Sex in LTRs

On January 25, 2012 by Shark

Update on Site: Some of you were worried that I was kidnapped and cannibalized by feminists, others thought SMGP finally succumbed to the infinite power of the Matrix. To allay all doubts, the site was down for a couple of days for technical reasons. As many of you pointed out, the site was sagging behind in loading speed, some of the links were redirecting back to other pages (I don’t know if that got fixed), the feed was messed up, and a few other minor but annoying problems. I nuked the site and remade it hopefully solving many of these issues. Any other suggestions are welcome. Still have to fix a couple of things, restore some posts, but everything seems fine now. I’ll get to the accumulated comments tomorrow.


A question posited universally and repeatedly around the manosphere regards the apparent lack of secks in Long Term Relationships. The quick answer is always — jack off or dump her; but I think it would help to discern why the cock to kooch pastime tends to decline in frequency and turn prosaic as times passes. The answer “she just doesn’t want to have secks with YOU” is common, and while very apt, fails in explaining WHY a girl’s interest in secks declines so often, many times even in suitable relationships. Every game book you read always says, “you can’t imagine how secksual girls can be,” so then WHY aren’t they consistently crusading for cock all the time like you are?

The answer is translucently simple. A man increases his biological payoff by having secks as many times as he can. He achieves his “maximum” by impregnating as many women as he possibly can throughout the span of his life. A woman, can THEORETICALLY achieve her “maximum” by having secks only 10 or 15 times, assuming she gets pregnant every single time. The only hitch being; each time MUST be with whatever male has the most superior genes around her vicinity — the Alpha Male. She can only get pregnant a certain number of times, there is no additional payoff from having secks beyond that.

This is why male secksuality differs so much from female secksuality. A girl finds a guy that she LIKES, someone who pushes her button, and suddenly she’s insanely turned on. Within that context, she might desire secks just as much or even MORE than a guy.

A guy… is always horny. He sees a hot girl, he wants her. He sees another girl, he wants her too. He sees his girlfriend, he wants her…maybe a bit less.

So, what happens when a guy is in a relationship? Variety is lacking, his genes and his subconscious wiring is pushing him to seek DIFFERENT women. Hence you have cheating under physical impulse.

What happens when a GIRL is in an LTR? She doesn’t NEED to keep having secks consistently over and over again the way her boyfriend does. She might get turned on under specific circumstances, a candlelight dinner, a massage, but the average girl will NOT desire secks as frequently or as spontaneously as you will. Even the exceptional nymph will find her whisker biscuits less demanding as time passes (not counting the extreme exceptions with libidos that could match steroid users). The Alpha whose genes she desires is ALWAYS THERE, she doesn’t need to have secks 4 times a day… she won’t get pregnant more than once every 9 months.

So what happens at this point? The secksual dynamic of a relationship begins to change. It will either become,

A. She uses secks to reinforce good behavior. Every time you pass a compliance test, she obliges by spreading her pastrami flaps.

B. She uses secks to reinforce the RELATIONSHIP. Competitive anxiety has her bounded, she feels like without keeping you satisfied to a certain extent that she might lose you to the invisible hands of the secksual market.

Guess which one will guarantee you years of bountiful access to the fish canyon.

It is INTEGRAL that you keep your relationship skidding towards (B) and NOT (A). The common conception of pressuring a girl into secks is bullshit — it’s GOOD for your relationship for a girl to feel pressured into it. It’s BAD if she feels like secks is a chore. It’s GOOD if she’s nervously thinking “am I pleasuring him enough?” It’s BAD if she’s rationally thinking “I guess we should have secks now since we haven’t in a week.” As Machiavellian as it sounds, it’s true, and it works BOTH ways. For a relationship to work, the girl must use secks to reinforce affection, and a guy must use affection to reinforce secks. If either person is too needy or feels like they can get enough of what they want WITHOUT compromising, the relationship begins to turn imbalanced.


how to get sex from your girlfriend


13 Responses to “Sex in LTRs”

  • Tom

    What’s the reasoning in requiring an email to post comments now?

    • Shark

      Edit: While I usually respond publicly, sometimes I need to send people a personal e-mail to answer their question, or an ebook that I think would be helpful.

      • Tom

        As long as I don’t get e-mails from Zimbabwe trying to sell me ipod shuffles and wives, I’m certainly fine with it. Now I’m just trying to figure out when & why I signed up for Gravatar, and where I was posting to warrant such an avatar….

  • Al

    One curious thing….why do you always spell “secks”?

  • Adam jones

    Dude I keep trying to download your book. Black flag. But google checkout Wont let my order go through. Anoying man, i’ve tried 3 times. Is there any other way i can buy it? Thanks.

  • Braves01

    Great comeback article for the “new” site.

