Shark awsome post…but i have some questions…Im just starting my path to become alpha…since reading the black flag (along with you posts) I find myself being paraniod while talking to other people (specially with women) because Im concentrating too much in keeping eye contact, maintaining a relax body posture, not saying anything “beta”, trying to focus on attraction, etc.. I know you wrote before about it saying that it takes time to get used to your mind to do it without effort. But can you write a post on how to stop being so paranoid about this? Or some tips to deal with this? Im pretty sure that this happens to alot of people ne to this. Thanks maine!
There is a great difference between knowing how to be confident, and being confident. Anytime you’re having a problem with internalization; you’re asking too many questions. Most people, with their fair obsession over speed and results, like to imagine their development process in as many micro steps as possible. The whole thing tends to become a journalized procedure rather than a natural progression to an actualized self. They always KNOW what to do, but they don’t do it; or they DO what they’re supposed to do, but the action is hollow and the changes are superficial, not structural.
So, I give you a list of “Alpha Traits,” you adopt these traits — but that doesn’t mean you’re Alpha. Just that you’re able to mimic these traits, hopefully to a believable degree. Herein lies the trick to external game. You get so good at mimicking those traits and shutting out your paranoia, they slowly creep away. If you’re good enough at external game, no one will be able to tell that you weren’t a natural all your life. And after a good amount of time practicing it, you convince yourself that this IS the natural way for you to act, and the paranoia subsides on it’s own.
But if you’re going to take this path, three things are in call. First, you will need to actively catch yourself in transit to a bad thought, and then “manually” shut it down. If you’re about to think, “Shit, this girl is way out of my league” you change it to “Shit, this girl is almost in my league.” It’ll seem silly at first; but make a habit out of it. Second, you will need to taste success. Like I’ve contended before, start by talking to anyone, approaching anyone, and slowly building up your external game / social skills and profile. Eventually you WILL number close someone you’d want to bang, and that will serve as a stepping stone for substantial confidence. Unlike inner game, it’s highly unlikely that you’ll be a “virgin Alpha.” Third, consistency. You’ll have to go out regularly, approach continuously, and improve without giving up. If you ever come home after a complete beta meltdown, note what happened and ANALYZE what went wrong. “How could I have handled that better? Hmm… I shouldn’t have escalated the argument for no reason, I just gave her more fuel.”
Inner game is built in two ways. Either through some Buddha shit, a mental leap to redefine your internal belief system; or success in enough reproductive proxies to culture a god complex. While success with women will always grant you confidence, you CAN theoretically achieve the Apex of masculinity without ever talking to a girl.
I recommend using a combination of external game / inner game to internalize what you learn and rid yourself of that paranoia. You have it because in all seriousness — you aren’t confident. You are an unconfident guy who has been taught to act like a confident guy. Now you need to take it a step further. That act needs to BECOME you, and you need to encourage yourself to develop and grow in the ways you want to.
Oh, and watch this: