Comments
When I asked you for an article that would explain how women should be treated, it was too vague of a question indeed. What I meant to ask was, “Overall, from an Alpha perspective, how should women be perceived.” You have answered my question, and I thank you for that. Just to clarify though, would that not be considered unhealthy? Thinking of women as inferior is misogynistic and degrading — full of contempt. I mentioned in my previous comment that I’ve never had a leading figure in my life, and this is an ambiguous and confusing matter for me.
People reading this blog would laugh and think to themselves, “What a pansy beta,” and I’m anticipating that you would argue and say that I’ve been affected by feminization of society and that I need to break out of this thinking pattern. No perception of Alpha is necessarily correct, its a relative concept, meaning that we’ve ‘defined it’ and that it is flawed. Yet, I do understand that there are qualities observed in males that would make them more desirable. i.e. as you say, viewing women as inferior
From an evolutionary perspective, yes, men are providers and therefore very valuable, but on the other hand women are our caretakers and nurturers. They are also very valuable and I can’t wholeheartedly argue that they are inferior in that sense. How about our mothers and sisters? If we adopt that worldview of women, doesn’t that put our very creators on a level below our own?
Challenge my thinking.
You’re thinking it’s wrong to view them as inferior because you believe it directly translates into not having respect for them, but it does not. I don’t think my gardener has as much value as me, but I don’t DISrespect him. Women desire men of higher value, what better way to communicate this than to truly believe it? I view them as having lower value than me, in the sense that I think I’m lord and god of the entire world, but I undeniably hold a certain respect and fascination for them.
Not having any respect for them, while audibly more crude, would still be functionally correct for the purpose of attraction. Moral prejudices aside, it works. You begin to view them as more “primitive,” and all humans, regardless of gender, are at their cores, primitive creatures. If you lack respect for a person, you consequently strip them of their more complicated human aura and begin to see the far simpler and predictable animal inside. You begin to ACT like you’re better than them, which is the essence of game.
But you can respect women and still understand them. You don’t need to ostensibly believe women are only objects of pleasure to treat them so during secks. And in fact, that’s exactly what a girl wants. For you to respect her, but still treat her in a way that lets her surrender to you. For her to be able to be open about her secksuality, but for you to not judge her for it or look down on it.
To demonstrate further, I view interns as “inferior,” but I still have respect for them. I don’t attach overly complex intuitions to them. They are animals, I know what they want. They are working to put something on a piece of paper so they can feel more secure about job hunting in the future. They want money so they can provide food and feed their consumer obsessions. They are simple. By understanding them, I know how to LEAD them because I know the things that MOTIVATE them. Zen mastery over women and people in general requires that you take them off their human pedestals, that you see them on a far more fundamental level.
Shark, a question just popped into my mind.
How do you talk to really influential people when you have a chance to talk to them? Specially if you want to keep in touch, or have some sort of … connection with their world.
It came to my mind because tomorrow James Cameron is coming to my film school in Beijing(I’m from Europe) and of course…being able to befriend James Cameron is a little too farfetched specially with limited time and being just a student and people are just going to try to talk to him like crazy so I guess I cannot do much other than watch from afar(specially because people are ultra over excited with the crappy 3d version of titanic… I haven’t even seen that movie, but I LOVE Aliens and Terminator)
But, often other people that are not so known by face on the media come over here. Like, producers, editors, other directors, art directors, sound engineers, etc.. How should I talk to them for them to get interested in me? To keep in touch? So they introduce me to other people? In all, to get CONNECTIONS in the world I want to be? Or also… just so I know some kick ass people for future needs, social proof, or just for the hell of it.
In this case it’s film, but it could work for business, other arts, sports, whatever.Do I look up to them? Do I let them talk? Do i disagree with them? Do I make the most amaizing 1st impression about myself? Do I treat them like a 100% equal? etc.etc.etc.
Would love it if you could elaborate a bit, I have some limitations with my language skills when asking questions, my bad.
Thank you very much, kind sir.
Praise their work in a very specific way. Notice something about their style of art that they intentionally do; but that people normally do not see. Disagreeing never works, you’ll more likely annoy them. For example, if you were to meet Lebron James, you would say “Your 4th quarter defensive stops are amazing,” instead of the more common “Your athleticism is crazy” or a criticism of his offensive late-game performance. Very good questions also work. But don’t count on making an impression on a Super Alpha like Cameron and expecting it to stick.
On the other hand, when you’re ABOVE someone on the social scale, criticisms become gold. People will praise you for pointing out their flaws and for helping them see their invisible shortcomings.
“Go do some push ups, drink 2 cups of coffee, and then make a list of things you want to accomplish in the near future. Then go out and meet someone new.”
I’ve done a lot of research and I’m not finding an easy way to get over someone which is mostly what I’m interested in. I’ve been desexualized sometime ago and I’m just an emotional buffer. Problem is, I really shouldn’t spend time/money/effort on this situation. I’ve taken extreme measures such as changing my number, only to come back and realize her grasp on me is stronger than that. Coming from an individual with strong will, I have trouble resisting. At this point, I’m considering even more extreme measures such as joining the military, or other distancing tactics. I would really appreciate some good and detailed advice.
Unfortunately, there is none that I can give you. It’s tough, seemingly impossible, to get up after a real, heart-tearing experience; but there’s nothing to it beyond letting yourself get over her by meeting new people and doing other things. The best advice I can give you is, I’ve never felt truly over someone I loved till I either met someone new worth committing to or devoted myself to a greater cause.
Hey Shark, do you watch any professional sports?
I know you’re not much into wasting too much time on entertainment. I don’t like watching that much myself, but sometimes T feel like I need to watch.Ocassionally watch a random football(soccer) competition(specially when they’re important or sometimes just with friends to socialize), or the MotoGP(which is a beautiful sport) or even some boxing or MMA if I can.
MMA, basketball, the Olympics whenever they’re on, but nothing more than that. And even those, not feverishly.
Shark,
Awesome blog. Question: is dealing with procrastination a sheer matter of willpower or are there techniques/methods to go around it?
