shark ive gota issue, that im sure many others have out there. i know to get over an ex, you need 2 go NC and eventually get over her. that shud either pull things in your favour and if not, then your over her. However, what if the girl used to also b one of your best friends, and i do not use that term best friend loosly (ive known her for like 6 years before getting feelings).
its been about 3-4months and although we’re back to becoming friends, as in the wierdness has passed and we can talk freely, BUT i cant stop thinking abut her in that way. im considering of NC, but i dont want to get her out of my life completly, i just want things to get back to things the way they were before fell for her. is something like this even possible? should i have female best friends in the first place? Also if i do go NC, wen i do eventually c her wont those feelings just rush back?
While this topic has already been covered, I feel it necessary to post something about break-ups at least once or twice a month because it’s by far the most popular reason for people ending up on this site.
Stop talking to her, it doesn’t matter if she’s your best friend. I don’t think most men are aware of how oppressing a poisonous relationship can be. The few who are have already gone down that path and are too enamored by regret to escape the clutch of damned hope. It’s not just the time you spend with her, it’s the time you spend thinking about your situation, the time you spend daydreaming while you’re supposed to be focused on work, the time you spend thinking about a solution that doesn’t exist. It’s not just the energy you spend chasing her, it’s the energy you lose in other pursuits because you can’t concentrate on anything but your self-inflicted heartache, it’s the energy that could’ve been if you were more dedicated to achieving your wildest dreams than securing a remedy to romantic vacuity.
Your solution isn’t “impossible,” but it’s unlikely. And judging from the way you’re talking about her, it’s very unlikely. If contact with this girl is causing you to relapse, then get the fuck away from her. You won’t hear about men throwing away their entire lives for one girl THAT OFTEN, but if you think about how many Oneitses the average man goes through during his lifespan, you quickly realize that most men lead significantly degraded lives because of their serial obsession with a new “soul mate.”
Female best friends aren’t necessarily a “bad thing” — but the friendship will most definitely NOT work the same way as a normal guy-to-guy friendship. For instance, if you’re married, there’s no possible way you can “get too drunk” while watching a football game and sleep over at your best friend’s place with zero repercussions. Unless your female best friend is a hardcore lesbian and/or hideously ugly, certain limitations will always apply (and even in those scenarios, it’s not the same thing as a conventional friendship between same-sex people). Falling in love with your best friend as a whole host of problems – including a magnified sense of serendipity (as seen by your situation).
When you say you want things to “go back to the way they were” what you mean is — you want to stop feeling the pain of losing a loved one and go back to the point in time where you had no feelings for her. Short of being able to warp time and space; it’s impossible for you to achieve that kind of mental bliss. You’re three choices now are:
1. No contact and get over her
2. Take the slow approach and stay friends with her while trying to get over her
3. Continue orbiting around her while scouting for methods of re-entering her sexual radar
Numbers 2 & 3 will likely lead to years of abstinence and lifelong regret; I would recommend #1. Go do some push ups, drink 2 cups of coffee, and then make a list of things you want to accomplish in the near future. Then go out and meet someone new.