Solve My Girl Problems

73 Responses to “Comments”

• 

  Matt

  May 10, 2012 8:42 pm

  Awesome.

  Reply
• 

  Jose

  May 10, 2012 8:50 pm

  Shark, can you please do a post on HOW TO handle a shit test. using examples, how to act. and most importantly how to maintain frame. and not lose respect to your Girlfriend. not shit tests among girls you are gaming but mostly from a relationship perspective. My girlfreind is always bringing up the past. using little shit like”Yeah you threw up in my kitchen sink and didnt clean it”… its like i dont do shit to her standards.. i have found out that arguing back isnt the key. can please do a post enlighting us on the factors on how to handle shit like this. please. i think i go on this site more than anything else right now especially with my relationship going downhill

  Reply
  • 

    t

    May 11, 2012 12:35 am

    use the search feature

    Reply
• 

  Jose

  May 10, 2012 9:02 pm

  To state further more problems in relationships i tend to see among my friends and myself is that girls will use anything to ruin a date or a night out. if my girlfriend is in a shit mood then she will go about ignoring me on a night out. then when she has some slick shit to say i will walk away and thats when she will apologize and make shit better and how it should be. i have just found girls to be crazy in their own way. a problem currently occuring in my relationship is that i believe that i have taken so much shit from my girlfriend that she has lost some respect to me. not to the amount to which im a full blown AFC look alike.. she does show jealousy and sometimes will chase me… i just dont want to this go into any more shit than what it is.. please enlighten us shark

  Reply
• 

  Servvante

  May 10, 2012 9:34 pm

  M
  Check your email.

  Reply
  • 

    ALTAIR

    May 11, 2012 7:28 pm

    Will do when the time is appropriate.

    Reply
• 

  Cid

  May 10, 2012 10:44 pm

  Shark. I have been reading for the last 6 months, and I thank you for the words of wisdom. My eyes are open nowadays more than ever. Wanted to know if you have any tips on the logistics of secksing / dating an ex’s younger hotter sister. Not outta spite. Me and this ex have been split (initiated by me) for over a year now and dated multiple people. But, her little sister has kept contact and seems to send serious iois.

  Reply
• 

  Nilla

  May 10, 2012 10:44 pm

  I’m on the cusp.
  I’ve always had this mental roadblock, this essence of my younger self who embodies betaness. He is me from the start of high school, who had just discovered the Matrix, and was full invested in it. He is me, who is afraid to approach random people, just to talk. He is the manifestation of annual procrastinations, through education, aspirations and desires. He is conformity and lack of spontaneity. He is contradictorily self-conscious and self deprecating, while maintaining and displaying an embarrassingly childish exterior. He is the progeny of lack of ambition and seclusion, who would prefer to stay home, watch backdoor casting couch, light a joint and fap with the shower running so nobody knows. But they do.
  I wish I could abort this personified fetus of regression, I really do. I think I’m well on my way. Even before I found your site a few weeks ago I was deciding I would rather be somebody, invigorated by the mere thought of adventure and passion for life. So I started working out. I decided to become invested in my studies. I planned to move to Australia for a few months after high school, by working a couple jobs. I decided to get over trivial lusts for women who were taken, hoping they would recognize me as someone they wish they had or knew they needed. And I accomplished all these things, for a while. But my habits reared once more.
  I stopped working out regularly, but I am of the lucky few who can become chiseled while sleeping. I stopped studying but i am one of the minority who can achieve 90+ grades, writing papers the morning of. I stopped going to work on time and got fired from two jobs, but I was born into a privileged family, so money was no object and my sojourn could be completed as planned. I began to relapse for girls who I had lusted for, but they are my friends now and want no more than platony.
  I am, to some extent, a victim of unguided freedom, opportunity and privilege. I spent my whole life having to work for nothing, and it is engrained into my anatomy, my very being.
  My father is considered by everyone he knows to be kind, intelligent, well-liked and imposing. But he is not your typical alpha. He could refuse power, and be given more. And he never taught me how to be like him. I never knew where to start.
  Before I left for Australia in January with a few friends and decided it was time for a change. I would do away with my former self, be an interesting leader, a motivator, a sexual deity. And it worked for a while. But after a couple months I felt of relapse. I stopped going out as much, became more introverted, and started becoming easily irritated. I was no fun to be around. We returned home and I was more or less the same person who had left. A few more sexual conquests, a little more confidence and a little less late-teen acne. But it wasn’t enough. I wanted more. I wanted to succeed. I never wanted to by reliant on any other person again. I wanted to to looked at as an alpha, by both friend as foe.
  One morning I woke up and said fuck this. I’m going to at least try.
  I set some goals, I started working out, I stopped texting girls asking how they were doing, I picked a career path, and enrolled in university for the fall. Then i found your site.
  And the beta mentality was further buried underneath the affirmation that i was on the right path. I was learning to slow myself down. Talking slower, walking slower; an overall more controlled individual. And then my friends from high school started coming back from university. It brought on urges to revert to an old self, but it is fought off by the benefits, well on their way. Every now and then i’ll catch my self speaking to fast, or running up a flight of stairs, or skipping through my house, arms failing in flamboyant joy. And I’ll catch fleeting glimpses of a mental beta, trying to regain control of me. Trying to insist on coasting through life. I’m warding him off. It’s a lengthy personal evolution, but an evolution none the less.

  But a couple questions. I used to be infatuated with this HB10 from high school, who moved to our school in our second last year. We became good friends through mutual friends, and started hanging out a lot. I really wanted her. I mean bad. It didn’t come from a place of wanting a relationship, so much as a primal urge to spread seed. And of course she had a long term boyfriend who treated her like shit. I found some common ground when she told me she was a singer. Me too. We decided to perform at a school show, two love songs. She always seemed interested, touching me, she even brought up how sorry she was for always staring at me in class. I took that as an okay, I wrote a couple songs not for her, but directed at her. I didn’t play my cards the way I should’ve and missed a chance in my opinion. She would flirt over text, obviously using me as an orbiter, a position I held with authority. You couldn’t fuck with me when it came to simping over some this girl. Once, I even text her after her boyfriend broke up with her to tell her I wanted to give it a shot, then when she said that it was awkward for her, I blamed my brother for stealing my phone, then asked if she wanted to talk about it. I pretty had to delete her number from my phone.

  Fast forward to a year later, she clearly still a shell without this guy. And I filled my shelled life, with goals, dreams, travels, experiences, and mystery. And she knows it. And I’m more than over it. But I can’t helping feel I owe myself to hit this girl. I know i can. She shit tests. I neg. She tries to get attention or act childish. I ignore her. We were talking the other at a get together with a few other high school friends about how sexually charged to male-female friendship dynamic is. I argued all male and female friends have some level of sexual tension. Some primal desire to go to genny to genny. The girls rejected the notion, while the men were silently compliant. It was instantaneous. The mood became tense.
  She then started talking about how they were talking about how I had this need to be right in arguements. I shouldve said, ‘So you were talking about me.’ but I defended myself, lowering my presence. She said it was kind of an admirable trait, and we move on. Later me her and a few other people were driving home, and she found out the hard way I have a magnificent body. aha. She tried to ignore it, but I knew. I negged her a bit, and we said goodbyes. I got home an had to fight off an urge to text her. She’s been struggling for the attention I used to give her to some extent.
  Later I was on twitter and I find myself reading her latest posts. All in the vein of ‘A broken-hearted romantic who had a bad relationship but still yearns for closure, sexual and otherwise.’ It had me cracking up. She’s dependent.
  I was wondering if it’s smart to try and fuck. Is this still a vestigial remenant from by beta lovestruckedness, or merely me wanting to go balls deep and give her that good dick she doesn’t get from her local dude. Should I even be entertaining the idea. And what should my next move be? I would normally increase social proof, not give a fuck, go fuck some chicks and be done with it. But there is proof I want to give to myself, not for ego’s sake just for sake’s sake. I want to hit this girl I once pedestalized, bring her down as an homage to my former self and to let myself know progress is tangible and quantifiable. Problem is I live 30 minutes from civilization, have no job at the moment, and no car, therefore no means to be social with new people at the moment. I hate even asking this question because I feel the answer will only lead to me becoming a regurgitating drone, versus and active thinker and letting these thoughts come naturally and innately through dedication and focus.

  And finally I think my friend might be reading this blog too. I’ve noticed him taking leads in physical deliberations, being more of a dick, trying to better himself artistically, setting goals, attempting to assume roles of alphaship, etc. The problem is even though he was never really an alpha he has always been the alpha of my group of friends, as well as in school he was very popular and he is wildly good-looking. I’m starting to see him as a threat… no a target. But in order to achieve a dominant social status I must overtake him as perceived alpha. Problem is, its hard to change made minds. People have this idea of me, and him. As a make more progrssion internally, so does he. I would normally cutoff contact, but he is my best friend of 10 years. We’re moving in together next year and we work together on various projects at the moment. What’s a man to do.

