Shark, what is your take on Harvey specter, from the show, suits. he is one of the MOST alpha characters I have ever come across.
his life style, speech, attitudes and all.
Indeed, but I think his deliberate portrayal as the standard masculine prototype 2.0 becomes problematic; he fits the bill almost “too well,” to the point where his character seems rather denatured, even vapid. The underlying problem isn’t in him, it’s in the newly mechanized rendering of Alphas in television to systematically exploit their ability to attract viewers. A lot of shows aren’t “Here’s a good concept for a show, and there’s a good spot for an Alpha,” they are “Here’s a good Alpha character, now someone think of a concept to build a show around him.”
Question: when, if ever, is it ok to be just friends with your ex after breaking up? I’m guessing only when the male initiates the breakup?
You can be friends with an ex as long as both of these stipulations are met:
A) You’re over her, and there’s no risk of relapsing into unhealthy Oneitis habits by being friends with her
B) You actually like her, as a friend not just a girlfriend
There’s nothing wrong with staying friends with an ex, it only seems like it’s not generally “ok,” because no-contact is heavily emphasized as a post break up rule. But remember, this is because most of the guys SEEKING “break up” advice in the first place are going through tough break ups, and in their situations, not being friends is the best route to take. The guys who are sailing comfortably past their break ups are not going to be browsing through the Oneitis archives of this site, so most of the articles I write unproportionally stress the need for total liquidation.
Besides this, there’s the question of whether both people are mutually interested in staying friends. The girl may desexualize you after the emotional scuds have passed (if they haven’t already) and not care in the least for your existence, not get over you, or not get over you and house a dangling resentment; one that will consequently rev up a dying storm in the wake of your “friendship.” AND THEN, After all of these obstacles, there’s the issue of whether you consider her a demonic cavity that sucks the light out of the earth with her soulless optical vagina-vacuum… and then if you even have time to maintain contact (which you probably shouldn’t if you’re a man dedicated to his dreams).
If you care for a suggestion about your website, i think it woud be pretty cool to make your comments section a little more interactive by adding thumbs up thumbs down buttons and a way to post photos or videos here. kinda like facebook. I think it would increase comments and participation from all of your readers. simple is cool too though. im used to it the way it is, just a suggestion.
I like it, will do.
Shark. I’m pretty wasted right now so forgive me of any typos. brb.. gotta get a coffee.. Alright. On to the post.. Rewind to.. Last month. I was in a relationship. I was probably thinking about my girlfriend at this time — Saturday 00:14. My thoughts probably resembled something like this: “Oh, fuck.. I’ve got oneitis.. Fucking bitch — I’ve been with her for fucking forever, and now she ignores me.. I gotta go no contact and flirt with other bitches to fix this shit” I couldn’t go no contact. I always rationalized shit and always made up excuses to call her. I always had girls orbiting — But I lost my will to use them to my advantage, I never showed it to my girlfriend. Let’s rewind till last week.. My thoughts were probably the same as before; “Oh, fuck.. I’ve got oneitis.. Fucking bitch — I’ve been with her for fucking forever, and now she ignores me.. I gotta go no contact and flirt with other bitches to fix this shit” But the difference now was that i realized that I was going through the same train of thoughts as I had been doing for months. I had to do something. So — I broke up with her. And this brings me to now; I’m still rationalizing every mistake I do, and hell — I’m still making mistakes. But i’m slowly recovering… Anyhow — the change from ltr to single is for the better. I’m getting a hell of alot more motivation for life; I’m gonna start doing Martial Arts, i’m gonna take dance courses and i’m starting charity next week. It’s abit scary to be honest — I can’t sleep at all, not because i’ve lost the girl.. But because i’ve got such a fuckload of motivation for life in general. I’m sitting up through the night reading Fyodor Dostoyevsky — “Crime and punishment” — After school i’m going to the gym and killing it — And even after doing 360LB squats and deadlifts for 6 sets i’ve still got enough energy to go to the gym.
My question to you — Shark.. Is — Why is this happening? Why is my motivation coming back to me? It’s like this girl has been choking me for years.. And it’s just now that i’ve got my motivation for life back. Shark — Make a post about this — about relationships and girls that kill mens motivation, and how to avoid the trap. I get the chills when I think about what could’ve happened if I stayed in that relationship, I don’t want that to happen to anyone else — It’s like my eyes are finally opening, I don’t want anyones eyes to close like mine were.
I can relate to this all too well, and I pity the man who can’t. That moment when the horizon comes to you as not an incoherent fantasy, but a thing to conquer. When you’re out of the tumult of a relationship and suddenly mingling with the thunder of man and power inside of you. When laziness vanishes behind you in a gathering dust of things that no longer matter, and the world is beset by your audacity.
The force is strong in this one. I hope everyone going through a break up/ Oneitis reads this.
Shark another question. What is social proof? Is it the number of friends you have, the number of people who talk about you or the number girls who want you? And what is the fastest way to build social proof?
These posts should clarify:
Hey asking agian- I think you should cover in this area is how to bring her to your place? some routines to it ? what’s the right time (i’ve noticed its very hard for me to bring girls to my place on first date)..
