Hey its so awesome hearing things from a guys perspective it makes me realize a lot! Well here goes,I’ve been caught up in a mess with my ex for 6 years and now I’m tired and need help! We have been in a relationship for 4 years which broke off because he heard rumors that I was dating his friend who was involved with me and I just entertained him so I could be nice and not hurt his feelings knowing how he felt anyway this friend of my ex bf went and told the entire school that I was cheating on my ex bf with him and showed everyone a decent pic of me that I sent to him only cause he said that it’s all he wanted so u can imagine how my ex felt when he saw the pic on his friends phone. We broke up and got back together for another year but broke up again because my ex said he couldn’t get over what had happened we hadn’t spoken or met for a year and a half after that but finally we landed in the same college and when we saw each other after such a long time he wanted me back again an I wasn’t interested because I had chased him n begged him to come back in the year he had left me but I fell for him again n we had this strong thing going for 6 months I was complete and happy again and thought this was it and he was back I dropped everything and went running. He even said he wanted me back but then all of a sudden he changed and said he didn’t wanna work on anything now and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and did everything I despised made me jealous in every way possible embarrassed me in front of my girlfriends he even just went out with a girl for 2 months after which I poured out my hearts feelings to him and stopped talking to him for 5 months and then he stayed low n so I started talking again. We had long conversations and even times were we just spoke about the weather; we always spoke yet he cud never speak to me in person we would walk by each other every day and we won’t say a word yet when we were on the phone he’ll always talk to me first I don’t ever make the first move afraid he would find me clingy and run in the opposite direction. We have such intense chemistry we will drown in each others eyes saying a million things yet we never ever talk about our relationship or what has happened because of this constant looking and him now saying things like “you’re looking nice and all today” I can’t help but want him more we’re like stuck in the moment he talks to this one girl he’s close to I know they’re not dating but he posts statuses like he misses her while he still gives me the looks and talks to me first every opportunity he gets over the phone. I haven’t been in another relationship he was my first. Other guys have come along. Iv refused many and some I tried dating but it never works out because I either loose interest and fall deeper for my ex or the guys that are trying to date me leave because their exes come back to them. At the moment there’s a guy who is genuinely interested in me but Its not enough for me and at the same time I’m still waiting on my ex I really don’t know what to do, I’m so tired of running after my ex but then again if we weren’t meant to be why did he come back to me last year when we started college and I had happily moved on I just feel like there’s something left but my ex is ignoring it all all and I know he has feelings for me too but why is he acting out like this
Your ex is acting like this because
1. He isn’t desperate, he has game and other options. Without the pressure of a dry spell, men are much less likely to succumb to Oneitis (This is how ‘aloofness’ is supposed to naturally develop)
2. He isn’t invested in you, whether in terms of time or energy. The more attachment you can extract from a guy, the more likely he is to stick around.
3. Loyalty is too big of an issue for a man with other options. The few times he took you back, he was lacking attention from other girls. Unless he suddenly becomes desperate, he’ll continue to feel this way in any future relationship you guys have. Men forget but never forgive, women forgive but never forget.
I suggest you bounce from hot to cold with your ex, push/pull works on all humans. Be indifferent for two days, then suddenly burgeon with affection. Jealousy might backfire as your relationship is already in a fragile state.
Of course you could also choose to get over him. It’s difficult for you at the moment because you haven’t found anyone more Alpha than him – but you will eventually.
TO HER IT WAS ‘an unexceptable attitude” since when did askeing questing abt work course become unaccceptable attitude, what was she thinking i want ur thoughts
Typical male castration, women are subconsciously aware that saying things like
“that’s an unacceptable attitude”
“you’re being a jerk”
“stop being a pussy”
gives them agency over men by making it the guy’s fault for not living up to some standard of manhood. “Masculinity” can be driven in any direction given the fact that men have lost control over its definition. You know what to do Alpha1. The battle lines in the Matrix have been demarcated, the only question now is which side you’ll be in.
