Hey Shark, how should I text my ex girlfriend after some time of No Contact? I am not sure if she is still affected by the breakup. Is it a terrible choice? What should I say? Especially when she is texting to other guy.
Quick Answer: Don’t text her. She’s probably already over you. You only want to text her now out of fear that she might be talking to someone else. If an ex never tries to contact you after you go no-contact with her, the relationship wasn’t going to work anyways.
So I’ve realized some of you have been having trouble with the concept of no contact and what it entails. It’s not exactly an intricate technique; but I can understand how its premise and execution can be misinterpreted.
No-contact is a complete freeze-out that can span a few hours (ignoring a morning text from your wife and responding in the evening to get your hubbie’s blood flowing) to a few weeks or forever (ignoring an ex-girlfriend to reignite interest or to forget her entirely).
Its purpose is to increase attraction, in two ways. We want what we cannot have, and we dread what we do not understand or know. It quickly exhilarates a girl’s imagination by making her sift through a range of possibilities, no matter how unlikely they are. “Is he talking to someone else right now?” “What’s he doing?” “Is he somewhere he’s trying to hide from me?” You don’t need to proactively create mystery; you can lay back and let a girl’s imagination do all the work as long as you can master the art of not saying too much or too little. A girl’s imagination is a weapon in seduction. You withhold too much contact in the first few weeks because you want her to imagine you as much busier than your fat bitch ass really is. You sporadically go no contact because you want her to imagine you might be talking to another girl, even if the chances of you getting any more pussy is close to negative infinite.
When you INITIATE no contact, it MUST come off as unintentional. If she thinks, for any reason, that you are SULKING, you might as well take a torch to your whole plan. The reason for your abrupt freeze-out needs to be ambiguous. So you might be wondering, “how does that punish her then? If she doesn’t connect the period of no-contact with her actions, then why would she change?” The connection does NOT need to be made on a CONSCIENCE logical level. It needs to be made on a SUBCONSCIOUS level, and that happens through its consistent application. For instance, if you withdraw attention after every time she whines or crosses the lines of conventional promiscuity; she associates YOUR ABSENCE with HER BEHAVIOR; even if you have another reason for your ignorance of her. As long as the two things coincide, she will begin to associate less attention with whatever she’s doing. If you make it a point to explain it to her, “I’m not talking to you for a week because you did yada yada yada” or make it blatantly obvious that you are ignoring her for some shit she did, she can easily exploit your intentions and filter them through a beta-backsliding perspective. “Stop being such a baby… I didn’t do anything wrong.” DO NOT give into the temptation of EXPLAINING it to her, that’s how the “you’re crazy” argument starts. “You’re crazy… I was just giving him some Vaseline from my lips because his were chapped” or “You’re crazy, I threw that knife at you and it missed by an inch because I meant for that to happen and aimed it perfectly.”
So, once you’ve initiated no-contact comes the whole freeze out phase. The tough part is going to be holding out on secks, and subduing your OWN imagination. If you’re not in a relationship, you can use this time to spin more plates. If you ARE in a relationship, you’re going to have to rely on your hands or get a custom made flesh light with pressure points.
Cut off all those thoughts about “what if this was a mistake and she’s found someone else?” Women are hypergamous, if she WAS interested in you, then this will increase her interest level further, making her LESS likely to find someone else than when you WERE with her. It’s a counter-intuitive idea, so read that over and commit it to memory. If you’re going no-contact with an ex, and she ends up getting over you, it means you had no chance in the first place. There is no loss that can come from going no-contact to fix attraction. It can ONLY backfire in a relationship lacking rapport, where the girl might end up seeking comfort elsewhere rather than continuing to desire it from you.
Hypothetically if she has secks with someone else because you went no-contact, but her interest DID increase for you, it still means she has to go. What does it tell you about her? Would it be smart to get into an LTR anyways? Remember it is always energy better spent pursuing a new relationship than trying to fix a damaged one.
When you RE-ENGAGE after the freeze out, it must occur naturally. Again, you need to avoid coming off as a sulking beta. Generally that means you should either wait for HER to contact you, and then slowly build up the tension rather than suddenly going all in (“HEYY! HAVEN’T TALKED TO YOU IN A WHILE!!! YIPEKIYAY!”); or you could “accidently” re-engage her through an “unintentional” meet-up, a non- sequitur text, or something diabolical of that sort.
WHEN you re-engage her, there’s a chance she might confront you about going no-contact. Play it off like the evil genius you are. It’s important here NOT to give in to the temptation of pointing out that you were ignoring her because of some precise reason. Don’t even hint indirectly towards it by saying “I had to think over some things” or “I had re-evaluate us.” None of that shit. If you really HAVE to make it obvious, then opt for a lame excuse. “My dog was sick, I was down for a couple of days.” Women are much better at making inferences and reading between the lines than you think, you can trust her intuition to get the point.
No-contact should be regularly applied in controlled doses to build a relationship. It should NOT be uncontrollably dabbed all over the place or used for extended periods of time for no reason. You want to build a GOOD relationship, not test the boundaries of a bad one.
Avoid all of the following mistakes. They are the most common in no-contact phases and not only undo everything you’ve gained, but set you back further than you were
(a) Contacting her too early or contacting her first and in an obvious attempt to reprimand her for something else.
(b) Overtly communicating your intention of going no contact
(c) Questioning your resolution and changing your mind about going no contact after worrying about her talking to someone else in-between
And finally, to quickly summarize going no-contact with an ex girlfriend as it’s the most common use of the tactic: She dumps you, you react aloofly and with disinterest ==> Go no contact ==> Wait 4-6 weeks. Ignore all of her texts before that. ==> The whole time be building competitive anxiety and working on yourself ==> At the height of her misery, either send her a flaccidly interested text or use one of the above methods. Nothing like “Hi! How are you?” Think more on the lines of, “lol just read ______. Reminded me of you”
The book should be anchored to a positive memory, the “reminded me of you” will catalyze the nostalgia