When I asked you for an article that would explain how women should be treated, it was too vague of a question indeed. What I meant to ask was, “Overall, from an Alpha perspective, how should women be perceived.” You have answered my question, and I thank you for that. Just to clarify though, would that not be considered unhealthy? Thinking of women as inferior is misogynistic and degrading — full of contempt. I mentioned in my previous comment that I’ve never had a leading figure in my life, and this is an ambiguous and confusing matter for me.
People reading this blog would laugh and think to themselves, “What a pansy beta,” and I’m anticipating that you would argue and say that I’ve been affected by feminization of society and that I need to break out of this thinking pattern. No perception of Alpha is necessarily correct, its a relative concept, meaning that we’ve ‘defined it’ and that it is flawed. Yet, I do understand that there are qualities observed in males that would make them more desirable. i.e. as you say, viewing women as inferior
From an evolutionary perspective, yes, men are providers and therefore very valuable, but on the other hand women are our caretakers and nurturers. They are also very valuable and I can’t wholeheartedly argue that they are inferior in that sense. How about our mothers and sisters? If we adopt that worldview of women, doesn’t that put our very creators on a level below our own?
Challenge my thinking.
You’re thinking it’s wrong to view them as inferior because you believe it directly translates into not having respect for them, but it does not. I don’t think my gardener has as much value as me, but I don’t DISrespect him. Women desire men of higher value, what better way to communicate this than to truly believe it? I view them as having lower value than me, in the sense that I think I’m lord and god of the entire world, but I undeniably hold a certain respect and fascination for them.
Not having any respect for them, while audibly more crude, would still be functionally correct for the purpose of attraction. Moral prejudices aside, it works. You begin to view them as more “primitive,” and all humans, regardless of gender, are at their cores, primitive creatures. If you lack respect for a person, you consequently strip them of their more complicated human aura and begin to see the far simpler and predictable animal inside. You begin to ACT like you’re better than them, which is the essence of game.
But you can respect women and still understand them. You don’t need to ostensibly believe women are only objects of pleasure to treat them so during secks. And in fact, that’s exactly what a girl wants. For you to respect her, but still treat her in a way that lets her surrender to you. For her to be able to be open about her secksuality, but for you to not judge her for it or look down on it.
To demonstrate further, I view interns as “inferior,” but I still have respect for them. I don’t attach overly complex intuitions to them. They are animals, I know what they want. They are working to put something on a piece of paper so they can feel more secure about job hunting in the future. They want money so they can provide food and feed their consumer obsessions. They are simple. By understanding them, I know how to LEAD them because I know the things that MOTIVATE them. Zen mastery over women and people in general requires that you take them off their human pedestals, that you see them on a far more fundamental level.
Shark, a question just popped into my mind.
How do you talk to really influential people when you have a chance to talk to them? Specially if you want to keep in touch, or have some sort of … connection with their world.
It came to my mind because tomorrow James Cameron is coming to my film school in Beijing(I’m from Europe) and of course…being able to befriend James Cameron is a little too farfetched specially with limited time and being just a student and people are just going to try to talk to him like crazy so I guess I cannot do much other than watch from afar(specially because people are ultra over excited with the crappy 3d version of titanic… I haven’t even seen that movie, but I LOVE Aliens and Terminator)
But, often other people that are not so known by face on the media come over here. Like, producers, editors, other directors, art directors, sound engineers, etc.. How should I talk to them for them to get interested in me? To keep in touch? So they introduce me to other people? In all, to get CONNECTIONS in the world I want to be? Or also… just so I know some kick ass people for future needs, social proof, or just for the hell of it.
In this case it’s film, but it could work for business, other arts, sports, whatever.
Do I look up to them? Do I let them talk? Do i disagree with them? Do I make the most amaizing 1st impression about myself? Do I treat them like a 100% equal? etc.etc.etc.
Would love it if you could elaborate a bit, I have some limitations with my language skills when asking questions, my bad.
Thank you very much, kind sir.
Praise their work in a very specific way. Notice something about their style of art that they intentionally do; but that people normally do not see. Disagreeing never works, you’ll more likely annoy them. For example, if you were to meet Lebron James, you would say “Your 4th quarter defensive stops are amazing,” instead of the more common “Your athleticism is crazy” or a criticism of his offensive late-game performance. Very good questions also work. But don’t count on making an impression on a Super Alpha like Cameron and expecting it to stick.
