The Lost Art

On February 19, 2012 by Shark

Two readers comment:

Hey Shark, will you do a post on teasing please.

And

someone else suggested a post on teasing, can you please do one? I know it was covered in the black flag, and it opened my eyes to the whole idea, but could you do a follow up post please?

 

So by popular demand…

A neg is a carefully guided insult concealed under the hue of either a compliment, or a pallid observation, that although does not directly insult a girl, causes her to question her self-worth and reactively attempt to qualify herself towards your greater judgement. The established difference in value builds attraction because her hamster, rationally I suppose, assumes that you must be a man of high reproductive value to be able to disqualify her.

First, you must understand when and how to use a neg. Negs should always be executed in a pick-up, exempt that rare scenario where your value is already far above your quarry. In other words if you’re gaming a 1 or a 2; or you’re already an obscenely powerful man, negs are overkill. To illustrate in numerical terms, you want your value to be 2 or 3 points above the girl in question. If you neg an ugly girl, and your value subsequently becomes 5 or 6 points above her, she assumes you are not interested, feels too rejected, or thinks of you as too much of an asshole. Even 4 points above a girl flirts with failure, as it will hinder your attempts to build rapport later on.

Negs should be TONED DOWN once you have exited the attraction phase of a pick-up and are working instead to cultivate an emotional bond. At that point, too many negs will result in emotional declivities that will encumber your progress.

Hard negs are to be executed in two different scenarios (obviously others exist, but these are the two most common ones where they are applicable). First, when you are gaming a girl with inflated value, and second, when you are far too behind in the race for attraction. In both instances, the neg must be carefully executed so as NOT to look like an OVERT ATTEMPT at establishing higher value. Look at the comment on the failed pick up in This Post for a good example of a fail neg. An example of a hard neg I recently used below:

Girl: “I’m going with him to Canada, he said he’d take me and my friends there for a weekend”
Me: “Right after you met him? That’s pathetic, you should at least make it look like you’re difficult.” [exited immediately after]

Somewhat abrasive and would’ve easily backfired had I not carefully articulated the situation. I was already dating her friend so it came off as a straight disqualification rather than a neg with undertones of neediness (which is why you wouldn’t want to use this in a relationship or on a girl you’re already dating). Sometimes after a hard neg you’ll want to exit immediately after for the effect to sink in and to avoid the backlash that would PREVENT her from entering a qualifying mentality through sheer emotional tumult. It must come off as careless, aloof, disinterested, and with a ring of truth. And another example I suggested on a forum:

Her: “This car isn’t nearly as nice as I thought I’d be” [stepping into an M5]
You: “I save the better one for better looking girls”

 

Teasing is the subtlest form of the neg. It is barely a disqualification and functions instead to express your comedic abilities, to release tension, to build comfort, to be playful, and to barely demonstrate your higher value. They should be diffused across your conversations, and set aside only when you’re building deep rapport. The easiest things I find to tease about are intelligence (you’ll find an abundance of clumsiness in every girl you ever date), and stereotypes (general female stereotypes or if she’s of a certain race/type). Some obvious ones:

If you’re dating an Asian girl and she’s driving
If you’re dating a blonde and she’s studying
If you’re dating an Indian girl and she’s about to take a shower or shave
If you’re dating a girl older than you and she’s experienced in bed
And so forth

You can also consistently tease through a general level of sarcasm, which I find to be the easiest for noobs. It can be applied in response to almost any question

Her: “Why do you drink so much?”
You: “Because you have no ass”

Her: “What are you doing tonight?”
You: “Ordering a hooker package”

Her: “We’re going out for dinner tonight?”
You: “We?”