Shark, what are some rules to apply when gaming women at work? I know the dangers of familiarity and what not, so what is the best way to go about this?
Aloofness will play a bigger role. Assuming you aren’t in a high managerial position yourself, you will have to artificially create a sense of higher status through raw indifference, ambition, or DHV cues. When someone above you tries to assert themselves on you, don’t react defensively. Act like you aren’t intimidated by their authority and you listen to them because you want to. Maintain subliminal leadership even in a position where you lack nominal power.
Familiarity can be broken by having a bigger goal you’re always working towards; it will peal with an ambiance of change. One of my friends kills it at his job and is currently working towards attending a tier 1 business school. The concept of “change” (that he’ll eventually leave this place for something better) always looms over him, creating an aura that breaks the conventional familiarity problem.
The Wooomanz go crazy for him.
Hi Shark. My mom recently passed. My dad (in his early 60s) is now on the market again after a 40 year absence. He never learned game and has no idea about how women’s minds work. Are there any books specific to the older guy who knows nothing about game? A good introductory work perhaps?
I’m sorry for your loss, I know how it feels.
Roissy’s blog is great for older guys but really, I don’t think game is that necessary. At that age, people are seeking companionship more than anything. Help your father find someone he can relate to and talk to. I’ve helped 2 guys around that age find partners, you just need to find someone in a similar situation and introduce them to each other.
Shark, I dumped a girl who lied to me and cheated. I employed NFC. She texts me still and tells me how awful her life is. I have a couple new girls I’m dating — hotter than her. But I do enjoy watching her suffer. I don’t respond to her texts, but love seeing them as she gets more miserable. Am I jerk for enjoying this? Do I have oneitis? I really don’t want her back, but enjoy the vengeful view.
lol no, it’s normal. Girls do it all the time; feeding scraps to desperate exes to keep them on their Oneitis trajectories. Your situation is only rare because men are rarely in your position. lckychrmsrr’s comment is also correct however; relishing TOO much in victories like these causes a perverse form of Oneitis.
All in all, you sound like you know what you’re doing. The force is strong with you.
“Does my dick look big?”
Perfect. Can’t wait to try that one out.
‘I failed the only “Women Studies” course I took in college and my teacher called my final paper “an abomination to humanity.” I might consider posting it up if I can find it.’
Looking forward to that too.
But my favourite:
‘Keep em comin’’
I really admire you for taking so much time out to answer all our questions, on top of the fact that you ENCOURAGE them..
Thanks so much Shark.
I have a quick question:
- Competitive anxiety: Can this be fuelled JUST by TALKING/being around other females? (Not including mums ofc. heh.) And does it matter who the girl is? I.e. if its someone she’s friends with (and ‘trusts’) will it make the jealousy less/more?
Competitive anxiety can be fueled just by LOOKING at other women. The key is to know your girlfriend well and to induce just enough competitive anxiety to keep the spark in your relationship up – but not SO MUCH that she becomes desperately insecure or permanently damaged. Some girls will require you to flirt up with other women, others will require just a casual remark on a past flame. Apply to taste.
And yes, the girl you’re talking to matters significantly. With a friend you might have to make a blatantly explicit move (while retaining plausible deniability ofcourse) but with a girl she hates, just a glance will have the same effect. Women are particularly adept at reading the subtle cues that miss the scope of male notice. Again, the key is to know your girlfriend well.
Hey Shark, when taking your girlfriend out on a date, should it always be the male who decides where to go, what do do..etc. My girlfriend has recently complained that she never gets to choose what she’d like. Possible shit test?
If you let a girl make all the decisions, she will complain about having too much responsibility
If you make all the decisions for a girl, she will complain about her lack of responsibility
If you make more money than your wife, she will complain about not being equal
If you make less money than your wife, she will complain about your lack of ambition
If you act insecure around your girlfriend, she will complain about your lack of confidence
If you act confident around a girl, she’ll complain about your egotistical tendencies.