On the other hand, when you’re ABOVE someone on the social scale, criticisms become gold. People will praise you for pointing out their flaws and for helping them see their invisible shortcomings.
“Go do some push ups, drink 2 cups of coffee, and then make a list of things you want to accomplish in the near future. Then go out and meet someone new.”
I’ve done a lot of research and I’m not finding an easy way to get over someone which is mostly what I’m interested in. I’ve been desexualized sometime ago and I’m just an emotional buffer. Problem is, I really shouldn’t spend time/money/effort on this situation. I’ve taken extreme measures such as changing my number, only to come back and realize her grasp on me is stronger than that. Coming from an individual with strong will, I have trouble resisting. At this point, I’m considering even more extreme measures such as joining the military, or other distancing tactics. I would really appreciate some good and detailed advice.
Unfortunately, there is none that I can give you. It’s tough, seemingly impossible, to get up after a real, heart-tearing experience; but there’s nothing to it beyond letting yourself get over her by meeting new people and doing other things. The best advice I can give you is, I’ve never felt truly over someone I loved till I either met someone new worth committing to or devoted myself to a greater cause.
Hey Shark, do you watch any professional sports?
I know you’re not much into wasting too much time on entertainment. I don’t like watching that much myself, but sometimes T feel like I need to watch.
Ocassionally watch a random football(soccer) competition(specially when they’re important or sometimes just with friends to socialize), or the MotoGP(which is a beautiful sport) or even some boxing or MMA if I can.
MMA, basketball, the Olympics whenever they’re on, but nothing more than that. And even those, not feverishly.
Awesome blog. Question: is dealing with procrastination a sheer matter of willpower or are there techniques/methods to go around it?
Techniques and methods may work, but they are reserved for those who lack will power. It would be akin to a beta relying on canned routines without ever internalizing the concepts behind them; the practice is self-defeating in nature because it only mentally affirms your weakness. When you tell yourself “I need to use this technique to make myself productive,” you admit that your success and determination is dependent on something else.
Can anyone send me a link to the original challenge?
I’ve been reading to Black Flag and all the blog posts, working to kill the remnants of the beta-mindset that i had.
I want to try out the challenge shark mentioned in this post to test my mettle.
My name is Emily and I am 18 years old. How I came across your site, I’m not sure, but now, after nearly three weeks of carefully combing through your articles (selected for reading solely by the thumbnail and wittiness of the title (I judge books by their covers because it’s efficient)) I have begun to suffer from an inner complex of what I know to be truth and that which I wish wasn’t truth at all. For instance, I wouldn’t call myself a feminist, but I have an innate drive within me that runs counterpoint to game. I want to better myself, and I want to enlighten myself, and I want to make a lot of money so I don’t need to rely on anyone other than myself. All of these things, as outlined in your posts, seem masculine. Men do these things so they can make money and fuck bitchez, because they want to pass on their genes (as off brand as they may be) to the next generation. I recognize this is a fundamental part of evolutionary psychology and it breeds progress. It’s funny actually–now that I’ve become aware of my own feminine psyche instead of subconsciously aware of it, I can recognize why I have lost attraction for a guy instead of just realizing I’ve lost attraction for him. However, I fear that the part of me that wishes to retain its own autonomy will turn a lot of men off; it’s not even like I want to emasculate them, or that I feel entitled to my spot on the pedestal. There is a biological portion of me that wants to meet my Alpha match; that wants to be challenged; that wants to be dominated. On the other hand, I know for a fact that I am more intellectual and capable than many men, so the idea that just because they are men, they deserve to achieve more than me so they can, in essence, mate with me, is fucking ridiculous. This mentality won’t give me a great payout though. Men don’t care if women are successful or if they are funny or if they are even intelligent. My worth is esteemed by my appearance, which seems so laughably minimalistic to the components that make up men’s worth. Again, I realize this paradox exists for a reason; that is where my confusion and frustration comes in. I know how to play the game as a woman. It’s not hard. I just have to be attractive. But, at the same time, that is not enough for me. I want to do all things men do without losing my femininity or playing into the feminist Matrix. Is this even possible?
