My girlfriend’s best friend is a guy

On September 19, 2011 by Shark

If it bothers you, Dump Her.

Before going on to explain why such a trivial complication should be resolved in such an extreme and abrupt manner, we need to explore the idea of “cutting losses” and why it’s such an extensively circulated solution among the game community. Almost 90% of the time you have a problem with a girl the immediate solution offered by any seasoned Don Juan will be “break up with her.” It’s not because we’re all unemotional cyborgs, the answer has more to do with efficiency. If 100/10,000 girls are “good matches” for you, then the real danger is NOT in missing out in your “soul mate” — it’s wasting your life away with a girl you are NOT a good fit for.

There is no such thing as a soul mate — only a good mate. Someone you can work things out with, someone who has enough natural chemistry with you to compensate for the problems that plague every relationship. If you dump a girl “too fast,” one who was a good fit for you, the consequences are relatively insignificant. You will find someone else who can make you just as happy or possibly happier; assuming you have enough ambition to pursue another relationship. If you allow yourself to get duped by the soul mate propaganda war, you will not find someone else because you aren’t allowing yourself to.

On the other hand, if you mistakenly AVOID dumping a girl you AREN’T a good fit for, the consequences are far more severe. The monotony of a loveless life co-inhabited by a succubus will compulsively strip your existence of all color. But even worse than actually living through such an ordeal is the nagging voice in the back of your head constantly telling you that you might have been able to live a better life if you had the courage to overcome your fear of loss. The unhappiness from a break up with a “good fit” will be temporary; it will last until you find someone else. The unhappiness from staying with a “bad fit” is eternal. It is a mistake that cannot be fixed.

This precept might seem vividly obvious when I put it down on paper for you, but rarely do guys abide by it throughout their lives. Sometimes the whole “soul mate” myth envisaged by the constructs of a feminine lake is simply too lucrative to keep people from prematurely cashing out. The illusion of security offered by a relatively “stable” relationship — no matter how unstable it actually is — can be a narcotically delusional opiate.

The scary thing about life isn’t not being able to live up to your FULL potential; it’s not being able to live up to any potential.


Now on to the question at hand. There are two possible ways that your girlfriend’s best friend ended up being a guy.

(a) She was best friends with him before you guys were going out. He might have been a past flame or a nice guy trying to find some backchannel to her figa. Either ways, as a corollary to the above, the only reason you would want to put yourself through this is if you were desperate and wouldn’t want to pursue another good fit without this caveat.

(b) She became best friends with a guy after you guys got together. In such a scenario, clearly you fucked up somewhere or she’s tooling the guy for shit testing ammo / ego inflation. If this problem bothers you enough that you need to rethink your relationship, you’re better off starting fresh.


This is NOT to say it’s intrinsically WRONG for a girl to have a guy as her best friend. If you have no problem with such a scenario, then don’t worry about it. Personally I wouldn’t care if my girlfriend’s “best friend” was a guy. But if such a stipulation DOES bother you, you now know what to do. Don’t try and figure out some cheesy method to break up her friendship, just move on.

For academic purposes only, I’ll also add that jealousy is always the best solution to jealousy. If she’s getting really close to another guy, you should be getting really close to another girl.

I say the above for “academic purposes” because it’s how you would “hypothetically” solve the above situation without a break up – although it’s not the most optimal solution. For long term relationships with good prospects or marriages, I would take this route instead. Avoid appeasing, compromising, or “talking to her about how you feel.” It won’t help, I promise you. The whole “tell her how you feel” idea is a justification AFCs use to vent about their insecurities. You should communicate with your woman when you need to, but don’t whine about your anxieties.


cheating girlfriend


6 Responses to “My girlfriend’s best friend is a guy”

  • Ant72

    It’s me again. I recently discovered that my ex is now seeing someone else, a fact she doesn’t hide in her status updates. While I have been feeling better and getting over her, it still hurts to know that I didn’t matter much to her. I guess that should be more fuel to forget about her.

    How do I accept the fact that I screwed up and move on? I am not used to messing up at all, and I tend to dwell on mistakes as a result. If I had discovered this website and all the invaluable truths it holds merely HOURS before I originally did, my life would be a lot different right now. It’s not that I’m pining away (I’ve laid a 6 month plan for moving and going to grad school and I’m in the best shape of my life), it’s that I can’t forgive myself for being such a dumbass. Everywhere I go, I see the truths from this site represented in real life, and it just serves to remind me of how much I screwed up. I guess this is going to be the hardest learned lesson of my life.

  • Braves01

    Shark I love and appreciate your consistently fair, abundance and alpha mentality!

  • Drew

    Hi shark, I have a quick question: how should I respond to a girl who asked me about my views on with who id havesex with, in this manner: (via text) “I have a question! If you were in love with a girl and she wanted to have sex with you, would you do it??” this girl tells me she loves me a lot, so I’m thinking maybe she’s contemplating having sex with me she told me the reason she asked me that question is because a different friend (boy) asked her the same question and she wanted to go around getting peoples viewpoints. I honestly think this was a shit test of a high degree, but I only realized it after I spewed out a beta response that went something like “only if the girl really likes me etc etc”. How should I have responded to her, and with my beta response, what should I do now? Thanks and keep up the good work

  • Drew

    Oh and by the way, when I asked her the same exact question back to her right after, she said she wouldn’t have sex because she thinks it’s nasty. I doubt she really thinks that because she encourages to me wrap my arms around her body/waist whenever we sit down next to each other, which in a way hints towards her desire for physical intimacy

Trackbacks & Pings

  • GF Sees Friend Who Likes Her - I Often Overthink Things But Is This Justified says:

    [...] Personally I would not be thrilled if my GF was hanging out with a guy that is known to like her and telling him that she misses him and being flirty. You shouldn't have snooped and looked at her texts but there is nothing you can do about it now. The problem with telling her that she can't hang out with him or you don't want her to is that it makes you look possesive, insecure and controlling which are surefire attraction killers. It all depends on how much this girl is worth to you. If you can deal with that kind of stuff and let it roll off your back then don't sweat it. Do you have any reason not to trust her? If not then just accept the fact that she's got guy friends and this one happens to like her – it's up to her to not do anything that would damage your trust. I would start working on inner game if I were in your situation. I would work out like a beast and make sure I'm looking good and meet new people (guys and girls) and hang out with my friends without her. Befriend really hot chicks – doesn't mean you have to cheat or anything.. just make friends. Then you wont feel so bad that your GF is hanging out with her guy friends. If you can't handle it and she's not worth dealing with that situation then dump her and find a new girl that isn't flirtatious and doesn't hang out with guys that like her. Read this too – I think it pertains to your situation:…iend-is-a-guy/ [...]

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