  I’m trying to shed the layer of obscene pettiness forever. It is a never ending process. Internalizing it all is the hardest part.

  Reply
• 

  Nilla

  May 10, 2012 11:03 pm

  I had to correct my grammar from the last one.

  I’m on the cusp.
  I’ve always had this mental roadblock, this essence of my younger self who embodies betaness. He is me from the start of high school, who had just discovered the Matrix, and was full invested in it. He is me, who is afraid to approach random people, just to talk. He is the manifestation of annual procrastinations, through education, aspirations and desires. He is conformity and lack of spontaneity. He is contradictorily self-conscious and self-deprecating, while maintaining and displaying an embarrassingly childish aura. He is the progeny of lack of ambition and seclusion, who would prefer to stay home, watch backdoor casting couch, light a joint and fap with the shower running so nobody knows. But they do.
  I wish I could abort this personified fetus of regression, I really do. I think I’m well on my way. Even before I found your site a few weeks ago I was deciding I would rather be somebody, invigorated by the mere thought of adventure and passion for life. So I started working out. I decided to become invested in my studies. I planned to move to Australia for a few months after high school, by working a couple jobs. I decided to get over trivial lusts for women who were taken, hoping they would recognize me as someone they wish they had or knew they needed. And I accomplished all these things, for a while. But my habits reared once more.
  I stopped working out regularly, but I am of the lucky few who can become chiseled while sleeping. I stopped studying but i am one of the minority who can achieve 90+ grades, writing papers the morning of. I stopped going to work on time and got fired from two jobs, but I was born into a privileged family, so money was no object and my sojourn could be completed as planned. I began to relapse for girls who I had lusted for, but they are my friends now and want no more than platony.
  I am, to some extent, a victim of unguided freedom, opportunity and privilege. I spent my whole life having to work for nothing, and it is engrained into my anatomy, my very being.
  My father is considered by everyone he knows to be kind, intelligent, well-liked and imposing. But he is not your typical alpha. He could refuse power, and be given more. And he never taught me how to be like him. I never knew where to start.
  Before I left for Australia in January with a few friends and decided it was time for a change. I would do away with my former self, be an interesting leader, a motivator, a sexual deity. And it worked for a while. But after a couple months I felt of relapse. I stopped going out as much, became more introverted, and started becoming easily irritated. I was no fun to be around. We returned home and I was more or less the same person who had left. A few more sexual conquests, a little more confidence and a little less late-teen acne. But it wasn’t enough. I wanted more. I wanted to succeed. I never wanted to by reliant on any other person again. I wanted to be looked at as an alpha, by both friend as foe.
  One morning I woke up and said fuck this. I’m going to at least try.
  I set some goals, I started working out, I stopped texting girls asking how they were doing, I picked a career path, and enrolled in university for the fall. Then i found your site.
  And the beta mentality was further buried underneath the affirmation that i was on the right path. I was learning to slow myself down. Talking slower, walking slower; an overall more controlled individual. And then my friends from high school started coming back from university. It brought on urges to revert to an old self, but it was fought off by the benefits, well on their way. Every now and then i’ll catch my self speaking to fast, or running up a flight of stairs, or skipping through my house, arms failing in flamboyant joy. And I’ll catch fleeting glimpses of that betal aura, trying to regain control of me. Trying to insist on coasting through life. I’m warding him off. It’s a lengthy personal evolution, but an evolution none the less.
  But a couple questions. I used to be infatuated with this HB10 from high school, who moved to our school in our second last year. We became good friends through mutual friends, and started hanging out a lot. I really wanted her. I mean bad. It didn’t come from a place of wanting a relationship, so much as a primal urge to spread seed. And of course she had a long-term boyfriend who treated her like shit. I found some common ground when she told me she was a singer. Me too. We decided to perform at a school show, two love songs. She always seemed interested, touching me, she even brought up how sorry she was for always staring at me in class. I took that as an okay, I wrote a couple songs not for her, but directed at her. I didn’t play my cards the way I should’ve and missed a chance in my opinion. She would flirt over text, obviously using me as an orbiter, a position I held with authority. You couldn’t fuck with me when it came to simping over this girl. Once, I even texted her after her boyfriend broke up with her to tell her I wanted to give it a shot, and then when she said that it was awkward for her, I blamed my brother for stealing my phone, then asked if she wanted to talk about the break-up. I pretty much had to delete her number from my phone.
  Fast forward to a year later, she’s clearly still a shell without this guy. And I filled my shelled life, with goals, dreams, travels, experiences, and mystery. And she knows it. And I’m more than over it. But I can’t help but feel I owe myself to hit this girl. I know i can. She shit tests. I neg. She tries to get attention or act childish. I ignore her. We were talking the other night at a get together with a few other high school friends about how sexually charged to male-female friendship dynamic is. I argued all male and female friends have some level of sexual tension. Some primal desire to go genny to genny. The girls rejected the notion, while the men were silently compliant. It was instantaneous. The mood became tense.
  She then started talking about how they were talking about how I had this need to be right in arguments. I should’ve said, ‘So you were talking about me.’ but I defended myself, lowering my presence. She said it was kind of an admirable trait, and we move on. Later me, her and a few other people were driving home, and she found out the hard way I have a magnificent body. aha. She tried to ignore it, but I knew. I negged her a bit, and we said goodbyes. I got home and had to fight off an urge to text her. She’s been struggling for the attention I used to give her to some extent.
  Later I was on twitter and I find myself reading her latest posts. All in the vein of ‘A broken-hearted romantic who had a bad relationship but still yearns for closure, sexual and otherwise.’ It had me cracking up. She’s dependent.

  My question is if it’s smart to try and fuck. Is this still a vestigial remenant from by beta lovestruckedness, or merely me wanting to go balls deep and give her that good dick she doesn’t get from her local dude. Should I even be entertaining the idea? And what should my next move be? I would normally increase social proof, not give a fuck, go fuck some chicks and be done with it. But there is proof I want to give to myself, not for ego’s sake just for sake’s sake. I want to hit this girl I once pedestalized, bring her pride down as an homage to my former self and to let myself know progress is tangible and quantifiable. I hate even asking this question because I feel the answer will only lead to me becoming a regurgitating drone, versus and active thinker and letting these thoughts come naturally and innately through dedication and focus.
  And finally I think my friend might be reading this blog too. I’ve noticed him taking leads in physical deliberations, being more of a dick, trying to better himself artistically, setting goals, attempting to assume roles of alphaship, etc. The problem is even though he was never really an alpha he has always been the alpha of my group of friends, as well as in school he was very popular and he is wildly good-looking. I’m starting to see him as a threat… no a target. But in order to achieve a dominant social status I must overtake him as perceived alpha. Problem is, its hard to change made minds. People have this idea of me, and him. As I make more progression internally, so does he. I would normally cutoff contact, but he is my best friend of 10 years. We’re moving in together next year and we work together on various projects at the moment. What’s a man to do.
  I’m trying to shed the layer of obscene pettiness forever. It is a never ending process. Internalizing it all is the hardest part.

  Reply
• 

  Monty Pellican

  May 11, 2012 3:01 am

  Hi Shark,

  I’ll try again… I know you’ve been avalanched.

  A passionate though taxingly tumultuous long distance affair has a very steamy encounter. She can’t shake off this man because he has been Alpha; he was always passionate, but chose his life over her, unlike his predecessors (most men would not say she is hot, but she is experienced and has strong womanly instincts nonetheless). But then he beta backslides shockingly hard in a rare but poignant moment of weakness. Combined with his imminent departure, she is tender, hurt, wistful, surprised. She doesn’t want him to stay longer: “it can’t get any better, and we’re starting to hurt each other.”

  Zero contact for one month, then he briefly calls to give a significant life update. She gasps in shock, engages briefly, and then scrambles to end the conversation. Then a few weeks later, she blocks him on a few IM channels, even though neither was chatting with the other.

  Is this a case of a girl who has concluded this man is bad for her and is doing the right “moving on” procedures of wiping someone out of their world, or is this a case of one instance of beta backsliding being the wrecking ball that tore down the building? As you have said, the opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference. Struggling with the sight of my screen name or the sound of my voice while trying to move on is closer to love and hate; shuddering in disgust at beta backsliding and wanting nothing more is closer to indifference. What’s up? The answer to this, which I guess no one knows (though would love your stab at it) would give me clarity. Either way, I know the causes of the beta backsliding are something I need to address (and it’s entirely internal game). But knowing whether this is a case of conflicted feelings on her part, or the absolute collapse of the edifice, helps me too.

