Reader’s Comment

On December 16, 2011 by Shark

This brought tears to my eyes:

 

“Why am I here? It’s a Saturday night. She was my second LTR. It’s been six months since we’ve seen each other. I walk in, we say hello. It’s too late but as soon as I see her I wished I hadn’t came. We stand there for ten minutes waiting for a table. I’m uncomfortable but I don’t let it show. My frame is strong. She has a boyfriend now. Six months ago she told me she doesn’t even want to talk to me because she’s so happy with him. Now were meeting for dinner.

We finally get a table. I stare at her. Within three minutes I can tell how her relationship has digressed. She tells me she’s moved out of her parents, three months ago, living 30 min away from everything relevant in her life. She complains about the driving she has to do now. Subtle comment but I can tell she moved in with her boyfriend. She talks about all the trips she’s taken already. They’ve been moving fast. This beta is pretty desperate. I know from experience. It doesn’t matter. A woman can fall out of love as quick as she fell in no matter how many memories are made. She has a new necklace on, in the shape of a heart. She would always hound me for one when we were together. I never obliged. Whatever alpha he had left in him is now tamed. The mystery is gone. She hasn’t mentioned him yet. I could tell she wanted me to ask more detailed questions like “who did you move in with?” I don’t because I know the answer and I don’t really care. Her actions of even meeting me are enough to tell me what she doesn’t have to.

Her : When do you leave for New York?

Me : January 1st.

Her : That’s awesome, I’m going there next week.

Me : Nice. You staying in Manhattan?

Her : No, Brooklyn. My boyfriend has a cousin that lives there.

I’m laughing inside. It was just a matter of time. She’s expecting me to be jealous. She looks stunned with by my aloofness. I don’t let her bragging get to me. I pull attention away. I start checking my phone, looking away at the attractive waitress. I distance myself, letting her know I’m annoyed. I just want to leave.

I stare and wonder what things would be like if I hadn’t acted so beta in the latter half of our relationship. Would things be different if I knew what I know now? Could I have saved this? Would things be different if I stayed with the other HB8 instead of trying to fix something broken? I was too young. So inexperienced. I blame myself for everything. My incompetence to read the subtle clues and not taking advantage of key moments has gotten me to where I’m sitting.

She brags more, giving subtle clues about how she’s turned into the woman I always wished she would’ve been. I don’t receive it the way I thought I would. It’s degrading my thought of her. Bragging about beer bottles laying everywhere is cutting off the legs of whatever pedestal was left. She tells how her adventurous side has dwindled. She’s changed into a different person. I ask for the check.

I remember a year ago I was sulking my fucking lame ass self in an imagination that wasn’t reality. I was laying in my bed, broken because we had split up. I couldn’t do anything for weeks. I just laid there thinking about how my life would never be the same. I thought I had lost my “soul mate.” Beta spewed out of my eyes. We would get back together a month later only to end it a few months after that.

I think about all the shit I did for her. Things she took for granted.

Her : How could you? I was hoping we could work everything out and I could coming running back into your arms. I’m heartbroken. It’s only been a week since we broke up.

Me : You should have told me this before. It seems like if HB8 and I weren’t together you wouldn’t be saying this now. (competitive anxiety, pre selection I realize now)

I ended up breaking up with HB8 and getting back together with Her. Only to have us break up again four months later to her flipping the script and doing the same thing to me. I acted beta and attraction plummeted. She’d made up her mind and I learned my lesson.

This time it’s different. My old beta self would have wished I was with her right now, as I stared into her eyes. I would have said the cheesy shit; “I miss you”. I would have tried to get her back. Fuck that shit sideways. The pedestal she once sat on is withered. I laugh at how highly she thinks of her self. She’s nothing more to me then a pretty face in the vast array I see every day. Her reign over me is done. I know she can be replaced with someone better.

Since our break up I’ve progressed more then any other time in my life. My body is better, my skills are better, my knowledge is vast. It’s her loss. I’ve climbed up the social latter, and I’m happier then I’ve ever been. I’m an Alpha Male and it radiates from me. I have dreams to accomplish, places to see, new endeavors to start. She has a fish bowl to polish.