Techniques and methods may work, but they are reserved for those who lack will power. It would be akin to a beta relying on canned routines without ever internalizing the concepts behind them; the practice is self-defeating in nature because it only mentally affirms your weakness. When you tell yourself “I need to use this technique to make myself productive,” you admit that your success and determination is dependent on something else.
Can anyone send me a link to the original challenge?
I’ve been reading to Black Flag and all the blog posts, working to kill the remnants of the beta-mindset that i had.
I want to try out the challenge shark mentioned in this post to test my mettle.
Shark,
My name is Emily and I am 18 years old. How I came across your site, I’m not sure, but now, after nearly three weeks of carefully combing through your articles (selected for reading solely by the thumbnail and wittiness of the title (I judge books by their covers because it’s efficient)) I have begun to suffer from an inner complex of what I know to be truth and that which I wish wasn’t truth at all. For instance, I wouldn’t call myself a feminist, but I have an innate drive within me that runs counterpoint to game. I want to better myself, and I want to enlighten myself, and I want to make a lot of money so I don’t need to rely on anyone other than myself. All of these things, as outlined in your posts, seem masculine. Men do these things so they can make money and fuck bitchez, because they want to pass on their genes (as off brand as they may be) to the next generation. I recognize this is a fundamental part of evolutionary psychology and it breeds progress. It’s funny actually–now that I’ve become aware of my own feminine psyche instead of subconsciously aware of it, I can recognize why I have lost attraction for a guy instead of just realizing I’ve lost attraction for him. However, I fear that the part of me that wishes to retain its own autonomy will turn a lot of men off; it’s not even like I want to emasculate them, or that I feel entitled to my spot on the pedestal. There is a biological portion of me that wants to meet my Alpha match; that wants to be challenged; that wants to be dominated. On the other hand, I know for a fact that I am more intellectual and capable than many men, so the idea that just because they are men, they deserve to achieve more than me so they can, in essence, mate with me, is fucking ridiculous. This mentality won’t give me a great payout though. Men don’t care if women are successful or if they are funny or if they are even intelligent. My worth is esteemed by my appearance, which seems so laughably minimalistic to the components that make up men’s worth. Again, I realize this paradox exists for a reason; that is where my confusion and frustration comes in. I know how to play the game as a woman. It’s not hard. I just have to be attractive. But, at the same time, that is not enough for me. I want to do all things men do without losing my femininity or playing into the feminist Matrix. Is this even possible?P.S. I hear all PUAs end up in Valhalla after death. Some may consider this an equivalent to the 9th circle of Hell, but I think it’s actually closer to a rowdy New York night bar.
The answer to if it’s possible, is yes.
The conflict you’re feeling between acknowledging evolutionary psychology versus wanting it to be different, I’m sure, has pained everyone reading this at one point or another. It goes back to the issue of humans being only animals from a reductionist view and culture being impartial in its judgement. Women will view men as shallow, because, like you said, their achievements are reproductive proxies aimed at communicating value to mate with you and men will view women as shallow because women want to mate with them based on their accumulation of these proxies. The same way you feel “wtf? Men are ultimately only driven in their pursuits because of a biological imperative to mate with me,” A man will feel “wtf? Women are ultimately only driven in their pursuit to mate with me because of a biological imperative that highlights my value based on my pursuits, or ability to manipulate that imperative (game).”
But biomechanics is inescapable. I hate that I can’t be attracted to every girl around me and then judge them purely based on their intelligence and my chemistry with them the same way you hate that you will be judged according to your looks far more than your intelligence. But it has, for better or for worse, been the most favorable way to propagate our species.
The reason why you FEEL like you can’t “do all the things men do,” is because self-entitled women in positions of power has become a cliche, the same way assholes and disgusting men are a cliche in those same circles. I remember early on when I first began venturing into business, the girl I was with asked me to get a 9-5 job instead, “Please don’t, all men who get into business become egotistical monsters.” And I began questioning it, will I lose the things I like about myself if I embraced my hunger for achievement? I noticed a strong correlation between these men, people I did NOT want to be like, and people of power, which made me question if “masculinity” directly equated to this attitude.
Fortunately I learned, later on, that it did not. One of the major aims of this blog is to share that enlightenment.
Lack of masculinity < Negative Masculinity < Positive Masculinity. As you can guess, so few men fall into the last category that negative masculinity gets interpreted as MASCULINITY ITSELF, which makes it an easy target for equalists.
The same applies to femininity. From the disillusion post you commented on, recall that I pointed out how attention is intoxicating for women the same way power is intoxicating for men. Women who are “successful” by today’s standards are so often denatured through hyper-competitive environments that champion the cause of feminism that they no longer remain attractive. But like the glimmer of positive masculinity that remains within the entire sphere of masculinity, there remains hope for women who want to combine the best of both worlds.
It is not REQUIRED that if you do great things as a woman, that you MUST become a zealot of feminism or lose touch with your femininity; the same way that it is not REQUIRED for a man to become a sociopathic morally dubious human being if he wants to be masculine. We only BELIEVE that these are directly related because that’s what we’ve been conditioned to believe. But let’s not be naive, these stereotypes exist for a reason. One needs only to visit a law or investment banking firm to be sure of it.
The reason why negative masculinity and feminism run so rampant across the upper echelons of success and power is because that’s what everyone gets exposed to. At 16 I remember walking into my first real-life boiler room, and everyone there was a fuckin animal. So what was my immediate assumption? That to be rich or a good financial trader, you also needed to be rude and unhygienic. Similarly, I imagine most ambitious girls immediately get their feminity truncated when their friends compel them to join “Women in Power” clubs. They become mind-warped, just like men, into believe that being a denatured feminist is almost a necessary component of being “successful.”
There is also a more natural cause for this. Being hypergamous, women in power view men of lower statuses with far more contempt, especially beta males of lower statuses. It’s an inevitable instinct, women are SUPPOSED to detest lesser men. But then again, who cares about the opinions of lesser men anyways?