 

And finally, there are three rules you MUST adhere by:

(1) NEVER BACKPEDAL: Sometimes the girl will reply in kind through a severe shit test and you start questioning whether you went too far. Don’t. Worst comes to worst, just pretend you didn’t hear her and leave. Never apologize or try and soften up your neg. “Mistakes in audacity can be overcome through more audacity”

(2) NEVER CHECK FOR APPROVAL: You’ll notice, especially with 8.5s or above, that you have this inclination to quickly look at her after negging to check for approval. Did she laugh? Did you go too far? Hold it down. It’ s irrelevant. Look at no one after you say a joke.

(3) NEVER OVER-TEASE: The bane of 70% of men introduced to game. Because they get results with negging, they continue indefinitely in that path. Remember negs are meant to create that SPARK of attraction you can use as a gateway for rapport. For every 2 or 3 teases you throw in, say something kind. And don’t continue in a streamline of teases and nice things, remember to indulge in laconism once in a while. Change it up. Put her above the clouds, and then back on terra firma. Make her emotions vacillate between euphoria and rejection.

 

negging

 

20 Responses to “The Lost Art”

  • John

    Thanks shark.
    I think I was going a bit over-kill with the sarcasm/teasing to the extent where it got boring/insulting.

  • Stuart

    If this post was a piece of art, I would call it a MASTER PIECE. Shark is this great and gave me so much good knowledge in teasing. I am going implement it soon as possible. Thank you for taking the time and spreading your experience and knowledge with us!

  • Elxar

    Good post and I learned some points, I was actually teasing a girl at work and normally she would tease back. She does a lot of Kino, too. And always tries to get me into a conversation. I know there is attraction but I find it little bit hard to create rapport since she knows me as someone who is a teaser. In fact she notices the rare times when I say nice things to her, which I think is a good thing.

  • Coffey

    is a class clown a beta? and is making jokes in class considered a class clown or is it a whole new level of that?

  • alexander

    Hi shark,

    GREAT post once again.

    I just teased a girl on Facebook by commenting on her post.
    She posted photo of a famous band made of hot girls, without having make up on. her description to the post was “lol”. I saw that she was trying to garner attention because she’s a hot 9.
    So i decided to comment on her post, “you’d prolly look the same without make up”. She replied, “just because i dint reply your hi in fb doenst mean you can take me out by saying baseless comments”. A few guys liked her comment. and some tried to back her up.

    Do you think that was a bit too far?

    • Theo

      Absolutely not! If anything it proves she’s insecure, stuck up, gets all her self esteem from others being into her looks, judgmental, thinks she’s better than everyone… and worst of all, has no sense of humour! The mere fact that she posted it, and implied that the women were unattractive should raise red flags.

      Alexander you can do so much better, find a good looking girl with a sense of humour, they’re out there.

      Theo

  • Raskolnikov

    Hi, watcha ya think about being an omega male? I found this in urban dictionary.
    I think its quiete a alpha male description you talking about all the time.
    “omega male 610 up, 168 down
    The polar opposite of the Alpha Male. Omega Males can have friends and close acquaintances but prefer to accomplish things on their own without the help of a group. Omega Males generally don’t belong to any cliques and have no desire to be the leader or most outstanding of said clique. Omega Males have relations with people from all groups and carry a resourcefulness and cunning (sometimes strength) to get a job done with their own skill. This being said, an omega male can have great pride without it manifesting as “ego.” (There are always exceptions.

    An Alpha Male MUST absolutely be perceived by his peers as the toughest, most popular, and smartest. An Omega Male cares little for this recognition…but knows that he is all those things and more.

    Alpha males must have the support of his “boys.” This can be the foundation for many shallow and superficial relationships. An Omega Male needs support from time to time, but has few true friends who know him intimately and generally shuns shallow acquaintences.

    Two sides of the same coin….both being very effective in accomplishing goals.
    In Animals:

    Two Rams are butting heads while the female watches. The winner who mates is the stongest and therefore the Alpha Male.

    Wait…A third ram runs out of the woods and mates with the female while the two males are fighting. THAT is the omega male.

    In Humans:

    Alpha Male: John Stewart
    Omega Male: Steven Colbert

    Alpha Male: Team Sport Captain
    Omega Male: Dedicated student/master of martial arts.”

