Shark, reading this blog has changed my life. For the better. I’ve no doubt about that.
But i’ve come to the point where I find myself so crammed up with knowledge that I over analyse everything; the fact that you’ve covered such minute details is a blessing, but also a curse. I feel that I need to take the fundamentals and take a step back from game, evo psych, social dynamics, everything. So that I dont find myself reliant on this blog, or thinking to myself whenever a slightly different scenario happens from one you’ve explained ‘I’ll just ask Shark.’ To me you’re like my guide, a father figure, but there comes a time where the student has to step out into the wicked wide world alone.. and I feel like that time is now. But before I go i’d appreciate some last words of advice.. & forgive me for asking such a cliched and compacted question, but if you were to sum up game for me, inter-gender relationships, understanding women, everything… what would you say? Just a nugget… so I can stop pondering on all the footnotes, brackets, engaging in over-analysis and re-focus myself — take the step forward and be independent.
The most important things I learned from game, in short:
(1) As you think, you shall become: While the notion of your thoughts manifesting into reality pervades the entire self-development scene, I believe it was Pook from the Sosuave forums whom I first picked this up from in the stated phrase. You’ve undoubtedly been over exposed to the principle of positive thinking through popular works on the subject (The Secret, 7 Powerful Habits, etc), and writings about game, but I promise, no one here is fully aware of how overwhelmingly powerful this simple statement is. It is the most important thing I have ever learned in my entire life.
The basis of it has been blasted into a rather mystical concept, but the premise remains simple and obvious. Why do you act the way you act? Why do you get scared sometimes, yet feel audacious in others? Our actions, our personalities, our habits; they are all external manifestations of our consciousness. The seat of our mind controls the world around us. And our thoughts, just like our actions, are MALLEABLE. They bend to our will, whatever it may be. It requires only that you be willing to sacrifice who you are for who you can become.
The problem most people have is they phrase a POSITIVE thought as a NEGATIVE one.”I wish I had money” is a negative thought. It revolves around the idea that you DON’T have money, and are desperate for it. “I will have money if that’s what I want and I work for it” is a positive thought. The former pushes you to paralysis, the latter to action. “I wish I didn’t have approach anxiety, I’ll have to force myself to approach, I guess” versus “What I’m feeling right now is a delusional instinct, If I approach enough, it will go away.” Notice how the person thinking both of these WILL still approach. The former idea is a negative thought MASKED as a positive thought. You must train yourself to catch these subtleties.
(2) Know who you are: It takes much longer than most people think to truly understand your strengths, your weaknesses, your identity, and most of all; to know who you WANT to be. I went through some old stuff yesterday, all the way back from junior high school, and what I found was a collection of broken dreams. Old boxing attire from when I was determined to become a professional fighter. 50 or so books on comedy and jokes from when I wanted to become a stand-up comedian. And one I forgot; a library of science books and lab materials from when I was convinced for 8 months or so that I was going to become a mad-scientist after reading a few sci-fi books. Yes, you read that right, not a scientist, a MAD scientist. I legitimately wanted to become a crazed genius bent on world domination. Fortunately, it didn’t take long for me to realize I don’t have a Mad-Geniusesque IQ
Thinking back now, I wouldn’t be where I was had I not gone through all of that. If I had thought to myself, “This is too irrational, don’t even bother,” I wouldn’t be who I am, nor would I have acquired a vasty array of useful skills. The knowledge of who you want to be CAN NEVER be attained passively. You need to burn through experiences, risks, challenges, changes, jumps, hurdles, dives, and impulses to get there. Enlightenment is to be pursued, not waited for. Fortune favors the Bold.
It’s the same with women. If I had settled for my first or second girlfriend and tried to make it work “no matter what,” if I had never grown the balls to let go of my Oneitises, I wouldn’t know what I wanted from a girl.