  You made a point many posts ago about how the burning drive to accomplish something, in men, can often be traced to deeply sublimated secksual energy. I have an amazing life/business opportunity ahead of me; the kind of thing that could change my life forever. Resentment in this situation does give me some of the strength I need to forge ahead, but I’m not sure the benefits (primarily future and pecuniary in nature) of having this psychological hang-up outweigh the costs (primarily personal and present).

  Reply
• 

  J

  May 11, 2012 8:08 am

  “If she is resentful or more infuriated after short periods of no-contact, the idea that being “more of a bitch” will solve her problems is too cemented within her perception of social dynamics. She believes that an over aggressive output is always the solution to lacking power or control.”

  Thank you, Shark.

  Reply
• 

  Msam

  May 11, 2012 11:33 am

  Hey shark, I have this thing going arround for a while. I am sure it happened to many others.

  I have been introduced to the community and found out about your site few months ago through a great friend of mine. According to him ( he is successfull with women, but only if he didnt live in a small city ) I am a PUA mentally but not physically. I agree with him. For many sitiuations and interactions with girls, I do KNOW about what I should do and how I should act and how I should respond, but I cant seem to get the data from my brain to my muscles and actually do the thing. When I am walking with a fellow AFC and he is talking to me about his GF. I know what he is doing wrong, but I cant seem to make it clear to me and him. What is happenning to me ? Do I have a really long way to be alpha and get the correct frame of mind ? What I am missing ? Am I still UN-unplugged ??
  I read your articles and many other book, but I cant still find that spark of confidence to approach. Why ?

  Wether you answer this or not, I love you man. you are the best !

  Reply
• 

  John

  May 11, 2012 12:07 pm

  Thanks for answering Shark, I’m going to take your advice to heart and will put it to use immediatly. I find it amazingly generous that you find the time to respond to all the questions!

  “Nuke her with my dick. Leh go.” That’s gonna be my new slogan haha!

  Thank you,

  John

  Reply
• 

  Alltair, formerly M

  May 11, 2012 3:00 pm

  I will now comment as Altair (it’s Alpha Aquilae – in the sky – wiki it if curious). Not that anyone here really cares to know, but I’m 5 days sober now.

  None of you know how huge that is. I’m young but I’ve drank daily for around 7 years, with a few forced sobrieties in between.

  Thank you all, and Shark, and Rationalmale people, and Heartiste in a more depressing fashion for some reason, for reminding me to fucking be a better person.

  Wish me luck.

  Guess it’s time to give up my Dionysian days and turn to the Apollonian side.

  Godspeed.

  Reply
• 

  Keith

  May 11, 2012 3:11 pm

  Hey shark,

  I was just wondering what kinds of books do you suggest we read that not only apply to women but life in general.

  All the best

  Reply
• 

  danos

  May 11, 2012 5:01 pm

  Thanks for the reply shark, I think I knew the answer all along. The transition is not complete until I have completely let go. Time to hit some weights!

  Reply
• 

  boscas

  May 11, 2012 7:22 pm

  hey shark,

  I wanted to ask you about flakes, i live in a small town so sometimes you run into same people, sometimes girls take my number but never call or give me a wrong number or email, the thing i want to ask is, if you ever see them again, would u talk to them again ? if so what would you say ?

  thanks a bunch :)

  Reply
• 

  John L

  May 11, 2012 8:17 pm

  Hey Shark, I’d hate to spam but you haven’t answered my question. In addition I’ve sent it to you (solvemygirlproblems@gmail.com), hopefully you can email me back with the right advice. Thanks.

  Reply
• 

  Johnson J

  May 12, 2012 12:21 am

  Shark, I feel like most of the girls in my high school are sluts, and they probably are. They are not looking for a relationship, just some ‘fun’. I hear from reliable sources that they do pretty wild things behind closed doors, or anytime they do not run the risk of their reputation. I am a virgin, in my last year of high school. I feel I have enough attraction (80+) with my ‘options’ but do not know how to elevate to a more physically intimate interaction (at least a make out session). (1) Any ideas or examples on how to run ‘game’ on these types of girls? They front on there face book like they are pure angels, but in actuality are horny woman thriving for dick.
  (2) I feel that the amount of rapport needed is lessened or a ‘different type of rapport’ is needed for these woman?

  I have been gaming this girl, and I know she is attracted to me a lot, we have decent rapport building up. No ‘beta’ moves on my part yet. Recently she has shit tested me with a ‘break up’ in which i have gone no contact. No backsliding. 3 weeks have passed now. I hear that she has made out with another man, which I know is less alpha than me. I’m not completely sure if its true or not, but it seems as though I cannot get physically intimate with her. If it is true what I heard about her, I feel that she has shit tested him less, and still gives him more physical pleasure. (3) How much rapport is needed for a girl to be willing to make out with you, sober and in the day time? (4) And could you elaborate on my prelude, or give me some insight on what is happening? I’m not particularly looking for a relationship since I am in my senior year, but I would definitely like to lose my virginity before the school year is over.

  Reply
• 

  Batman

  May 12, 2012 1:35 am

  Shark, I need help.

  I have been dating this girl for about 4 months now. I have a few problems that I would like you advice on

  1) She NEVER calls me unless I tell her to. She never make arrangements with me. I always call her to set things up, but when I call, she has lots to talk about and is very willing to go out with me. She has also never flaked on me yet

  2) When I tell her to do things that are not that big of a deal, she resists and say that I am ordering her. With that said, I got a feeling she actually likes it when I am firm with her.

  3) I see her about twice a week, and one is almost always on a Saturday. So I generally call on Fridays to talk and set a time to pick her up. However, I feel she has been using this to her advantage. I have noticed that she is more likely to get out of line on Thursdays and Fridays, cus she knows I will call on Friday anyways (When she does something I don’t like, I withdraw attention normally, but usually still calls on Fridays cus I want to see her). So today she brought up some stupid shit that happened before and try to use it against me. I act like I don’t give a shit and withdrew attention. Today is Friday, and I did not call. I plan to go no contact, Is that the right move? And if I go no contact for a while, and she doesn’t initiate contact, should I text her? Or should I just dump the bitch?

  You help is much appreciated.

  Reply
  • 

    nemesis

    May 12, 2012 8:22 pm

    you should read “fifteen lessons” by pook

    Reply
  • 

    hey

    May 12, 2012 9:10 pm

    yes, you should stop calling her on fridays. or better yet, just stop calling her altogether. trust me, it sounds like youre in some shit right now, and calling wont help. stop calling her and wait until she calls you

    Reply
    • 

      ALTAIR

      May 13, 2012 5:34 pm

      agreed. go out and have fun like she didn’t exist. if she calls you soon great, if not, fuck it.

      Reply
• 

  tony

  May 12, 2012 4:10 am

  hey shark, i could really use a bit of advice right now. i just got out of a five year ltr, and fucking a week later she just posted on facebook “best second date ever”. shits drivin me nuts right now man, seriously ii was doin pretty damn good till right this second, now i cant fuckin think straight. i have been approaching girls, i have been hittin the gym, doin alot of the things you suggested. this oneitis is killin me atm, but honestly i was doin very good till i saw that damn post. seriously i think i would fuck her current bf up if i met him. i continue to tell myself everything i learned on here, but i dunno man this shit gets to me. i just blocked her on fb.

  Reply
  • 

    hey

    May 12, 2012 9:01 pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQKw-PWpuqI&feature=related

    Reply
    • 

      tony

      May 18, 2012 10:22 pm

      meh i just had a bitch moment. not to mention i was a little tipsy.

      fuck that shit man, i have better things to worry about.

      Reply
• 

  Mike

  May 12, 2012 4:51 am

  What do you think about creating jelousy plots with your gf of a year? how to do it properly? is it really important or not?

  Reply
• 

  Ant72

  May 12, 2012 11:10 am

  Well, fuck.

  This totally failed.

  Now I’m desperate. Shark, I need help.

  Last night at work, she and I didn’t talk much at all. We all went out after, and I told her to come over. She shook her head and brought me outside.

  She said she didn’t know if this was working and didn’t know if she could date someone from work, and how if things went wrong it’d be bad to work with each other. She also said we didn’t have much in common.

  All bullshit. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to stick to my guns. It was all too much. I thought things had turned in my favor yesterday, but no. I said she was cutting off a good thing before it even started because she was scared, and that I thought she was different from all the other girls and it was the first time in a long time I’ve cared about what happens. We kissed a few times. She kept saying “I don’t know…” and then finally she said she was sorry that it wasn’t going to happen. She took my hands off from around her.