    • Pier 1

      I wouldn’t trust urban dictionary on anything other than slang. Omega males are actually defined as the lowest in the social order, aka, the people who don’t get laid, period. It goes Alpha, Beta, Omega.

      Instead, I’d say that the writer of that entry in UD described a different vein of alpha, but instead, likes the sound of Omega more, and redefined “Omega male.”

  • anonymous

    Shark,

    My ex girlfriend dumped me 6 months ago. I had beta-backslid and became emotionally distant for a while towards the end of the 5 yr relationship. I also became more focused on my career, but quickly switched gears into Super Alpha mode soon after we split. I have since lost 50 lbs, moved into my own place, become more ambitious and goal-focused, and have been going on regular poon safaris with great success. Around December, my ex reached out to me to talk…basically to tell me that she wasn’t over me, but wanted to see what else was out there and that just because we don’t talk, she still loved me. She knew I was incredible, but wanted to give it more time before getting back together. Well that turned into more meetings and basically escalating to a hook up that she had setup under the pretense that she was getting braces again and wanted me to “see her one last time” before she got them. RIGHT. I knew she just wanted the ego boost, and I wanted to get some. Well immediately afterward she cut contact and stopped talking to me. I then found out she was dating some guy who doesn’t hold a candle to me. He’s short, still in school, lives up north, and drives a fucking Miata for chrissakes. His approval seeking nature and blatant penalization of her screams beta/emotional tampon. Personally i think she chose him to massage her ego, and keep her feeling beautiful while she has braces for a while…Once they come off, I’m sure I will be getting a call…if not before that. I might have failed to mention that my ex is a gold medalist at attention whoring…she can’t live without it.

    I remember you spoke about Alphas burning an image into their exs and i think its safe to say I have done that. I have a great job with tons of social proof and i work around a lot of beautiful women. I am what you may call a natural, and I don’t have trouble meeting women. My ex HATED that girls would always want to talk to me. Upon the break up I threw myself back into my career and my fitness, learned some game, and let the results do the rest. Once she saw me completely transformed after the breakup she looked really intimidated. I am almost 5 years older than her (i am 29) and I came back in a matter of months looking and acting like a MAN. As a result, it seems like she is doing everything in her power to try to shape this guy into me…even down to career and living out the same life we already had together. He is blindly going along with it since my ex is easily a HB9 and he can’t do much better.

    I have already been enjoying the benefits of my enhanced Alphaness due to this blog, Roissy’s and Rollo’s. I have been unplugged and have been swimming in it for a number of months, but for some reason this oneitis creeps upon me and I feel nothing but disgust for losing to a clearly lesser man. I also feel disgust toward my ex for clearly choosing someone that isn’t even on HER level. It motivates me to greater success, but it haunts me to know she’s with someone who is a such a teat-suckling beta calf. At the same time, I’m flattered by her desire to clone me and I know it is a direct result of me completely ignoring my ex and allowing her own oneitis to spring forth. In essence, I am asking. why did I lose to a loser, and why is my ex still trying to make him into ME? Whats the deal with mutual oneitis from ex lovers who aren’t speaking, and what am I gonna do when she crushes his poor little beta soul and comes back to me at some point?

  • Horus

    Hi Shark

    Here’s one question. I’ve been recently dating a hot HB10 18 year old girl. I’m 29. What are your impressions on dating women of this age? cause i’ve never really had much age difference with the girls i’ve been. She’s totally into me and we’ve already been in 3 dates, already make out and close to banging but she already told he parents i liked her etc..showing relationship interest, but something was weird last date cause im pretty much a cold guy but told me she liked me but she needed me to be colder, mixed signals. What would be the right way to game her properly? BTW im dating a hot babe too and she’s a good women but she’s 30, i could bang both but eventually the 2 of them will want a relationship, and i don’t mind cause i will be willing to try with any of both but which one would u choose? I have great connection with both
    >
    > Your impressions on this Shark.

