On March 16, 2012 by Shark

I got the idea for this post after reading someone’s thread on the pick up artist forum regarding soft nexts to handle drama in relationships — an idea I wholly support. I noticed that right after, people were immediately pointing out the issue of “communicating” with your girlfriend, a very misleading and instinctively beta response. Most people on this site would agree that the majority of relationship advice being circulated in the mainstream is highly feminized, to the point of blurring the line between what is “good” and “bad” in a relationship, and insidiously aimed at upholding the feminine imperative. To illustrate:

The guy proposes that you should cut off contact with your girlfriend if she indulges in the female tendency to baffle you with bullshit pulled out of thin air.


The punishment should fit the crime. If a girl does something blatantly disrespectful or totally unacceptable, then you should initiate a “soft next”. A soft next is where you completely cut contact with a girl for a couple days immediately after she displays any really bad behavior (may be longer, depending on how often you see her). You don’t reply to e-mails, texts, or answer her phone calls.. no matter what. Just be too busy for a couple days. Then, when you initiate contact again, you act as if nothing happened. You do not need to verbally acknowledge that you are purposely ignoring her to punish her. If she asks, then just tell her you were busy (no need to go into details). If she gets dramatic again, then leave and repeat the process. This is incredibly effective and probably your single greatest tool for dealing with drama in a relationship.


Many people reactively think, well isn’t it better to talk things through? Isn’t it better to communicate with your girlfriend?

No — it is not.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t ever resolve an important issue with your girlfriend, only that the idea “you need to communicate with your girlfriend” is NOT interpreted the way it’s supposed to be. Like chivalry, the concept gets perverted when communicated to AFCs.

Case in point:

You go no-contact with her for 3 days after said shit test or whatever the fuck she pulls.

Are you supposed to talk things through? No. If you OVERTLY communicate to her, “hey, we need to talk, I’ve been ignoring you because of XYZ,” you become a sulking beta. AFC. Game over.

If she is far too promiscuous and constantly seeks attention from other guys.

Are you supposed to talk things through?

No, simple math. There is no such thing as a soul-mate. If there are 10,000 girls out there who can fit your template, is it better to try and fix a damaged relationship or seek out a girl who ISN’T promiscuous. The purpose of game is to CUT YOUR LOSSES, NOT MAXIMIZE VICTORIES.

Some people might argue, “isn’t it better to try and fight for a good relationship?” Well, think about it.

The danger of NEXTING a girl who IS a good fit for you, because you prematurely ejected from the relationship, is NOTHING compared to the danger of STAYING IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP because you did NOT next her soon enough. You fuck up and ruin a good relationship — another one will come by. You fuck up and marry the wrong girl — you’re done. This is why they always say having an ABUNDANCE MENTALITY is crucial to having a healthy relationship, and avoiding UNHEALTHY ones.

The OP responded to the argument by saying having discussions are good as long as they’re not fights. I would go a step further and say, even discussions CAN be cut out of the question. Have you ever tried to logically discuss something with a girl? Then tell me, does it work? You soft neg consistently. If she changes, she changes. If she doesn’t, next.

What’s even more disturbing though, is the way he had to retroactively agree that “communication” was a good idea, because that “rule,” is THAT FUCKING EMBEDDED within The Matrix. It’s impossible to escape and you’ll notice even the most masterful of Don Juans occasionally give in to their default conditioning.

As for communicating with your girlfriend, that’s a tricky word. You don’t try and express something OVERTLY to them, women are averse to anything of that sort.

For instance: say you want to build competitive anxiety.

You do NOT have a discussion about it. You do NOT tell her

“Hey babe, I think our relationship lacks sexual tension and it’s something we need to work on.”

Instead, you go to the gym, work on yourself, build some social proof, and perhaps talk to a few girls just to let her know you CAN get someone else, your life does not revolve around her. She begins to wonder…

“Why does he work out so hard?”

“He’s pretty popular now… other girls probably like him”

“Is that girl trying to steal my man?”

A girl’s imagination is your greatest asset in your relationship. Don’t squander it by trying to discuss everything and putting your cards on the table.

