Comments

On May 24, 2012 by Shark

Ian:

Shark, I’d really like to see if you can tell me what I’m dealing with here. I’ve read this site top to bottom and learned a lot about where I’ve gone wrong but I can not figure this one out.

After 3+ years together we broke up a couple of months ago. I didn’t want that and of course I overreacted a little when it happened. Once I got my shit together I went no contact and within 48 hours she was calling and texting asking me to come over and see her. Sex… lots of sex. Almost every night since then. She wants to hang out other times too. She says she loves that our humor meshes, we like the same stuff, etc. Once in a while she will say things like “you’re so awesome… you almost make me want to date you again”, “you almost make me fall in love with you when you do ______”, “I love you… I mean… in a friend sort of way” or “maybe we will visit ______ next year… if we are together…”. I play it cool and act like I don’t care. The less I seem to care the more she seems to do this.

Now for the part that is confusing me. A few night ago we are getting frisky and talking dirty about having a three-way with another chick. Nobody in particular, just some fantasy she told me about months ago. It really turns her on when we talk about it, but after we finished and were lying there in bed, she starts talking about how it was really hot talking about another chick but how I shouldn’t kiss her and try to be romantic when we talk about that. Her reasoning being that she can’t think of me in terms of someone she wants to have a future with as well as someone who would have a three-way with her and another girl. Apparently this fantasy is a great turn-on for her but when I participate she sees me as just someone to have sex with, not as a long-term option. This came up after weeks of her being incredibly flirty and sweet with me, and just a couple of days before she had talked briefly about possibly wanting to get back with me in the not too distant future. I indicated at one point that I would like to be with her again in the future but I didn’t push it and I didn’t get mushy… it was just a quick comment and completely in context when I said it.

Maybe she’s getting with someone else or looking at other options, right? I would think that too, except that I am with her literally every night. Essentially, any time she’s not at work we are together. She constantly throws little compliments my way, seeks my approval, tells me she tries to look good for me, so this is why I’m turned around on this one. It seemed like my laconic attitude was working. She was trying to monopolize my attention, working hard for it, talking about a future… now as of a couple of days ago she is back to telling me that she doesn’t see a future with me and she doesn’t want to start over and date me again. Never mind the fact that what we do now is exactly the same as when we were dating, if not better… but of course she would never admit that.

What do I need to do here? I have not been applying NC at all really since the very beginning, and even then it was brief. Typically I do let her contact me and I don’t respond instantly, and I let her call me after work to invite me over. I went on a couple of dates with another girl but never told her about it because I didn’t want to instigate some sort of revenge on her part. She did get pretty insanely jealous about an email than another Ex sent me, so I can see the effect that another girl liking me could have on the situation I’m just afraid to apply it since this girl gets hit on by every guy who crosses her path.

Is it possible that she is just enjoying this feeling of independence, even if it is mostly and illusion? Maybe she wants to be chased and she got frustrated with me not chasing her? The day after the three-way conversation she still texted and called me at work and even invited me over that night, so she’s still interested on some level but I just can’t read this situation.

 

The situation is confusing to you for two reasons. First, you are approaching it within the anarchism of your relationship. Your view lacks objectivity because your mind is rationalizing attraction as a black and white concept; thus having trouble grasping the complexities of a relationship where you have some degree of attraction (via amused mastery and competitive anxiety), yet where you also suffer from some degree of Oneitis/dependency due the triumph of fear over your ego (“I’m just afraid to apply it since this girl gets hit on by every guy who crosses her path”) and because you aren’t making the jump to Jedi Game. You have game, but not Lothario game. You have confidence, but not God-like confidence.

Second, you are mistaking natural caper, caprice, and secksuality for contradictory behavior. This is how women act, it’s normal. Her insinuations toward romantic longevity are meant to keep you in check, the chaos is to keep you on your toes. Women like to imagine they are unpredictable, and they like to act in ways that make you think they’re unpredictable. The simple key to understanding women is to try to predict the unpredictable; read someone by knowing that they are trying to be unreadable; predict the actions of someone who was trying to do what you wouldn’t predict. Ever watch a romance movie where the guy says “I’m in love with you because… you’re so unpredictable!” to the girl? Same idea. Different context. Whilst you may think you have hand, the driver seat is actually being shared between the both of you. She is not “frustrated” by you not chasing her in the sense that she has absolutely conceded to your frame – rather, she’s shit testing you to flush out beta blood. Because your relationship is more verbally explicit about secks, her hamster took the opportunity to shit test you in a way you could not parry.

Now, prepare for a magic trick. I’m going to make this all clear to you in a brilliant flash. If you have read through the archives of this blog, it will make all the more sense.

