Solve My Girl Problems

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“I want you to open up to me”
I need to know how you feel so I know whether or not to dump you
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The “how you feel” means if they will start talking about all his feelings, become beta, therefore getting dumped?

Overtly talking about how you feel for her? Thus building rapport giving her a comfortable feeling with you?

Or should you just play amused mistery?

Or even answering some of the things you said like “If you don’t get fat I will always love you” or something like that?

 

“Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not the sitter.”
-Oscar Wilde

 

Shark, you’ve answered me a few times in the past. Most notable was Jan 26th, the comment about breaking up with my gf, 2 months later she came running back, we had sex, she said she didn’t want a relationship etc.

Well its been a few months. After about a month of sleeping together, I’d started to lose control of my Oneitis again and just flat out said to her “Does part of you want to get back together, or are we just killing time?” She said no, she doesn’t see us getting back together, so I said have a nice life and walked out without another word.

That was mid-feb. Its now april. I haven’t contacted her at all. Since the initial breakup I’ve lost 50 lbs, got a new job, made a ton of new friends. I have just started going out and approaching women. It took a while to feel confident…women were the last thing on my mind after an 8 year relationship. Two weeks ago I had to see my ex at a house party. (It was at my brothers house…wasn’t going to bail just cause she was gonna be there…NO FEAR, right?) I handled it well, didn’t pay her any attention but didn’t ignore her either if she wound up in the same area as me. She kept coming over to talk to me, but I didn’t give her much. At the end of the night she hugged me, I negged her while she did it.

Fast forward to this past weekend. Saw her again at a social. (Sidebar: Social=rent a hall and have a fundraiser for your wedding with a DJ and booze…they pretty much only exist where I live) I was looking excellent, new clothes and great new body. She comes in and gives me a present as soon as she sees me. Just a box of cookies I like. She starts flirting with this guy we both know, but I didn’t care. I’ve been doing great on my own. She tries to get me to come dance, I say no but then go dance with a group of women I don’t know. Later on she comes up to me and tells me the guy she’s flirting with has a GF. Basically saying it to be like “I’m not flirting, so you don’t need to worry” I make a joke about it and walk away. End of the night, last dance she leaves that guy to drag me out and slow dance. I kind of lose my frame a bit and ask her to come home with me, no strings. She is interested but we go to an after party first. In the end she crashes at the after party. I go home. Next day she’s texting me. And the day after. We hang out Sunday because I had a fallout with my family and I was weak and told her about it. In the end now she’s said she loves me, she wants me back, she’s sorry for everything she did, she wants to do whatever it takes to make it work.

So I’m screwed now. Until the social I was great. Sure, I thought about her, I got a bit upset thinking of who she’s with, but I was well on my way to getting over it fully. 8 years is hard to forget. Now I don’t know what to do. The problem I’m having is mainly this. I haven’t been with anyone since the break. I worked on myself, didn’t worry about girls cause that would come when I was ready. On the other hand, she craved comfort and attention so she has been with a few guys. First was the rebound…guy she emotionally cheated on me with…former friend of mine. I’m mostly over that, although it showed a total lack of respect for me. After I stopped sleeping with her in Feb, she’s slept with one other guy, and fooled around with 3 others.

I’ve read your post on “Her Past” so I know it shouldn’t matter to me. But this isn’t my new girlfriends past…this is my ex’s choices she made when she didn’t want to be with me and now she wants me back. The 5 guys she’s been with…one is my ex friend as I said. The other one she slept with is a random she had no respect for. The three guys she messed around with, one was someone she actually dated…that doesn’t bother me. The other two, one was her roommates friend, and finally…the worst…after that party 2 weeks ago she gave a bj to this guy I used to work with, a guy i hate…someone I’m having a hard time getting over. She knew he could be a deal breaker…she even said that in the back of her head she thought that doing it would force her to stop thinking of me cause it would kill her chances.

Technically she doesn’t owe me anything…we were both single. But I’ve been with no one, she’s been with 5 guys, and two are slaps in the face to me. Is there any way I can salvage this, or is this a prime example of a broken relationship that isn’t worth fixing. I love her, and part of me wants to be with her, but I’m disgusted by her choices. Is she a slut or am I just being beta?

 

“Men are so simple and yield so readily to the desires of the moment that (s)he who will trick will always find another who will suffer to be tricked”
- Machiavelli

 

Shark
I understand that you are not to take women seriously and that you tease instead of giving straight logical answers for example.

GIRL: Is it a long walk from the train to the club?
ALPHA: Don’t worry, shorty, your six inch marry me heels won’t break.

GIRL: Is it a long walk from the train to the club?
BETA: [excited to be spoken to by a cute girl] No, it’s not bad. Maybe five minutes.

&

GIRL: Why are we eating there? I heard their pizza was terrible.
ALPHA: There’s a froyo place right next door if you need to eat healthy.

GIRL: Why are we eating there? I heard their pizza was terrible.
BETA: Really? They’re supposed to be the best pizza in the city.

Their are times when you can’t think of a witty answer write off the back and forces you ( forces me ) to lie to a girl. Is a lie ok. Let me take that back. Of course a lie is ok but I guess my question is what if a girl knows you are telling a lie? Would a lie be better then a logical response?
Also their were times when they called me out on the lies. Deny? Treat as a shit test??? I’m confused as fuck, your advice would be much appreciated.