  • Drew

    I’m in a bit of a tough situation. My ex dumped me a few months ago. I had horrible oneitis for her. It took 2 months for me to start to realize she wasn’t the only woman for me. We had been in contact, she had a rebound, but we were together for years so we were talking. This whole bull where we’ve been best friends for years together so cutting off cold turkey is hard for both of us, but she was kinda a bitch to me…like you said, she WANTS to know I’m doing shitty. But I finally manned up and did it. I went no contact. It didn’t take very long for her to come running back to me. Her rebound was over, and she said she missed talking to me, and was having a bad time etc.

    I played it cool and didn’t respond at first, then only to every 3rd text. We hung out once and she tried to act like before, cuddling up on the couch and stuff. Kinda threw me, so I backed away again. A week or so later we hung out again and slept together. We both said we don’t want to get back together right now, so we’ve got a friends with benefits thing going on. We’ve hooked up twice now.

    Trouble is she’s said contradicting things. She said after sex that she was feeling butterflies for me again. She told a bunch of people about us hooking up when we said we were gonna keep it quiet. I asked her why and she said cause she’s all screwed up, has a bunch of conflicting feelings. That’s what has screwed with me. She has said a few times she was developing feelings for me again, but then backs off and says she doesn’t want to get back together. She comes over for sex, but then stays the night and we spend the next day together the same way we would have if we were a couple…made breakfast, hung out playing vids, went shopping, went out for dinner. She even commented saying “this is a weird relationship we’re developing…its feels like it was before” But she insists she’s just in it for the sex.

    This is where I stand. I’ve told her I don’t want to get back together. Part of me does, but I’m fighting it. We have amazing sex together. I’ve been meeting new people and working on my game, but I haven’t slept with anyone else yet. Is there any way to keep sleeping with my ex and not backslide? I’ve decided to go no contact for a while now after the last hookup, but when she calls and says she wants to come over its hard to say no to really hot sex. What would you do in my situation?

  • Tom


    I know there was some beta tendacies, I know that she lost attraction, I know its natural female behaviour, I “shouldn’t blame her” I should blame myself for acting like a little bitch. I know this now. After being unplugged, I wonder about my thinking. Is it wrong to have all this fire inside of you to take over the world because right now the sole purpose is to make “her” look down 5,10,30 years and hate herself? Is it wrong that I want to build a mass fortune because I want “her” to regret it? Is it wrong that I want my kids to be champions, not just because all parents do but I also want “her” to read about them in the news 30years from now? Is it wrong that I want to put on 60pounds over the next 2years to look bigger and better because I want “her” to see me one day and be a deer caught in the headlights, getting tingles while she stans beside her new beta chump? Is it wrong that I want “her” to come crying back to me just so I can laugh at her or if I am single fuck her in the ass and throw her clothes out the window? I know shit comes full circle for those who go out and get it, the universe works in amazing ways if you are bold and fierce. Is it my natural MALE behaviour to want all those things? Am I unhuman? I don’t wish her the best, maybe its fresh maybe I will move on from the hate but right now, like you said in one of your posts, “anger emblazes determination” I have so much anger, however channelling it in the right direction, to make my life better, to take care of the ppl around me that matter and to cut those things that don’t. I have never had this much determination to do anything in my life. I don’t even care to go out on weekends or during the week, I rather sit and try to progress my life, my career, my body. Is this a normal feeling? I’m worried that the fire inside of me will vanish as time moves on, this hate is driving me reach my FULL potential and I don’t want to get to the point where I don’t have it. I guess the true test will be when I fully move on if I still have the will to become the juggernaunt / champion that right now I am slowly becoming.

  • Ant72

    Also, addendum to generating wealth:

    1. Take a percentage of your paycheck, say 25%, and put it in savings, CD account or a mutual fund. Act like that money doesn’t even exist. Live off the rest.

    2. Make a spreadsheet on Google docs to track your different debts, credit limits, available credit and monthly expenses/income. Easier than you think and puts everything in view, so you know exactly what you have to do.

    3. Cook your own meals instead of eating out. My co-workers blow $50-75 a week on shitty foods for lunch that makes them/keeps them fat. It’s disgusting.

  • Tony

    I need some advice. I’ve been keeping up with your blog for a good 8 months now, and I’ve been somewhat successful at applying game to my off and on LTR. I’ve realized my past mistakes and how I’ve created them through oneitis and failing shit tests. However, my situation is complicated because it involves children. I’m sure your reply will benefit many readers. (this is a long one).
    A little background :
    Her: HB9+ easily, family oriented upbringing, Jehovah’s Witness since childhood, dropped out of high school during her senior year to marry another JW, he ends up cheating on her within a year or so.
    Me: 4 years her senior, parent since I was 17, homeowner since age 21, went to church as a child but not regularly. Philosophy in college open my eyes to religion,etc…
    We met at work couple of years into her marriage. I had one child and one on the way. She was still married but the damage was done in her relationship. I was in a relationship but young, horny and on the prowl. We slept together a lot, fell in love without ever really telling each other but ended it because of our situations: me about to have a baby and I wanted to try to make it work with the mom (although not in love), she was still married and not allowed to see associate outside of her faith.