“she starts talking about how it was really hot talking about another chick but how I shouldn’t kiss her and try to be romantic when we talk about that.” – Asshole game. Attraction. Dread. Anxiety. Jealousy. Dominance. Secks with a psychotic looking masculine guy and his girlfriend, both of whom she met the same day.

“Her reasoning being that she can’t think of me in terms of someone she wants to have a future with” – Vulnerability game. Love. Rapport. Commitment. Stability. Secks with a man she’s loved for years.

Does the paradox sound familiar now? You are not facing anything different, just a unique manifestation of the same paradox in female secksuality we have discussed over and over again. The lovable jerk, the vulnerable asshole, the dependable yet unpredictable artist, the painter of two emotions. Your girlfriend, like any other girl, wants you to be both within the context of secks AND a long term relationship.

 

Fatcat:


Shark could you help me?

I was just wondering about this thing thats been going on inside of me for as long as i can remember. When i was two years old, i walked in my living room and saw my dad and my uncle watching this porno with a girl tied to a chair and a guy eating on mer cunt. Ever since then I wanted to tie girls up and have power over them. I want only to do anal and choke these girls unconscious. I had a dream once that I had a girl in a sleeper hold and just kept knocking her out every time she would wake up. in that dream I feel i saw my meaning in life, you know, what i really enjoy doing with my time. I believe I’m a psychopath and the whole dark triad thing. All I want to do is have physical and mental control over women. What suggestions do you have for me to satisfy my needs??

 

Find a girl willing to reciprocate.

 

Fatcat:


What is your opinion of these books?
Think and Grow Rich
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Thus Spoke Zarathustra

Have you read them?
What will each teach a man?
What will each help with in life?
Do you recommend reading them?
What other books do you recommend to someone who craves knowledge and power?

P.S. I read how to win friends and think it is an awesome book for my needs, but what are your veiws

 

Zarathustra is a favorite of mine, it will change way you see the world if you let it.

I would recommend the two other books if you aren’t already familiar with the ideas they propose. Social psychology and personal finance books work the same way. They are aimed at changing your perceptions, but once that’s accomplished, they serve no other purpose. Hence, there’s no reason to continue your education beyond knowing the fundamentals unless it’s to refresh your memory, hone your skills, or for motivation.

Read this: Books to read

 

Melqart:


How do you balance pseudo-time and realtime (words — internet — text — play VS. actual being where/what/why one is doing/saying/being accordingly)?

What’s your take on Gilles Deleuze?

Who wins: Isaac (ben Solomon) Luria Ashkenazi, Kennedy, or John Dee?

Why?

 

A balance you must judge yourself. For many, living in pseudo-reality is apart of their calling. It would be difficult to ask someone who runs a social media marketing firm to unplug themselves from social media.

Deleuze strikes me as an intellectual elitist; in the same class as Derrida or Butler

Kennedy. Because he’s Kennedy.

Sidenote: Want to become immortal? Die as a martyr

 

El Matador:

enfrightening indeed. I am wondering Shark, at what point should you draw the line between working your ass off to achieve superiority, whether it be at school or in the office, and taking your work lightly, not being too immersed it it that you don’t have time for encounters of the female race. At the higher levels of competitive high school where I go, it seems like you can only choose one.

 

It would depend on your own goals; different people put different values on poon and power. Professional pick up artists for example, tend to see both as synonymous.

 

Hey:


existentialist logic like this never stops getting confirmed

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

her clientele could have learned a thing or two from you

 

Tyler: Guys, what would you wish you’d done before you die?
Steph: Paint a self-portrait.
The Mechanic: Build a house.
Tyler: And you?
Narrator: I don’t know. Nothing…nothing. Come on get in the right lane!
Tyler: You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?
Narrator: I don’t know, I wouldn’t feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say?
Tyler: Not good enough.

 

Sammy:

Hey Shark,

In your ebook, you say that if you’re young, you have time to pick up a sport. How old is young?

 

Assuming you’ve played at least one sport when you were younger, whether for recreation or competitively, you can pick that back up again at any age till your body keeps it from being enjoyable. If you haven’t, compete against yourself at the gym.

 

K:


Shark, my girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago. At the time, I remained almost completely unaffected by the situation, there was no crying, no resentment, no anger, I had complete emotional control. It is only 1 month later, when she begs me to go back to her that I start feeling these kind of emotions. We often hear about how bad it is to “bottle up” your emotions, so if men are supposed to be in control of their emotions, where is our outlet? Is it unhealthy to repress these feelings?