As for finding a man you will be attracted to, there is both good news and bad news. The good news is, as you meet men of higher caliber, ASSUMING THEY ALREADY FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH, they will judge you more and more for your intelligence and charisma (granted they don’t go past a certain threshold). The higher up you go in the Alpha scale, the more the men have options. And when men have options, beauty becomes fairly irrelevant. Basic economic forces pushes the value of beauty down (abundant factor) and pushes the value of intelligence/humor (scarce factors) up. And this is where most women get hoodwinked. They assume that betas are more appreciative of personal attributes because of who they date, but in reality, it’s because a beta male will take whatever he can get. A lesser man will praise you for your intelligence because he’s been socialized to do so. But if you go far up enough, you begin to meet guys who are not phased by beauty. It’s only a thing to appreciate. The ones aiming for relationships will never commit to a girl just because she’s hot, they look for characteristics that they would find favorable on a longer time scale. The more capable a man is of attracting 9s and 10s, the more he becomes willing to screen for higher quality women. Then again, this doesn’t apply at all to men who plain pull themselves out of the monogamy market or ones who would rather deal with women as little as possible (in which case intelligence/charisma are again irrelevant, but why would you want to be with a guy like that anyways?)
The bad news is, actually, there’s a lot of bad news. Men of higher caliber are far more prone to dropping you for someone else, cheating on you because the option is so easily placed before them, and most of all, make you rationalize that they wouldn’t do either of these things because you find them THAT attractive and rare. And if you go on to do things that are “masculine,” and you DO lose touch with your feminity, they simply will not pay any attention to you. You need to be practical about it, the same way men must be practical about women. There’s nothing wrong with reading, writing, being intelligent, exploring the world, but you cannot forget that men are attracted to sweetly feminine and coy women. Do not let your achievements, accomplishments or pursuits remove you from reality. Similarly, if you’re a guy, it might be attractive to be unavailable, wealthy as fuck, and a genius; but you must remember that attraction is not enough to keep a girl, you also need rapport. Embrace reality and think practically; but don’t let that stop you from chasing your ideals and dreams.
One last thing, Shark.
Do you know much about how or how quickly someone can shift from the habit of living in one’s head (internal stimulation) to getting (needing) your fix from social and external interactions? I’m beginning to think introversion is an unforgivable sin.
Literally speaking, a moment. If I remember correctly, Napoleon was naturally introverted but learned to exude charisma because he realized its power. I suppose he is the greatest practitioner of external game, ever.
Is Mr. Chadwick an alpha?
http://www.judicialaccountability.org/articles/7year.htm
Couldn’t say. Seems like an Alpha move, but he could be a really pissed off beta too.
So how do I tell a girly-girl diva from a psycho with borderline personality disorder? There’s actually alot of commonly shared traits?!?
There’s only one full-proof litmus test. You have to do some really really fucked up shit, and then see if she tries to kill you. If she does, she’s a psycho. If she doesn’t, she’s only a diva.
Btw Can you please email me personally as I have a dilemma I would love to talk about It involves a girl who can’t get over her ex yet likes me. Don’t know what to do.
This is, quite literally, an impossible scenario. Judge a girl by her actions, not her words. If she says she has feelings for both you and her ex but isn’t having secks or committing to you, she is still into her ex. If the both of you ARE in a “physical” relationship, but she still mentions her ex and declines to be in an exclusive relationship with you, she is interested in you but relatively more interested in her ex; she is using you as a rebound. If she is both committed AND physical with you to a respectable degree, she is interested only in you but is using her past relationship as shit testing ammo. Or, she isn’t explosively attracted enough to jump the gun on this.
Women are hypergamous. They don’t have 2 eggs simultaneously, only one. Meaning, their hearts can only be fully owned by one person at a time.
What if you have a class everyday with someone and you can’t afford to skip class. It undermines everything you teach, mystery, routine etc. Is it possible to make this situation work?
You are missing the concept behind mystery, and the more fundamental aspect of putting yourself above women. Being mysterious only means that you appeal to a woman’s imagination. I say you should avoid a girl for weeks at a time because the general audience here is no longer in school, but the idea behind it is simply “don’t give her attention or reveal too much about yourself” and “don’t hang out with her too often, keep passion on ice.”
As for skipping class for a girl, never. It sub-communicates lesser value because you’re putting her priority to hang out with you above your priority to increase your value.
ok shark, b4 i start i wanna say u my man, u helped me thru some tought shit, i really hope one day i meet a stranger and become friend with him then i find out its u (1 of the best day of my life man) however this time i come with u with a complicated AS FUCK kinda problem, this girl i met few months back, we brokeup last month bcuz i HV FEELINGS FOR MY EX, yes the same midget i’ve been talking abt for 2 yrs now, ofcourse i didnt tell her that “i broke up bcuz i hv feelings for my ex” and the relationship wasnt official or any shit like that i used to say “ur my rose flower” she used to say ur my teddy bear kinda relationship, so this girl loved me a lot judgiing by her interest and shit, she deleted me offf facebook (i didnt mind at all, rather i practing sarging with my other friends), she moved to virginia (i didnt mind) she tried to make me jealous (i tried to flirt with her best firend) she flirted with other guys (i uploaded pics of me with a hot stripper)
later we used to send each other variations of indirect love message via new timeline, she upload those pics loke “our love is true love” then id upload pics like “fuck yea” vise versa, recently she DEACTIVATED her facebook, THAT FUCKING GOT TO ME MAAANNN, cuz i used to check her 4 times a day, and it was a few days b4 her bday, now i didnt wish her, followed ur advice (if a chick love u it will increase the love if u ignore her + powerful ppl care less etc) but its been a month, she didnt come to facebook, i havnt seen her, i miss her like shit, i know all the games that exes play like u said “she will try her best to get a statement out of u like i miss u or something like that, self reassurance” so what should i do now, she is a very nice girl, NOT DIVAS, NOT BITCHEZ, very emotional girl who likes to believe in truw love n barbie stories, the kinda girl u’d get married to and have kids with, the kinda girl who will cook n clean ur dick if u tell her to, i wanna send her a flacid text like YO U ALIVE ? after another 10 days what do u say ? u say i do man
Ahh, the inevitable curse of humanity, to always want what you can’t have. And as a corollary, to finally want what you had all along. You need only to relax and realize that you see this girl as perfect right now BECAUSE you can no longer have her.