In summary: people in relationships will complain. Never let your principles be swayed by the burden of stress. You must be a decisive man for her to capitulate to you. My guess is that you are correct, this is a shit test, but seeing as how you are in a possible long-term relationship, I would treat it with a bit more care. Being too careless might foster resentment. I would have carried her off her feet, taken her to the bedroom and then said “ok you decide, lights on or off?”
Shark, I haven’t seen this covered before and I’m not sure you have experience with this but maybe you could shed some light on the subject of separation/divorce with kids involved. Here’s my situation:
Been separated from the wife for 2 months after being together for a total of 9 years now. We have two beautiful little girls together (ages 4 & 2). We’re both still good friends and obviously still have to talk and see each other a lot due to our kids. We’ve also had sex with multiple people since our separation yet we have still consistently had sex with each other this whole time. But she has recently said that if I were to have sex with anyone else now that I could no longer have sex with her. I assume this works both ways though I didn’t bother to ask. So the mutual attraction is still there but if either one of us were to find someone else that we really wanted to be in a relationship with the sex would be over. But this leads to the main question, do either one of us really want to move on or did we just need a break from each other. I have other options but my wife is an HB9 with new fake tits and she’s the mother of my children so I am far more attracted to her. I am also much more attracted to her now that I don’t see her every fucking day of my life either and I’ve made it clear to her how happy I am and that I don’t want to move back in or anything like that.
Unfortunately I found this site after separation. After reading many of your posts, I now realize the mistakes I have made in this relationship. I was the total asshole type guy that did amused mastery, aloofness, negs, etc. well yet I never gave her enough attention or affection. I understand the need for a balance now. She was begging for more attention from me for years and I gave her so little for so long. When she finally had enough and started to pull away from me is, again where I went wrong. I totally went against my natural instincts and started acting completely beta, even to the point of begging for sex and telling her that I didn’t want to be with anyone else (why the fuck would any guy ever say that!?). Now that we are separated I have started to do little nice things for her once in awhile to let her know that I still care yet still keeping it in balance with amused mastery, aloofness, and well-timed negs. I feel like I am building her attraction level for me back up but there is still much work to be done. Am I wasting my time and energy here? Keep in mind that I feel like I have so much more vested in this relationship since we have young children together and I will never, ever be able to cut ties with her completely. She will always be a part of my life.
Is it possible to revolutionize the idea of marriage? I definitely still love the girl, I’d have no problems being in an exclusive relationship with her, and we are still sharing finances, but I have no desire to live with her & the kids right now. I would be happiest continuing to see them about three times a week. I would get sick of anyone if I had to be around them more than that.
Thanks for your time and thoughts.
An enlightening post. You are correct on all accounts.
When she first began to “pull away” from you – it was transitory. Female caprice is a subconsciously calculated (yes, I know that sounds like a paradox) technique. Women are very aware that going on breaks or suddenly going cold can turn an aloof asshole into a desperate beta. Your 2nd biggest mistake was not balancing affection / attraction but your BIGGEST mistake was turning desperate when she challenged you by pulling away.
You have a good amount of natural game, this break was good for you. It allowed you to realize what was missing in your approach and how to fix it. Now I would continue to do the following:
(a) Ignore her beauty. ALL girls up the ante after break ups or divorces. It’s their way of seeking validation from their exes, making their exes regret their decision, and re-entering the dating market. Don’t let this phase you. Maintain complete control over your frame. Don’t suddenly be intimidated by her new body or her new looks.
(b) If you are considering getting back with her, don’t mention your sex life overtly at all.She can’t think that you’re so loosely attached that you’re willing to sleep with anyone else and risk the possibility of re-marriage – but at the same time she must think to herself “Is there a chance he might leave me for someone else?” The possibility of the relationship she always wanted must linger in her mind – but so must the possibility of COMPLETE reproach from you. Create jealousy through subliminal cues and evade direct questions.
