Break Ups

On February 2, 2012 by Shark

There are three variations of the break up, each with its unique protocol and different standards of etiquette. This will teach you how to maximize your strategic position in each one (Yes, love is war).

 

(A) The complete in-difference break up. Your girlfriend no longer cares for your existence, her feelings for you are similar to her feelings for her goldfish. From her point of view, your attempts at rekindling romance are akin to the gesticulations of a giant insect. There is nothing to salvage here beyond your dignity. The cause is hopeless; your presence results in vaginal desiccation.

The best way to part? No response. If the break up happens through texting or an instant message, sign off and let her never hear from you again. If it’s face to face, a few words like “I understand, good luck with everything” and an au revoir is all that’s needed. Don’t inflate her importance in your life, whether through negative or positive emotions. Make as little of a deal over it as possible and move on.

To play it to your advantage, IMMEDIATLEY begin approaching new girls, and establish new goals for yourself. Because you were JUST in a relationship, you will have preceding social proof + a natural aloofness from heartbreak. The longer you wait, the more these advantages are nulled. And because you can use thoughts of revenge and jealousy to fuel your determination, you can execute your goals with more audacity than ever before.

There are obviously less extreme strains of disinterest that could cause a girl to break-up with you. You see, girls usually don’t break up with a guy AS SOON as their interest level drops below 50% (unless they have a plethora of better options). Instead, they will drag you, kicking and screaming, to the lowest possible anti-zenith, and THEN break up with you. But before that point, there may come a series of false transitory break-ups; usually following a period of beta-backsliding. Here you need to focus SOLELY on attraction (being less available, more mysterious, having another girl like you, etc). Revert BACK to the guy she fell in love with, not the ball-licking pansy you’re acting like right now.

 

(B) The unsure break up: The LOGICAL part of her brain is telling her to break up with you. You’ve been acting like too much of an asshole, maybe you cheated, made her feel too inadequate, or for some other practical reason.

First, don’t backpedal. The problem here is built in a paradox. Guys always fuck up in this situation because they try and recover rapport TOO QUICKLY. It only breaks attraction which makes it EASIER for her to rationalize the break up. If you apologize a thousand times and tell her you “didn’t know what you had till you lost it,” you give her too much hand. For a girl, a break-up is infinitely easier to deal with if she has self-affirmation. She WANTS you to miss her, to be broken, to feel like you can’t live without her. It will bother her if you’re confidently moving on with your life. And if you GIVE her that pleasure of knowing you have been broken, she will be satisfied and it will be unnecessary to come back to you

Whoever retains the power position in a break up (whoever cares LESS) will ALWAYS find it easier to deal with the break up.

Second, PRESERVE rapport while making the changes outlined here. Give her 3 to 6 weeks to miss you, use jealousy, and then BLAM; meet up with her randomly one day and hit her with “you’re stupid, I always loved you,” and then walk away for another week. This type of intense vacillation between dubious pretenses + ultra love is the type of roller coaster she needs to go through. And beneath it all must be the looming threat that you’re moving further and further from her grip. The FEAR OF LOSS MUST BE THERE, OR THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO DRIVE YOU BACK TOGETHER.

 

(C) The shit-test break up: She’s doing this to assess your Alphaness. This is the only situation where you really need to come out with guns blazing and take a giant pseudo shit on her universe. The poon obeys the penis, no other dynamic works. You have to go no contact + jealousy + social proof HARD as fuck. If she says “I want a break,” you must be seen by the paparazzi on a date with another girl within the next hour. Or make a blatantly undeniable move on her best friend. Make sure it gets back to her. React with genuine positivity.

The problem here is that shit tests, while inevitable, can go too far. And this is one of those instances where it has gone too far. If she isn’t afraid of losing you the minute she has “officially” broken up with you, your relationship needs to be defibrillated. This shit test feeds off of her doubt that you can move away past her, or that you can find someone else. So naturally, you have a duty to purge her of such blasphemous ideas.

 

 

24 Responses to “Break Ups”

  • Al

    I went through the second type, and then through my own uber-beta-compensating-backslide, it became the first type. Furthermore, during the breakup process (and during part of the relationship too) I’ve overanalyzed and complained about the situation with many of my close friends…to the point that some of them would avoid talking to me at some point.

    The disease has been squashed mostly and my life has been on the rise. However, like other recovering betas, thoughts of these past crimes make me squirm with disgust and kick myself in the balls.

    What’s a good way to re-establish myself and change my image with the close friends who I have beta-vomited on in the past? I know these are great people to have around because they’ve given me pretty manly advices (which I should’ve followed) and always have my back through thick and thin. The fact that we no longer all go to the same college makes it a bit difficult I suppose.

    Finally, is this desire to re-establish myself inherently insecure? Should I just move on and let the newspapers and magazines do the talking later?

