This brought tears to my eyes:
“Why am I here? It’s a Saturday night. She was my second LTR. It’s been six months since we’ve seen each other. I walk in, we say hello. It’s too late but as soon as I see her I wished I hadn’t came. We stand there for ten minutes waiting for a table. I’m uncomfortable but I don’t let it show. My frame is strong. She has a boyfriend now. Six months ago she told me she doesn’t even want to talk to me because she’s so happy with him. Now were meeting for dinner.
We finally get a table. I stare at her. Within three minutes I can tell how her relationship has digressed. She tells me she’s moved out of her parents, three months ago, living 30 min away from everything relevant in her life. She complains about the driving she has to do now. Subtle comment but I can tell she moved in with her boyfriend. She talks about all the trips she’s taken already. They’ve been moving fast. This beta is pretty desperate. I know from experience. It doesn’t matter. A woman can fall out of love as quick as she fell in no matter how many memories are made. She has a new necklace on, in the shape of a heart. She would always hound me for one when we were together. I never obliged. Whatever alpha he had left in him is now tamed. The mystery is gone. She hasn’t mentioned him yet. I could tell she wanted me to ask more detailed questions like “who did you move in with?” I don’t because I know the answer and I don’t really care. Her actions of even meeting me are enough to tell me what she doesn’t have to.
Her : When do you leave for New York?
Me : January 1st.
Her : That’s awesome, I’m going there next week.
Me : Nice. You staying in Manhattan?
Her : No, Brooklyn. My boyfriend has a cousin that lives there.
I’m laughing inside. It was just a matter of time. She’s expecting me to be jealous. She looks stunned with by my aloofness. I don’t let her bragging get to me. I pull attention away. I start checking my phone, looking away at the attractive waitress. I distance myself, letting her know I’m annoyed. I just want to leave.
I stare and wonder what things would be like if I hadn’t acted so beta in the latter half of our relationship. Would things be different if I knew what I know now? Could I have saved this? Would things be different if I stayed with the other HB8 instead of trying to fix something broken? I was too young. So inexperienced. I blame myself for everything. My incompetence to read the subtle clues and not taking advantage of key moments has gotten me to where I’m sitting.
She brags more, giving subtle clues about how she’s turned into the woman I always wished she would’ve been. I don’t receive it the way I thought I would. It’s degrading my thought of her. Bragging about beer bottles laying everywhere is cutting off the legs of whatever pedestal was left. She tells how her adventurous side has dwindled. She’s changed into a different person. I ask for the check.
I remember a year ago I was sulking my fucking lame ass self in an imagination that wasn’t reality. I was laying in my bed, broken because we had split up. I couldn’t do anything for weeks. I just laid there thinking about how my life would never be the same. I thought I had lost my “soul mate.” Beta spewed out of my eyes. We would get back together a month later only to end it a few months after that.
I think about all the shit I did for her. Things she took for granted.
Her : How could you? I was hoping we could work everything out and I could coming running back into your arms. I’m heartbroken. It’s only been a week since we broke up.
Me : You should have told me this before. It seems like if HB8 and I weren’t together you wouldn’t be saying this now. (competitive anxiety, pre selection I realize now)
I ended up breaking up with HB8 and getting back together with Her. Only to have us break up again four months later to her flipping the script and doing the same thing to me. I acted beta and attraction plummeted. She’d made up her mind and I learned my lesson.
This time it’s different. My old beta self would have wished I was with her right now, as I stared into her eyes. I would have said the cheesy shit; “I miss you”. I would have tried to get her back. Fuck that shit sideways. The pedestal she once sat on is withered. I laugh at how highly she thinks of her self. She’s nothing more to me then a pretty face in the vast array I see every day. Her reign over me is done. I know she can be replaced with someone better.
Since our break up I’ve progressed more then any other time in my life. My body is better, my skills are better, my knowledge is vast. It’s her loss. I’ve climbed up the social latter, and I’m happier then I’ve ever been. I’m an Alpha Male and it radiates from me. I have dreams to accomplish, places to see, new endeavors to start. She has a fish bowl to polish.
It is every girl’s greatest fear that they’ll end up marrying a guy who pales in comparison to someone from their past. I’m giving substance to her fear. We hug as I leave and say goodbye. She text me five minutes later. “I had a nice time tonight. We should meet for dinner in three months when you get back from New York.” I laugh and think to myself: “I love you, Shark.”
Shark, I can’t thank you enough for your blog. It’s because of the things you’ve taught me that I have firm control of my life. I don’t count on anyone anymore. My happiness is driven from my discipline to perfect my soul, a constant theme throughout your blog. Before I found Solve My Girl Problems, I didn’t know what being a “Man” meant. I truly felt like I couldn’t call myself one and I was sitting and waiting for that moment to come. I would rummage though askmen.com, menshelath.com yada yada yada to find what a “being a man” really meant. Media tells us they should eat a fucking pound of whoppers every meal and a side of steak fries to clog our arteries and diminish our health or go to fucking “Jared’s” to buy our girlfriends stupid material shit. Disney tells us to treat women like the princesses they aren’t. Fight Club teaches me to unlearn whatever I’ve learned and you’ve taught me the power of manhood. In the past 6 months I have lost my mind and regained something so much more powerful. I’ve uncovered a side of me I don’t think I would have done on my own. I’m amaze at my true, inner self. I’m confident as hell and I have a newfound love for life. Your advice is priceless. Although we’ll probably never meet, you’ve had a profound impact on my life.
You have a lot to be proud of in this project, Shark. Again, I can’t thank you enough.”