Thanks Shark,
KH

 

A man does not talk of his emotions. The trope about it being bad to bottle your feelings up is a lie; a ruse to get men to more openly communicate their betaness, remain complicit with their insecurities and faux pas, and to allow women to more clearly scope out incongruency. Kind of like if there was suddenly a huge movement that supported women relinquishing make-up and liposuction so they wouldn’t have to bottle up their shortcomings, preventing men from accidentally sleeping with someone they’d regret to sleep with when they woke up in the morning or marrying someone only to have them inflate post-altar. Consider yourself unplugged.

 

Shark,

I know you touched on the Kardashian show back in December. But I recently saw that Kim Kardashian is dating Kanye West. I can’t help but wonder: What is she famous for? What did she accomplish in her life?

Most importantly: What do you think this is teaching young girls?

 

She represents the polarization of gender conceptions, another aspect of post-apocalyptic New Earth. You’ll have more hyper masculine sociopathic men, and more hyper feminine estrogen fueled shopaholic women. And in the middle will be a gender neutral population of betatized men and masculinized women. Should we be more worried about what Bruno Mars is teaching young guys, or what Kardashian is teaching young women? Pick your poison.

Following this comment, I had this exchange with a friend. Thought it might be of interest:

Me: Do you think Kim Kardashian would be a good role model for younger girls?
Her: If you watch the show, she’s really nice
Me: So, do you think Kim Kardashian would be a good role model for younger girls?
Her: Lol I mean, she’s hard working, she’s professional
Me: Scroll up after every evasive response from now on, it’s 10 cents a text for me
Her: Lol for a different group of people i guess
Me: You would want her as a role model for your daughter?
Her: Everyone has a different mindset, people are different

 

ANT:

Shark,

I think it may just be safer to tell all of your readers to go ahead and NOT try to explain game, or anything related, to women. Sounds like most guys on here would mess it up horribly. After all, is it not counter productive? Not that I’m some guru or anything but most of us would be way too overt.

I’d like to get you’re opinion on something if possible..

I wrote you awhile back about a relationship, involving children, a super conservative cult like religion, etc. Anyway..it ran its course, got ugly, and we split. And I’m doing pretty good with it thanks to the wisdom I’ve gained here.

Right now I’m gaming 3 women who know I’m the Alpha when it comes to my hobby. I do remember you mentioning, in a previous post, about women always being interested in the best at any given activity. Well I see it all the time… when they come in with their boyfriends. The mad wandering eye.

I’m basically applying game and trying to learn as much as i can from interacting with these 3. The crazy thing is how different they are, yet how similar they are. Their ages are 24 (no kids), 33 (single mom), and 39 (single mom). I am 29 years old, but look 22, and I know I’m very attractive. But I know looks are just looks, and NEED to be a leader.

Out of these three, the two youngest, act pretty nervous around..and they just dont seem to be ‘themselves’. The oldest, is the coolest, is ‘herself’ and just seems comfortable. I’ve made it clear (to all) that I’m not looking for a relationship, yet they ALL text first, escalate first, offer dates/plans first. I find myself WANTING to hang out with her…the other two..eh not so much. It’s more of a chore.

My question is: What is making the oldest more comfortable around me? I feel like I’m gaming correctly and showing my Alphaness. Confidence. The reason I ask is because I KNOW she is used to being around Alphas all day. She’s an ex marine, works at the county jail as a tactical officer (so her peers are tough ass kicking dudes). She’s a tough chick. She also has a bunch of loser inmates to which I contrast (however I’m sure a bunch of them are alphas). I think I may have answered my own question by writing this.. if I acted like a pussy around her, good looks or not, I’d pale in comparison to her current peers. You’re opinion is appreciated.

 

I am somewhat confused, you are asking why an ex marine tactical officer doesn’t get nervous around you?

 

how to date older women

 

21 Responses to “Comments”

    • Ziglet

      Hey Shark,

      I’ve been lifting weights to increase my physical strength and toughness. Lifting has made my mind a little tougher, just because of sticking to it and working hard at it. Recently I started switching the water in the shower over to as cold as it goes, to make me tougher. I felt the effects of it the first couple days, but now I’m basically used to it, and it doesn’t really shock me any more like it did when I first started.

      Shark, What are your suggestion for a way or ways, I can consciously build on my mental toughness. I’m mostly interested in a way to just become the Baddest Man On The Planet like Mike Tyson.

      My second question is, Is mike Tyson an alpha? Taking into account the whole interview with robin givens and that whole scene. Would you explain How someone so big and bad could get in that situation? I just don’t get it

      Your reply would be much appreciated,
      Also This whole site has blown open my mind into your world
      Thank You Shark

      • Necorochi

        Funny you say that about cold water, the first day of my training I took a cold shower, I wouldn’t say it’s a tough thing. If you work your body out hard enough it feels like jumping in a pool on a summer day.

        Try running at least 2 miles every day, that tests the fuck out of your resolve.