  I said “okay” and walked home, totally numb. I tried to sleep. At 4am, I broke. I didn’t care. I texted her to come over, saying I couldn’t sleep.

  Her: It’s 4am
  Me: I know.
  Her: I don’t think that would help the situation
  Me: I can’t sleep. Come
  Her: goodnight

  I called her. She didn’t answer. I had the control to at least not leave a voicemail.

  God. Fucking. DAMNIT.

  Now I have to work with her tomorrow. Pretend that I’m perfectly fine? Happily aloof? What? I want her back, but I am not going to beg and plead. Does no-contact apply here when I have to see her at work?

  Reply
  • 

    hey

    May 12, 2012 9:01 pm

    clearly youre not ready for a serious relationship right now, with anyone. try again some other time

    unfortunately, you used this site as a crutch. you took to heart only the info that helped you in that given situation with the one girl, and completely ignored the other information that was much more conceptual and best for improving yourself in a much more permanent manner. so essentially, you got an artificial boost of confidence that stemmed from the workings of other people on this site, not from your true self. you acted like an alpha the day you felt good because you were told to act a certain way; you didnt succeed as a natural alpha. you want to know how to succeed like an actual alpha in the future? stop taking any advice that obviously yields to temporary results over advice that teaches you how to be a better person permanently

    oh, and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQKw-PWpuqI&feature=related

    Reply
    • 

      Ant72

      May 15, 2012 5:23 pm

      Thanks for your thoughts/input. That youtube video was a shot in the gut, but I’ve watched it several times and it’s good stuff.

      I’ve been reading this blog for a year now, and while this failure might show otherwise, I have indeed taken Shark’s advice to heart. I have moved to the city to pursue my plans, I have a job and internship, lost 25 pounds, in training for a race that I would never think of attempting last year, and I a constantly wheedle myself to get outside my comfort zone.

      This was a failure. I’m not moping around feeling shattered (well, I had a lazy day the day directly after, but I’ve snapped out of it). I just completed a hard work out and I’m in contact with the coach of a rugby team to try out (never have played before). Not staying down.

      Reply
• 

  Ben

  May 12, 2012 2:34 pm

  Thank you for your feedback, Shark. You are a man whom karma owes an insurmountable debt.

  Reply
• 

  James

  May 13, 2012 8:30 am

  Shark, u say that emotional turbulance + social proof is a way to girls heart, i agree but doesnt this contradict with “fighting” on that note u say alphaness is shown in terms of dominance, well then why is it that when men flight with their women or hit them they leave them, fighting is a sigh of alpha, so why

  Reply
  • 

    ALTAIR

    May 14, 2012 12:20 pm

    Actually, from what I’ve read, women who are physically/ verbally abused by their partner’s/husband/s typically don’t leave them out of fear. The one’s who do leave usually do so after their children are in danger, or family/friends step in. At least that’s what I’ve heard from the media.

    Here’s one of the first google searches I stumbled upon regarding the subject (and yes it’s a site for women, but it’s a site about women being abused; http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1277)

    Embarrassement & shame: A recent survey revealed that whilst 20% of women admit they have lived, or do currently live in fear of violence happening, more than half (52%) told researchers they’d be too embarrassed and ashamed to tell their friends, and 59% said they would not tell their families (YouGov, 2004).
    Risk of homicide: Women are at greatest risk of homicide at the point of separation or after leaving a violent partner. (Lees, 2000).
    Effect on children: 60% of the women in one study left the abuser because they feared that they would be killed if they stayed. A further 54% of women left the abuser because they said that they could see that the abuse was affecting their children and 25% of the women said that they feared for their children’s lives. (Humphreys & Thiara, 2002).
    Effect of leaving: The British Crime Survey found that, while for the majority of women leaving the violent partner stopped the violence, 37% said it did not. 18% of those that had left their partner were further victimised by stalking and other forms of harassment. 7% who left said that the worst incident of domestic violence took place after they had stopped living with their partner. (Walby & Allen, 2004).
    Post-separation violence: 76% of separated women reported suffering post-separation violence (Humphreys & Thiara, 2002). Of these women:
    – 76% were subjected to continued verbal and emotional abuse.
    – 41% were subjected to serious threats towards themselves or their children.
    – 23% were subjected to physical violence.
    – 6% were subjected to sexual violence.
    – 36% stated that this violence was ongoing.
    Child contact arrangements: In addition to this, more than half of those with post-separation child contact arrangements with an abusive ex-partner continued to have serious, ongoing problems with this contact (Humphreys & Thiara, 2002).
    Contact with outreach services: 46% ofwomen contacted outreach services for the first time when they were still living with their abuser; 90% of these women had since left the abuser (Humphreys & Thiara, 2002)

    No Alpha male should have to resort to violence in any situation unless it is a threat to his self, security, well-being, or his loved ones, IMO. Or, if he is directly attacked, say at a bar; which, I also feel should have some common courtesy rules for fighting in bars. For example: if the person you are fighting is clearly fucked up beyond cognition, just put them in their place, usually a simple punch to the face that knocks them down is enough, and do so ensuring you don’t kill them; punch their cheek/ side of their nose, or temple, but do not directly punch their nose for fear of killing them. Also, if a man’s down, don’t continue to beat him. A fight should be a fair fight, in bar fights tapping out is a.)being knocked out, or b.) other dude pleading for you to stop. If you continue after that, you are a beta fool who derives pleasure from hurting an already hurt man. Most men who fight in bars are not fighting because they have something against the person they are fighting, it is because they have other shit going on in their life and need to get aggression out.

    I’ve had many a punch to the face set me straight and shaken the hand of the man afterward, thanking him for awakening me from my blackout.

    When it comes to men who resort to violence in relationships, i.e., beating their woman, they are no better than the man who kicks a homeless drunk screaming profanities at 3 AM with pissed pants and a dime to his name.

    If the woman is wielding a knife and threatening to stab you – I’ve been in this situation before – you must remain calm and maintain frame, she is the emotional one, not you. You do not use your fist, you use your words. If she actually does try to stab you, well, clearly do what you can to remove yourself from the situation, and call the pigs to take her to the asylum.

    Most men who beat women I feel do so because they were raised in a household where that was the norm, or they were beaten themselves. Violence can feed the ego, when [in]appropriately enacted, thus establishing dominance that is based on FEAR rather than respect.

    A woman knows you can beat the living shit out of her, but will love you because even if she throws a tantrum and cries hitting your chest like a child, she’ll end up in your arms crying and soothed rather than slapped and beaten with bruises she has to make up stories to her co-workers about.

    Why even ask this question? Look at it this way: man or woman, if your partner were physically violent with you, would you not feel violated? If you, say, got angry, called your girlfriend a lying bitch, and she then knocked two of your teeth out and kicked you in the gut while you lay on the floor bleeding, would you respect her/him? No. You would more than resent them, and either cower in fear, or turn into one like them, spreading the seed of violence, retaliating, and possibly harming them far worse than they intended on harming you.

    Also, I assume a lot of domestic violence, or males who feel they need their woman to submit to them through the use/threat/enactment of violence, are the ones who hold more fear & psychological damage than the Omega who has a level 99 Elven Wizard Master in some online arena.

    This is not to say that sometimes it definitely feels like a woman needs a hard slap to wake her up. But, one must resort to using those slaps to the ass in the bedroom, or establishing dominance sexually during an anger-fuck to release the tension, instead of cowardly ensuring the woman won’t leave them by using their fist to establish fear-based dominance. The type of fear that will eventually leave both [ex]partner’s scarred, damaged, and perpetuating a cycle of ridiculous notions of power-display/dynamic.

    It’s not alpha to hit your woman, because if your woman deserves to be hit in the first place (which, I’m not sure what would qualify for resorting to such a tactic), then she’s the wrong woman to be with. If you are Alpha, you are only exerting energy – violent energy – towards those things which threaten you, and those you wish to protect.

    But, there is a grey area regarding this: if you are in an established, pre-arranged, DOM-SUB type relationship, where, say, when the woman – if she is the SUB – is out of line, then the DOM – the man – can, and will display his power by using violence, but only to a certain extent, one which complies with their psycho-sexual fetishized lifestyle and relationship. But in such relationships, it’s also ALWAYS – if it’s a legit one – known by both partners, that if anything crosses a boundary or line, the sub does not have to submit, and the dom must not force upon the sub something that is outside of the realm of their psyche’s ability to handle.

