I think you (or Roissy) might’ve addressed this before. But doesn’t the mere act of approaching make you not aloof?
Approaching isn’t inherently “desperate,” you’re only seeing it that way due to excessive social conditioning. 99% of approaches done by men are laminated with a deep-seated need for approval. Combine this with the rapid dissolution of masculinity in our culture, and you’re left with the assumption that talking to a girl is ALWAYS an act of supplication. Imagine if you were a celebrity at a bar and you approached a 9. Your approach wouldn’t be an act of “desperation,” in fact – it would be the opposite. It would be a kind gesture, giving a not-so-innocent girl the innocuous chance to fulfill her childhood dream of being slapped by a famous cock.
Hi Shark, I have a two part question:
How would you go about building a new social circle? Just moved to a big city and I’m not sure how to meet people (I’m 18), which is related the second part. I haven’t had many friends in the past years and I feel like I forgot how to hang out with guys. With girls, you don’t need to be friends first, so it’s a little easier, but I don’t really know what to talk about when I’m hanging out with other guys. I don’t feel like I can go out and be totally confident unless I get a few friends first.
You must have some form of connection with the outside world – work, school, or a hobby. You’ll meet people here and hopefully lure them into your currently non-existent social circle with a bit of practiced charm. It also helps to attain a position of leadership or impressive status (Yes, humanity is much more shallow than you think). After that, virally expand. Friends are like franchises, use them to make more friends.
If you have no connection with the outside world… then I’m afraid you have a grim future.
My comments are usually posted cause I don’t understand certain acronyms. Could you please maybe make an article including all acronyms and what they mean? It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.
Look up “PUA” glossary for a more comprehensive list. The acronyms I most commonly use myself are:
AFC: Average Frustrated Chump. The kind of guy who jacks off to gay porn to punish himself for being bad with women. Aka a Beta male
LJBF: “Let’s just be friends.” A very specific form of getting dumped. It occurs when the girl has lost attraction for you. Never let this happen. If a girl breaks you with you, it should be because you’re too big of an asshole, you’re
too focused on your career, or because you “accidentally” fucked her entire friend circle.
DHV: Display of Higher Value. Something you do to increase your social proof.
PUA: Pick up Artist. Someone who can make vaginas greasy from miles away
DJ: Don Juan. Like a PUA but less calculative, more focus on inner game.
Alpha: Men who have embraced the tenants of masculinity and are typically the leaders of their social / work groups.
Super Alpha: Men who can topple empires and hunt bears with a swiss army knife.
Ultra Alpha: Mythical Creature, existence has yet to be proven. Folk lore indicates that vaginas would leave their respective bodies to make their way to him.
How do you know when it’s time to break up with your girl friend?
There are generally 3 big giveaways.
A. She engages in INTENSE nagging, excessively flirts with other guys, or shit tests you way too often. These are hints that her interest level has dropped way too far down and she has begun to harbor emotional resentment against you. Depending on how hot your girlfriend is and her prospects for getting male attention after dumping you – the threshold for resentment will vary. For example, a 10 won’t wait that long, she’ll drop you as soon as another shinier object comes into her view. A 6 on the other hand, will wait it out for a year or more – until it’s actually physically painful to be in your presence.
B. When you’re no longer attracted to her. This is going to happen to a lot of you over the course of your life times, and I suggest you heed this piece of advice: WAIT TILL YOU FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO DUMP YOUR CURRENT GIRLFRIEND. If You prematurely break up with a girlfriend, no matter how much you were sick of her, you WILL end up missing her. Is this because you “didn’t realize what you had with her?” No you idiot, your brain is just playing tricks on you. When a guy’s only source of pussy evaporates, he immediately has an emotional meltdown and ends up feeling like he lost his soul-mate. That’s why Alphas always seem to be able to get over their break ups so much more easily. They weren’t LESS invested in their girlfriends, they just have more options so that desperate stench doesn’t intoxicate their decision making skills.
C. When you’re very, very scared.
Shark, this was a great post and this info is something that I’ve been looking for. I do have a question though: You recommend going into a Mystery routine or C&F after she shows that she’s interested in talking — watching the Pickup artist has convinced me that these methods work, but I’m concerned that using them doesn’t gel with your concept of an Alpha having his own sense of purpose and living his life since they’re essentially ‘scripts’. Is there any way around this, or is studying MM the best way to go? Of course, I need to start approaching more instead of theorizing.
You answered our own question. But to clarify further, MM and other routines are more geared towards external game whereas this blog is more geared towards internal game. They are NOT mutually exclusive. In fact, when you get to the really philosophical aspects of game, it all becomes more cohesive. External game is essentially the calculated manipulation of internal game – allowing men WITHOUT the confidence that comes with money and power to still display it.
what do you do if when you’re drunk you become clingy?
That’s the same question as “what do you do when you’re clingy?” You stop being clingy. There are simply no hints or clues to circumvent this law. Clingy = Beta.
Agreed on (C)… It must be for YOU.
My relationship with my wife and my outlook on life has changed dramatically after realizing and remembering that my needs come first.
I think of the lion that takes down a gazelle. He eats first. Not because he’s trying to starve the rest of the pride but because he needs to take down the next gazelle. The whole pride benefits from his needs being met first.
Actually, this isn’t true. Lions don’t hunt. The females hunt for the pack.
The males EAT first. Even after a group of lionesses have killed an animal and are starving, they will wait till the leader of their pride eats first before indulging themselves.
So the Alpha doesn’t eat first because he needs to take down the next gazelle, he eats first because he’s the Alpha. And also because he needs the extra energy to fuck all of the lionesses that have just hunted for him.