If you wish to pursue, a non-sequiottoir text should do it. “You alive?” hints that you’ve been bursting to talk to her and so shaken up by her freeze out that you assumed she must have died (yes, girls read very much in between the lines).
At the same time, this might be something you should let go of, especially if this is a long-distance Oneitis. Those happen to be particularly excruciating.
love the video with tyler, dudes hilarious.
This site has helped me a lot with my betaness. I have really seen a huge stride foward in my inner game and as a result my outer game is on point and I am # closing and K-closing every night i go out. I was stuck real bad on oneitis for this girl, my “first love” i suppose. Recently after a few weeks of NC, and me going out every night working on game, I realized I can close girls i never thought i could and was finally starting to feel good again. Cue the text from the ex.
“Are you gonna pay me back for when i picked you up from the airport?”
I wasn’t going to respond, but feeling strongly that I am not going to revert to my beta ways with her i chose to respond.
me-”Sorry who’s this?”
bitch- “Who recently picked you up from the airport that you owe?”
me- “..? who is this? i think you might have the wrong number.”
bitch- “your a dick. It’s _____. I thought you had my number memorized. I needed a ride from you and I helped you out when you needed a ride and now you can’t help me.”
me- “k”
bitch- “god fuck you seriously i am really stressed about a ride”
me- “are you asking for a ride?”
bitch- “yes my flight leaves at 8.”
me- “alright i’ll come stay over and we’ll leave in the morning”
bitch- “okay you don’t have to, like if you’re with people, or if you’re drunk, dont come if you’re drunk”
I didn’t respond to these, i just went over and called her to let me in.I walked in laid down rolled over facing away from her and started to pass out.
bitch- “hey ben, do you ever think about if we hadnt broken up, we’d probably be getting married soon.” (puts her arm around me)
me- “yeah, but aren’t you a little glad we didnt, i mean we’re young as fuck, i’m not ready to get married.”
shit test
bitch- why do you say such mean stuff to me?
me- I really don’t wanna talk about the past.
bitch- well you said some really mean things and im pretty sure i hate you so fine. (Rolls over away from me)
me- nothing. falls asleep. She wakes me back up.I kiss her, she pulls away and says “you’ve hurt me so bad ben i’ll never kiss you again.”
Fall back asleep. she wakes me back up. I kiss her again, this time she kisses back and i proceed to try to go a little further.Anyways, i had to deal with probably 10 shit tests, but by the end i was fucking her from behind, nutted and we both passed out. Then I had to deal with an hour car ride of her telling me how she missed me and that she had been thinking a lot about me and that she had ripped up all our old pictures that day, and how she liked another guy and he didnt end up liking her, I smiled and just drove on down the road. Anyways she brought some CD with all these country love songs and told me they all reminded her of me and stuff. Its obvious shes trying to suck me back in. but schools out in a week and shes graduating and im going home to finish my last year. I don’t want to fall back into anything with her unless i can stay alpha, but i have no problem with a little action this last two weeks here cause she does suck a mean dick and she pushes me to get my schoolwork done.
My question is, should i even be talking to her, should i have handled her differently, and what should i be focusing on to maintain attraction and rapport with her. We have a nasty on and off history where we dated for one year then were off and on for another year… and it was filled with drama and crazyness, but i guess thats college for you. I feel like ive grown up and know i should probably stay away from her, but part of me kind of wants to keep her around while i pursue other options, just to prove to myself ive changed my beta ways.
You handled it excellently. Noobs take note, the force is strong with this one.
If you feel she will have a negative influence on your life, keep her at a distance and more as a friend with benefits. If you see her visibly pulling you down, cut her off completely.
As for keeping her as an option, maintain attraction the same way you’ve been doing, through amused mastery. Rapport however, will be more about showing “cracks” in your armor. Sometimes make it look like you’re ABOUT to say “I miss you too,” or “I love you too,” but then you changed your mind. Make it seem like she’s “making progress” in terms of sucking you back in, but always keep her emotions oscillating in limbo. Balance between making her feel rejected and accepted, let her be UNSURE of where things are going.
I recently had a similar dilemma. I didn’t even want to hook up with the girl though. But, consequently, because she went all out and professed her love for me, and asked me to take her virginity, and I denied her, a few times, even denied kissing her (I just couldn’t bring myself to do it), I lost an entire circle of friends. Pretty much my only group of friends in this new town, where I moved for school. It sucks because I had a tight knit group of people, and was definitely going to hook up with a few of the attractive girls in said group. But, because the one I denied is such an integral friend in the group, and was a good friend of mine (I honestly didn’t even realize how hard I was unintentionally gaming her back then), I look like a total asshole, and now no one from that group wants to hang out with me; they all paired off into best friend cliques and I was left on the side because I was busy doing my own thing. She is someone I used to hang out with pretty much daily on campus, due to location. Now that we all live off campus, it’s like they’ve shunned me from their group. Should I just cut my losses and avoid all contact with any of them now? When I run into them downtown they act like nothing’s happened, but now they no longer contact me (which they always did first), and if I send them a brief text, they respond like a day later if at all. Like I seriously think they hate me for NOT wanting to take a girl’s virginity that I’m quite positive (and one main reason I don’t want to attempt to) I wouldn’t be able to get it up, which would be even more devastating to her, I feel, than outright rejection.And she’s 22, so I’ve told her there are thousands of horny guys, if she just goes out one night and takes her pick it’ll be easy, or that maybe before sex, she should start slow and work her way up, like mess around with people and get comfortable with herself, by a vibrator, etc…I think she is, or is becoming a lesbian due to her lack of male sexual influence though. Largely in part to her hot Diva friend who gets all the attention, and makes her pale in comparison. Kinda sad.