P.S. I hear all PUAs end up in Valhalla after death. Some may consider this an equivalent to the 9th circle of Hell, but I think it’s actually closer to a rowdy New York night bar.
The answer to if it’s possible, is yes.
The conflict you’re feeling between acknowledging evolutionary psychology versus wanting it to be different, I’m sure, has pained everyone reading this at one point or another. It goes back to the issue of humans being only animals from a reductionist view and culture being impartial in its judgement. Women will view men as shallow, because, like you said, their achievements are reproductive proxies aimed at communicating value to mate with you and men will view women as shallow because women want to mate with them based on their accumulation of these proxies. The same way you feel “wtf? Men are ultimately only driven in their pursuits because of a biological imperative to mate with me,” A man will feel “wtf? Women are ultimately only driven in their pursuit to mate with me because of a biological imperative that highlights my value based on my pursuits, or ability to manipulate that imperative (game).”
But biomechanics is inescapable. I hate that I can’t be attracted to every girl around me and then judge them purely based on their intelligence and my chemistry with them the same way you hate that you will be judged according to your looks far more than your intelligence. But it has, for better or for worse, been the most favorable way to propagate our species.
The reason why you FEEL like you can’t “do all the things men do,” is because self-entitled women in positions of power has become a cliche, the same way assholes and disgusting men are a cliche in those same circles. I remember early on when I first began venturing into business, the girl I was with asked me to get a 9-5 job instead, “Please don’t, all men who get into business become egotistical monsters.” And I began questioning it, will I lose the things I like about myself if I embraced my hunger for achievement? I noticed a strong correlation between these men, people I did NOT want to be like, and people of power, which made me question if “masculinity” directly equated to this attitude.
Fortunately I learned, later on, that it did not. One of the major aims of this blog is to share that enlightenment.
Lack of masculinity < Negative Masculinity < Positive Masculinity. As you can guess, so few men fall into the last category that negative masculinity gets interpreted as MASCULINITY ITSELF, which makes it an easy target for equalists.
The same applies to femininity. From the disillusion post you commented on, recall that I pointed out how attention is intoxicating for women the same way power is intoxicating for men. Women who are “successful” by today’s standards are so often denatured through hyper-competitive environments that champion the cause of feminism that they no longer remain attractive. But like the glimmer of positive masculinity that remains within the entire sphere of masculinity, there remains hope for women who want to combine the best of both worlds.
It is not REQUIRED that if you do great things as a woman, that you MUST become a zealot of feminism or lose touch with your femininity; the same way that it is not REQUIRED for a man to become a sociopathic morally dubious human being if he wants to be masculine. We only BELIEVE that these are directly related because that’s what we’ve been conditioned to believe. But let’s not be naive, these stereotypes exist for a reason. One needs only to visit a law or investment banking firm to be sure of it.
The reason why negative masculinity and feminism run so rampant across the upper echelons of success and power is because that’s what everyone gets exposed to. At 16 I remember walking into my first real-life boiler room, and everyone there was a fuckin animal. So what was my immediate assumption? That to be rich or a good financial trader, you also needed to be rude and unhygienic. Similarly, I imagine most ambitious girls immediately get their feminity truncated when their friends compel them to join “Women in Power” clubs. They become mind-warped, just like men, into believe that being a denatured feminist is almost a necessary component of being “successful.”
There is also a more natural cause for this. Being hypergamous, women in power view men of lower statuses with far more contempt, especially beta males of lower statuses. It’s an inevitable instinct, women are SUPPOSED to detest lesser men. But then again, who cares about the opinions of lesser men anyways?