***Your exclusivity MUST be mutually agreed on. If she’s having sex with other people, then you shouldn’t hold yourself back by any means. If both of you agree on being exclusive, then you can continue a closed relationship. The fact that she suggested this indicates rising interest. Never bring up the topic of exclusivity first.
(c) BE PATIENT. Don’t bite the bait too early. She might say “I want us to be exclusive,” and this might indicate increasing interest, but don’t jump at the opportunity to place a label on your relationship. The way you handled it was perfect, continue being aloof and in control. The time and space between you guys will give you an opportunity to determine whether this relationship is really what you want.
The reason you only want to see her three times a day is because you AREN’T desperate. It’s a curse and a blessing to be a guy with game. You can easily get a girl to fall head over heels for you, but its hard to keep your own level of emotional attachment on par with hers. It will help to have external goals to deflect your stress and energy on. I always use my writing, the gym, or work to release pent up anxiety.
I have a soft spot for kids, so I would tell you to try and fix your marriage just for their sake. You sound like you know what you’re doing, just keep at it and return to this blog if you ever need help maintaining a clear mind.
What would you do about a cougar?
At my work, I have a 35-year-old, unattractive cougar that’s pretty aggressive in every way except physically. I just turned 18 about three weeks ago and idk what to do about it.
Also, do you have any advice on dating younger girls? I mean, being freshly 18, it’s kind of impossible to legally date anyone much younger than you, but while you’re still in high school, it shouldn’t matter.
The thing is, right after I turned 18, I started talking to a younger girl. I feel that she’s a little too young for me (almost 15, so pretty bad) but I’m going to see how it goes.
My real problem is I live in a small town and my class of 20 people can’t really stand the thought of dating one another. With a small pool of people, it’s kind of hard to have unlimited options but I’m just mainly focusing on my life, such as getting those last 6 points on my ACT (I took it twice so far, 28 then 30). You know, cultivating masculinity by improving my dominance in a certain field. Sports help too, but I’m an intelligence beast more than anything
I’d appreciate your take on the two situations:
-Unattractive, aggressive cougar
-Innocent little flower that might send me to jail (jk that’d never happen)
Cougar: Pump and Dump at its finest. If you’re 18 and ambitious, this won’t require any extra added effort. If you get bored of masturbating, consider this a viable option
Younger Girl: Hard to say. The maturity between different age groups generally sublimes as time passes. When you’re 21 and she’s 18, no one will care about the difference in age. A 40 year old guy could date a 30 year old woman, but that difference in age becomes much more awkward if he’s 27 and she’s 17.
It’s up to you whether you want to deal with the possible social mores and legal ramifications. I doubt many people will care, you’re still considered a kid by conventional standards. If you don’t want to deal with them, continue focusing on school and wait till college. You’re smart, you have game, and you’re ambitious. You’ll kill at college.
On another note,
in a previous post you wrote
‘You are always there for her, not as a shoulder to cry on or a nice guy to complain to’
What does this actually mean? I understand that you’re not a doormat she can shit on whenever she feels like it, but to me it feels like being there for someone & offering a ‘shoulder’ are synonymous.
The differences between the two can be drawn in different ways. For example:
(a) The exact way you phrase rapport
“I don’t deserve you” = Beta
“I will never want anyone else” = Beta
“I will always love you no matter what you do” = Beta
“I love you more than you’ll ever know” = Alpha
“One day, I might consider marrying you” = Alpha
“I will always love you…unless you disagree to having threesomes” = Alpha
Beta affection = desperate and clingy
Alpha affection = intense, mysterious, and can be funny or aloof
(b) The things you give attention to
When she complains about her ex boyfriend:
Beta = Consoling her or getting pissed that she mentioned him
Alpha = Ignoring it
When she tries to involve you in gossip:
Beta = Listening with rapt attention
Alpha = Listening with carelessness and treating the situation like it was your little sister complaining
When she’s crying about a family issue
Beta = Constantly trying to offer advice on how to fix it
Alpha = Really listening to her and possibly getting involved if necessary and depending on your level of commitment (Your wife should have no greater ally than you if someone is troubling her).