It is every girl’s greatest fear that they’ll end up marrying a guy who pales in comparison to someone from their past. I’m giving substance to her fear. We hug as I leave and say goodbye. She text me five minutes later. “I had a nice time tonight. We should meet for dinner in three months when you get back from New York.” I laugh and think to myself: “I love you, Shark.”

Shark, I can’t thank you enough for your blog. It’s because of the things you’ve taught me that I have firm control of my life. I don’t count on anyone anymore. My happiness is driven from my discipline to perfect my soul, a constant theme throughout your blog. Before I found Solve My Girl Problems, I didn’t know what being a “Man” meant. I truly felt like I couldn’t call myself one and I was sitting and waiting for that moment to come. I would rummage though askmen.com, menshelath.com yada yada yada to find what a “being a man” really meant. Media tells us they should eat a fucking pound of whoppers every meal and a side of steak fries to clog our arteries and diminish our health or go to fucking “Jared’s” to buy our girlfriends stupid material shit. Disney tells us to treat women like the princesses they aren’t. Fight Club teaches me to unlearn whatever I’ve learned and you’ve taught me the power of manhood. In the past 6 months I have lost my mind and regained something so much more powerful. I’ve uncovered a side of me I don’t think I would have done on my own. I’m amaze at my true, inner self. I’m confident as hell and I have a newfound love for life. Your advice is priceless. Although we’ll probably never meet, you’ve had a profound impact on my life.

You have a lot to be proud of in this project, Shark. Again, I can’t thank you enough.”

 

 

 

17 Responses to “Reader’s Comment”

  • Shark, whatever this guy said is truly deep. I feel the same way months after i found your blog. I remember reading it for the first time when i was at the most troubled point in my life and i think i have become a completely different ‘man’ after i started reading more and more PUA stuff after your blog.

  • Nazer

    Welcome back Shark!! I’m waiting on the field report from your trip to Asia

  • lamey

    A fantastic read.
    I hope you get this Shark.

    Shark I thank you for your AMAZING service and I can not even begin to explain how much I have improved myself by reading your blog. I have gained so much knowledge, motivation and inner belief in myself it is unbelievable. Your advice is invaluable. I even have quick notes stored on my phone under “Quotes of Shark”.
    You have made a ridiculously positive impact on my life even though I am 17 years of age and just at the beginning. I honestly don’t know where I would be if I never found you. You led me the way, you taught me the truth.

    Thank you, thank you and thank you.

  • John

    Shark, if you’re sexually inexperienced, how should you treat the topic of sex and the act itself? For example if a girl’s had sex before and you haven’t, what should your approach be?

  • Ant72

    A-fucking-men.

  • celect

    T, well written. I’m in the same boat, smgp has changed my life.

  • BkTom

    every one of us that have benefit from this blog can relate to this post in terms of insight and similar experiences. a worthy comment indeed….i myself had to unlearn everything society has shoved down my throat about being a man and a good boyfriend the HARD way which is through a bad breakup of course.The cruel irony is that i initially never had a problem with women and always followed my instincts (aloofness, natural mystery, perspective of bounty etc) except after my first big love broke my heart i blamed myself and thought that i needed to act more like the pussy that all the women claim they want….and i did during my second big love and that is why i am now here… this blog also helped me remind myself that my instincts have always been spot on about EVERYTHING. no more ignoring red flags, no more thinking that supplication = happy GF, no more acting like the most loyal, righteous, unchallenging always available unconditonally loving boyfriend no more claiming “i dont want to play games” because now i know we are ALL playing the game no matter what we say!

