If she is excessively flirtatious with other men, Next.

Note the importance of NOT flipping or fighting over this, that would be you acting jealous. You simply excuse yourself from her and she never hears from you again. You are not acting on “jealousy,” she simply doesn’t meet your standards for a girl and must be passed on.

 

 

 

15 Responses to “Dealing with disrespect from your girlfriend”

  • Wolfie

    Shark….you’re a true alpha male. You’re willing to help other guys out there. Thanks. I appreciate it.

  • Daddy Mac

    Hey Shark, can you do an article explaining how to think more alpha and think less beta.

  • Shawn

    Man,this article truly gave wisdom and boost the inner power in me. Dealing with jealousy was always a tough area for me. Now i know what to do if i meet one who gives out the red flags.

    Youre a life saver.God bless.

  • daniel

    hey how would you take it if you know that if your girl is gonna go to another school when she didnt tell you that it was at that school not at the one you guys go to and you know that some people will try to get back at you by trying to mess with your girl

  • saul

    Absolute genius. Thanks

  • nemesis

    A possible way to imagine and explain shit test (since visualizing abstract concept charged with emotions are a great way to internalize them) is this: Imagine that every girl in the world has a bucket that filled up with a variable amount (depending on estrogen levels and irrationality) of various forms of faeces, from liquid diarrhea to green poop passing by biliaropathic acholic faeces. Every here and there, randomly, with a peak in her menstruation period, the daemons inside her will take the control of her body, throwing every ammo of shit at you. In the whole process the girl’s rational and lovable part is trapped inside her subconscious and witnesses the whole process, hoping that you will be able to survive this test. These daemons that dwell inside her, feed themselves of emotions, any kind of emotions. The most affected you will display to be, the more these daemons will grow and throw shit at you. At one point, the girl will come back to her normal state and evaluate your doing and that’s where you’ll be judged.

  • Dave

    Aren’t women just too much of a pain in the hole to deal with? Especially having to do this shit in a relationship which I currently am in (but on a break).

  • ye, i do enjoy your article, i hope it works.

  • This will help me deal with jealousy.

  • Kingsley

    Yo, I cant believe Ive never seen this blog before…..

    I just broke up with my girlfriend cause I cheated, I have played it cool and not apologised that much at all I wish i read your blog before I did anything though, Now She is asking me to prove how much she means to me and make an effort!!

    What should I do ???

  • Mike

    Good article man, great point about the overtness of when males shit test, definitely lost my mojo with this chick at work but I have to go back to cocky/funny and deflect to sex references

  • Iskandar

    This whole fucking article sums up my relationship. Sigh

  • I know this’ an old post, but powerful shit Shark. LTR management is my sticking point in pickup. This helps (although I do coaching myself).

  • Player Player

    This shit just makes you wanna bag sum bitches up and cut there heads off, keep it in the freezer and say “hello” to it every morning and then go and have sex with your other chick. You wouldn’t be completely crazy for this.

  • hihvi

    genius!!!!!

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