(c) Your preceding relation to her
If you’re the the mortal god every woman desires, you have nothing to worry about. Any form of “being there for her” will always be filtered through the latent understanding of you as a dominant figure.
If you’re a sack-shriveling beta, then you will constantly find yourself treading close to breaking attraction every time you build rapport.
This point brings to mind an important fundamental – frame control is everything.
Shark. Help me out Bro. About Bro code. Tonight my best friend and I went out to by best friend’s ex girl friend’s birthday party. I gamed the fuck out of her cousin. I did everything right. I cold read the fuck out of her promise ring. The funniest (and the most attractive) thing is she said was she “could smell my game from a mile away and your Armani Code.” I answered with ” I could smell your game with my dick when I walked in the door. Why are your pupils so dilated? Our bodies are six inches right?” She knew exactly what I was talking about and proceeded to laugh while I anchored the fuck out off her. I built rapport and attraction escalated, pouring out through her turned on body. I could feel her vagina tingling when she rubbed her leg on my mine. She was an 8. My best friend’s ex girl was a 10. Literally. She looks like a younger Jennifer Aniston. (they have been broken up for a year now). The problem comes when her cousin asked me to buy her a beer. I did the most Alpha thing and quoted Mystery. “Why, are you broke?” she said no and told her to buy me a drink. She said no and I said “if you don’t buy me a drink I will take Laura ( her cousin and my best friend’s ex) and dance with her. So she tested me and that’s what a did. Something happened. I ended up gaming her unconsciously. My intentions were to make her cousin jealous so she would fuck me good later. But it turned into making out with Laura on impulse. I wasn’t expecting this to happen. Me and my best friend been though everything together. We grew up together. Been to so many places together and experienced the greatest times in our lives together. And this just unexpectedly happened. Sometimes my the knowledge you’ve given me is a curse. And tonight I fucked shit up. How do I recover? I would like to keep talking to her cousin but as soon as she saw me make out with Laura she unveiled her secret I already knew that she had a boyfriend and told me I’m a dick. Should I cut my losses? How do I mend things with my best friend as he was pretty upset about it? Clearly him and his ex still have built up feelings as they spent the whole night arguing about it after it happened. What do I do?
I know exactly where you’re coming from.
The problem with you and your best friend is fixable; problems between guys generally subside as time passes. There’s no such thing as a “solid” bro code to go by. You have to judge every situation by its merit. If I’m good friends with someone, after a few months their ex is all game. It’s his fault if he can’t get over her. But if it’s one of my BEST friends, I would keep his ex off limits out of respect and loyalty for him.
As for the other girl, you triggered her anti-slut defense. Such reactions are temporary, every girl wants to be the “one girl” who can “tame you.” She knows you’re pre-selected, unless you pushed your cards too far, I’m sure you’ll get another opportunity in the future.
However, ultimately this is just a nuance. You have game, you’ll find a cluster fuck of other girls right around the corner. Your only real problem is your strained relationship with your best friend. I would apologize, but be a man about it. Don’t bend over for anyone, be sorry but maintain your dignity.
I’ve been having a huge problem with online game ever since I was told to be brief, aloof, unresponsive, and uninterested while talking to a girl over facebook or text. This girl who I barely see in person because of her parents who I liked and who liked me back use to have good conversations online/over text back when I was acting beta, and she liked me more for that (she was dropping IOI’s so much more when I was acting bet online). Now all of our online conversations are shallow and are probably decreasing her attraction for me, so now I’m stuck and confused.