    There is also the other end of the spectrum, which coincides with rape as well, where the woman accuses the man of physical violence or rape or marital rape or sexual abuse or physical abuse or verbal abuse, when real the man did nothing. Like, say a woman flips the fuck out and is thrashing about throwing shit around and hitting the man in a rage, and the man subdues her by grabbing her wrists, tightly, fingers taut like a rope binding her from harming herself, her partner, and her surroundings. She calms down, and they have wild sex, both parties appear satisfied, the man thinks “wow, I handled that well”. Then, the next day, there are bruises all across the woman’s arms from the man subduing her rage. The man is confronted by or suddenly shunned/avoided/dismissed/treated unfairly by friends/family/co-workers/etc…only to learn that the woman has spread lies or rumors or inserted that he had nearly broken her arms while forcing her into submission after which he proceeded to rape her, and she’s scared and doesn’t know what to do.

    So I suppose each domestic violence, alpha vs. non-alpha violence, case should be taken with a grain of salt, case-by-case, considering all factors involved.

    Perhaps even an Alpha will slap his wife after she’s sent him over the edge, and that riles her up, even though she briefly resents it and feels hurt or ashamed. After which she realizes, he put me in my place, and I should not do this or that again.

    It all depends. It’s all relative.

    This was a long and random rant on violence, but I just feel like that question doesn’t really have an answer, it’s just a known, a norm, in today’s standards, and depending on your ethnographic make-up, certain levels of physical dominance may be more appropriate than those of other ethnographical make-ups.

    It’s the idea of the AFC Fool Vs. the Alpha Fool (alluding to the Tarot). The AFC Fool KNOWS and UNDERSTANDS what is and isn’t appropriate in society, in the moment, in the scenario, and knowingly dismisses what is right in the given situation and walks off the cliff carelessly without regard for consequence; whereas the Alpha Fool knows and understands…and acts accordingly, perhaps even adding his OWN morale, agenda, stratagem, GAME, etc…walking off the cliff into the Abyss, cognizant of his blind but intuitively guided momentum.

    I guess even without alcohol I still rant. It could be the methylphenidate…

    As always, thanks Shark, and everyone here, we’re lucky to be where were at.

    Reply
• 

  Lon Jon

  May 13, 2012 9:33 am

  Thoughts on smoking weed and how it affects your ‘game’ or approach anxiety etc?

  Reply
  • 

    Necorochi

    May 13, 2012 5:10 pm

    I know from experience that it dose help but it’s costly and you don’t want to rely on drugs to fix your problems… What happens when you can’t afford it?
    Also it’s better to learn sober so you don’t need to rely on them, but once you learn allot and you start internalizing all the concepts….
    OMG
    Seriously tho learn and become alpha first.

    Reply
• 

  bill

  May 13, 2012 1:30 pm

  Hey Shark,

  how to handle your girlfriend when she goes away on a trip? Should you keep in touch over social networks and emails? The thing is, she does not seem to answer a lot and is busy sightseeing and stuff like that. I know she will not cheat, but her attentiveness has decreased.

  Reply
• 

  bill

  May 13, 2012 1:32 pm

  sorry forgot to add to the comment above…should I meet her at her house when she comes back, or just say I am busy and meet her next day?

  Reply
• 

  Super mario

  May 13, 2012 3:58 pm

  IN A DEEP SHIT…HELP…I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO…

  we were in 2 years relationship and the things were getting pretty bad because we were arguing all the time. Since I had to move to university, and she had family problem she had to move away as well, it was basically LSD, the LSD was for about 8 months, but i still visited her once a month, after 8 months, things were getting pretty bad, she couldn’t be bothered to call me or neither was I.

  She said I was different from other 2 boyfriend cuz they were just using her for sex. She actually never wanted to break up with me ever…after few months, I treated her like she was the prize and always bought her stuffs and i literally used to be like her slave cuz i used to cook for her do shitz for her and I didn’t realized I was Beta-backsliding. Once what happened was, when we were together she told me that she doesn’t love me any more, i was devastated, and i cried like a pussy-boy in front of her, I cried so hard in front of her that i was literally shaking, she didn’t wanted nothing from me and she said sorry and told me to go home. i went back home thinking ok, maybe we should break up and after few hours i came to her house, i asked her to give all the stuff which reminded of me, so that she wouldn’t remember me any more, but she said “no i didn’t wanted to break” (thinking back I just realised it was a shit test, i just wonder why are they fking testing us every time like).

  on the 8th months of long distance relationship, i was doing my on shit, didn’t give fk about her, didn’t bother calling because she didn’t, so I didn’t give a shit either. after 1 week she send me Facebook message saying we should break up and i messeged her saying ok. but when i called her i felt bad, I called her saying i was sorry cuz she was on tears and she said lets give this relation another chance i said ok…it was like she was in control of our relation.

  Everything was fine but week after she wasnt putting any effort texting me calling me back, after 2 days she texted me askin how i was doing i didnt give a fk and she called me, i wanted to talk, but she was feeling tired and wanted to sleep therefore i got angry and said it a break up since she couldnt be bothered to talk to me. next day i felt sorry and send her message saying that i loved her, but she said she was serious about break up and i said ok if u want to do so do it…there was no contact for week but after 1 week i felt bad and turned beta and begged her saying i was sorrry and wanted another chance but she said it is too late and said we could be friends and talk sometime, i wrote like fkin looonnnggg ass messege saying why should we go back together and i was pushing her to be with me, when i think back i feel like a fkin dickhead, after all this shit we have completly blocked each other from facebook, or msn and no contact for 2 months and i still cant get over her, i realised i was falling into beta without realising now fk by begging i think she is never going to come back fk it… i found ur website just after the begging and pleading happened so i dont know what the fk is happening in my life and what to do man i feel like ma head is completely fked, and she was my first girlfriend…please Shark…help me man (Sorry bout ma english tho)

  Reply
• 

  Jake

  May 13, 2012 8:40 pm

  “There is never any need—and by never, I mean never — there is never any need to be artificially traumatic.

  Simply to give the best you can give is traumatic enough, because you cannot fulfill the real needs.”–Kohut

  What do you think of this quote on the bonding process in therapy? It’s taken from http://www.selfpsychologypsychoanalysis.org/transmute.shtml

  It seems to parallel how a man would bond with his woman. The way I thought before game was if I intuit her particular needs and try my best to meet them I won’t have to worry about being an Asshole to get her. From her perspective I’d be an asshole or negging her whenever I fall short of those needs. It seems like I’m getting at a very important distinction between a caring asshole and an uncaring one, a try hard asshole vs a benevolent one.

  I think the idea is:
  You try to meet her needs because you sense a human in need and that’s the kind of guy you are, not to qualify for her intimacy.
  You avoid anything that appears parasitic or codependent in yourself and in her (this would come off as push/pull to her)

  It seems like you could make a list of all the reasons this works because it’s the RIGHT way to live and would seem so foreign to the girl as to drive her crazy. If females are inherently solipsistic on their own only proper conduct from you could set her straight. Not only that, but the shear mystery of such a benevolent mindset could never be “figured out” by a female if they are not “built that way”. It seems far and away different from a nice guy who is afraid to stand up for himself. If she falls away from him, the patient is deficient and nothing need be said. If she cheats on him, she’s a slut and loses everything of him. Nothing need be said.

  Do you know what I mean? Figured I could bang my head against yours on this one and see what falls out.

  Reply
  • 

    Super mario

    May 15, 2012 9:33 am

    thanks for your advice man, I wish I would have found this website ages ago, but man…I am happy to have this experience I can finally understand the complicated psychology of women’s mind, my friends told me to sleep with other women and they said you are going to crave for it more, because I just had 1 tight “meowth” in my life maybe that is the reason. I have read nearly all the articles in this website and I feel fulfilled, well at the end of the day, we just need to spread our seeds, starting today I am going to approach at least 20 random girls a week. SHARK THE SAVIOUR, AMEN…

    Reply
• 

  Jake

  May 13, 2012 8:43 pm

  “First, there must be a basic empathic intuneness between the self and its selfobjects.
  In the therapeutic setting this intuneness between the self and its selfobjects or bond is the emerging selfobject transference.
  Second, manageable and minor nontraumatic failures of the empathic bond must occur.
  Kohut referred to these failures as “optimal frustratiostrations” and viewed them as inevitable, not because they are brought about by some technical manipulation on the part of the analyst to facilitate cure, but because the analyst’s task is to understand and explain the patient’s needs, not to meet them.”

  Reply
• 

  Bacilus

  May 13, 2012 9:47 pm

  Shark! I have a girlfriend for a year and half but I kissed this night my school mate, which I was in love for very long time. I love my GF, but I love this girl ,too. I love two women and I don’t know what to do. With my GF I have future, but with this school mate I can expect some new experiences…..what to choose, every choose is kinda wrong for me. I don’t know…….I would like to break relationship but it will hurt her and me and than I would like to live more free and fuck more and more girls to get experiences, bcoz I’m only 20, but in same time, there is huge chance that all girls have same vaginas, but I’m kinda crazy young guy, that needs adrenalin in his life.