I’ve often heard about advices on how to be aloof in text game, especially like this. Something that has bothered me was, with one ex, while we were first dating, I would follow the longer reply time rule and that prompted almost immediately reply.
I then switched it up, not caring too much about how soon I reply, and that didn’t change her reply speed either (it’s the engineer in me trying to experiment…alas I did not have a control).
I decided to stick with the longer reply time rule. As time went on, she would match me in the reply length and speed (sometimes it got impractical to wait too long for me). Also, if my text doesn’t sound affectionate (now I know texts should always have an aloof tone), she would change her tone to match as well. I also remember her complaining sometimes that she would send me a very nice text and I often barely respond.
I’m thinking the change in her texting habit is just a sign of losing interest…am I correct?
You are 100% correct. My readers are making me proud.
The reaction from your girlfriend will often change drastically depending on her level of interest in you.
For example, if you were acting like a beta for a long time, then flirting with another girl might entice her to flirt with other guys to get revenge on you. If you were acting like an Alpha, then it would get a sexual marathon started.
The amount of BLATANT aloofness you are allowed to display correlates with your level of dominance in the relationship. If you are recovering from a recent series of blunders and wanted to use jealousy to re-spark attraction, you’d have to get another girl to like you and make sure you looked like you were NOT trying at all and you actually resent the idea of another girl liking you. If you were consistently laying down the Pimp hand, then you could make a blatant move on her best friend and it would only reinvigorate her tender hamster (make sure you still retain plausible deniability). If you wanted to use disinterest to regain attraction as a beta, I would recommend you started going to the gym and focused on your career more, so you have an exceptional reason for having to ignore her. If you’re an Alpha, you can disappear for 2 or 3 days and come back the 3rd night with a bloody trench coat and one of your fingers missing.
Shark, is it possible to have to much power in a relationship?
YES. I feel a pang of remorse every time I hear about a girl in an abusive relationship because the stuff I teach can easily be misinterpreted or abused and create a similar scenario.
Cardinal Rule of Relationships: Who ever needs the other person LESS has more power. This ratio should be kept at 51-60% in the guy’s favor. I know 50-50 sounds more “ideal” but the truth is, we live in a society where it’s VERY HARD to avoid beta backsliding. The idea of a relationship itself drastically favors women. The extra margin is NECESSARY to keep guys in their proper positions. Once it falls to 50-50, it gets very easy for the gap to increase in an unhealthy way. Mainly because when a guy senses his girlfriend’s interest declining – he will instinctively work harder to gain her approval, exactly the opposite of what he should do.
Hey Shark, solve this problem for me man. Why when a lay doesnt happen between you and a girl (in my case escalation was too slow and was interuppted by her roomate) does the girl act disinterested in you all of a sudden. (Note: the girl had a boyfriend. Also, when her roommate came in the room, the roommate didnt leave so it wasn’t going anywhere anymore.)
Women are peculiar creatures. I’ve been with possibly 50+ married women (I didn’t know they were married, I swear) and I can tell you, they ALWAYS “regretted” it later. A girl will rationalize cheating on her boyfriend on impulse if she feels enough attraction towards another guy (being a slut helps to) but ofcourse, that’s ON IMPULSE. An impulse can fade away just as sporadically as it can be created.
Think about it this way, a girl never wants to come off as a slut. So if she was ABOUT to escalate with you – then she knows that YOU know that she was about to escalate. She hates that feeling, because now she thinks that YOU think that she’s easy and a slut. To change this, she acts disinterested in you to make you think like you never had a chance, and that she never intended on letting you boff her in the first place.
whats your view on PDA? whats too much PDA?
PDA = Beta, but it largely depends on venue. You should almost never do it. The only exception is when you’re at a place that favors you socially by a large margin. For example, if you’re at HER family’s house, then you ignore her and make friends with her parents, hang out with her siblings, act like you’re more interested in her family than her. If you’re at a party where she knows no one and you know everyone, a bit of PDA is ok.
Btw PDA specifically refers to holding hands or trying to show affection in public. It’s usually a scream for attention or approval. In other words, this does NOT INCLUDE getting a blow job in public or having sex at a public bathroom.
The effect of rarely showing PDA is that when you DO show it, it creates a huge spike in rapport. Otherwise, you come off as needy on a regular basis and it accomplishes nothing.
Shark, I asked on an earlier blog post about escalation. I want to clarify. First off, I am relatively new to game. I would say I am a blend between natural and beta. Can you write about intensity, discrepancy, and escalation. I have a few questions involving these topics that are interrelated. I am unsure about how much Alpha to display in social circle situations (intensity)? How much game do I reveal to close friends and pivots or who do I reveal game to (discrepancy)? Lastly, when and how do I escalate in pick ups?
You’re going to have to be more specific with the first two questions.
There’s no “limit” on how much Alpha to display in a social circle – you just act Alpha. However, you DO need to avoid coming off as too commanding or egotistical unless you preemptively command a shitload of respect.
You should introduce all of your close friends to game, if they don’t like it, then fuck them. Game is triage, save the guys who want to be saved, let the rest wither away. But in my opinion, every soul that wants to be saved should be saved.
Read the Mystery method for the last part, he has it down to a science. Typically when a girl has shown you a couple of IOIs (3 or 4) – you can “phase-shift” or make your intentions more clear by changing your body language, position, touching etc. If you’ve created enough attraction, you’re going to want to chance location. I’l explain that in a later post.
There were 2 or 3 comments I didn’t answer, they will be answered in full posts. If you haven’t seen your comment answered, re-post it. If I still don’t respond to it, that means it was answered in the archives. I apologize, but a lot of the newer readers are simply recycling questions that have been covered multiple times already.