  • Cody

    Very awesome post. Almost exactly what I need to hear. Its been 6 months for me as well, and while I dont think of her all the time, and I can feel myself distancing myself from the fucked up situation we called a relationship more and more each day, It still bugs the hell out of me that I think of her at all. I feel like the only way I can get closure is if she comes back at some point so I can tell her to fuck off, that I deserve so much better than her. I spend more time thinking about how I want her to be miserable as opposed to the good times and wanting her back. Although I want nothing to do with her, it pisses me off when she crosses my mind because I waste moments I can never get back thinking about her, even in the slightest ways. Ill be the first to admit that I did and maybe still do have a case on Oneitis. I have been with numerous girls since the relationship ended and have been living it up like a rock star, but in the quiet times she creeps her way back into my mind. I wish I was stronger mentally to just completely delete it from my memory and never think about it again…

  • Tom

    I started at on SoSuave, and found a link on there that led me here. Lots of great stuff on that site, but it’s a bit overwhelming for a new guy. But you summarized and made it easy to comprehend. Helped me a great deal. Thank you.

  • Kyle

    Wonderful post, I wish I wrote as well as you, cause that is the same shit that happened to me. Thx shark, you are actually changing the world for the better. My life has done a full 180 since I found this site. If we ever meet drinks are on me man!

  • Anonymous

    Lamey, care to share some of the quotes?

  • Braves01

    This was great

  • Paul

    Shark,

    I need your help, my entire life I’ve been paralyzed by oneitis and its getting worse and worse off too a point where I’m worried to get in a serious relationship. I’m decent looking guy, with great career, extremely intelligent. I just don’t know what to do my last relationship its been 7months since we spoke and she is datign someone else but I still find myself stalking her fb reading old emails (not everyday but once and awhile). I’ve had close friends and family pass away and i’ve always been able to bounce back from that, like it would be a week of feeling like shit but then you think to yourself, life goes on it moves on and your over it, you still remember the loved ones when they pass away but it doesn’t paralyze you in doing your tasks. I wake up every morning with an empty feeling in my stomach, lost my apptite and I such extreme emotions everyday either super happy or super depressed and it changes 10-12 times a day, I have black adn white thinking which is bad not sure how to fix it, like I would read an article on beta backsliding and think oh shit I did that oen day that means she must have lost all attraction to me in one shot. I don’t have issues getting with girls, but my last gf was the exact template in my mind of the girl of my dreams and now she is with someone else, its fucked. I live by myself in a big city because of the hours I work and isolation I guess is bad, I try going out with friends but always have this girl in my head and I just want it to stop. I’ve read all the articles on this wesbite and the first 40 pages of your book and it gets you all excited and happy for 2 weeks but then you fall back into a pit, my friends tell me dont worry time heals everything but how much time do you have to wait, its been 7months. I recently found out she dated someone else, I never chased and ignored her attempt to get in contact with me, which was only once 1 month after we broke up. You’ve helped a lot of ppl on this website and have a lot to be proud of and its probably nothing you can say that hasn’t been said about no contact, oneities etc but I have so much anger and hate that I’m lost for words I just want her to regret her decision and it bothers me that I’m writing to you and she isn’t thinking about me. I don’t know how two ppl can be so close at one point in their lives and go from not talking. I want to call her and talk to her but I know no good would come out of that so I don’t and I wont even though my mind tells myself everyday to do so and its a fight not too, I mean shes publicly with someone else, how much of an idiot would I look like? I don’t know if you have any other message or powerful statement to help the most extreme case of oneitis there is, if there is a nuclear answer for the msot devasting oneitis.

    Thanks again.

    • Jack

      The only way out is througha hotter girl man. Dont’ listent to what anyone else tells you. I went through the same thing. Girl dumped my ass…i went on a rampage and hooked up with all these busted girls only to come back to her and have her shit on my face countless more times.

      listen to the Shark man. The only way to cure your oneitis is with a hotter chick. You meet a hotter chick, you take it slow, you invest, you fuck her about five times and waaaaaaLA.. Youre cured.

      DO NOT BANG UGLY GIRLS. It will only make it worse man. I did it. It will only reinfocre the value of the ex. You are better off wanking it then banging an ugly chick. Just get out there and work hard and try to find a chick that is hot or hotter than the girl you dated. ANd then when you see her…FORCE yoruself to approach her. It might take you 10 approaches to hot chicks, but one will bite.

      The only way out of hell is straight through man. I feel your pain. we have all been there.

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