  Reply
• 

  Ben

  May 13, 2012 10:11 pm

  Hey Shark, so I recently “met” this girl on an ordinary dating site and we’ve been texting for a bit now and I know you’ve posted about texting and how just texting game can’t really be sustained without face to face contact, but what do I do if she is not in meeting distance at the moment? I’ve been escalating the sexuality in the conversations while acting aloof and sort of running your murky caveman game where I just say stupid sexual stuff and she has been playing along with it. But I may not be able to get physical contact for a few weeks because of where she’s living for the summer, so what exactly do I do? As long as I act aloof and keep sexuality high will she stay interested…or will the fact that I’m still giving her attention while receiving no sex make her start seeing me more as a friend? Jealously (text for someone else) seems like a good option, but at the same time I feel like she may not be as affected by it since we haven’t physically met and she would have other guys from the dating site hounding her.

  Any insight into this situation would be great, thanks,

  Ben

  Reply
• 

  Metaman

  May 14, 2012 12:30 am

  Shark. I really need help here. I am currently in a relationship with a 6 that I once had oneitis for. She is charming and intellegent. She is a little slow in the sack, but she’s no slouch. I really enjoy her company. I have, in the last couple months, gone through a metamorphasis of some sort thanks to your blog and book. I now have 8s and 9s stalking me and fighting for my attention. I have started to fall for one of them at work. She is also in a relationship. Neither of us are married. She’s 24 and im 30. She’s a hard 9 (a 1

  Reply
• 

  God

  May 14, 2012 1:07 am

  Shark. I really need help here. I am currently in a relationship with a 6 that I once had oneitis for. She is charming and intellegent. She is a little slow in the sack, but she’s no slouch. I really enjoy her company. I have, in the last couple months, gone through a metamorphasis of some sort thanks to your blog and book. I now have 8s and 9s stalking me and fighting for my attention. I have started to fall for one of them at work. She is also in a relationship. Neither of us are married. She’s 24 and im 30. She’s a hard 9 (a 10). I have played pretty tight game on her. I ignored her for about a month and then started negging the shit out of her. I have built all kinds of rapport and attraction. She’s good friends with a family member of mine too. She acts very coy around me. She will blush around me when she knows I’m going to escalate. I finally escalated to a badass kiss this last Friday. I think its time for us to start hanging out if I’m going to continue this. My current relationship has gone from me ready to hang myself to her ready to hang herself for me. She treats me completely different. I needed to be unplugged so bad. I’m a fucking badass. I’m not longer able to cum with her. As soon as I started falling for this 9 at work. So now to my questions. Why does the girl at work act so coy and submissive? Is this extreme attraction mixed with resentment? Just raw attraction? We have enough rapport. Do i need to work on comfort? I think things are a little awkward at times because im not used to spanking the hottest chicks on the planet and then telling them to fuck off. I need to work on frame control there. Secondly, lol, Do i break off my current relationship or the new one? Should I flood the 9 with compliments and stare at her tits all day so she’ll back off? I’ve found that once you build so much attraction its really the only way to get them to back off. It’s like a fucking snowball effect. Once you get them going the universe just lays the pussy on thick. You have to practically backslide just to get them off of you. What do I do here? The 9 is amazing. Great personality. We have more in common that my current relationship. I have to game another girl at work just to keep me from getting oneitis from this 9. I thought about her for a good 3 hours today. Yeah. Bad. I can hang though.

  Reply
• 

  Nick

  May 14, 2012 3:57 am

  Shark, My family is in the merchandising business,they want me to take over the stores and manage the business If I work with them then I’ll be tied up with family business 7 days a week 9am to 10pm and won’t be able to live to the fullest of my potential. . . I have big dreams a lot of passion
  An opportunity to go abroad (African country) has come up and I can start my own business there with the limited capital I have saved, I believe in my Ideas I am ready for whatever! If I go then there is no turning back

  I already told all my friends that I am leaving and most of them think that I have already gone ( Big mouth told everyone that I am leaving ) the truth is that I am still here and I feel isolated (no phone, no facebook) to save my face. . .
  Its either that I go and pursue my dreams or I just work on what I already have here (f**k friends) , the pressure is getting to me I know this sounds stupid but I created this situation for my self and everything is going in a circle in my mind!! its affecting everything in my life!!

  Reply
• 

  Stuart

  May 14, 2012 12:17 pm

  Shark I would love some ADVICE on a interesting situation I have. If this is the last advice you ever give me, PLEASE let it be this post.

  Me and this girl were talking on line for a few years, now she was never my girlfriend but about a year ago we used to tell each other we loved each other and act it and we were real close. Fast forward one year we don’t say it any more. When her interest level declined, I declined mine too and it pulled her back in. I told her I wanted to be with her and she said the same. Her actions matched her words.

  I never beta back-slid, her interest level was at around 90% for a year. We talked hours every night, I vanished for a long time in between keeping her interest level high, building competitive anxiety mixed in with vulnerability game while pursuing other women, while keeping my game TIGHT with teasing and a strong frame and burning shit tests to the ground. (Shes a option to me and a good option) I told her I am going to come see her as soon as I get a job. (But finding a job is a long process for me in the UK)

  This girl was home schooled all her life and never knew her true value. She is a hot girl with no beauty complex. Recently she started school so I decided to LJBF’d her. I knew she’d get attention from men so I decided to step back and be chill and persue my passions. She is a hot girl with no beauty complex. I played it safe.

  Now fast forward a few more months, recently I noticed her interest level rapidly declining. Its been from around a consistent 80-90% for a year but now its dropped to around 60-70%. I said to her ”Is everything ok recently and she said she noticed my behaviour changing. I made a beta mistake and said ” How do you feel about me? She said she doesn’t know because she didn’t know how I felt. I told her I love her but she never told me she loved me back. I figure she would have if she truly did? Like she used to. Apparently my behaviour is changing but she still feels how she always felt. Nowadays she’ll tell me she is more busy and i’ll be chill about it.

  However ”View her ACTIONS not her WORDS’ come into play and she doesn’t tell me she loves me or appear as interested as she once was. I mean, she signs off line or goes ‘away’ when I come on but still kind of seems happy to see me but responds in less time. Just she doesn’t tell me shes horny any more or she loves me. She comes from a strict family but then again all women run by code. She’ll message me too so its a mixed thing.

  I mean, she still comes on line a lot and is pleased to see me but this drop in interest from 90% to 60-70% is quite apparent and it is declining gradually. My question to you is, how should I play it from now on? Should I come on line EVEN LESS and show my interest decline ? Do I completely move on and take the ass hole route instead of the blubbering beta? I’d like to keep the door open for us in the future. Should i address the issue and tell her i noticed she doesn’t feel the same any more OR simply do nothing and let her interest decline while mine declines also? She doesn’t tell me she is horny any more, I get pussy outside this ‘thing we have got going on’ but shes a option i’d like to keep alive till I can go see her. I am getting the impression she is having interests in someone else by her behavioural and pattern shifts.

  It is quite apparent I am caring more than she does right now. She doesn’t say much affectional things to me any more but still comes on line a lot to chat. Doesn’t tell me she misses me either. But then notices when I go quiet and asks me. I still keep the sexual tension, teasing but things seem differant than a year a go. I guess I tell her I miss her and slightly more affectionate than she is.

  How do I play this SHARK? My goal is to simply keep the interest high so I can go see her when I save up. Am I being a beta about any of this? What do I do to do the right alpha thing? Have you noticed anything that i’ve done/ doing wrong? We talk on line mainly, its not a relationship but kind of feels like one. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

  Reply
• 

  mwj

  May 14, 2012 2:55 pm

  shark ive been in a relationship with my gf for almost about an year now and i like her friend alot. how do i approach her? and how should i break up with my girlfriend ? and i also want to know how should i act infront of her friend so i build up attraction. i need some serious help.

  Reply
• 

  QZ

  May 15, 2012 3:30 am

  I think this is a great example of an alpha male move:
  http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/usain_bolt_dumps_girlfriend_to_concentrate_1eWCTwMCu42LRIIxiFcYHI

  Reply
• 

  Drive

  May 15, 2012 4:55 am

  Shark, me and an ex have been going through back and forth shit for over two months. I started giving a lot less attention and then she started to crack and got pretty eager to meet. So we met. Now I feel like the back and forth shit is gonna keep going. We agreed to meet for lunch, she said she could any day this week. Then I asked her, and she said she couldnt today. In order to break this cycle, something needs to be done. I know you don’t like the ideas of “Lay your cards on the table.” But the cycle needs to broken and I need to maintain dignity. What do you think about the idea of telling an ex: Look, don’t call or text me unless you’re interested in starting something again, and then maybe I’ll think about it. Then I break the connections. (Im “legally” listed on her flat and we have concert tickets together, facebook friends, etc.) I think like you said, nothing will drive us back together unless she feels the loss. So I feel like breaking these connections and talking about this would drill the loss into her, and make her ambivalent side come to a more clear truth. What do you think man!? Help !

