Solve My Girl Problems

Dating Tips

The possibility of spontaneously developing a bad case of torpedo diarrhea, the painful silence after a bad joke you knew you shouldn’t have said, the chance that your date might end up being an exalted member in a satanic cult; so much shit can go wrong in a date it’s a wonder that more men haven’t resorted to fleshlights. While I have no cure for the freakishly rare accidents that ironically tend to happen very often, I can tell you a couple of Jedi tricks to help alleviate disasters and increase your vagina to left hand ratio.

 

1. Bouncing: Anyone familiar with the Venusian arts will have heard about this. Bouncing refers to changing locations multiple times throughout a date to make your victim partner feel like she’s “been through more” with you than she thinks. In other words, it’s better to spend half an hour at a coffee shop, then skiing, then eating dinner, and then watching a late night movie than spending all 7 hours at the coffee shop and then going home to jack off. Bouncing severely shortens the amount of time needed to make a girl feel like there’s enough rapport between you guys to justify either an exclusive relationship or a regularly scheduled brain banging.

 

2. Active Dates: Don’t push it too far, I would avoid sky diving or bear hunting. Emotional bonds are created via emotionally charged experiences. A couple stranded on a remote island fighting for their lives will create a much stronger bond than a normal couple at a city; even over a much shorter period of time. The reason why couples in movies seem to fall in love with each other so deeply and so quickly is because the plot of the movie revolves around a CONFLICT. Conflict, dread, fear and other seemingly “negative” emotions are the true keys to love. The greatest seducers in the world did not snare their victims with simple-minded pleasures, they enthralled their targets with a world of wickedness, inviting them to release their most deeply repressed desires. The more EMOTIONALLY TORQUED experiences (both positive and negative) you and a girl go through, the deeper your bond will be.

Watching a movie that made her cry > Watching a comedy that made both of you chuckle
Going to a haunted house > Going to dinner

You get the Point.

 

3. Practice laughing things off. Seriously, being able to laugh at anything makes pulling off awkward moments so much easier. For practice, force yourself to laugh while watching gay porn or prisoners getting tortured. The more easily you can disarm a socially awkward situation, the more easily you’ll be able to keep a date flowing smoothly. Humans have evolved the emotion of awkwardness for a reason, the same way we’ve evolved to feel emotions like jealousy and anger. When a girl feels awkward, her brain signals to her that the date is going bad and your attraction level takes a hit.

An exception to the above rule occurs after you’ve established higher value than her. In such a scenario, awkwardness makes HER feel like she’s not doing enough to keep the date flowing smoothly, helping out your diabolical cause.