To allay any misunderstanding, I am NOT suggesting that you shouldn’t ever talk to your girlfriend. Rather, that you should reevaluate the idea of discussing something or communicating with her. And truly ask yourself: is this something that must be discussed, or am I just using that as an excuse to whine about my insecurities?




15 Responses to “Communication”

  • BkT

    How can i dl your book without a cc? Any other way i can pay for it?

  • Mase

    Your blog is incredible! Keep up the good work shark.
    Could you email your book to me ? i would really appreciate it.
    Mucho Gracias

  • ksn

    The phrase a picture is worth a thousand words might as well be rephrased too an action is worth a thousand words. Women, and many men of extremely beta nature, love to engage in the oral mastabatory exercise of verbal communication. Promises are made, feelings usages out, yet it has no meaning. Action gives words and ideas meaning, our founders pledge of their life and honor to the cause of freedom only means anything because they did in fact so. If they had not done so then the decleration would be valued about as much as the mad scribblings of the need for a proletariate revolution by a palor pink. If you want to get a girls attention, anyone’s attention, then use your actions to do so. Moreover, if you become known as a doer then your words will carry weight.

  • anon

    Hey Shark just a quick question about reading girls’ behavior… what does the phrase “you’re really cute” really mean??

    At a party, this fairly attractive girl was getting a little touchy feely with my friend. Some innocent flirting kinda stuff. Later in the night she stayed in his proximity but she literally said out loud that he was in her friend zone. Couldn’t tell if she was really interested in him or not. So my friend and I kept chatting with this girl, and I couldn’t read her behavior. Randomly and out of the blue, she turns to me and says “you’re really cute.” Was she trying to make my friend jealous? Or what exactly is going on here?

  • Fountain

    Hey Shark,

    I’m writing this in a fit of anger.

    Right now I’m finishing up my last year of college and I’ll be getting a degree in biology/illustration. I’ve been noticing something peculiar going on at school. Almost all of my professors have been female so far and the overwhelming majority of students in my classes have been female as well. A trend I’ve noticed is that the guys (generally) have done better at projects requiring a strong element of visual-spatial manipulation ability and also when there has been some level of competition involved (the best design work showcased, recognition for the ability to come up with the most efficient solution to a problem, etc.). I’m currently taking an upper level biology course and many of the guys (about 10% of the class) are doing poorly. The teacher is female and she puts more emphasis on memorizing tedious biological nomenclature than being able to visualize and understand complex biological processes. A friend of mine who is also in this class was able to visualize and construct a clever fishnet design for our internship (which is still being used by the facility) but he is failing this class.

    I’m taking a digital imaging class right now and I’m the only male. I’m not the best in the world but I’m capable of producing creative images which require a high degree of mental visualization ability to conceive. Most of my work is more “conceptual” and it really contrasts with the “emotional” based work of the rest of the class. Despite the fact that I’ve published a graphic novel and have received some critical acclaim outside of school I have the worst grade in the class. When we hang our work up for critique the teacher and class praise and encourage the modest, mediocre work. When it comes to my stuff I receive a near hostile reaction by the other students and a humiliating public berating by the female teacher.

    Has it really gotten to the point where the natural male tendency to compete or conquer new territory been weeded out? Hell yes I’m competitive and I want to be on top, it’s a burning desire and I can’t deny it. This site has made me unashamed of this natural tendency. Why is education denying this male tendency when it’s the only thing that has moved us forward as a species?

    OK. Felt good to get that out. Still pissed though. What are your thoughts on the feminized education system?

  • Mark

    Yea, is there any other way I could pay for the book? Paypal would be nice. I’ve been reading this blog for a while and am pretty curious on what your book has to offer.

  • Tom

    This reminds me a little of Anti-Dumps ‘Machine’. I’ve been loosely using it lately, and while I’ve probably missed out on some chances for secks, not dealing with all the bs and drama is definitely worth it imo.

    And I second the Paypal method. I’ve been wanting to read that book since you posted it, but I don’t have nor can get a credit card at the moment.