  Reply
• 

  Drive

  May 15, 2012 11:36 am

  Better yet, Shark, to make it more simple, any suggestions on how drill a loss into a girl who has successfully satellited you?

  Reply
• 

  Drive

  May 15, 2012 12:16 pm

  More yet: Should you ever confront your ex about the satellite position in which she has established you and the games she is playing? And tell her that you are not going to play the game being offered? is that ever a good move to make during post-break up?

  Here’s my casino theory, which I think you might find interesting:

  There is a certain psychological technique that they take advantage of in casinos: in order to make people addicted and not leave the game after they lose, they let them win from time to time – not a lot, just a bit, just enough to get people hooked on hope to win more, because winning is obviously possible… Eventually people get obsessed with trying to win, and loose a lot of money in the process. This post break up game seems to be similar: as soon as she senses I am considering leaving the game (not answering her messages or giving less attention), she lets me “win” a bit : “I kinda miss you”, “Your great”, “I love you”, “Can I see you?” etc. It is not enough to actually develop a relationship, but enough to keep me hooked… I was trying to use the metaphor of “leaving the casino” for refusing to play the game offered to me.

  She the girl be confronted about the games she is playing? Then tell her that you love her but you’re leaving the game. I feel like this is a noble approach to take. What do you think? Sorry for the subsequent posts!

  Reply
• 

  Necorochi

  May 15, 2012 2:19 pm

  I would like to share an experience with you guys that might help you understand.

  So today in art, one girl started started gathering up all the clay scrapings and pored water on then and started mixing it around with the needle tool.

  Now everyday because I really don’t mind, I clean up the tables.

  Girl knowing this.

  Well comes the last 10 minutes in class hence clean up time. I cleaned up my scrapings.

  My table was not clean tho. Girl thought I was going to clean up the mud she left on the table.

  Everyone is hanging around the door ready to leave including her.

  The teacher comes out from his office and reminds us to “Make sure all the tables are cleaned up”

  He was insinuating my table because I was him look and everyone else had their table clean.

  I finish cleaning my part of the table. I usually clean up the whole table regardless, not necessarily beta, just because I don’t mind.

  Teacher comes back out, see’s that my table is still dirty. He say’s ***** you need to clean up your table.”

  I respond ” I did clean up my table…… My area.” *Shit eating grin*

  Teacher: “What is that then?”

  Necorochi: ” Oh that.. Wasn’t me. *Looks at Girl* Girl are you going to clean the table?”

  Girl: No (Said it really low kinda of ashamed; everyone was their at the door)

  Necorochi: ” You need to clean up your me*****INTERUPTED by HB10*****

  HB10: Why don’t you clean it up? (Like I would get pussy if I did)

  *Ignored HB10 and pressed on*

  Necorochi: “Are you going to clean it up?”

  Girl: No (As if she knew I was going to clean it up and if she said No that i would backslide and clean it up/take one for the team)

  Disclaimer: She an’t putting out, why should I.

  *I looked at the teacher and shrugged my shoulders*

  Teacher: “Thats a zero for you and girl if you don’t clean it up.”

  At this point I was like fuck backsliding, I’m going to keep my integrity. So I just stood their like I didn’t give a fuck. Girl was standing there to.

  Wait for it…

  Wait for it…..

  Wait for it……….

  Once it sunk in that I wouldn’t backslide and clean the table she walked her happy ass over their and started cleaning the table with another plate that was one step ahead of her.

  Perfect timing as soon as she got to the table the bell rang.

  On the way out the look on HB10′s face was priceless, they acknowledged me on another level and the fact that girl went to clean the table all was empowering.

  I feel high on life.

  Lesson learned: Keep your integrity and DON’T EVER BACKSLIDE

  P.s I usually would have cleaned up her mess but I was watching myself extra hard to fix any mistake I could be making.
  Also All Hail Shark’s Blog

  Reply
• 

  Stallion

  May 15, 2012 5:17 pm

  Shark,

  I have been a student of the red pill for some time now after a 5 year LTR that ended about 9 months ago. I am currently spinning 3 plates and life is good, however my latest addition to the stables has started to grow on me. I have kept solid frame the entire time, passing shit tests, and letting it be known I have options. She insists that we are just fuck buddies, however when we are together we wind up spending the weekends together and it feels like we have been dating for months when its only been a few weeks.

  I know how this usually ends up, where the girl eventually concedes that she has feelings for the guy, etc. I am not adverse to this, but it would be great to get your perspective on how to handle fuck buddies to maximize the benefits, and what to do If a relationship happens as a result of the interaction. Any pointers on maintaing frame in the midst of her seeing other guys, or her figuring I am smashing other chicks would be great too.

  Reply
• 

  Micky

  May 16, 2012 5:29 am

  Hey Shark, My ex girlfriend is threatening me with suicide, long story short I played the game and lost interest in her she kept chasing me for over an year calling and trying to meet me at places I usually hang out in!
  I was parting and really tipsy she was there and giving all the signs BIG MISTAKE I took her to a hotel and BAM! she started calling again every other minute its crazy, I have black listed her from my mobile (she calls from different numbers) and blocked her on face book. The message she just sent me is ” If you dont call me today I will end my life I am serious good bye.”

  Reply
• 

  chris

  May 16, 2012 6:23 am

  Shark what is your view on depression? Does it exist or is it all in a state of mind ?

  Reply
• 

  t

  May 16, 2012 6:57 am

  Hey shark, i used to be a long term reader, and have become alot more alpha, and aware thanks to you. In fact you actually brought me into the red pill world.
  But i just want to tell you, that smgp has become more and more like a website where you are solving peoples problems. When i first started reading there would be 3 comments on a article, now there are 53. There are so many people looking for your help on here, and i honestly believe half the people asking the questions havent read your book or the majority of your articles. Its quite sad really that your blog has turned into dr. phil. I just wanted to point this out, thanks though. For everything.

  Reply
  • 

    Paul

    May 16, 2012 10:54 pm

    agreed, there needs to be some sort of start here section… you must have a lot of patience shark

    Reply
  • 

    hey

    May 16, 2012 11:41 pm

    this post is 6 days old with no other posts succeeding it, of course this post would have a lot of comments. If he made a post on the 13th, this post would likely have around 26 comments and the newer post would also have around 26 comments. that’s a normal number of comments. the comments on this post simply built up according what was expected.

    Reply
• 

  Ant72

  May 16, 2012 9:38 am

  Well working with her was…okay. I was a bucket of sunshine, acting like nothing was wrong.

  The sexual tension is insane. She constantly looks at me. When our gazes meet, you can cut the tension with a knife.

  She came in after the shift was done for a co-worker’s birthday. We were all standing around talking and stuff. We would have a few passing conversations, full of teasing.

  I can’t and won’t make any overt moves. Wait until we’re both hammered and hook up? I’m also going to raise competitive anxiety.

  It’s just so obvious that there’s unfinished business and we want each other. Fuck.

  Reply
• 

  Jesse

  May 16, 2012 9:48 am

  Shark,

  Reply
• 

  Jesse

  May 16, 2012 10:02 am

  Shark,
  Me and my hb8 girlfriend of 8 months just broke up. I started out naturally alpha but then once i told her i loved her things hit the fan. I broke up with her a week ago, she cried, i stayed. Then she broke up with me two days ago with the maybe we should just be friends card. I said alright and then she said maybe we could try again in a little bit. Trying to maintain my frame i said no if we break up were broken up forever then i left. Later that night i beta backslid a fucking again. I called her and she didn’t answer i left a voicemail saying i didn’t want to get back together but id like to clear the air with her, and i didn’t want to downplay our relationship cause she changed me blah blah blah betashit. Then i sent her text about how we got caught stealing a street sign on our very first date and a picture on our last, just a weird coincidence the only two times i’ve ever gotten caught taking shit. She texted back very laconically. I never texted back. I know there is other girls out there that are hotter and i could get along better with. I just have oneitis so fucking bad right now and she was just so convention she lived like two minutes away. My first ltr and she took my virginity. The fact that she offered to try again does that show there is some interest left or this is just a giant shit test? I know its always better to pursue another relationship but in this case it’s so convienent.and i still have oneitis. I’m in highschool and i kind of hate all the girls there just rich bitches. I plan on going no contact for a week and a half trying to cure my oneitis and then randomly hit her up. I’m also going to get with another girl in that space. If she talks to me in the next week would it be appropriate to respond?