Thanks for the great post. Reminds me of quite a few girls I know and have known. Can’t really refute any of what you wrote. Seen and experienced it all.
Have you ever had oneitis for a girl, then met someone who had the same name, and your oneitis subsided? This happened to me recently, and the name is NOT common, only met 2 people, the two in question, with this name. Because now when I think of _____ I think of ______ & _____ and it’s really weird how much it helped having the additional same-named girl to think of in relation to the girl I have/had oneitis for. Kinda hard to explain. Keep it up.
A fairly relevant psych trick: If you meet a taken girl, tell her you know someone with her boyfriend’s name. Mention him fairly often, and associate his personality with loserish traits.
Enlightening.
Shark,How would I go about orbiting a 8/10 by and after breaking off an exclusive relationship. Her having secks with other guys doesn’t bother me, however, I wouldn’t mind her around when the cawk gets itchy. (just reposting incase my other post didn’t go through.
Limbo is always the answer, read 2 comments above this one.
Shark,
I simply want to know how to make my girlfriend happy when she’s having a bad day. Mostly ideas for when I can’t be there with her. Any ideas?
I give up.
I’ve followed your blog for sometime now. As you recommended, I never depended on it, I just took it as food for thought and let it shape and influence my worldview.
But, I give up. I’m just an AFC – an average Joe that never got laid in high school, unlike his good friend Bob, who will probably go on to become some successful apex predator in the business world while I rot away in the underbelly of society looking for scraps. The thing is, Shark, this is who I am, and this is who I will be. Reading your blog, thinking about what you say, internalizing those things, and actually applying them do not change the fact that I’m about to graduate from college a virgin.
I used to be confident, I used to be someone in my elementary school, pre-sex, pre-adolescent years, when all that mattered were your grades and the clothes on your back. High school was great, until everyone around me got hitched and I realized I was the only one left out. Now, I wake up in the morning thinking about how I can BS my way through the day rather than how I can do my best.
Unlike most guys, I took it all in stride. I thought, “So what? I have grades and am going to have an awesome career. When I have a Ferrari and a thousand dollar suit while you’re working at a Barnes & Noble, I’m going to get all the ladies.” I played sports, I made connections, I -invested- my time, I didn’t spend it. I was good at life – for a high schooler.
But I got turned down. Once, twice, three times. By the fourth or fifth time it doesn’t hurt as much, and you don’t care as much. But it keeps happening to you, and after a while, you start thinking, maybe it’s something I’m doing wrong. So you go on the internet, and hopefully, you find something like SMGP. And you read, and maybe you pull an all nighter because the stuff on the site is so great, and you get your hopes up, and you think, wow, I can get this to work.
But it doesn’t. People just aren’t interested. They have a boyfriend, sorry. It’s not me, it’s just that they aren’t looking for anything at the moment.
You want to just take it at face value and believe them. But, at the end of the day, it puts a little seed of doubt in the back of your mind that starts to grow and fester, until you become the wreck that I am today.
I had a life, I had goals, but, now, I just feel lost. I guess it’s pretty pathetic that I’ve gotten so worked up because I’ve been turned aside by a bunch of girls. Honestly, it would be, if that’s actually what bothered me. I used to like girls, in an innocent kind of way – it was stupid, really, that the opposite sex is so oblivious sometimes, that they don’t understand that we do what we do for them just to see them smile. I invested so much into pursuing some of these girls that when it ultimately came to the moment of truth, it was like taking a punch in the gut. And then, you’d just feel a little piece of that innocence die inside you.
I guess, on the bright side, I’ve hit rock bottom and there’s nowhere to go but up. But right now, I feel like I’ve sank so low that I can’t see the light anymore. For me, it’s not about “becoming alpha.” I feel like I was alpha once, just not during the time I needed it. Maybe I went to a school with the wrong racial mix, maybe it’s because I’m half asian, or maybe I’m just an ugly motherf*cker and every time my parents told me otherwise, they were totally lying, not just partially lying.
I don’t know what it is. I do know that after reading your blog and actually taking some of the lessons to heart and becoming a better person, I should be ashamed of myself for giving up. But there’s no point to it anymore. I’m done with it all.
I want to be able to walk out of my room right now and find the ugliest chick I can find in a bar, one with a Picasso-painting face and a bodyweight index that would make her impervious to cold and take her home and just lose my virginity. But I can’t do that. At the same time, I have no problem talking to girls or making them laugh, it’s just that I seem totally unapproachable sexually.
I guess, at the end of the day, I’m faced with a dilemma. I either walk out with grace and poise knowing that I’ve never for a single moment compromised my values or I always look for something in my local area on craigslist.
Try reading this and some other of his blog posts: http://lifestylejourney.blogspot.com/2007/10/how-to-be-happy-with-or-without-women.html
“Find something you are good at and something you can really get into and focus on that. It could be anything, like learning a new instrument, a sport, a new language, or building something in your workshop. The point is, get busy.”
that “something” for you is clearly writing. you’re gifted at both it and expressing what you feel; i heavily enjoyed your comment on the basis of its emotionally-charged delivery. it is cynical, yes, but i dont really give a fuck. it flows well and is very intellectual, which is all that matters in terms of you getting my respect. you should apply that gift you have to something that demands it. i’m sorry i can’t think of anything specific that would demand it right now, since i’m not too proficient at writing and have never thought of any purposeful outlets for a good writer such as yourself.
also, start practicing a religion, preferably Buddhism. “Attachment is suffering and it can be overcome.Buddhists have understood this for centuries.” Learn their ways, it’ll do you good. youre suffering now because of (subconscious) attachment to women and what little they actually offer
lastly, if nothing works, resort to positively life-altering drugs. i recommend HARMLESS hallucinogens such as shrooms (you EAT shrooms, you dont smoke them. thus, no lung damage or anything of the sort). for many people, shrooms change their whole outlook on life for the better. hey, its worth a shot. but don’t be stupid about it, do some research on them and dont get caught. check this site out for some facts on them and some insightful anecdotes http://www.erowid.org/. maybe after doing shrooms you could, using your great delivery skills, document your experience on their forums
you definitely havent given up yet. if you really had given up, you wouldn’t be here. you know there’s help for you here
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=72101
“I felt truly amazing. I noticed while I was tripping that I never had a set thing that I had really chosen to do, everything just happened. The walk was probably the only thing we actually agreed to do. But anyway, I realized that I don’t have to worry about anything basically, because whatever happens is supposed to happen to me. I had known this, but never really applied it to my life. Now I do every day, and nothing but good has come from the way I’ve chosen to view my life. It was definately because I ate the shrooms. They helped me so much. There are many other things that happened that day and through the night… I am a firm believer that psycadelics can help people in various ways. It’s all just how you view your trip. I’ll recommend mushrooms to anyone who thinks they would want to take them. Since this trip Ive ate them twice more, each time special in it’s own little way. I’m glad they were put here for us to journey in our minds and in our world, as well as in our hearts.
