What to do if you cheat on your girlfriend

On April 22, 2011 by Shark

Reader Comments:

“Shit I cheated on this girl and she found out. Terrible things are coming out of her mouth. I like her. How do you remedy this?”


This is probably going to be too late, but for future reference…

You silently listen to everything she has to say. Don’t comfort her, DON’T apologize, and don’t withdraw into beta body language. Alpha, in control, you are an Oak Tree.

After her hysterical Levantines have passed (30 minutes to 6 hours), go up to her, hug her, say “I will always love you” or something deep of that sort, and then walk out. The tone must be of alienated remorse combined with some sort of deep transcendent love.

Wait 2-4 weeks for her to call you or to bump into her. Your relationship will be better than ever (if you still wish to salvage it). Don’t answer if she calls to early, it’s just her attempts at getting self-affirmation from you.

There are a couple of things that men don’t realize about cheating on their part. Before delving further into this however, I’d like to add a disclaimer. I would never condone cheating myself, whether in a marital relationship or even a legally unbinding “exclusive” relationship. I know my reader’s might be surprised and expecting some sort of hyper-masculine dogma about how men should marry multiple times or consistently fuck their girlfriend’s best friend, but no. That wasn’t the point of my posts encouraging “polygamy”. You date multiple women but remain honest, you do not front being exclusive. Once you CHOOSE to be in an exclusive relationship (because the girl is worth it, not out of desperation), you have given another woman your word and your commitment. In such a scenario, cheating is a coward’s paradise, not a masculine retreat.

Now, my comments on cheating. Actually, I would categorize this more as “eternal wisdom”


1. Cheating can easily be avoided by jerking off right before you are about to cheat. I’m not kidding, this technique is SO FUCKING DIABOLICALLY SIMPLE, you may start wondering if death or taxes are also avoidable. Seriously, RIGHT before you are about to fuck another girl, go to the bathroom and whack off till your palms grow warts and you can’t get it up anymore.

2. When a girl cheats on a guy, there is a 95% chance that the relationship will fail if they attempt to re-engage. If a guy cheats on a girl, nothing may have changed. Men were biologically programmed to desire variety, a guy can still be in love and simply cheat because he was drunk and had a boner. Women often draw mystified conclusions as to why their boyfriend’s cheated ranging from him being a Neo-Nazi polygamist to having latent multiple personality disorder. No, he just couldn’t keep it in his pants.

3. Relationships that fail after the guy cheats, USUALLY fail for other reasons. The cheating was just an insidious marker that initiated the path to breakdom.

A. He apologized a thousand times and looked so fucking pathetic in her eyes, he was desexualized and she was easily able to move on and use his cheating as her rationale for losing attraction.

B. They DID get back together, BUT now she constantly uses the cheating instance as a way to shit test him. Whenever she does, rather than passing the shit test appropriately like an Alpha, he apologizes or makes excuses or throws a fit. After failing multiple shit tests consistently, she loses attraction for him and dumps him for someone more Alpha.

4. Women are emotional, not logical creatures. It doesn’t matter if Jesus rose up from the dead and made a picture book to logically explain that she is in an unhealthy relationship. If she is ATTRACTED to her boyfriend, and can’t get him out of her head, SHE WILL FIND A WAY TO JUSTIFY HIS BEHAVIOR AND GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE.

5. Men who take back cheating girlfriends do so out of desperation. This is the easiest give away for a beta or Oneitis.

6. If you stand hypnotized with despair and simply retort apologies in different languages, you only back-up her ability to shit test you. It’s hard to explain fully, but whenever you apologize to a girl take notice that she will USE IT as leverage. This isn’t because they are inherently imbued with demonic qualities, it’s because all women have a feminine prerogative to maximize male utility. When a guy apologizes for something, he admits that he was wrong — something that he CANNOT retract. It becomes her free ticket to establishing and reinforcing feminine social conventions like shame and super-monogamy (Oneitis). The more you apologize for cheating, the more you subconsciously reinforce within her mind that SHE WAS RIGHT, YOU WERE WRONG, YOU NEED TO BE PUNISHED, JUSTICE MUST BE DELIVERED, etc.


7. Moral Relativism is force fed to men, more so after an instance like cheating. Her friends might come down on you like vultures. Don’t give a fuck.

8. The effect of male cheating is exceedingly exaggerated in today’s society (female cheating is a different story. If a girl cheats, the relationship is most likely over. See the post on “emotional cheating”).