Been reading your articles for sometime now, needless to say great material. This is the first time I strongly disagree with something not that I am saying you are wrong, but just wanted your opinion on how I would have worded it.
When he fucks his greatest pleasure is seeing her take pleasure in having him please her. In his eyes this is not putting her first, It is only a step in paving towards his end result.
I agree….but surely Connery was very cocky in his attitude , beyond confidence, bordering on arrogance & witty if not funny in a cold dark way….Thunderball “He got the point”……Dr No…”Shocking…” cold…quite ruthless…very Alpha if not psychopathic?
Connery’s cockiness was refined and eloquent, a distillation of confidence taken to its extreme (which is what it should always be, no matter how irrational). C/f refers to a unique brand of cockiness, one that borders on being obnoxious, and loosens labials with a caveman type confidence. Without the funny in c/f; you have just an attention seeking character that lacks an ability to maintain interest and risks coming off as try-hard. The cocky part in C/f can be faked easily, Connery’s not so much.
No more log in? AAAWWWKKKWWWAAARRRDDD…
If people make fun of you, ignore them.
Fight, or flight, if you’re in an alpha mindstate (read the blog!), you’ll never have to worry about it. Stand up for yourself.
Bullies only thrive where authority is weak.
P.S. Shark, you’d asked what we would like to see on the blog. Where’s the business/career/money posts?
Coming up, anything specific btw?
How do you deal with a g/f of 8 months, that’s very selfish in a relashionship? How do you deal with a g/f that doesn’t even remember her b’/’s birthday?
Competitive anxiety + Amused Mastery + Self-improvement. 99% of the time, this stuff happens due to a lack of interest. Read this: Getting more attention
If you’re in that 1% dealing with a girlfriend that has a natural affection deficit disorder, dump her.
My god dude. You are building an army with this blog.
Shark, recently discovered your site and it stands far and above everything else. I usually can’t stomach reading something if it seems to be only written from a singular point of expertise; I need to see a generalist, all-pervasive intelligence and wisdom first and you obviously got it. Very powerful.
I’d like your take. An ex pulled a bad move on me and I used NC to cleanse myself of the disruption. Since then my life has significantly gone on the up, professionally as well as being with other girls. My emotional needs are met, but there is now a chance to return with that ex (who tries aggressively to turn all her boyfriends into beta chumps, as the one guy who dumped her before she could pull that off, I think that’s been key in her coming back). The basic gaming principles drove her nuts (lack of availability led to some very bratty pleas for attention and affection) but she has become emotionally vulnerable too soon.
Enter the shit-tests and other little crap. Most were easy to brush off but then she started getting in the “you’re toying with my emotions/you’re callous/you don’t miss me at all” routine, and my expectation is that this the precursor to a vanishing act (easily done in long distance). It’s her loss if she does, but in a manner you would with your daughter, I sent her evidence to the contrary with a gentle rebuke.
At this level I am wondering if withholding what she wants (given that I reignited her desire) is more damaging than giving it to her (in controlled doses). Thanks Shark.
They could both be equally damaging. It depends more on if she finds someone else or not. If she doesn’t, then either your controlled doses will drive her crazy wanting more, or total abjection will make her long for your affection for years to come.
Either ways, I would go with total rejection out of logical necessity. As a man of ambition, you have no time to worry about giving attention to a girl for her own good.
your consistent posts really get my spirits up.
i have an unrelated question: is deactivating one’s facebook account a good idea? if so, how should he or she go about doing it (make a status telling people its going to be deactivated, just simply deactivating it without telling anyone, etc)?
Depends on the context. If you’re addicted to it or it hinders your productivity, deactivate it. If you use it purely as a mode of communication and for networking, I see no harm in it except the occasional shortcomings in mystery.
Just deactivate it, a status isn’t necessary.
Should I try and ressurrect a relationship after being unplugged for the last two months? Mostly cos I still like her and for a perverse power display.
The combination of still liking her + wanting to perversely display power might leave a metallic after taste if you go through with it. Some of the various ways it could play out:
(a) You get her back, but realize the utter power of Game and how capable it makes you of hurting other people
(b) You get her back, but it flattens your positive slope because of the memories and assumptions that rest at the foundation of your relationship.
(c) You don’t get her back, and it drives you back into being a beta
(d) You don’t get her back, but you remain Alpha. She gets the self-actualization she always wanted and you become slightly smitten.
Hey Shark, I liked your articles on maintaining mystery in a relationship in order to increase attraction. However, the problem for me is that my girlfriend is very nosy and nags when i attempt to withhold information from her. After a while, she will eventually get into a bad mood and resent me. How do i retain this mystery while keeping her vagina sharks at bay?
You don’t have to aggressively withhold information, it’s more about showing a DISINTEREST in giving her information. You can’t seem like you’re “consciously” trying to be mysterious (even if you are), that defeats the purpose. And the shit storm that follows should be treated with the same tone of natural aloofness. And if she RESENTS you for it, there’s a deeper problem in your relationship. Frame control is everything, mystery breeds resentment unless you’ve crossed the threshold for Alpha.