I’ll never forget that trip. Or the one before that. And the ones after it. And the ones to come.”
sounds like you need something of this sort
Also, I’ve probably done if not equalled Leary or Thompson with substance intake.
It can be beneficial. Only for those who PRODUCE art, self-actuization, or music or the like accordingly. those who do not dwell on the experience, but learn from it. It’s not real, after all; but may produce real results.
And if one does not need them, one is far ahead of where I’ve ever been or will be.
.
Agree. I may write only unedited rants on here, but I found his/your clarity something few are able to so eloquently express.
You came here and wrote. I’ve come here and written journal-style.
Yet you seemed to express yourself journalistically, naturally.
People: keep commenting.
One day I’ll be sober (about 5 days from now), and will post rationally.
thanks, commentators. We’re all just people here with our equal dilemmas.
I’d like to see another comment by both of you.
Shark,
I have just watched the Dark Knight again but this time it was different. I am now unplugged. I no longer viewed the movie the same way i did the other 4 or 5 times i have seen the movie. The characters and their behaviors have now been viewed through a different perception. I don’t expect a big long post, but i do think there are plenty of examples from the movie of males and cover a wide range. If you could just do a quick comment on a few characters. For example Batman is alot like Lord Stark, he has some sense of honor that he holds to and wont kill the joker. When Harvey Dent becomes Two Face he becomes a man with a greater purpose than himself. Revenge… Shark share some wisdom on some of the characters.
” Shark, a question just popped into my mind.
How do you talk to really influential people when you have a chance to talk to them? Specially if you want to keep in touch, or have some sort of … connection with their world.
It came to my mind because tomorrow James Cameron is coming to my film school in Beijing(I’m from Europe) and of course…being able to befriend James Cameron is a little too farfetched specially with limited time and being just a student and people are just going to try to talk to him like crazy so I guess I cannot do much other than watch from afar(specially because people are ultra over excited with the crappy 3d version of titanic… I haven’t even seen that movie, but I LOVE Aliens and Terminator)
But, often other people that are not so known by face on the media come over here. Like, producers, editors, other directors, art directors, sound engineers, etc.. How should I talk to them for them to get interested in me? To keep in touch? So they introduce me to other people? In all, to get CONNECTIONS in the world I want to be? Or also… just so I know some kick ass people for future needs, social proof, or just for the hell of it.
In this case it’s film, but it could work for business, other arts, sports, whatever.
Do I look up to them? Do I let them talk? Do i disagree with them? Do I make the most amaizing 1st impression about myself? Do I treat them like a 100% equal? etc.etc.etc.
Would love it if you could elaborate a bit, I have some limitations with my language skills when asking questions, my bad.
Thank you very much, kind sir. ”
try flipping the script: go up to him and ask something like “[with your hand out for him to shake] and, you are?” or “do you know who james cameron is? you look just like him”
one of my friends used the first line on bill clinton in a somewhat hectic environment similar to what you described, and got good results. clinton actually responded with his signature chuckle and pointed him out to his wife and some other people around him, which is obviously a great thing. i didnt ask how my friend followed up on the opening since that wouldn’t have been a relevant question to ask (given the topic we were originally talking about), but ill talk to him about it get back to you tomorrow
Shark,
A good friend of mine who’s been like a sister to me is in a bit of a situation and often asks my advice. I’ve told her most of what I can, but now I’m turning to you. Her and her current boyfriend have been dating for almost a year now, but said boyfriend still watches porn on a daily basis – in pretty excessive amounts. Mostly really young skinny girls with insanely huge breasts, according to her. It makes her feel quite insecure considering she doesn’t exactly fit the image. From what I know I’d say she’s more than fulfilling enough sexually, and that her boyfriend shouldn’t be needing to indulge in porn continuously throughout the day to satisfy his needs. Overall, I’d say he’s got quite some beta issues to clear up, but she’s also always had insecurities of her own. From an outsider perspective, what’s the best advice I can give to her on how to deal with this situation? Thanks Shark.
Shark,
Any tips on foreign girls/girls who didn’t learn English as a first language? I’m currently in Asia and at certain times, I’ll be play the Alpha card but they’ll quickly become intimidated. I’ve also noticed that certain East Asian countries as a whole wreak of estrogen.
BTW, you mention law schools and lawyers a lot. Are you a lawyer? Did you attend law school?
Shark
I really really really need your help!!!
I recently found your blog and I love what your doing for people…Only if you could do it for me!
Here’s what seems to be my problem, A female that lives in walking distance close to me I used to talk to recently messaged me on Facebook asking me to text her and I have not talked to her in almost over a year, when we did talk she liked me and we made out once on the bus, but nothing ended up happening because she was talking to another dude and I was talking to another girl, and she has been with him ever since and they just recently broke up. She messaged me saying Text me I don’t know if it is because she saw one of my plates say “Goodnight <3" on my wall and see's that I'm even more of a pre-selected male now and know that she is broken up I'm the closest good looking dick around and she wants to fuck. I don't know what to think. I do wanna fuck her. I just don't know how to reply without sounding desperate to her unexpected message " Text me #_________" Do you think she want's to fuck? How would you reply to this? Not trying to rush but please help me asap, I wanna fuck this girl. Anyways thanks for your time and help appreciated sir.