 

“A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.”
-Bruce Lee

 

Speaking of Power plays…why would my ex gf agree to meet with me after a long period of NC but be very adamant that she “is not interested in ever getting back together” or “flirting”. I’m doing fucking great now and I’m not threatened by her in the slightest. I let her know i’m not interested in getting back together either (but I would hatefuck her for sure), just wanted to catch up and make it clear that I’m moved on as well. I plan on being aloof and suave as fuck, and I’m not remotely interested in a relationship with anybody for a LOOOOOOONG time. I am curious as to why she would be so adamant about me “trying anything on her” but still agreeing to meet with me.

 

“Women do not deceive men. They help men deceive themselves.”

 

Shark,

Just did some catch-up, as I’ve been moving this past week. Great articles. I’ve got a question for you now. My ex, the one who dumped me last summer and started my journey from beta to alpha, has somehow made a resurgence into my subconscious. I started having dreams of her again this past week. I no longer have the beta-bleeding-heart feelings I did for her. Rather, I have an incredible urge to fuck her.

To be clear, the sex with her was phenomenal, and that’s an understatement. I STILL get wood thinking about it, and it was almost a year and several girls ago. Mind-blowing. Plus she had the best ass and hips of all the girls I’ve been with. And I know she loved the sex. I’d fuck her brains out for hours and gave her multiple squirting orgasms every time. The quilt in the basement still bears the stains from her.

So, yesterday on facebook, she posted a status on how the young guys always ask her out, and started basically listing the reasons why she likes them (never getting tired, eager to please, etc) and how she doesn’t want a relationship but wants some fun. Blatant reference to me. I never comment on her shit, but I was compelled to because everything was missing except my name. I said “we do have a certain allure,” to which she responded near instantaneously with “True…”

My mission is fuck her again. The girl that I am currently banging is great… but I’m just not really attracted to her anymore. Thinking about sex with her hardly inspires a boner, but when I think about the sex with my ex… instant wood.

How do I proceed to start banging this girl again? I am fully confident I will not backslide, as I do not want a relationship with anyone at all right now, and I understand that the man I am now is the kind of man she was yearning for me to be last summer (she had major daddy/broken home issues).

Anticipating your response, sir.

 

“A moment has arrived: your victim clearly desires you, but is not ready to admit it openly, let alone act on it. This is the time to throw aside chivalry, kindness, and coquetry, and to overwhelm with a bold move. Don’t give the victim time to consider the consequences; create conflict, stir up tension, so that the bold move comes as a great release. Showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself, as opposed to being overwhelmed by the victim’s charms. Never hold back or meet the target halfway, under the belief that you are being correct and considerate; you must be seductive now, not political. One person must go on the offensive, and it is you”
-Robert Greene

 

Hey shark,
If you could email an answer to me I’d appreciate it. What do you think it means when I am talking to multiple girls I am into, but then still end up taking other girls back to my dorm that I could be into but am still gunna end up talking to the girls I’m really talking to anyway, cause I end up feeling bad taking some girls back that are into me, cause I lead them on without really thinking I’m doing so, and I end up hurting them which I hate. Any incite you could give me would be great, I’m having a hard time with this recently.

 

“Opportunities multiply as they are seized”
-Sun Tzu

 

Hey shark what do you do when a girl you been gaming for about a month brings up being
exclusive. I mean she a great girl but i dont want to settle down I want to keep banging her and game other women how do I go about this.

 

“The reader of these Memoirs will discover that I never had any fixed aim before my eyes, and that my system, if it can be called a system, has been to glide away unconcernedly on the stream of life, trusting to the wind wherever it led”
-Casanova

 

Hi Shark

Here’s my new dilemma: I’ve been dating two girls, one of them is 18 and the other one is 32, im 28, both are cute but i have to say the younger one is more cute. What happened? i started dating the younger one (make out a few times with her) and everything at the start was going great, her attraction was at top and there was rapport and excitement from her. But suddenly i started seeing her less and less cause she was in college exam period and i can say her attraction reduced and i believe i couldn’t held enough rapport or competitive anxiety to maintain her interested cause i wasn’t able to see her.

With the older one we started hanging out, making out and sex everything cool but she told me she had an old foreign boyfriend who as going to come to town to stay here with her, so my interest dropped a little bit cause ive been through that situation recently and i really don’t like sharing my girl, but she is interested, though i see she is very flirtatious and a little bit inmature for her age. The younger one is inmature and has volatile character due to its age but she’s prettier and i’m kinda regaining connection with her.

With both of them i have a high perceived value, know i’m alpha and have been with beautiful women in my past, but my questions are: From your perspective which one should i choose to date more and which to have on the side considering this ifo (age, etc)? and the other question is should i let go of the older one based on what she told me or keep her aside and if choosing the youger one, based on her age WHAT WOULD BE THE BEST WAY TO REGAIN ATTRACTION AND RAPPORT WITH HER?. I’m pretty detached to both of them but i see in both interesting traits and relationship material. Which one would u choose?

Best blog EVER! U ROCK!

Ps. I’ve tried to buy the Black flag several times but my credit cards are always rejected, i think is because i’m not from the US and it’s hard for my credit cards to be pre- approved or i don’t know , i’m just speculating…

 

“The choices we make by accident are just as important as the choices we make by design.”

 

Also to add to his question, should your frame be the strongest when your around your dad it feels like if I show my true power he will to to get accustomed to it and try to make it back fire. Like are their instances were you don’t show your true power to keep people from trying you so to say.

 

“It is a curious thing, but perhaps those who are best suited to obtain power are those who never seek it.”