Does this mean that if you cheat, you’re still guaranteed to get back together? Hell no. But groveling won’t increase your chances.
Even if you forget everything else in this post, just remember this (preferably for the rest of your life):

***Women would rather share a successful Alpha than have a faithful beta loser to themselves***


24 Responses to “What to do if you cheat on your girlfriend”

  • J-Man

    Great recent posts shark, can you do one explaining the difference between confidence and cockiness?

  • Jaws

    Yeah. A little too late. I did a tiny Beta Backslide. By the way, we were never in an exclusive relationship but she treated it like we were.

  • Jaws

    Hey and what about texting a girl first? Should she always be the one texting you first? Does it matter at all when it comes to the 1:1 and 2:3 ratio thing?

    • uland

      first an formost this is comin from the biggest playa of all tyme c it dont matter if she tex you first or you tex her first what matters is if u bump into a serious conversation with her like grab her attention but at the same time give her your attention but make sure you are paying attention to what is being said.a woman loves attention and that all time saying is not just a sayin its tha truth. but jaws playa that was a good question cause some people think should i tex her first or let her tex me 1st. all i can say is be ya self an have a little swagg with it. two thumbs up to you big dawg!!!!

  • dead on advice in this column. if you have your shit together, the woman will rationalize your cheating for you. don’t even bother with an explanation. sit in detached tolerance for a bit, then eventually if she won’t “drop it”, walk out and come back 6 hours later. if she says to take your shit and hit the trail. don’t balk nor bat an eye. say ok, you understand, take a half-deep breath, purse your lips, grab your shit and leave.

    DO not call.

    9 times out of 10…she will be the one to call. you must be taciturn and strong. you must be unswayed by her emotional tempest.

  • The Specimen

    To add to what you’re saying, women care much more about the emotional/resource aspect of cheating than the physical. A woman can forgive you for banging a random slut at a party, but she’ll never get over you buying the other girl flowers.

    In fact, most will get more pissed off about you lavishing time and attention on a someone you’re not even sleeping with than they will about you banging some chick on the side that you never call or take out.

    The way a man cheats also signals his value. The alpha with strong game gets laid with a minimal investment of time and resources. The beta has to shower her with attention and cosign on a car.

    The upshot is that if you get caught cheating, it should be a purely physical thing with “some chick” who means nothing to you.

  • Jackson

    Hey my gf of 2 and a half just had sex with one of my best mates and claims that he forced her to the point that she gave in but his story is more like it was mutual an they were drunk etc any pointers on what to do?

  • Sanele

    Thnx vry mch 4 ur help i wil do as da lines thnx sanele

  • Dexter

    Hey Shark,

    If me and my girlfriend got into a fight and we didn’t talk for a month.. and I found out that she was banging another guy after 3 weeks of no talk, is this called cheating? Or should I assume its normal and that it doesn’t count as cheating since we were in a fight?



  • Anonymous

    I have a question I didn’t have sex with a girl. I just kissed two other girls one time each the first two months we were dating. The reason being she had text from her ex in her phone, and I reacted in an immature way well we’ree 7 months in and I told her. She wants to think about things and tells me she loves me. But just doesn’t know if wants to be with me. Well should I just ignore her for a while?

  • ali

    ***Women would rather share a successful Alpha than have a faithful beta loser to themselves***

    holly shit!!! i thought i knew a lot about girls,but this is one eye opener….girl science is what u can call it…very true last line…

  • Tee

    Woman here calling rubbish on your insights because you seem to be missing the point entirely.
    Sure we all want an Alpha male but you know, Alpha can be anything from power, intelligence, social prowess to wealth, confidence, etc. What it doesn’t apply to? An asshole. There is a difference.

    And I don’t know ANY women that would rather share a ‘successful Alpha’ than share a ‘Beta loser.’ Assuming a woman has her head screwed on right, the very fact that she chose the man would make even a Beta an Alpha in her eyes.