Thought you might like this movie clip, to me it perfectly embodies the difference between the alpha and the beta
That’s a pretty famous scene among inspirational movie clips, I’ve seen it a couple of times already. Personally my favorite part is when they show the discrepancy between 1st and 2nd place.
Enron used to fire the bottom 10% of their employees every year. Not a very ethical practice (surprise surprise), but it’s hard to imagine how the employees may have been unmotivated.
Ok, I feel like I have an interesting story to tell.
For sophomore college level English class, we are using an online discussion board to post comments about a topic that the teacher chooses before-hand. The topic chosen was “Choose a problem in today’s world and discuss it, and then propose a solution.” The context behind this is we briefly went over Jonathon Swift’s “A Modest Proposal.”
I chose to write over The Misandry Bubble, the article circulating the internet about men’s rights, as opposed to women’s.
I specifically cited the article, and implored anyone with any questions or comments to first read it. Well, I gave a brief summary of this article, detailing the biological reasons, much like you do, as to why men were born leaders and evolved the society of the past into a patriarchy. I talked about alimony, child support, and other things and exactly why they were put into effect and why they are no longer needed except in special cases, rather than for a leech for women on men.
Apparently, as is prophesied by the author of the article, I’ve been labeled as a sexist and a misogynist by the 6 girls in my English class (I’m from a small-town high school). They are, for the most part, ignoring me with contempt in their eyes and the way they talk about me. It’s obvious they gossip, because they get quiet when they’re near me.
Honestly, I find it amusing. It’s obvious they didn’t actually read the article. In fact, one of them SAID they didn’t. I’ve been laughing it off every time it gets brought up and have remained aloof, because honestly,
I just don’t give a flying fuck.
I’m just wondering, what do you think will happen? What do you think I should do?
I know the answers, but I want a check-up. I want to see how this compares to the Shark. I think it will blow over in a little while, almost seamlessly blending back to normal, but the fact is, they are all pissed beyond talking to me at this point, and it’s hilarious.
So… what’s up?
As ironic as this sounds, some of them will probably end up liking you. Chicks dig men with “distorted” and misogynistic views of the world. They start inquiring about you…then they develop this deep seated desire to change you… and then before you know it…
However, remember two things. First, keep these tellings of truth infrequent. If a girl comes up to you and tries to pick an argument, DO NOT argue with her. Dismantle it with the same aloofness you’ve become accustomed too. Express your dissatisfaction our cultural apparatus in the most covert and subtle of ways. You’d be surprised how many people you’ll interest out of sheer curiosity. They’ll wonder how you can possibly manage to think like that.
Second, they must not perceive your wicked revelations to come from a place of spite. You must be the uncaring asshole, not the type who actually resents feminism or women.
But I think you already knew all of this. Continue to out-awe and paralyze the opposition.
Probably a dumb question but, when someone uses the phrase no contact. Does that mean even if your ex contacts you, you just ignore them completely? Like phone calls, text, emails? Got dumped but my ex has called and I don’t call back, and she has emailed and I dont email. I know she will eventually get the hint, she is seeing someone and I don’t want to give her any comfort that she has my balls in a blender. Should I keep ignoring?
Also, how would no contact work in a different scenario, like if you wanted to get your ex back? Do you ignore them completely, and if she really wants to get back together she will eventually find a way? I don’t because she already slept with someone else, tahts enough of a turn off for me. But I did in the beginning and guessed help her transition process.
Yes, ignore her completely. Her significance in your life needs to be reduced to zero. Not to the negatives, no hatred no animosity. Just pure indifference.
And if you want to get her back, about 2 or 3 weeks into no-contact, when she peaks in the amount she misses you, you can talk to her. Ideally you want to “accidentally” be forced into talking to her. At this time, the no-contact cannot come off as “forced.” If she persists in asking, and it’s somewhat clear that you WERE going out of your way to ignore her, reply with “it’s complicated why.”
yo Carcharadon Carcharias,
about movies and music.
have you seen Legends of the fall? it’s another epic one with brad pitt as the main character.
the movie is a great reference to game and social dynamics.
pitts character is a super alpha, his middle brother a desperate beta and his youngest a clueless beta (their father is a well rounded alpha). Pitt dissapears throughout the movie with the utmost amused mastery and i find myself thinking so much about the way he acts and interacts with the other characters that it instantly relaxes me to the point where nothing around me feels threatening at all, i feel like the most the threatning thing for miles.
I’ve also noticed now that so many chick artists (and beta male artists) songs can be completely deconstructed and you can tweezer out all the specifics down to the point you make about behavioral evolution and womens vagina demons
for example :
Pat benatars “hit me with your best shot” = a song about a girl desperate to work hard towards taming an alpha.
Adeles “someone like you” hardcore competetive anxiety as a driving force starting from the first line
i also thought i had a solid grasp on most of the concepts and yet i find myself haing these small sporadic moments of enlightment as my days go by and i immediately thought to myself “this shit takes time to kick in”
I’ve become and avid fisherman in the past 2 years and whereas before when i looked at any body of water that was all i saw, now im looking for things, structure, eddies, wave height etc….all i see is code now….
I couldn’t have said it better myself
Always a pleasure, keep up the questions