  • Anonymous

    how should an “alpha” react when receiving a gift which their girl has put a lot of effort into making?

  • Rocky

    Hey shark, i work in the service industry, is there any way to be alpha in your job when you’re a waiter?

  • Necorochi

    Thanks for answering my comment. This is my third week on the challenge and this last week is going to be the hardest hence SPRING BREAK. Before this challenge I used to smoke weed occationally, was on again off again but stopped for the 30 day challenge. Now one of my best friends is shocked that I havent smoked in three weeks. He has been trying to get me to smoke this whole time like the devil on my shoulder he is and I can tell he is starting to get resentful not just becuase I wont smoke with him but also becuase Iv been spending less time with him becuase since I stated the challenge Iv havent chilled with him after school at all and last week I told him I would go to this party were alot of girls that I can release this three week load in. I pretty sure my friend is going to hate me if I dont smoke with him at the party but fuck giving in to that shit. Instead of an angel on my shoulder I have a shark. From all the answers you responded to me it seems like I need to work on my inner game the most, you most recently said since I default to beta tendency’s I have not fully internalized the attitude I want to adopt and that for a short amount of time I should over anaylize things, I was able to somewhat start that process, tho was only able to do it for the last day of school friday Iv been taking your advice basically just trial and error in your mind. For one days use I realized one of the things I was doing wrong. Your advice gives me hope but I have not forgoten that a beta mindset can take a long time to transition, I am a senior in highschool and my school days are coming to an end pretty soon and highschool is good practice for game , I dont have a credit card and I dont have a job but I would highly appreciate reading your book, could you possibly email it to me. Anyways just thought I should update you on my progress, even tho im scatching the tip of the mantle/peeking out of the MATRIX im still determined to progress, your blog has legit helped me even if its just a little bit. I dont know what you look like for all I know your a fat computer nerd that plays World of Warcraft but needless to say you have helpped me, thats why I love you( Noobs <—- Thats an alpha way to say I love you) Anyways thanks again and keep up the good work.

  • Andy

    Is there anyone of coming back from the dead of you’ve already done enough shit to be classified as an AFC. I feel like our relationship is already hopeless with all the stupid shit i’ve done.

  • Thank you shark! Really thank you brother

  • Stereo mic

    Hey Shark

    I’ve been dating a 20 year old for about 6 months now, I’m 28. I’ve been learning a lot from this site, but it’s still sometimes hard to initiate certain aspects of relationship game effectively, mainly breaking my shitty habits is the problem. Small back story on us. Heavy attraction and good rapport at the beginning, we had a small window of time to date/secks as she was going away to school for five weeks. While she was away with school we talked on skype a lot, fooled around on skype to keep the fire going. She gets home, I
    Make the mistake of wanting to exclusively date. Mainly because of my own mentality that “if I’m having sex with you I’m not out banging other broads, it’s not safe and kind of a shitty thing to do
    , so next”. I tell her I don’t want to be her boyfriend just that when I’m dating someone I’m dating them not looking for other people (big mistake thinking back). She gets nervous but agrees and we go on as normal, lots of sex, good times. I treat her well, but I am definitely too nice at times. I’m learning to back off on it, soft neg more, etc. My initial game of talking her up, hitting on her, negging etc was great, but I’m trying to stop myself from beta backsliding and man it’s difficult. I’m gone back to a gym routine, I’m trying hard to figure out some life goals (28, university degree, but im in sales, I do well but not what I want to be doing). Couple of incidents that I don’t know how to handle. She had a party at her place thrown by her roommate (good friend of mine) she asked me NOT to come because “things are going really well I’m just not ready to introduce you as ‘whatever the fuck we are’ to my friends yet” she’s afraid of commitment OR that’s a big pile of shit and she wants to have me when she wants me. Anyway i am hurt at that, I say fine and that I don’t want her doing anything that makes her uncomfortable (iiiidiot mistake) things go on as normal. Her birthday comes up, I go to this event meet a bunch of her friends, some girls mostly mutual guy friends of her friend and roommate. Night goes well, fine. Finally see my first incident of flirtation with someone else a few weeks ago. Hair twirling, steady eye contact, arm brushed his etc. I see this and don’t make a scene, I get up and go outside for a bit, her girl roommate follows me outside and she knows I’m a little pissed. I gather my emotions and go back in, walk by her touch her shoulder and go sit down. She is a little fidgety but not as flirtatious. I never bring it up or allude that I noticed anything. Now we still bang each other like crazy, we love sex with each other, she can’t get enough, I can’t get enough, etc. And a new incident occurs. This is going to require a bit of back story.