As for finding a man you will be attracted to, there is both good news and bad news. The good news is, as you meet men of higher caliber, ASSUMING THEY ALREADY FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH, they will judge you more and more for your intelligence and charisma (granted they don’t go past a certain threshold). The higher up you go in the Alpha scale, the more the men have options. And when men have options, beauty becomes fairly irrelevant. Basic economic forces pushes the value of beauty down (abundant factor) and pushes the value of intelligence/humor (scarce factors) up. And this is where most women get hoodwinked. They assume that betas are more appreciative of personal attributes because of who they date, but in reality, it’s because a beta male will take whatever he can get. A lesser man will praise you for your intelligence because he’s been socialized to do so. But if you go far up enough, you begin to meet guys who are not phased by beauty. It’s only a thing to appreciate. The ones aiming for relationships will never commit to a girl just because she’s hot, they look for characteristics that they would find favorable on a longer time scale. The more capable a man is of attracting 9s and 10s, the more he becomes willing to screen for higher quality women. Then again, this doesn’t apply at all to men who plain pull themselves out of the monogamy market or ones who would rather deal with women as little as possible (in which case intelligence/charisma are again irrelevant, but why would you want to be with a guy like that anyways?)
The bad news is, actually, there’s a lot of bad news. Men of higher caliber are far more prone to dropping you for someone else, cheating on you because the option is so easily placed before them, and most of all, make you rationalize that they wouldn’t do either of these things because you find them THAT attractive and rare. And if you go on to do things that are “masculine,” and you DO lose touch with your feminity, they simply will not pay any attention to you. You need to be practical about it, the same way men must be practical about women. There’s nothing wrong with reading, writing, being intelligent, exploring the world, but you cannot forget that men are attracted to sweetly feminine and coy women. Do not let your achievements, accomplishments or pursuits remove you from reality. Similarly, if you’re a guy, it might be attractive to be unavailable, wealthy as fuck, and a genius; but you must remember that attraction is not enough to keep a girl, you also need rapport. Embrace reality and think practically; but don’t let that stop you from chasing your ideals and dreams.
One last thing, Shark.
Do you know much about how or how quickly someone can shift from the habit of living in one’s head (internal stimulation) to getting (needing) your fix from social and external interactions? I’m beginning to think introversion is an unforgivable sin.
Literally speaking, a moment. If I remember correctly, Napoleon was naturally introverted but learned to exude charisma because he realized its power. I suppose he is the greatest practitioner of external game, ever.
Is Mr. Chadwick an alpha?
Couldn’t say. Seems like an Alpha move, but he could be a really pissed off beta too.
So how do I tell a girly-girl diva from a psycho with borderline personality disorder? There’s actually alot of commonly shared traits?!?
There’s only one full-proof litmus test. You have to do some really really fucked up shit, and then see if she tries to kill you. If she does, she’s a psycho. If she doesn’t, she’s only a diva.
Btw Can you please email me personally as I have a dilemma I would love to talk about It involves a girl who can’t get over her ex yet likes me. Don’t know what to do.
This is, quite literally, an impossible scenario. Judge a girl by her actions, not her words. If she says she has feelings for both you and her ex but isn’t having secks or committing to you, she is still into her ex. If the both of you ARE in a “physical” relationship, but she still mentions her ex and declines to be in an exclusive relationship with you, she is interested in you but relatively more interested in her ex; she is using you as a rebound. If she is both committed AND physical with you to a respectable degree, she is interested only in you but is using her past relationship as shit testing ammo. Or, she isn’t explosively attracted enough to jump the gun on this.
Women are hypergamous. They don’t have 2 eggs simultaneously, only one. Meaning, their hearts can only be fully owned by one person at a time.
What if you have a class everyday with someone and you can’t afford to skip class. It undermines everything you teach, mystery, routine etc. Is it possible to make this situation work?
You are missing the concept behind mystery, and the more fundamental aspect of putting yourself above women. Being mysterious only means that you appeal to a woman’s imagination. I say you should avoid a girl for weeks at a time because the general audience here is no longer in school, but the idea behind it is simply “don’t give her attention or reveal too much about yourself” and “don’t hang out with her too often, keep passion on ice.”