    Fast forward a year and a half. It didn’t work with my second child’s mom. And HB9 is back in the picture, this time we are in a relationship. Lots of good sex, I’m extremely attracted to her, and he’s still barely 21.. I’m still meeting other girls so the oneitis isn’t super extreme. This goes on for a year. During this time she constantly doubts that it’ll work, she’s being VERY flakey, says shes serious but is very doubtful because of her upbringing and her friends telling her she should be single. She sleeps with another guy a couple of times halfway through the relationship andI don’t realize it happened.
    At the end of the year, she says it won’t work and breaks it off, moves back to her family about an hour and a half way. I’m crushed, and I don’t know why she broke it off. Either way I decide it’s time to move on, get back on my feet and be a man.
    3 months later: No contact. I’m making great progress, meeting other hot girls and then I find out why she broke up with me. I’m dumbfounded. I decide to get all of her furniture and belongings out of my storage and just show up at her parent’s place where she lives (1.5 hours away). I also made plans to meet up with a hot chick on the way back in a near by city. I drop off her stuff (big furniture). I tell her I know why she broke up with me. She cried, apologized, we said good bye. I party with that other chick on the way home, and tear it up nicely.
    9 Months Later: I’ve been working out, great job, have custody of my oldest child, dating nicely, having a blast, great social life and I’m very happy with life. Then she IM’s me, starting the downward spiral. I respond. Long story short, she ends up spending a few weekends down here, we’re going out, having a blast, it seems like she’s matured, she’s missed me, the whole nine..the past is the past we agree..etc.. We decide we want a life together… Before we do, she has to go back and get approval from the Elders of her religion (WTF? I know).
    1 Month Later: I don’t hear back from her. I let a month go by and call her. She says the Elders made her take pregnancy test, shes pregnant, they excommunicate her, and she’s gonna raise the baby by herself. I CONVINCE her it can work.
    Entire Pregnancy: Consists of her breaking up with me over and over again, because I drink, I smoke, I like to have a good time…and do all kinds of non conservative things (not around the kids). I have a social life not entirely consisting of hers. Every time I end up begging her back because we can make it work, I’m the same person I was before she was pregnant, etc, etc..
    Baby’s Here: Same story. No communication of things she doesn’t approve , saves them up and then breaks up with and leaves to a friends, over and over. I grow anxious over all these things “im doing wrong”. Start really doubting myself.
    Present time: He’s 2 years old now, super smart, awesome son. Recently got back together after a 5 month break up where we were living separate. During that time my son lived with me. Despite all the negativity of our relationship I had this feeling that I want to make it work for my son. I’m more mature than i was in my other relationships and he deserves 2 parents. I ignored all the memories of her not really showing affection, and not communicating, her trust issues, her anger issues, me doubting myself, to get my family back.
    The fact is I know we aren’t good for each other. We don’t have much to talk about, at all. We find completely different things fun and we are just doing ‘whats right’ at this point. I feel it. I don’t have a great time with her because I feel like I can’t be myself. I can’t be relaxed. I’ve allowed her to beat me down as a man.
    I know what to do. However, the conflict lies in the fact that she’s not very responsible. She doesn’t have a drivers license, insurance, she has debt, lots of unpaid traffic tickets, etc.. I feel like if we split again for good, my son will be worse off. She’ll be worse off. Not to mention her family and everyone she grew up with isnt allowed to talk to her because of her excommunication.
    Not only that, the norms of society are beating in the back of the head…telling me to do “whats right”. And when we were apart, I feel like shit. As if nothing matters. I feel like a failure. I can’t even get it up when chicks want to be with me.
    I’m already to starting to envision a relationship where there’s an actual connection, with someone else, and I’m sure she’s in the same place. Sorry for long post. What can you advise based on our upbringing, past, etc? Thanks Shark.

  • liukang

    Very good post. Recently I was thinking of a period in my relationship where my girlfriend would just give me random blow-jobs out of the blue. She didn’t expect me to reciprocate. She would just blow me and swallow. Most of the time this happened before I would go to work. I was working with a ton of hot women at the time. Competitive anxiety was definitely at play in this situation because although she still gives me oral, she doesn’t do this nearly as frequently as she did when I was working at that job. In fact, I can’t remember the last time she did that for no reason. Pretty lame, I know… I’m going to have to change that!

    I no longer work at that place, in fact I’ve been unemployed for some time now because I’m focusing on school and I’ve got the money to just take a break from working for awhile. What I’m wondering is, if I was generating more testosterone while I working at that place? I know that you have said that men in monagamous relationships that are faithful produce less testosterone than men that are single, or men that are in relationships but cheat. Was my girlfriend going down on me more just because of competitive anxiety, or is it possible that I was producing more testosterone due to the fact that I was working with so many hot women? Can flirting with several women that you work with increase testosterone levels, or is it just being sexually active with them that does it?

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