It’s the same with your weaknesses. If I hadn’t gone through and overcome a death list of addictions, I wouldn’t know “Shark, you have an obsessive personality, you need to learn to cut shit loose.” What do I do if I watch a TV show and like an episode? I go on wikipedia and read the ending for the entire series. Because I KNOW myself, and I know how distracting the things around me can be. More importantly, I know my REAL goals and where I want to be in every checkpoint of my life. So when I see something I like, I go through a quick mental calculation. “If I like this activity a lot, I KNOW I am going to do it more and more. It’s going to be 10 hours out of my week. Is it going to get me closer to my goals? No. It’s an illusory rush. It is purposeless. Fuck it, cut it off right NOW.”
People who don’t KNOW who they are, who don’t KNOW their goals are much more likely to get distracted by things that SEEM like they’re ok to do. I used to be play squash and basketball very competitively, practicing thoroughly for both, but I learned to let them go into casual activities. I’m not making it to the NBA, or the Galactic Squash Championships, and the health benefits can be attained at the gym. Playing for 4 hours a day, while good for the soul, is NOT going to be a worthwhile tradeoff. I have learned to triage efficiently.
If you KNOW you get addicted to video games, DON’T touch one. Seriously, just never ever play. If you KNOW you can’t be one of those people who only play for 20 minutes and can go on unaffected, if you KNOW that you get distracted easily, don’t EXPOSE yourself to distractions in the first place. Or maybe you’re okay with it? Maybe you want to become a pro-gamer? Take a break for a few months, try other things. When your minded is unclouded from the rush of playing, ask yourself “is this what I really want? Am I okay with this lifestyle?”
I meet a 9, I know we’re not going to clique very well. Do I waste my time lying to her about wanting to be in a relationship? No. I know it’s not going to work, I know what type of girls I will have chemistry with, I know what I want from a long-term commitment.
Marriage DOES take some level of compromise. And if you know yourself, you can be much wiser about the “not changing yourself for any girl” approach. If you’re a smoker and your wife says “I want you to stop smoking,” are you going to tell her to fuck off? Well that’s an obvious one, so let’s bring up a more interesting scenario. Let’s say you’re an adrenaline junkie. You’re thinking of marriage with this girl. She says she wants you to stop sky diving and bungee jumping because it worries her. Do you KNOW yourself enough to say “I can give this up.” If you KNOW you can’t, then you should quit and look for a girl who’s ok with it, perhaps is even willing to dive from cliffs and shit with you. If you KNOW you can give it up, then this might still be a relationship worth thinking about.
Without knowing what you want, you can’t get rid of what you don’t want. You can’t avoid what you will later regret.
(3) Women will be women: They are fickle, absent-minded, emotional, hypergamous, and estrogen fueled; live with it. They say that players and Alphas are unjust for their view of women as paltry objects of pleasure, to which I would reply, it is a necessary, even demanded understanding. I don’t believe women are “inferior,” only different. But through the double process of demonizing game + the direct breeding of resentful jerks; the inferior view has become the more popular one. But here’s the crux of the matter:
In the Omega to beta scale, women are viewed as pedestalized goddesses. Pussy is either never attained, or if it is, the dynamic is too lopsided for attraction to sustain itself. The girl gets bored, or if she’s equally desperate, resentful because she has to settle for something so meager.
In the Greater beta to lesser Alpha scale, women are viewed as equal, but NOT different. Pussy may be acquired, but it is misunderstood. Men expect women to be logical, to not shit test, in other words, to be men with vaginas. Relationships may prosper, but poorly. Insecurities run rampant, jealousy backfires, the guy eventually loses control deep into the relationship because of beta-backsliding. Cheating, instability, and divorce are the results.
In the Alpha to Super Alpha scale, women are viewed as inferior. Men intuitively understand that women ACT LIKE WOMEN, and are able to manipulate this precept to their advantage. Shit tests are properly handled, hurdles are overcome, and the man remains unshakeable for the most part. BECAUSE he sees a girl as “inferior,” he does not EXPECT her to reciprocate on an equal level. The dynamic is FUNCTIONAL because women are treated in a way that makes them feel aroused by a figure of higher perceived value, however, it is not ideal. It becomes too lopsided in favor of the man. The girl either quits because rapport gets broken too often, falls for someone else, or becomes so exhausted that it leaves her permanently damaged.