What should our online/text conversations be about usually? Exactly how brief, uninterested, aloof, etc. should I be while talking to her?
The real problem you’re having is combining being Aloof AND Interested at the same time. Charisma without dominance is supplication – dominance without charisma is boring. Read these articles:
Meanwhile, you can temporarily improve your position by juggling between both personas. Be beta/ interested / high-energy one day, then Alpha / dominant / slow and smooth the next day. Eventually you’ll want to careen towards combining the positive aspects of both approaches.
Great to find this site, Shark.
I’ve been struggling with a long distance relationship for the past few months. My fiance is away for about a year, studying abroad. We decided to get engaged about midway through her time away. Not the best idea, I know, but she came up with it and I was stoked, so I proposed to her when we met up for a couple of weeks over the summer. Since then, she has been partying hard and flirting with a lot of guys at her school, in front of me on facebook…so much that I had to unfriend her. My jealousy and attempts to control her eventually started pushing her away. F@$% facebook.
And then in an effort to get her love back, I’ve become a complete tool/nice guy/loser, not wanting to make any more friction and trying to just keep the peace until she gets back. Giving her gifts, romantic stuff, lots of unconditional love, etc. When she returned home for a short visit recently, the feeling of attraction quickly came back to where it was before she left. We renewed our commitment to the relationship and promised each other to keep trying. She also opened up and told me that the nicer I get, the more selfish she is gonna be, and the thought of that scares her a little…
Now for the remaining few months that she’ll be away, how can I make sure I’ll have her excited to see me when she comes home? Obviously, stop calling her and crowding her too much. I’d appreciate any specific advice or suggestions you might have. Thanks! (And just for the record, if this was just some chick, I probably would have moved on by now, but she is my fiance so I’m going balls out here to save it…)
Shark, I was a virgin up until last week. I recently got very good at the game thingy and got three girls DTF in the next few weeks. The thing is, with the first girl, I penetrated and I didnt even last up to three minutes. I know that being a teenager and it being my first time might be factors, but any tips on how to last longer during sex? I really need to know, because my confidence is low and I’m too scared to follow up on fucking the other two for fear that I won’t last long. Thanks Shark.
What’s your e-mail?
Shark, I’m a regular reader of SMGP, it saved my arse quite a few times, so thank you for the wisdom you share.
I do have that’s confusing me, maybe you can shed some light into all this. Here are the facts:
I dated this HB 5 or 6 for two months, she was falling for me, me not exactly but it was enjoyable because she was funny and affectionate. It’s not that she said it, but everything she did proved she was falling in love with me. I was acting alpha 90% of the time I guess and showed willingness to walk away on one occasion when she was out of line. Since then she was pretty much afraid of me dumping her and she got more clingy and careful.
However, a few weeks ago I got really sick and for a few days she saw me laying in bed in some pain (I guess my alpha aura vaporized then), she spent a night with me. Fact is that weekend we had plans to fly to some foreign city but due to my illness that didn’t happened.
So she stays with me friday night and saturday night goes out with a another chick, close friend of hers, and stays up all night partying. i know red, flag there but I was too sick to say deal with it, so I never said a word about it. Anyway, she never tried to hide this from me. Monday I went for some blood tests and the next day when the results came, a friend, the doctor told me to go asap to ER and get myself under supervision because things don’t look good. So I called her, she was out with some chick for a coffee and told her I want to speak with you, be at my please before 8 pm. She says no promises (granted, I never stated it’s important shit) and failed to show. She called 45 mins later, while I was already in ER and since I was busy with doctors, I didn’t answer. I called her when I was done with tests, told her (I snapped so I said it in an abrasive/glacial tone — but didn’t shout at all) “I’m in a hospital and I’m not happy with you not being able to meet me prior to that.” Since I had more papers to fill I told her let’s talk tomorrow. Well, the next day, she, of all people didn’t call. I was like for 24 hrs under doctors observation and she didn’t bothered to call to find out how am I doing. So I called her up in the same glacial / abrasive tone and told her to come meet me in front of the hospital for a talk that night. When we met, she had an impulse to hug my but after eye contact she restrained herself from doing that. She said she didn’t call because she didn’t like that tone. Then she said something like “When I’m with you I feel fantastic, when I’m not with you I feel bad and I don’t have time for my own hobbies — obvious bullshit here”. Before I could say anything she blurted “our relation should stop right now even though she knows what she’s missing — more BS” I was like WTF just happened? I said to her “you’re joking right?” These are not real reasons, I know. My tone was not cute in tonality but the circumstances were harsh but I don’t think that a reason for a breakup. She saying she’s been into relations were she would fight all the time and that’s not what she wants. When I realized she was serious about it I wished her a good life and went back to the hospital.