  Reply
• 

  Jesse

  May 16, 2012 11:07 am

  Also because i didn’t respond is she going to think i’m sulking?

  Reply
• 

  Lion

  May 16, 2012 12:47 pm

  I reached the lowest level in my life rock bottom nothing felt right food sleep music nothing not even my own thoughts
  This blog made me feel ashamed at the way I had been thinking at the same time I felt calm more then just internalizing I REALIZED that everything you are talking about is already within me all the knowledge is within us ITS US OUR THOUGHTS BELIEVES AND ACTIONS that change our world. Fuck women money and power the world is mine I am a man relentlessly pursuing dreams with a passion the only thing that will ever stop me is DEATH nothing else You changed everything and now everything is changing. I won’t be coming back to this blog anymore thank you

  Reply
• 

  Sebastian

  May 16, 2012 1:37 pm

  Hey Shark,

  First of all, dammmn you’ve got a lot of comments.
  Second, what’s your opinion on being conceited?
  I realised after reading my comment about immigration that i’m a very conceited guy.
  I don’t boast in public, or I try not to. It’s just a confident aura that I genuinely emit.
  I don’t think it’s bad showing that you’re really confident, atleast I hope not.

  Reply
  • 

    hey

    May 16, 2012 11:57 pm

    there are a shitton of variables that come into play that determine the justification you have to be conceited. how rich you are, your social status, your natural self (if you’ve been raised as a kid to be conceited and youve always acted conceited all your teen and adult life, then itd be understandable and acceptable for you to be conceited), etc.

    essentially, if you have enough shit to back up your overall status (girls, money, experience, intelligence), then being conceited is alright. mainly because being cocky would be natural to you. you have so much confirmation of your superiority over everyone that your acts of extreme confidence are perpetually _congruent_ to your natural state, which makes it ok. if you WERENT cocky all the time, it would be weirdly incongruent to your true self, because you are so rich and powerful, it is expected from yourself and everyone around you for you to be cocky

    Reply
    • 

      Sebastian

      May 17, 2012 4:22 pm

      Thanks for the reply. The ‘being conceited green light’ is in my face right now, feels great.

      Reply
• 

  calvin

  May 16, 2012 9:23 pm

  agree with T above.

  Reply
• 

  Coffey

  May 17, 2012 1:00 am

  girl im talking to sometimes doesn’t text back, but it is possibly because of her really shitty phone, so I don’t text her after that until she texts me first. is this the right approach to this situation?

  Reply
  • 

    Necorochi

    May 17, 2012 3:13 pm

    Don’t be to quick to jump to “she has a shitty phone” that’s what they want you to think.

    Remember judge her my her actions not words.

    Reply
  • 

    ALTAIR

    May 18, 2012 1:05 pm

    I also have something to say to you.

    Why don’t you just call her?

    Sometimes texting is good, usually when you’ve already established your relationship, and you keep it brief, light, mainly only in response to her, always being highly aware of your wording – words, language, linguistic constructs, syntax; that which any abecedarian child as we are all, & occultists/poets know/have known (and Game/PUA’s should by now know) can open doors ABRACADABRA – sarcastic but true – or close them (or spread legs or cross them).

    This goes for everyone, why doesn’t anyone just call the girl instead of texting? Seems like more of a confident move th text, however potent text can be….

    Anyway, holy shit on the comments on this post.

    Shark’s latest post seems like it was needed for many if not all of those who read this blog.

    Reply
    • 

      Necorochi

      June 6, 2012 5:00 pm

      In my opinion if you can call a girl on the phone now a day’s its like an alpha move or a natural alpha move… So many beta’s rely solely on texting that it makes calling her an alpha move.

      I can speak from experience during my beta prime that whenever I got a girl’s number I would text her only(During my beta highschool years) despite my first TWO loves who I would call all the time and she the same and profess are love for each other. We had an off and on relationship(both of them) and I was pretty naturally alpha despite some of the things I SHOULD have known that I now know. Now that I reminisce, I told both of them at one point that I loved them more then the other, I was a natural player back in middle school. It all went downhill during highschool tho, I’m pretty sure it was because I cheated on this one popular girl with girl b ( One of the two I mentioned above). Before I cheated on popular girl I told her friend that I wanted to break up with her and that she should go tell popular girl this.. She was very iffy about it and I should have known then. Anyway’s I ended up breaking up with popular girl for girl b because we thought we were in love and we were on again off again and “Can’t find anyone like you” we had the lovey dovy shit going on before all this happened. Well after I told popular girls friend to break the news for me I told girl b what happened and we ended up making out in class/before class while the teacher was out and we got back together. Now after that period I saw popular girl’s friend and I asked her if she told her and she was like I’m not getting in that you need to tell her blah blah blah. And I don’t remember exactly but somehow popular girl found out I cheated on her since technically we were still together since her friend didn’t tell her. Ever since then my relationships went downhill after my 8th grade year girl b ended up moving to orange park a county write next to jacksonville were I live in. We kept in contact on again off again till about 10th grade and we lost contact I think manely to do with me not having a car to see her and she wasn’t going to see me and I had her up until the end despite me backsliding idk if it was because we broke each other’s virginity and we were madely in love(So I thought). anyways basically during high school I was on a downhill beta slope, I maby had like 2 girlfriends through out my highschool career. Idk what happened I just became a beta during highschool. Idk if it was because I was with the wrong crowd, making bad grades (Not straight F’s now) and I was on again off again with sports (should of tried out for everything) etc. Nothing was the same. I think popular girl overtly made it known that I was a player and it carried throughout highschool and once everyone saw that I had no girl friend it just stuck. The most fucked up thing was that I was at least a 7 and a halve and I would be a fucking 9 if I didn’t have acne, not so much now but I have some scars on my face from acne, which I plan to get treated once I’m making money. Even with acne I was pretty good looking. I don’t know what happpened during highschool. And don’t be like WOW your talking about middle school now, dude I was the fucking man in middle school, I was with girl A on again off again lovy dovy all of 6th grade, I was with girl b on agian off again during 7th ( Girl a and B both knew each other and helped create jealously which spiked their interest in me as wanted from other females as I know now). Girl A now that I realised helped girl B to catch interest in me not saying I couldn’t get girl B without the “Wanted from other girls” maxim, because with both we just had amazing chemistry. I ended up getting back with girl A during my 7th grade year near the end and we ended up breaking up again and I went with girl B till halve way through 8th grade until she moved to orange park. Ironcally now they both have baby’s!! I’m pretty sure that I had a pretty big impact on that I was such a stub it altered their lives. Now this could be purely coincidence but they were the only girls I said “I love you to” and I was a romantic fucking mush mush with them and they were eating it up but I fucking doubt that it was a coinincedence. They both now have baby’s it’s almost like they are covertly saying this could of been your baby or that I was such an alpha in their lives that they wanted a baby from me from that it seems like I made them seek only alpha’s in my absence which they had a baby with and both of their boyfriends they were with were assholes like me. I had them both in a love triangle until I settled for girl B.

      Anyways I got way off topic but I think calling girls now a days is a natural alpha move even tho their are beta’s that call but overall the calling in itself is alpha because now a days with technology beta’s resort to texting because it’s risk free and it’s not as “Scary” as talking to a girl on the phone. Not saying texting is bad but it should be only/mainly in response to her texting you otherwise call her so you can kill two birds with 1 stone; practice communicating and it takes away her power to not text back 5 hours later now if you don’t ge a girl comfortable enough she will likely not pick up or end up texting you saying”I was busy what’s up” to which you would call her about 10 minutes after she sent that and then if she still doesn’t pick up and say’s something like “I can’t talk write now, text me” well i’ll leave that for you to decide what to say next just kidding I would’t leave you hanging If I get hit with one of those I usually just go no contact but hopefully she will pick up the first time.

      Reply
• 

  Cat

  July 12, 2012 4:41 pm

  Your comments regarding Karma are interesting Shark , I agree, but I know of someone who swears his bad deeds have always come back to haunt him later…

  He talks of the mind and the law of ten fold…rather like the Id and the Krill

  I think assholes like Hitler & Thatcher always get it in the end…Blair & Bush ? Will will have wait & see?

  Mind there is a difference between people like Hitler & Blair and guys who want to succeed & be Alpha etc…I think true psychotic assholes as above come to grief by their own hands….delusion always seems to get them!

  Reply