    Psd:. If you could make a post talking about dating young girls it will be greatly appreciated!

  • John

    Hey Shark I need your help please?
    what does it mean when your gf of 9 months suddenly starts calling and texting less? I mean we have been having some fights and arguments which she hates a lot because she was emotinally abused for 20 years. Last weekend she told me she is stressing, and doesnt know what she wants. I asked her if it’s over or if she is seeing another guy or anything? she said not seeing any guy not even close. When I asked her what about us? what is going to happen to us? she said she didn’t know and she didn’t want to be pressured or make decesions while she was stressed. She said she was going to follow her heart on this one. So I gave he a kiss and a hug and told her that the ball is in her court, and I walked away and never comntacted her for 4 days now.
    Did I handle it right? what do I do now? how long do I wait to contact her? Im confused please help me.

    Just for more info, we only meet once a week on the weekend since she lives 2 houyrs away.
    please shark help me.

  • Dan

    Shark I have this problem that really boderin me, i have this girl when i sleeps in her house sometimes Im not tired and cant go to sleep, so anyway the girl already sleeps and im not and also im very horny. Should I wake her up? If I do wake her up she gets angry..

  • John

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc&feature=relmfu

    Really interesting video Shark, I think you’ll find it enlightening

  • Necorochi

    Sarah Akers
    tbh your a sweet guyyy and i love youuuuu ♥ lets hangout soooon.
    Unlike · · See Friendship · 13 minutes ago near Jacksonville ·
    You and Tony Jay Doan like this.
    Chris Harris All girls should be like you.
    12 minutes ago · Like

    Sarah Akers haha aw why do you say that?
    11 minutes ago · Like
    Chris Harris Nowadays girls love the asshole.
    8 minutes ago · Like

    Tony Jay Doan dont get all flirty on my truth is >.>
    8 minutes ago · Unlike · 1
    Chris Harris Haha no worrys
    8 minutes ago · Like

    Tony Jay Doan but yeah sarah chris is pretty cool hit him up girll!
    5 minutes ago · Like

    Sarah Akers hahahaha chris message me :)
    3 minutes ago · Like

    Tony Jay Doan ayy ;)
    2 minutes ago · Like

    Ok my question is how the F do you respond to that without sounding beta? I just kept quite? Or will messaging her be beta after something like that?

  • Necorochi

    quiet*

  • Necorochi

    Btw I agree with Stuart… Wise man.

  • Necorochi

    Notice how shark says TONED DOWN meaning you should still neg her but not as much.

  • Turtle

    Shark,

    I swim for my college and this year as a junior I had a breakout meet. I placed top eight in all my events, made one of our relays, and stood on the podium every day of the meet. I’d like to give you some credit for the success since I’ve been a reader for around half a year but I have a question. How should I approach my final year of swimming? I will probably never beat the times I swim a year from now so I want to make them fast but placing a ton of pressure on myself like that can be self defeating. Since I know I can swim with the best I probably have the potential to place top 3 if not better. I don’t know how particular you are with swimming but do you have any general advice for:

    -mindset (<-this is mostly what I'm looking for)
    -training
    -my competition

    as always, thanks for your help.

  • Solid Post ! But i’m not sure if I agree that a “NEG” is a “Tease”.

    They are similar in the RESULT but are different concepts in the game.

    The main difference between them is that a neg can be said in a serious way without implying a joke.Not so with a tease.

    For example you can use tease in a relationship but should avoid using negs frequently.

    For me:

    NEG = disqualification
    Tease = Joke

    You could talk about Teasing in relationships ? I heard that NEGS should not be used in Relationships because it can easy create resentment., is this true?

    Another interesting point that I realized my relationship now. In a recent conversation my girlfriend said I had never done a compliment to her appearance in two years of dating and I really did not.

    If you need praise, what better way to praise the appearance of a woman?

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