When I got discharged from one hospital only to go to another (docs couldn’t say what’s wrong with me and they still can’t say) I called her, as promised to come get her stuff. She came on a pair of freshly bought roller blades (I guess that’s the hobby?) and started to shit test me. I snapped, gave her stuff, opened the door and told her to fuck off. After all my major concern is my health, not this bimbo. But this rubs against the grain, I don’t feel like I understand what happened. So, where did I failed?
Does this make any sense to you Shark?
Her interest level fell for you after she felt you were being clingy. You have to remember that women don’t respond to the same stimuli under the same conditions.
A harsh and abrasive tone will make a girl fall harder for you – granted you already have a strong Alpha demeanor and a high level of attraction. If you’re in a hospital bed, it will make you seem needy. She knows you won’t be going out with another girl, you need her more than she needs you.
Giving an ultimatum is a statement of powerlessness. Never tip your cards or let a girl know exactly how much you need her. Such things are always better left as unknown variables.
She was shit testing you the entire time – from when she was withdrawing attention to when she roller bladed to your house. You can’t let a girl phase you, you have to remain cool and calm. you should’ve reacted with unbridled glee when she said she was coming to take her stuff and made her wonder why you’re so happy that she’s leaving.
greetings shark….glad 2 let u know u hve fans in zimbabwe 2 mate….anyhow iv been reading yr blog fr sme tym nd thngs gng on well….hwevr im having problems with a cockblocking ex girlfriend…wat r the options available
It’s tough dealing with crazy ex girlfriends. You can either
(a) Take the practical approach and avoid telling your ex-girlfriend about other girls as best as you can.
(b) Take the experimental approach where you act beta with your ex girlfriend to the point where she starts disliking you
(c) Take the asshole approach and game your ex girlfriend for more sex
(d) Take the legal approach and get a restriction order on her (if your situation is dire an warrants just desperate measures)
(e) Take the extreme approach and move to another city and cut off all ties with your ex girlfriend
So Shark you’re a private investor? Just curious.
I have a bit of a confusing situation here, and after reading this post, I can’t decide whether it’s because of (a) or (b) as you outlined.
Couple weeks ago, I started hanging out with a HB9 through mutual friends. We’ve always hung out in group of friends, and through mutual friends and her actions, it seemed like she was into me. I would’ve gone for her, except she used to date another dude in the same circle, really alpha guy who I look up to and has really kinda mentored me in a lot of things (he quit his job to travel for a year recently). So even though there were many opportunities I did not make any moves, stayed aloof and just friendly. She would be on me when she gets tipsy, when we stay over at her or friend’s place after a night of partying she would always be sleeping next to me, trying to snuggle up to me. I didn’t cuddle or anything for the same reason, the most I did was to wrap my arm around so I can sleep with stretched arm.
During the past few weeks, she would also gchat me online randomly, very fun conversations. However, this last week she stopped, responses would be very terse. I got all our friends together to dinner last night, she stopped by, ate briefly and then left. I try to engage everyone at dinner, but she didn’t say anything to me until when she was leaving, apparently to a date.