As for skipping class for a girl, never. It sub-communicates lesser value because you’re putting her priority to hang out with you above your priority to increase your value.
ok shark, b4 i start i wanna say u my man, u helped me thru some tought shit, i really hope one day i meet a stranger and become friend with him then i find out its u (1 of the best day of my life man) however this time i come with u with a complicated AS FUCK kinda problem, this girl i met few months back, we brokeup last month bcuz i HV FEELINGS FOR MY EX, yes the same midget i’ve been talking abt for 2 yrs now, ofcourse i didnt tell her that “i broke up bcuz i hv feelings for my ex” and the relationship wasnt official or any shit like that i used to say “ur my rose flower” she used to say ur my teddy bear kinda relationship, so this girl loved me a lot judgiing by her interest and shit, she deleted me offf facebook (i didnt mind at all, rather i practing sarging with my other friends), she moved to virginia (i didnt mind) she tried to make me jealous (i tried to flirt with her best firend) she flirted with other guys (i uploaded pics of me with a hot stripper)
later we used to send each other variations of indirect love message via new timeline, she upload those pics loke “our love is true love” then id upload pics like “fuck yea” vise versa, recently she DEACTIVATED her facebook, THAT FUCKING GOT TO ME MAAANNN, cuz i used to check her 4 times a day, and it was a few days b4 her bday, now i didnt wish her, followed ur advice (if a chick love u it will increase the love if u ignore her + powerful ppl care less etc) but its been a month, she didnt come to facebook, i havnt seen her, i miss her like shit, i know all the games that exes play like u said “she will try her best to get a statement out of u like i miss u or something like that, self reassurance” so what should i do now, she is a very nice girl, NOT DIVAS, NOT BITCHEZ, very emotional girl who likes to believe in truw love n barbie stories, the kinda girl u’d get married to and have kids with, the kinda girl who will cook n clean ur dick if u tell her to, i wanna send her a flacid text like YO U ALIVE ? after another 10 days what do u say ? u say i do man
Ahh, the inevitable curse of humanity, to always want what you can’t have. And as a corollary, to finally want what you had all along. You need only to relax and realize that you see this girl as perfect right now BECAUSE you can no longer have her.
If you wish to pursue, a non-sequiottoir text should do it. “You alive?” hints that you’ve been bursting to talk to her and so shaken up by her freeze out that you assumed she must have died (yes, girls read very much in between the lines).
At the same time, this might be something you should let go of, especially if this is a long-distance Oneitis. Those happen to be particularly excruciating.
love the video with tyler, dudes hilarious.
This site has helped me a lot with my betaness. I have really seen a huge stride foward in my inner game and as a result my outer game is on point and I am # closing and K-closing every night i go out. I was stuck real bad on oneitis for this girl, my “first love” i suppose. Recently after a few weeks of NC, and me going out every night working on game, I realized I can close girls i never thought i could and was finally starting to feel good again. Cue the text from the ex.
“Are you gonna pay me back for when i picked you up from the airport?”
I wasn’t going to respond, but feeling strongly that I am not going to revert to my beta ways with her i chose to respond.
me-”Sorry who’s this?”
bitch- “Who recently picked you up from the airport that you owe?”
me- “..? who is this? i think you might have the wrong number.”
bitch- “your a dick. It’s _____. I thought you had my number memorized. I needed a ride from you and I helped you out when you needed a ride and now you can’t help me.”
bitch- “god fuck you seriously i am really stressed about a ride”
me- “are you asking for a ride?”
bitch- “yes my flight leaves at 8.”
me- “alright i’ll come stay over and we’ll leave in the morning”
bitch- “okay you don’t have to, like if you’re with people, or if you’re drunk, dont come if you’re drunk”
I didn’t respond to these, i just went over and called her to let me in.
I walked in laid down rolled over facing away from her and started to pass out.
bitch- “hey ben, do you ever think about if we hadnt broken up, we’d probably be getting married soon.” (puts her arm around me)
me- “yeah, but aren’t you a little glad we didnt, i mean we’re young as fuck, i’m not ready to get married.”
bitch- why do you say such mean stuff to me?
me- I really don’t wanna talk about the past.
bitch- well you said some really mean things and im pretty sure i hate you so fine. (Rolls over away from me)
me- nothing. falls asleep. She wakes me back up.
I kiss her, she pulls away and says “you’ve hurt me so bad ben i’ll never kiss you again.”
Fall back asleep. she wakes me back up. I kiss her again, this time she kisses back and i proceed to try to go a little further.
