On September 1, 2011 by Shark

Reader Comments:


Great read, was hoping for more coverage on LTR’s but I’m sure that will be in the future. The section on inner game was golden.
I have a question. I am in a LTR. Thanks to the help of your blog, I was able to stop a lot of the beta behavior I was exhibiting early on in the relationship. Now after a slew of passing shit tests I believe her interest level has gone back up over 70%. Throughout the course of the relationship she has always pulled random disappearing acts (turning off her phone/ignoring calls, then coming up with some lame excuse the next day). I used to send all kinds of texts/ FB messages in typical beta fashion. Of course this did nothing but help me to lose more ground. I found out that there have def. been a few nights where she lied to me about where she was or what she was doing. I was in the height of my beta activity at the time so I really dealt with it the wrong way. I really don’t think she’s cheated, but this behavior of course makes me suspicious and causes oneitus relapses. Whats the proper way to deal with this kind of thing? Amused mastery only seems to make her think this is acceptable, but confronting it just seems to drop interest and cause drama. I appreciate the help and again thank you for all that you do.



Yes, I intentionally left out LTRs for the future.

Amused mastery should be used to a certain extent, but the line must be drawn at some point. If your girlfriend disappears for a night and you know she’s lying about where she was, dump her. You’re giving her an industrial sized margin of error right now, one far too encompassing to retain the proper amount of respect in a healthy relationship. Lying is a reflection of a person’s character it’s not just a symptom of moral vacancy; if a girl lies to you, never consider her as LTR material. Your two options are to understand what insecurities led her to lie and use those to SpeedFuck her, or to drop her from the beginning.

Once a girl lies and even somewhat gets away with it, or enjoys the rush of manufactured drama in the aftermath, you cannot ever expect her to be permanently honest. The only possibility for somewhat rekindling trust lies in breaking up with her for an extended period of time, making the whole experience mentally traumatic, and preventing her from every considering it again. A girl needs to do the same thing if her boyfriend cheats on her. Compromising loyalty in a malign style should never be let off easily. But in your case, the problem is too deep and recurring to try this.

There is no other way to fix a relationship with that problem without pulling the trigger. It’s a win-win, she either comes back and you attempt to really fix the problem, or she doesn’t come back so you know her interest level was already too low for any chance of patching things up. Scenario A is almost an impossibility, if she’s lied before, she’ll do it again as you are bound to beta backslide somewhere down the road. If I were you I would stop talking to her and find someone else to discharge in. If she’s causing Oneitis relapses, this relationship clearly isn’t good for you.

If you expect she HAS cheated on you and you’re wondering why she’s still with you, it’s because woman have disparaging mating schedules. Betas are better providers, Alphas are better fucks. Women are inclined to keep a beta partner while cheating on him for Alphas because it gives them the best of both worlds. This is also why cuckolding has become a common phenomena and why feminists hate paternity tests.

If your relationship has been going well since you’ve somewhat stopped acting beta, I suggest you see how things go from here on in. If she lies again, you’ll know what to do. You cannot let her think that lying to you isn’t a serious breach in trust.

“Lying” in this post specifically refers to serious offenses. If your girlfriend tricks you into meeting her parents by saying “we’re going to a strip club,” then she isn’t morally repugnant, she’s a genius.



10 Responses to “Lying”

  • Brian

    thank you

  • Saar

    Shark how do you manage your time? You said yourself youve been working for 15 hours a day in buissnes , I work every day about the same, and it’s getting really hard for me to go to the GYM or to go out at nights with my friends since I don’t get alot of sleep .. Anway, how do you abale to manage your time ?

  • TfresH

    Mr. Shark,

    Hope all is well in your life! Anyways though, your articles are real good reads and very imformative. However most realtionship articles on this site (or aleast the only ones I’ve come across thus far) are all in correlation of somewhat LTR’s but for the most part its advice to dudes still living apart from there woman. Like for instance; when my gf is actin up and such I just cant “dissapear” for several reasons.

    Please advise me where on are there relationship articles for dudes in LTR’s that live with there woman?

    Respect, take care.

  • Nazer

    Shark!!! pure genius!

    LTR = Long Term Relationships

  • vert

    True words.

    Now I am wondering if the lie isn’t as serious as one that involves staying out all night/cheating.
    If a GF tells white lies or downplays who someone is because she “doesn’t want to cause distrust” in the relationship (I know it’s stupid but it happens) would short NC be appropriate (attraction is still in high 90s)?
    In this case she claimed a super late missed call was a club promoter when he really was just a random dude with contacts.
    It’s still a lie- but to drop a girl for it seems psychotic; to ignore it is stupid; to make an ordeal would just drive down attraction and make her think you’re a jealous, untrusting chump.

  • @Taylor – Long-term relationship.

  • BigswingingD

    Shark, great as usual and timely for me. I’m just coming out of an ltr that ended because of lying and cheating. It was long distance, and she thought she could play me – best of both worlds. But I caught the little slut and broke up with her, instituting no further contact. She has started to text me and I’m ignoring her. Though I’ve moved on – banged a few chicks hotter than her, I have to admit, I enjoy her groveling texts which are laden with regret. I truly don’t want her back (once a slut always a slut) but am wondering if it’s unhealthy/beta or im a jerk for enjoying watching her feel remorse. Also, what’s your take if any on no further contact?

  • Padawan

    Hey Shark,

    gf and I of 3 years broke up 3 months ago. the phase after the the break up was hard, bitter, then eventually killed off by her wishes. After a long period of no contact she recently texted me because a problem arose on her end…i didnt tend to the text until days later as I was on vacation when I got the text. I played it as alpha (hopefully) as I could. Sent her a small reply stating “i was away, hope’d things cleared up, if they didn’t she could call me”. SHE NEVER responded. I imagine she’d hope I give chase…..I didn’t. I figured “alright…w/e”. That was 2 weeks ago.

    Now, this week my sister gave birth. She posted pics on fb, and my ex then saw said pics. So my ex texts me “congrats on being an uncle”. I sent a simple “thanks”. She then responded with “I wished thats something I could have heard from you instead of finding out on my own”

    In all honesty….she didnt cross my mind at the time and i didnt see the need to tell her. She had an overall sense my sister would give birth around this time anyway….and given the fact my ex has called all the shots after the break-up “why would I bother starting any form of dialogue with her?”. I dont mean to do it cause I wanna be a dick. Just honestly never crossed my mind.

    I dont know how to respond to the text regarding my negligence to inform her. My gut is telling me just dont respond….but I dont want that to be taken as a sign I’m being a dick. Cause really I dont feel the need to start shit nor do I want to. She is difficult to deal with too….so that doesn’t help much either. Thanks for your time.

  • Padawan

    I realize given the circumstances that by the time you could potentially respond, the situation will have changed…..what’s important though is helping me out with what I could have done/ or will do next time something of this nature happens. So please when you have time, advise me either way. Thanks

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