I’m confused about what’s going on here…I think I conducted myself very well, especially when we’ve only hung out in groups. She’s a cool girl and has lots of really hot girlfriends, I’d like to be on good terms with her.
Same thing with another girl in the group, she challenged me to a sushi eat-off (hence the dinner last night), the entire time she would put her head on my shoulder frequently, lean up on me and paid for my meal (granted I won). Again, I want to know how to handle it so she doesn’t turn cold as well. I don’t want to start anything with her because she’s also had a history with my mentor.
I need some finesse advices.
There’s nothing you can do here. What you’re witnessing is natural female caprice. Once a girl is no longer interested in a guy, he becomes desexualized in her eyes. Unless a girl is genuinely interested in you from a platonic vantage point, she will drop you absent any further escalation. There’s literally no “true” cure for this. You can do the following things:
(a) Build enough social proof so that a girl wants to keep you around
(b) Perpetually game a girl to keep her in the in-between-sexualized phase
(c) Let go of your ethics and escalate. Once a girl is invested in you, she’ll stay friends with you
I went no contact with this girl and she texted me three days after my no contact started. I texted her that night but after that I continued no contact. she hasnt texted me back yet but I do catch her looking at me sometimes. Im going with i should cut my losses and move on
You can do that, you can also go “All in” if you don’t care much about it. I’ll do a post on that soon.
Just found this site, and after reading lots of posts, I think I found the right place. Please help me out here guys.
I broke up with my gf last month, suddenly and unintentionally. First 2 weeks after the broke up, I was trying to get her back by all possible ways I could think of. She only wanted to be friends, and that was it. I’m a kind of loyalty guy, and she is a flirty type. A few days before the broke up, I bought a laptop and told her if she wants, she could take it. She refused and said she would pay it back to me if she wanted it.
After we broke up on good term, we still talked and text for a few days. She knew I still had feeling and wanted to get her back, so she had the upper hand there. When we had a chance to sit down and talk (2 weeks post break up), she told me to move on, and that she already had a new bf. I was really sad after that of course.
About the laptop. After we broke up, she asked if she still could pick up the laptop. Since she said she would pay it back before, so I said yes, and gave it to her. She took it and didn’t mention anything about the money. After a few days playing with it, she handed it back to me to fix something for her. After she told me to move on, and that she already had a new bf, I told her I would stop pursuing her, wished her a happy life, and went on NC for the last 2 weeks. I been thinking alot, and after reading many posts here, I think I’m done with this relationship. The thing is, she still text me asking for the laptop, and nothing else. I still have good feeling for her, may as well become friends later on if possible, so giving her the laptop is still ok to me. My question to you guys here is, if I give this gift to her after we already broke up, will she look down on me for being too easy, or you may say, stupid, super beta? How would I handle this situation for good? She told me she would give me the money if she decide to take the laptop, even when we were still together. Now when we already apart, she moved on, and also wanted me to give her the laptop as a gift. Forgot to mention this, but when we were in the relationship, I loved her more than she loved me. Wish I found this site before all this happened. Please give me some advices here. Thanks alot guys.
Don’t give your ex a gift like that. It inflames your Oneitis.
Cardinal rule of relationships: Whoever needs the other person LESS has MORE power. If this equation is unbalanced, your relationship is doomed.
For now, just go no contact and move on.
Shark, should I be concerned that my current GF has dreams about celebrities, rappers and constantly tells me the events of her dreams? This is a first for me last gf never did so, I don’t say anything but it bothers me… What should I do?
It’s nothing, regular shit testing. Work on your inner game, you have to create an unshakeable internal belief system. You can’t get nervous even if your girlfriend is in the presence of Elvis Presley. YOU are your own master.
Phew. Took a while to read all those. Keep posting. I’m proud of all of you, I can clearly see the average level of confidence going up in my readers.