  • Tony

    a couple months ago my rock bottomed self stumbled across this very post at a point in my life where just about everything had fallen apart. i was in a couple year long ltr thats very genesis was that of magnum level betadom. supplication was my specialty, and at a year in was to the point where i got broken up with due to begging for sex (and reflecting on this, if i had known what i know now, those panties would have hit the floor in no time). i confessed my love, cryied, apologized, basically did everything wrong but due to some form of pity got back together and continued on the trail. arguments took place in the overt fashion, typically leading to me supplicating when she got to the point of proper button pushing. it continued on and my confidence degraded, i had no real goals, nothing to look forward to. then, i started getting drunk, and in general i adopted a depressed fuck-it-all type of mood. still didnt have the balls to cut off my infected limb. so, i hung out with some friends, and a girl and i eventually hooked up. a few times actually, all while i was still in the ltr. i stopped, thought i had to change my evil and hedonistic ways, fix what i did, etc. i didnt know what the fuck to do. so i looked up how to tell your girlfriend you cheated on her. found this article, and my eyes were opened. i adjusted my thinking, and for the reason of not letting my sellf down, i would not cheat again. i would not go back on my word.

    due to my newfound confidence, i continued our relationship with a previously alien form of righteousness, alphaness, dominance, and confidence. i decided to not tell her what happened, as i was fixing/fixed the problem on my own. eventually someone told her about what happened, and i confessed with a rock solid mentality. never said i was sorry. i accepted that what happened may have not been the best option, but i honestly dont regret it. it was a catalyst the sparked a series of reactions that helped me find my way. i followed this guide as best as i could, of course with much need for improvision to my specific situation. things have turned out great so far. when she talks about how she feels, she literally tells me she feels she needs to qualify herself to me. reflecting on it now, i cant help but gape in awe of the power and capabilities i never new i could possess. i literally managed to turn infidelity into an advantage in our relationship. but with power comes responsibilty, and to anyone who may come to a situation similar to mine, using this power with bad intentions is just cruel, you are sick and wrong if you do so.

    i am still on the road to greatness, still straining to better myself in every way possible. i applaud you shark, you truly helped me in a time of need. you helped me realize my true path.

    in a word, thanks.

  • kasey

    you guys are pothectic. So am i for cheating on my girl, but i still love her and she still loves me. just tell the truth and dont lie. Let her make the desicion to leave or stay, If she leaves she never really loved you.

  • kasey

    well i didn’t fuck anyone, i only made out. is that still cheating ??

    • Kell Kell

      Yes thats still cheating. if u walked in on ur Girl making out with another guy would u say she cheated on u? or would u be ok with it?

  • bill

    Im a dude and im scared because I really like this girl is thate are considered “talking. Is that cheating?

  • jeffery

    Me and this girl are “talking” and me and this other girl had sex. Would that be called cheating? I really hope not because I really like the girl im “talking” too!! What is “talking” ?? That’s why I need to know and would I have to tell her?! Please answer!!!

    • Pat

      Hey Jeffery, talking is almost the beginning stages of dating. You text , hang out, etc. the thing about talking is that it isn’t always an exclusive situation. Because you did bang another girl this would be technically be cheating since you were talking with someone else. It all depends on the girls opinion in being exclusive and how you cheated. Since you had sex it is a little bit more serious but you would have to see her preference. Good luck and I would advise you to approach it when the subject is already brought up not just in its own. Don’t try to deceive her, if your honest now she may like that and that girl your talking with may be the one your banging someday!

    • Kell Kell

      Im not sure if this is what u wanna hear but being a female my self i would tell the girl that u had sex with how u really feel, if u wanna be with the girl that ur just “talking” to tell her whats going on. the worst she’ll do is tell u that she never wants to see u again…….

  • Yaga

    I understand not to apologize. Can u explain why u did it and promise not to do it again. What if she ask for an explanation? What if u feel bad, should you tell her how bad u are feeling?

  • Haha

    I was flirting with another chick thru facebook and my girlfriend went thru my messages and saw it then brokeup with me. I never even hooked up with that chick i was talking to…… WTF

  • j_beast

    This post help me realize that its not entirely my fault I cheat. I probably have cheated on every girlfriend whether its sex or just making or just talking but I never stop liking my girlfriend. Its basically a modified messed up form of jerking off.

  • lil man

    I took my ex on a date while i was with my girl. Honestly nothing happened though she wanted something to happen. She offered me inside her home i refused sbe attempted to kisz me i turned away. So me and my girl have this huge fight so i turn to my ex for comfort. Went on fb told my ex i hate my girl and that i could never love that crazy bitch. There was more i forget word for word. So any way my girl still dosent know what is going on i realize that i care about her and just givez her my ex number to call her. Long story short i lied but i didnt have sex. She is with someone else right now, told me i dont want u but still call me. One day she called me like 10 times. Should i impose no contact on her cuz i feel like thats my greatest chance to make her miss me and possibly get back together

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