    • Alex

      Damn man, same thing happened to me. Overanalyzing… complained to friends…. some are a little annoyed so I stopped talking about my relationship and just sometimes ask for tips if I’m in a bad situation.

      But now it seems it got into a cul-de-sac. Called her out on some of her bullshit(instead of not caring) and haven’t heard from my gf since. I haven’t talked either. Week and a half already. LOL, dunno if keep going on waiting is worth it even or.. no idea.

    • Cat

      What you were doing that class as so Beta…over analyzing etc is just normal male behavior at first…next time you’ll do it less

      If they’re your mates they’ll understand…you’re human…one day they might need supporting.

      Don’t fall into to the trap of thinking Alpha guys don’t feel anything…even the toughest guys feel….the macho posturing a$$holes are usually the pussies deep down that run or crack when the $hit hits the fan. Ask anyone who’s seen action in the military.

  • A

    Yo shark , I’ve been wondering how to respond to this girl trying to reframe the interaction: saying things like I’m impressed or other things that try to frame the interaction as I’m trying to qualify myself to her. The things is I don’t qualify myself to her at all, usually when she says this I’m not even talking to her.

  • ksn

    Honestly I’ve come to the conclusion that the best option is just to walk away when she breaks up. It simplifies the process and honestly, any girl who would be marraige material would never break up with you because she would hold you in too high esteem. Not that I recomend marraige, but if you do want too you need to find a girl that will think of you the way the Hebrews thought of Moses when he lead them out of Egypt. Better yet what better way to instill dread in your next girl than to hear from the grape vine that your not a Fucking baseball game, no extra innings, one and done.

  • Supernova

    This is how I handled a “type B” that happened to me several weeks ago:

    She was single. I was separated and I have children. This was a problem for her the whole time but due to tight game it lasted as long as it did. After several months of dating, on the night of the break up, we were supposed to meet for dinner. I was not available when she wanted me to be because of my family responsibilities. She asked that I pick her up when I could so an hour later I was there… not expecting the break up.

    She told me that her life goals were not in line with “us” and that we had to break up because she was starting to like me too much; I was getting in the way of her future. Aloofness and amused mastery. I sat back and watched her cry. She was shocked that I had nothing to say. After a minute of wondering why I wasn’t reacting, I made my move. Without betraying emotion I made her know that I understand and that I wanted her one more time. Instant break up secks.

    No contact… still. I’ve been on dates with three other girls, cleaned up at the bar last week and I have another girl set up for tonight.

    Will she call? Will it matter? *Rhetorical*

    • Dauntless

      Newbs take note , this is how it it’s done.

      I typically get dumped 2 or 3 times a month. It doesn’t matter because I typically start dating 5 to 7 new girls a month. If one girl flakes , or doesn’t return a call or or a text , it does NOT matter. It’s just more time to spend with the “good ” ones. Or more time to find new ones. Though, to be fair , these days, I do most of the flaking.

      Every time I walk out my front door is an opportunity to meet new and interesting ladies. Every time I go to the grocery store , the bookstore , the park , the hike-n-bike trails, the mall, the club, the quad or the local pub I am sewing the seeds. Of course it helps that I live in a college town.

      Shark has written many times on the mentality of abundance. When you truly understand the concept. All these oft asked and insultingly superfluous questions on how to keep your girlfriend from losing interest , or how to get your ex back become obsolete. In a any case , if you’re asking these questions you’re fighting the symptoms , not the disease. Oneitis will ruin your life if you let it .

      I’ve been there . I know.

      Dauntless

  • Taylor

    Thumbs up? Let’s not let this turn in to Youtube. I liked the simplicity of the website in the Mongol days. Idk what’s changing you, Shark, but it’s something. There’s an obvious trend change between you 8 months ago and now, and even more obvious 12-14 months from now.

    You might want to look into what’s changing you. At the very least, your preferred internet personality has been changed.

    • Taylor

      Although the reply system is better. That’s one change I didn’t mind, just because of it’s usefulness.

      Case in point.

  • Is it possible to fix all the “pictures” from past posts, so they display on the main page ?

  • bp

    Hey Shark, thanks for all the advice in all these posts, it’s really helped. I posted a few days ago about my girl seeming to lose interest in me and the day I read this break up post she came to my house and broke up with me. I gotta say it’s number 2 because she came to my house and instantly started crying. She cried for about two minutes before explaining that she had been seeming distant the past couple of weeks because she didn’t feel the same so I guess she lost that “spark”. She said it had nothing to do with me, but I’m sure it was me even if it wasn’t something specific I did. I remained strong, I told her I understood and I said it was the right thing to do. When she was done explaining she asked to kiss me one last time and I couldn’t say no, and then she asked again before leaving. I was hurt, but I remained my composure and even joked around a bit.