Anyways, i had to deal with probably 10 shit tests, but by the end i was fucking her from behind, nutted and we both passed out. Then I had to deal with an hour car ride of her telling me how she missed me and that she had been thinking a lot about me and that she had ripped up all our old pictures that day, and how she liked another guy and he didnt end up liking her, I smiled and just drove on down the road. Anyways she brought some CD with all these country love songs and told me they all reminded her of me and stuff. Its obvious shes trying to suck me back in. but schools out in a week and shes graduating and im going home to finish my last year. I don’t want to fall back into anything with her unless i can stay alpha, but i have no problem with a little action this last two weeks here cause she does suck a mean dick and she pushes me to get my schoolwork done.
My question is, should i even be talking to her, should i have handled her differently, and what should i be focusing on to maintain attraction and rapport with her. We have a nasty on and off history where we dated for one year then were off and on for another year… and it was filled with drama and crazyness, but i guess thats college for you. I feel like ive grown up and know i should probably stay away from her, but part of me kind of wants to keep her around while i pursue other options, just to prove to myself ive changed my beta ways.
You handled it excellently. Noobs take note, the force is strong with this one.
If you feel she will have a negative influence on your life, keep her at a distance and more as a friend with benefits. If you see her visibly pulling you down, cut her off completely.
As for keeping her as an option, maintain attraction the same way you’ve been doing, through amused mastery. Rapport however, will be more about showing “cracks” in your armor. Sometimes make it look like you’re ABOUT to say “I miss you too,” or “I love you too,” but then you changed your mind. Make it seem like she’s “making progress” in terms of sucking you back in, but always keep her emotions oscillating in limbo. Balance between making her feel rejected and accepted, let her be UNSURE of where things are going.
I recently had a similar dilemma. I didn’t even want to hook up with the girl though. But, consequently, because she went all out and professed her love for me, and asked me to take her virginity, and I denied her, a few times, even denied kissing her (I just couldn’t bring myself to do it), I lost an entire circle of friends. Pretty much my only group of friends in this new town, where I moved for school. It sucks because I had a tight knit group of people, and was definitely going to hook up with a few of the attractive girls in said group. But, because the one I denied is such an integral friend in the group, and was a good friend of mine (I honestly didn’t even realize how hard I was unintentionally gaming her back then), I look like a total asshole, and now no one from that group wants to hang out with me; they all paired off into best friend cliques and I was left on the side because I was busy doing my own thing. She is someone I used to hang out with pretty much daily on campus, due to location. Now that we all live off campus, it’s like they’ve shunned me from their group. Should I just cut my losses and avoid all contact with any of them now? When I run into them downtown they act like nothing’s happened, but now they no longer contact me (which they always did first), and if I send them a brief text, they respond like a day later if at all. Like I seriously think they hate me for NOT wanting to take a girl’s virginity that I’m quite positive (and one main reason I don’t want to attempt to) I wouldn’t be able to get it up, which would be even more devastating to her, I feel, than outright rejection.And she’s 22, so I’ve told her there are thousands of horny guys, if she just goes out one night and takes her pick it’ll be easy, or that maybe before sex, she should start slow and work her way up, like mess around with people and get comfortable with herself, by a vibrator, etc…I think she is, or is becoming a lesbian due to her lack of male sexual influence though. Largely in part to her hot Diva friend who gets all the attention, and makes her pale in comparison. Kinda sad.
Thanks for the great post. Reminds me of quite a few girls I know and have known. Can’t really refute any of what you wrote. Seen and experienced it all.
Have you ever had oneitis for a girl, then met someone who had the same name, and your oneitis subsided? This happened to me recently, and the name is NOT common, only met 2 people, the two in question, with this name. Because now when I think of _____ I think of ______ & _____ and it’s really weird how much it helped having the additional same-named girl to think of in relation to the girl I have/had oneitis for. Kinda hard to explain. Keep it up.
A fairly relevant psych trick: If you meet a taken girl, tell her you know someone with her boyfriend’s name. Mention him fairly often, and associate his personality with loserish traits.
How would I go about orbiting a 8/10 by and after breaking off an exclusive relationship. Her having secks with other guys doesn’t bother me, however, I wouldn’t mind her around when the cawk gets itchy. (just reposting incase my other post didn’t go through.
Limbo is always the answer, read 2 comments above this one.