I’m trying to get to a point where I no longer need your blog as well. It can be hard to put my finger on any final pieces I’m missing or how to phrase them. Let’s see. See, to me, one of the biggest things that causes anxiety is if my words or actions aren’t congruent with who I really am–whatever point in my development I happen to be in. My best interactions with women have always been when I’m just me and I don’t give a shit about the girl more than as another person. Sometimes I just want to spit out all the shit out I know about psychology, feelings, gender differences, what we are BOTH doing wrong and what we should both be doing. I mean overtly telling a girl what’s best for her and me. What my ultimate aim in life and relationships is. What her deepest fears are. Since her insecurities appear obvious to me. Tell her I am human. I will make mistakes. But this is the direction I’m headed in. In a way, isn’t that what you do when you overtly tell female commenters here what they really should want and do? How many Manosphere/Game bloggers wives or LTRs (Rollo, Dalrock, 7man…) whom they do this very thing with? Their SO’s are all aware of Game and agree with it–are on some level unplugged as well.
The ultimate endgame of… game I think is knowing the difference between incontrovertable female behavior and what is unique and fits your personality while knowing what is ideal masculine behavior–okay that’s what all relationship, existential, religious, or political belief system aims to answer. What I mean is… hell if I have an abundance mentality I can at least try. I really have nothing to lose. Anyway… I’m drifting back into Anti-Game territory (if game is paradoxical, then it is both true and false at times and thus so is anti-game. If raw dominance and power is what causes others to conform to your frame then enough irrational confidence, selection of facts to back an argument up, laws of power internalized, and value to offer no matter what I say or do will matter. Some will follow some will not. I will die or survive to die another day. It’s all training wheels to keep one from going insane realizing there is no personal god or objective truth when it comes to values after a an uncertain point of what appears to be self-evidently valuable.)
Anyway. I think I forgot my question.
Can you point me to good sites pointing out the current reception and consensus on Evolutionary Psychology? How credible is it?
Curious too. Good question. Thinking similarly in parts.
Also, Shark, who do YOU go to for advice?
Shark, i love your blog but find myself coming to it for every little answer. how do i develop the ablity to think for myself?
What are your thoughts on the Marquis de Sade?
Hey Shark. Me and my gf just went on a break, 2 days ago. It was kind of weird, we met on Friday, she said she feels like I’m not giving anything into the relationship and she’s fed up with it and she needed some time to “cool off” and “find herself in this relationship”. She mentioned a break a week before, in the words either we go on a break or we break up. See, I am having MASSIVE jealousy problems, which started when things between us notably changed, she would not engage me in sexual activities, not even suggest anything in this sense, started hanging out a lot more with her friends. Before that she was too clingy, needy, she was desperate for my attention and I literally didn’t WANT to have sex with her all the time. Then she felt it was time to lose weight, and that she did. Of course I was more attracted to her than before and wanted to have more sex, but the reason I didn’t before was NOT that she had a few pounds more, but simply that she was suffocating me. We only saw eachother on weekends and sex became to be the last thing we did, right before she went to her college town. No cuddling, just plain business. She used to love to cuddle and we did it in the “perscribed” ammount, not intentionally, it just happened, naturally. That’s what I loved about myself back then. I didn’t need to think about these things alot, they just came. Things are like that for almost a year now and we have our, albeit rare, good days, when things are like they have been when we were not yet a couple. She says on those days, she falls in love with me all over again. We discussed this matter on numerous occasions because I’m fucking running out of excuses why I’m acting this way. She met me when I was this lighthearted spirited “don’t give a fuck” fella, happy with his part-time job, doing quite good in college (which was even then a bit overdue, let alone now, but I’ll get to that later) and although I was the one to initiate her and did most of the work in the beginning, we clicked REALLY well and I couldn’t believe I had just met a girl, who I can have more than only sex with. Then we became a couple, more to her initiative than mine. I actually went to a birthday to meet her family, knowing that if I do that, that’s “it”. We’re a couple. She said she wouldn’t be angry if I didn’t come, but I kinda figured she would and I didn’t want our relationship to end or go worse (silly, right?) so I went. Things started to slowly but surely go downhill from there, for me at least. I became CONTENT. I started slacking off. Simultaneously I was also giving her less attention, which led to her “clicking” and now I have this to deal with.
She is spending a lot more time with her friends since then, I am not the top priority in her life anymore (neither did I ever want to be, but just as before was too much for me, now is too little, balance was present only in the days before our “formal” relationship), she says she wants to hang out with me but does the opposite. On the other hand, we opened up a savings account, we were talking about moving in together (after the “click”) and she is still depositing her share every month. We booked a holiday not long ago. When things looked like we could break up, she wasn’t at all careless and indifferent, she once came one day earlier to clear up some mess that, though I’m ashamed of admitting it, I started and it was super childish. She told me that she doesn’t want to have as much sex because I act like an asshole after the fact (which I couldn’t completely agree with) and she thinks sex is the only thing I keep her around for. It’s not. It’s a key component, but I truly value her personality, sense of humor, intelligence,…
So we agreed to go on a break on Friday, but she wanted us to see eachother during the weekend, so we did. She said that she needed like a week and that would be more than enough. I had more like a month+ in mind, but I didn’t say that, instead I said that at least 2 weeks were sensible. She was, at least she talked like it, shocked and kind of dissapointed, she said that it looks like I am the one who needs this break more than she does. Then she asked me if we would hear from eachother or see eachother during the weekend between. That is about all I can remember. She changed her FB profile picture yesterday, she now has one that is fairly more provocative than the one she had before, although her cover (timeline profile) is still the same one, one with us together. Does she do it as a provocation? Or is she actually over me and just wants to drag me to my anti-zenith and strip me of all dignity I have left, and then leave me? She was at a party on Saturday and when she came home she woke me up with a kiss (she was quite drunk, but aware) followed by a great blowjob and sex. That’s the second time she did that in one month. W T F?!?! I must add that I have become increasingly asocial in the time of all this happening, also my social proof went down big time, so I can understand her attraction levels dropping. Could you clarify the situation to me? I will most probably hear from her or see her on this coming Friday. Also what are the rules of a break? I assume I mustn’t break and send a message a la “I miss you” or some shit like that. Thoughts? If you want you can send me an email to the address I gave you when typing this comment. Any outside perspective would be appereciated.