    To be honest I’m taking it quite well I think. I haven’t broken done crying and I’m making plans to better myself in every way possible. I want to become the best I can be and don’t get me wrong, I want her to be happy and succeed in everything she does…but I also want her to regret not sticking it out with me a bit longer. Is this a bad thing to have in my mind? I just feel strange right now, 8 months and we never had a serious argument, I can’t tell if that’s a good thing, but this girl was just really cool and we seemed so compatible. I don’t want to develop oneitis and I don’t think I will, but I do want this girl in my life as a friend if she doesn’t come back to me. First off, on what grounds should I take her back? I think was a sincere a break up as I could get and I honestly believe she was doing the logical thing and that she still loves/ed me. My plan is no contact for a week, then text her saying I’m in the area and want to drop off some of her stuff. I don’t think she will say straight up no, but if she tries to rearrange for me to bring them later I will just be aloof and tell her maybe another time because that would seem like a shit test to me. Also if she really wants to see me she would work it in or come to my place right? (We live walking distance) I plan on being aloof when I see her and making it short and when I leave I was thinking of thanking her for being so supportive over our relationship. Is this good for a situation 2 break up? I was also thinking of saying to her “Maybe once you’re over me we could become friends”. I do want to be friends and this way it makes it seem like I’m completely over her by not saying when we’re over each other. Is this too forward/too soon?

    Thanks in advance Shark, I really hope you have some pointers for me.

    • Drive

      Hey, I am going through something similar right now. Really similar. So what did you decide to do? Whats your situation like now, How are things working out? Shark’s pointers? I could really use some pointers as well in my situation. Thanks and I hope everything is going well for you.

    • Drive

      Hey, I am going through something similar right now. Really similar. So what did you decide to do? Whats your situation like now, How are things working out? Shark’s pointers? I could really use some pointers as well in my situation. Thanks and I hope everything is going well for you.

  • Shane

    Hey Shark,

    I don´t know but I think that my type of break up doesn´t fit with these three you mentioned (or it is number 3, I don´t know)
    she broke up with me with the argument we have no time to see each other cuz we both are very busy.
    she cried and said that she´s missing me already and that I deserve something better.
    She started to kiss me and she let me kiss her, too. I´m not sad but I am also not happy with it.
    I am very confused and I hope you contact me soon..

  • Shane

    Hey Shark,

    I was also wondering why girls often start to play this game of “friends are so important in life” and take distance/break up of someone they love. she wasn’t like this before, but it started few weeks (2 or 3 weeks?) before our break up. after that she acts as her friends would be everything to her..

    this belongs to my last post

  • James

    can a girl break up with you of jealousy ? my ex added me on twitter she saw the pics of me with my new HOT HBUSTY date and blocked me in like 5 mins. so im guessing i’d apply tactic B here

  • anonymous

    what do you mean with “no contact?”
    for example, we are friends on windows live messenger, facebook…. but don´t text.
    or do you mean to quit friendship on facebook and the like?

  • Jim

    HA, great f!@#ing article.

  • TD

    Shark,

    I always hear you tell guys what to do in a break and how to do with shit tests (which is absolutely brilliant, i’m watching friends now and silently laughing my ass off) but what advice to you tell girls?
    What do you tell your baby sister when she has her heart broken but bravely tries to hide it or fill her life with her passions, or get really into school or getting in shape?

  • Cat

    Excellent post!!!

  • -

    I am looking for an answer from the person who runs this website or shark, but if anyone has any advice I guess that would be helpful.

    My situation is that I told my girlfriend that I wanted to go on a break just over 2 weeks ago and that same night I ended sleeping with another girl. I told her a few days later and pretty much straight away wanted to fix things and get back together. I’ve been beta since then. I’m normally naturally very alpha. I stopped talking to her about 5 days ago and after giving her a break from texting her and being a fag. I text her today saying that I would always love her. She text back pretty much straight away saying that she hoped I was okay. I then said that I’m really good thanks and she text back straight away again saying ‘good!’.

    I’m going to leave the conversation there and live my life. I know that I will be alpha as long as I don’t let my feelings for her make me act like a fag. I’m going back to uni in about a month, maybe a bit longer and I’m going to see how things go, but basically I’ll be looking to get back with her. If not I know that I can get myself another girl, but I adore this wench.

    I’m basically just asking for some advice on my situation. Thank you.

  • jim

    well my breakup was odd to say the least- nothing she just cut all contact, chanegd phone numbers, blocked emails. Deleted facebook- you name it

  • Jah

    What if I break up with her because I was an asshole the whole last year ? Is it a sin to break up with her because of that but then wanting her back? It was my decision to go, but just because I need time for myself and other stuff..

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