How to text girls properly

On March 27, 2011 by Shark

Lesson #1: Smilies (is this even a word?)

:-) = Gay.

=] = Gay.

8_8 = Gay

-_- = Gay

; – ) = Alpha if accompanied by a sexual innuendo, otherwise gay.

=[ = Alpha if the girl just said “I don’t want to have butt secks,” otherwise gay.

Betas use smilies excessively for threat appropriation. Alphas don’t give a fuck how aggressive they come out to be. Use smilies sparingly and in proper context, not because you want to “lighten the mood.” On the other hand, if you’re trying to convey homosexuality, don’t hold back.


Girl: I can’t make it to lunch.
You: Awe =[
[This is Gay.]

Girl: I can’t make it to lunch
You: k
[This is Alpha]


Girl: What’s your goal in life?
You: World Domination :-)
[This is Gay]

Girl: What’s your goal in life?
You: World Domination.
[This is Alpha]

I’m hoping any reader can easily assess the difference in masculinity. If not, consider sex dolls or men.


Lesson #2: Be ambiguous

You are an Onion.

You have many layers. For a girl to truly win you over, she has to peel all of them. You don’t have to “pretend” to be an onion, everyone is inherently “mysterious”. It’s just that betas wear their heart on their sleeves and open up to fast (popularized myth in the matrix = “the more you open to a girl, the more she will trust you and like you”). Talking too much or revealing everything about you at the first opportunity destroys the shroud of mystery so vital to pumping attraction and strips away your aspect of challenge.

Women fucking hate when guys ruin the challenge of having to “tame” them. Every girl wants a guy “impossible to figure out EXCEPT BY HER” and “impossible to get to commit EXCEPT BY HER.” In other words, she wants to feel special for being the one you open up to. If you make it easy, her nostrils will flare up at the stench of desperation.

Ultimately, this is why you never “fully” open up to a girl. You must keep her in “limbo” with immaculate precision.


Girl: How many girlfriends have you had?
You: I don’t count them.

Girl: What are we going to do today?
You: What we try and do everyday pinky…


Lesson #3: Be Laconic

Men who speak too many words think too little thoughts. If you have nothing to say, say nothing. Use fewer words than she does. It is always better to say too little than too much.


Girl: I think we should break up, I don’t feel the same way
Guy: Why?!?! We just went out yesterday and we had so much fun and… [Insert long pathetic speech]
(This is Gay.)

Girl: I think we should break up, I don’t feel the same way
Guy: Quack Quack.
[This is Alpha]



7 Responses to “How to text girls properly”

  • ZG

    whattup Shark. I’m a high schooler, and this post was just what I was looking for. Could you do a post on demonstrating how you’ve gone from beta to alpha? I feel like I understand the concepts and can apply it with ease nowadays, but all the girls at my school are so used to my beta aura that I reek of LJBFs. How I can go from beta to alpha and have those girls become reattracted to me?

  • Henry

    Shark, you’re an absolute genius. The only concept that I still can’t quite understand is how it is better to have too many girls than too few. I might sound stupid, but how can you have too many girls without it being considered man-whorish?

  • Sayian


    Break away from the girls for a bit(1-3weeks). When you start interacting with them again, apply the concepts and understandings and don’t falter– (prepare for congruence tests). They’ll sense the difference and eventually accept the change.

  • Zolmaster


    You can have too many girls? I think the trick is to be a man-whore, but to not gain a reputation for it. I.E. Be discrete.

  • ZG

    But I want SHAAAAARK TO SAY!

  • Ducks?

    If anyone could tell me what Shark meant by the “quack quack” bit, I’d be much obliged. Again, Shark, you’ve come out as a comedian with real advice. i haven’t laughed this hard on the internet in a long time.

  • It’s true that you can really stoke the fires by saying the right thing in a text. If you don’t have something effective to text, then put the phone down!

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