    The girl I’m dating had sex (before we were together) with one of my best friends then piece of shit boyfriends. Musician asshole type, not an alpha just an insecure jerk male with a now serious drug/booze problem. There is a party myself and her were invited to, she was on the fence about going because of the people that are going, makes sense. Which included My friend (the girl who was cheated on) the douchebag musician (ex bf of my friend who was cheated on BY THE GIRL IM DATING unbeknownst to her at the time) and also the girl I’m datings Ex bf ( has a girlfriend now, but they were on again off again turmoil hooking up breaking it off etc. Friends but not yada yada). SO she asks me lastnight if I want to go, I tell her sort of but I don’t really care either way, I only want to see one of my buddies but I can see them any time. I’m not a fan of all the potential drama I talked about above, u
    But it wouldn’t stop me from going and having a good time. I ask her if she is going and she responds by asking if I want to go together as a date? …I respond with a “well yes I do, we are dating” she responds with basically a “I would go with you but not as my date…I dunno your friend is gonna be there…douche musician…my ex…i dunno…it’s weird” so I say “alright yeah I don’t care whatever” as non-caring as I can. She says I dunno a bit and I say we will talk about it when she comes home.

    I’m pissed off because I feel she’s either too pussy to have me on her arm with all these people there. It’s stupid because by now I’m sure most of the people in these social circles KNOW we are dating/fucking whatever. I want to say something like “it’s bullshit that you think you can just switch on and off the dynamics of whatever we are to suit your needs, it’s disrespectful to me and I don’t appreciate it” like, she even says the word “boyfriend” in casual conversation. I responded to that only ONCE with a “so am I?” big mistake and got a “no”. It came up again and I didnt react. I’ve been soft negging more and getting better treatment from her, she cooks me dinner more, buys ME small things, brings me coffee, seeks approval more often. But this one, I don’t know how to handle. I care about her a lot, she is a sweet girl. But she says irrational shit from time to time. The other night, just before I went away to see The Boss she was just getting her period and was moody as fuck. She was pissed because her friend bailed kn her last minute to go out that night. She wants to get a few beer but says “when I’m drunk and depressed things can happen” i said “oh yeah? What do you mean” she said “well look at us, I was drunk the first night me and you hooked up and here we are (6 months later)” I tried not to take it the wrong way so i glared at her said nothing, she eventually got it out of me…fuck. I said “I didn’t appreciate that comment, I’m going away for four days and you say something like that” she cried some and apologized saying she didn’t mean it like that but also said she was still ‘confused’ about us and asked if we were “still good” I said yes, I just didn’t appreciate the shitty comment. I asked her “ARE we still good” mistake.

    I’m learning and getting better but I still backslide…i had a four year relationship before that where the girl fucked my best friend on the three year mark. I cut them both out of my life and don’t talk to either any more. The ex still tries to get a hold of me from time to time but I ignore her.

    I need to know how to react to this recent thing. “if we both go can it not be as you as my date” that sounds fucking retarded and I don’t know if I just let it go and pawn it off to crazy girl bullshit drama. Or address it and say my piece, not try to understand her but just say “that’s a bullshit move, I’m not some toy you can pick and choose when to have as someone you’re dating and someone you arent because of PAST dramas that don’t mean shit anymore” or is this girl, whom I care about just fucking with me, I’m perplexed and a little hurt. I’m getting better at controlling my emotions but I thought the two of us were past that childish shit.

    Either that or there is somethin else going on that I don’t know about.

    Help shark, thank you


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>