On March 28, 2012 by Shark

I wanted to collectively address a number of questions regarding “understanding your girlfriend.” Many people have asked, “how do you actually tell whether her shit tests are out of resentment or a natural need to assess your performance under pressure?” or “how can you tell if you should brush off her plea for attention vs. actually give attention to an issue that must be resolved?” and of course “how can you tell if your girlfriend is cheating on you?” There is no definitive answer to any of these, but studying a few specific criterions can greatly improve your chances of not getting shit twisted.

So for instance, you’ll want to pay great attention to your SECKSUAL RELATIONSHIP with her. To demonstrate:

If she’s shit testing you considerably enough, but you guys are banging each other’s brains out every day; the shit tests are not coming from a place of resentment

If she’s shit testing you, being whiny, and secks is on the DECLINE, you need more attraction.

If the relationship is too lopsided in your favor, she may attempt to rebalance it by holding out on secks. Here you’ll have to be exceptionally exact in reading her. Does she WANT secks, but is holding out on it in a desperate attempt to make you beg for a pussy handout; or does she NOT want secks, and is holding out on it passively just because she isn’t as interested in you?

How passionate is she DURING secks, and how much attention does she pay to your pleasure versus hers. Big indicator: a girl interested will occasionally ask “are you sure it’s good?” when you’re using a condom, a girl not as interested, or only using you for vagina itch care, will only care about her side of the pleasure spectrum.

When you first start dating a girl, if you are NOT in the dominant position, you will see much more last minute resistance. LMR occurs when her hamster isn’t sure if the investment in you is worth it, and is absent in the presence of enough game. On occasion you will see LMR when your game is TOO tight (or if you’re playing up c/f too much), in which case she is wondering whether you’ll judge her or if this is worth the risk that you’ll shaft her right after.

Penis in vagina is much more of an accurate measure of a girl’s interest than smileys in texts, phone conversations, and other forms of affection. The reason is simple, the male/female dynamic. Women use secks to get relationships, men use relationships to get secks (at least this is how it’s SUPPOSED to play out). If she is NOT putting out, she is subconsciously assuming she can get enough affection from you while saving her intimacy for a more worthy man. As a corollary to this assumption, remember that women assume a man who has ENOUGH reproductive value for them to sleep with, would not give them enough attention WITHOUT secks because he has too many other options and/or obligations.

If you’re having mind blowing secks consistently and her attraction for you is obviously high, yet she is shit testing you A LOT, especially around other people, you might be facing a rare aggressive form of shit testing that occurs when a woman feels her secksual market value has been threatened. If a girl is in a relationship with a guy and everyone PERCIEVES him to have much more value than her, she will try and put him down, especially in front of other people, to equilibrate her value with his. DO NOT “call her out” on said shit tests, that only signals to her that she was able to get an emotional reaction out of you, which implicates LOWER value on your part because only if the both of you were on EQUAL footing in the first place would she be able to affect you in a visible way. Savy?

Focus on secks over PERIODS, not short bursts of affection unless they result from ATTRACTION. To explain, sometimes your girlfriend will have secks with you, even good secks, after you’ve FAILED a shit test or while she’s drunk. You may have apologized and told her how much you loved her, and she may have rewarded you with a blow-job. But if you allow secks to subsist on “good behavior,” you’re fucked. Be careful so as not to encourage a reward dynamic when it comes to secks. You guys have secks because both of you want to have secks. A secks/reward system is essentially the same thing as a push/pull system in game; just inverted in favor of the girl. Rather than you going no contact to soft next her; she goes no secks to soft next you.

If you think she’s cheating on you, check to see if she wants to have secks with you while she’s ovulating. Seriously. An accurate gauge of her secksual interest is just as valuable, and far less expensive, than a lie detector test.


how to tell if your girlfriend is cheating on you


8 Responses to “Secks”

  • Chris H

    Me and my ex were talking on the phone and she was like “If I come over we can’t have sex” , I was like ” Ok that’s fine I want to take it slow with you anyways” and when she did come over we were just cuddled up on the couch watching a movie and she puts both her thumbs in the belt loop holes and pulls back her pants a little bit, she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. So I took that as a que to play with her. When I slipped my hand down south her pussy was freshly SHAVEN and already slippery wet on the outside of her pussy. Was such a turn on. I quote from shark.

    “Does she WANT secks, but is holding out on it in a desperate attempt to make you beg for a pussy handout”

    I know this way to well, its just like a stack of cards, a thin wall but easy to break.

  • john L


    I am wondering how to build initial rapport in a relationship, where the attraction level is higher than 80%. I have read one of your posts where it said after the initial stages of rapport are built, it is like auto-pilot from then on. I have not yet reached auto-pilot. I am in high school and the girl in question has no classes with me, we see each other at lunch and in the halls but never really have an intimate conversation where both of us connect. We just came out of no contact, which was a shit test on her part. I have given her some compliance tests after the no contact was broken and she gladly abides to them. Any suggestions on how to build rapport without seeming to desperate or lowering the attraction? Since we really have no excuse/reason for seeing each other, other than forceful will.

  • Necorochi

    Hey shark can you shoot a few examples of DHV’s and some Negs you like to use, also what are good examples(feild report) to get girls qualifying to you. Qualifying mentality scenarios.

  • Matt

    Nice post Shark, I have been reading a lot of your material over the last two weeks including your book. At the moment I am young (22) However, believe that from your articles it is common sense, get a job, be successful and go for your goals. And then you have a few tweaks here and there. It’s amazing how people miss this kinda stuff.

    Anyway, I was wondering if you could do an article on what type of man you are. For example, some girls I will maybe get one iuts for, however feel as though I could “love” that person and the attraction is massive. Whereas on the other hand, like right now, I have the perfect girl chasing me, and I’m just not feeling the attraction to be with her.

    It seems as though, yeah she’s there, im working out hard and I’m also concentrating on my life, but I don’t feel as though she’s the person I want. All the girls I do find that I really want turn out to be lying cheats. Is this just a case for my liking on a sub concious level a slut?

  • joseph

    hey shark,
    what do you think about threesomes/foursomes? i once had a threesome with a girl i liked and her boyfriend, and needless to say it turned out a disaster. but i am still interested… how can i make threesomes or foursomes work with my girlfriend and other people or couples?

  • Cat

    Wicked post….you’ve just proved your sagacity by answering something hardly any other guru or dating site out there has addressed.

    Well done Shark….I salute you!

  • jamie

    Ok bit of a shit one here so my girlfriend told me Ashe had feelings for someone else I have told her its Me or him. She picked me but has been a bit cold and off not talking much long short I got needy. I have backed of and put started talking to a Co worker who makes her jealous seems to work. Oh we are in a ldr before I met her I was 100% alpha she was running after me then I back slid to beta. We are together 4 years now. Back on track so I went over to see her she cuddled me fucked me and sucked me it was great. So I get back home and find that if I show her affection she don’t show me it but if I don’t show affection she shows it? Wtf. When her friend is around she twists my words around and makes out I called her fat and a money whore lol. Problem is she is sweet when she calls at night what do I do? I think she is crazy shit testing me.

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