Thanks.
My girlfriend is probably a 5 or a 6 on the social scale. Other than one problem, she’s a 10 in my mind. Yes, I had oneitis for her in the begining of our relationship. I had a theory that if both people had oneitis and were in love that it would be an amazing thing. So I put my guard down and backslid into that hell that is betadom. I felt secure because I’m so far out of her league socially. I didn’t find this blog until after this plan blew up in my face. I passed all her shit tests in the beging of the relationship. Even while in beta mode, I was still smart enough to keep my mouth shut. She tested harder and harder. As if she was looking for my breaking point. It finally came down to her staring at a guy until he looked back at her and then she approached him. She continued to stare at him for about 30min. He was way below me socially and in apearance, but he was more muscular than me. I didn’t say anything and walked away. I made out with another girl to make myself feel better, and then went back inside to AMOG the guy she was staring at. I talked to his girl until he got jealous and then asked him if i could go talk to her in private. My girl wasn’t around, but i just wanted to put him in his place for some reason. I planned on breaking up with my girlfriend as soon as we got home. Since this event, I’ve noticed that she constantly checks guys out. She KNOWS where the cute guys are as soon as we enter a room. She will sit herself accordingly (probably all subconcious) and then proceed to sneak peaks whenever she thinks I’m not looking. I’m always looking though. Is this normal? I choose not to look at other women in front of her. I know I can get any woman i want and staring at women just makes a guy look like a creep or a beta creep. I’ve back to my old alpha self, and thanks to you doing quite well. Her attraction seems high. We have sect two or three times a day. Now that i don’t backslide she breaks everytime we have a disagreement. It doesn’t take days or hours either. She’ll act super mad and if i don’t react she just breaks down and gives in almost instantly. I think we have enough rapport, but i may be wrong. Am I expecting too much from her? To not check out other men? I know she’s going to, but it seems disrespectful to do it while mid conversation with me. One time we were kissing and I opened my eyes to see her staring at my roomate. She says shes fine with me looking at other women. But that’s not something I’ve ever done. If i want a woman, I approach. I’m confused here Shark. Should I just start approaching other women when she looks at other guys? Sometimes i feel like slapping her when she tries to placate me with lies. Such as, “I thought I knew that guy” or “can you read that sign over there?” (which is obviously impossible for anyone to read at that distance). It’s like she can’t help it. I can’t decide what to do here. I have 8s and 9s that flock to me all day now (thanks to you and my potentionally super alpha self), but i don’t want to give up on such a badass relationship. Does this sound like grass is greener syndrome, or just constant shit tests? I also get upset about her obsession with famous males. She is always galking at her favorite movie/tv stars. I don’t even like watching TV/movies with her because i know she’s drooling the whole time. I have a good 60/40 balance right now, and know i could give her oneitis by going like 80/20 or worse. Should i do that for a little bit to show her whats important to herself? God that sounds manipulative. Help me out man.
Shark,
I was with a girl for a couple months and she was infatuated. She took me on trips, bought me gifts, and sexed me up real nice. I was very aloof, passed her shit tests, and never once gave her any reason to believe I enjoyed her company other than actually spending 1 day a week with her. She was overt in her communication about how she felt with me, and not only was I not overt, but I wasn’t even covert. I kind of treated her like an fbuddy. I had known her for years prior to actually hooking up, and always had higher status (known her for about 7 years or so). I am 3 years older. She is in college and I am working at a great job. We met over the summer and after a couple months she had to go back to school. Anyway, the distance was really too much for me to bear and I felt I needed to do something to keep her interest in me high. We took turns visiting, and I eventually asked her to be exclusive. I know, I know…never ask for exclusivity.
Anyway, I asked her out, she said yes, then I took it back because I wasn’t ready. I felt bad about doing that, and right around the time I took it back she became more distant. At this point my affections became more overt. For two weeks I was pretty bad with my communication, and it drove her away (my only AFC tendencies). This is just the backdrop on the story. I’m pretty sure she has moved on to her MAJOR beta “friend.” Someone who was her shoulder to cry on when we were having issues. This guy is really AFC. Because I have known this girl for so long, she knows that the two weeks I spent clinging to her really isn’t my personality. All her previous boyfriends have been hard core betas. She lost her virginity to me. I guess my main question is: Is it natural for a woman to leave an alpha relationship to SEEK a beta relationship? I know you have done a post on this before…but any insight would be helpful. Perhaps she just enjoyed the thrill of getting a beta reaction out of someone she placed high value on? If this is the case, how is it possible to re-establish alpha in her mind?
Thanks man.
Well, here goes. I’m, what I think, is a natural. I don’t have trouble meeting women, getting numbers and sometimes closing. But it’s every once in a while that I meet a girl I “like” and I lose every bit of naturalism or game that I possess. I know my mistakes, but continue to make them. But here is my current situation. I’m 27 and in the midst of a career change. A couple months ago I started college again. A new degree and the possibility of meeting and seeing new girls on a regular basis brought about great excitement. First day of one my classes, I was late, walked in, took a quick scan of the room and proceeded to pick a seat next to the hottest girl in the room. In my rankings, an 8. Immediately struck up conversation, which escalated over the next couple of weeks. Now two months into the semester, we spend every Tuesday and Thursday together between classes going to lunch and studying. But we have yet to move on to dates or activities outside of school. We’re both busy with and I know she is dating someone, though its not too serious. I guess my question is how do I take this to the next level? I’m so used to meeting girls in bars or being set up, with it beginning with the intent of dating or sleeping together. The is new territory for myself. Or at least not frequented territory. If you could also shed some light on promoting my self worth without constantly or randomly stating facts about myself, that would be great. Thanks!