The solution, is game. Combine the above view of women with a degree of respectability and LOGICAL understanding, and you can get the best out of a relationship. For instance, I KNOW that I will lose interest in a girl if I OVER-GAME. She’ll seek too much qualification, become too dependent, and too clingy. I’m able to calibrate up or down the right amount, keeping both of our interests at their peaks. I know when to pass shit tests because they are genuine shit tests, and when to signal affection because she’s genuinely unsure of my commitment. I know when to “act beta” just to get her to stop wanting to spend so much time with me so I can focus on work; I know when to cut-off all contact and disappear because her interest is waning.
For soon-to-be-players, the crave for power always results in imbalanced relationships. It’s a rush the first time you have a disproportionate control over a relationship. The first time you really have a girl willing to do whatever it takes to be with you. Once you’re seasoned, you begin to understand that a 60-40 balance (in your favor) is ideal for both people, not a 90-10 one.
The parrot analogy a sage once told me remains one of my favorites to illustrate this point. If you heard a parrot squawking, and you gave it food so it would stop, would you expect it to never squawk again? If you go “fix” your relationship by solving a problem, should you expect there to never be another problem? If you “pass” a jealousy shit test, should you expect there to never be another one? You must embrace and adapt to the nature of women, not try and change it.
(4) Be Alpha: If I had to sum up what women were attracted to in one equation, it would be:
Alpha = Pussy
May your presence dominate a room, your body language leak exquisitely with confidence, your smile be a contagious outlet for positivity, your cunningness be as sharp as a blade, your ambition unmatchable, your hunger for power insatiable, your boldness magnetic, your charm blinding, your knowledge illuminating, and your attitude fearless.
Fuck, not just pussy, even other dicks are obedient to Alpha. I can’t exaggerate how easy life becomes if you’re NOT a beta. It is a blunt fact of reality. Alphas are better human beings than betas.
And the best part of it, you already have it in you. You FEEL Alpha when people look up to you for whatever reason, you FEEL Alpha when you close a girl you’re attracted to.
You don’t need this site, you don’t need books, you don’t need seminars, you don’t need forums. You just need to awaken yourself. Go with your Gut. Does sitting idly at the club FEEL Alpha? Does being scared to approach a girl FEEL Alpha? Does hesitating to escalate FEEL Alpha? Does not going in for the kiss FEEL Alpha?
You don’t need ANALYZE anything. Secks and attraction are primitive, evolutionary concepts aren’t they? Apes have secks, don’t they? Do apes analyze? Analyzing, even by way of Game, is an ARTIFICIAL instinct. Man has invented it. It is fake. Be an animal, eliminate all fear and go with your gut.
(5) Time is the most valuable commodity. I can testify for this.
You want women. So you get 50 books on seduction, study the art throughly, you do 20 approaches a day for a year, you change how you look, you become Alpha. You have women.
You want money. You work your ass off, go through business idea after idea, finally you strike gold. You learn the basics of financing, pick up some management skills, continue expanding, you do everything it takes to remained focused. Now you have money.
You want knowledge. You read novel after novel, you read journal after journal, you read the classics, you read contemporary works, you read science, you read history, you read everything you can get your hands on. Now you have knowledge.
Finally, you want to help other people. So you make a blog to spread the word about your ideas You work at it, work at it, work at it, you unplug people, you share your wisdom, finally you’re making a change. A big change.
Slowly all of these goals are coming to you. But something’s itching at the back of your conscious.
You want more women? Done.
You want more money? Done.
You want to change lives? Done.
You want more time to do more things? Impossible.
Maybe that’s why I muse about the void so much; a projection of my own id. But keep this in mind so you never forget how stupid it sounds when people say “let’s kill time and do nothing.” It’s ironic because with everything else in life, you start with nothing and must build it yourself. With time, you start with as much as you’ll ever have, and then slowly, it ticks away.
I wish you luck, May the force be with you.