  • Msam

    Mighty Shark…

    When can I consider myself as “unplugged” from the matrix ??

    • Msam

      And can a person be plugged back again ?

      • Dauntless

        Msam,

        Heh , Don’t be drinkin’ the Cypherade !

        I’m not Shark but I’d like to offer my answer.

        Ultimately, when you realize it’s in your best interest to serve your own biological imperatives ( polygamy) instead of hers ( hypergamy ) you are unplugged.

        You’re unplugged when you stop pedestalizing women. When you stop seeking their approval and have them seeking yours. When your approach skills are solid enough that you never have to worry about a woman leaving you because she’s so easy to replace.( Abundance mentality). When you can stop a shit-test in it’s tracks just by raising you hand. When you can look into the shrouded secret mechanisms of the female psyche and understand your place in it. Which buttons to push , which valves to turn , which levers to tweak. Once the curtain is pulled back , once you see this, you can never unsee it. Even if you wanted to.

        When you see the cold ugly truth of the world and accept your part in changing it by manipulating it to your will… you are the one.

        -D

  • Blackbird Young

    Shark, can you please e-mail me privately? Today I was enlightened with some devastating news about my well-being: my health, my lifespan, my timeline. It’s not set in stone, but it may as well be. Death.

    I want to ask you a series of questions. I would like to publish it. I want it to be in print. Profit would go to you, or those involved.

    I will ask others the same questions. But, I want direct contact with you before I go. And if I happen to make it past the date, then a whole new project & of course pragmatism/ paradigm will begin.

    So hopefully all is benign within (what’s ill), and benevolence will provoke abundance, overshadowing the quiet light which provokes the dark that’s spiraling ’round me – for once it’s light spots which, like the sun imploding, relate a self-retaliating Self’s impending, bygone goodbye.

    An interview, is what I’m asking for.

    And yes, Derrida can suck the Metamagical cock of Hofstadter’s Euclidian Hamster’s post-acute withdrawal syllogistic aphorisms on top of a Rhino birthing a Hippo inside of Hexagram 56 translated by a linked link on deoxy.

    And kudos = + 10 points for Zarathustra.

    Any and all should read the original; or listen to an audio book recording of the classic (Thus SPOKE). Amongst many other important and seminal works of the human recording agent. I fear many will never read Kukai. I hope this comment will lead some to his writings. KUKAI. We wouldn’t be Buddha without having him our Buddha. LANGUAGE. Shark, I know you’re a businessman, but more emphasis on linguistics would enlighten many a man. Perhaps that’s dangerous. It’s killed me.

    Also, promote Ezra Pound, while you’re at it.

    A Guide to Kulchur.

    First book on Game I ever read. Although it’s about Vortices and an poetic exercise.

    I don’t really have any praise for you, but I feel a genuine appreciation for what you are doing, and the methods you use.

    I sense or gather your surprise. I never thought the internet could be so valuable.

    It’s a solemn reminder that we all exist, at least for now.

  • Necorochi

    “I’m a big fan, as we both know of finding the truth. Ya know, I don’t care about ideals or anything like that. I just care about finding the truth and um you know what ever works, what ever the truth, what ever works their are statistics that can prove this stuff. You know that’s what I’m after, I don’t really care about ideals, like oh you should go direct ah no matter what. I think that’s total crap. Ah in general like everything has it’s time and place, the idea is being intelligent enough to know which time is what.”

    http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/justin-wayne-direct-and-indirect-street-game/

    Justin wayne makes a good point about Indirect vs. Direct game, the only thing I would cut out would be him saying “You know” every 5 seconds, I get the concept that you need to gauge when to use ether direct or indirect.

    Justin Wayne is pretty cool, he strikes me more of a PUA then anything. Could you shoot us your opinion and elaborate more on Indirect Vs Direct openers

  • Ziglet

    after reading my comment question I see how it could be misconstrued, I dont want to be like mike tyson, just mentally tough. The baddest man on the planet was just a nickname the media put on tyson.

  • Alex

    I’m kinda shattered Shark.

    Well, I had a terrible oneitis. She broke up with me in a HORRIBLE way(through msn, insulting me like crazy, blaming me of things that didn’t happen, and blaming me for all her past failures). Funny thing is that I almost didn’t even see her in the 8 months we were together.

    Well, 2 months and a half after break up(now). I had my ups and downs. But pretty happy I didn’t do anything ultra beta. Everytime I feel like beta-backsliding i decide to do nothing until i calm down. This way I’m always happy that I didn’t take any decisions then.

    Well, I JUST found out she was cheating on me. Not when things were bad… but she started bf-gf(like she did with me) with some other guy at the SAME time as with me! UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE. For example, when I helped her do some editing(movies) she would just go to his house afterwards to do sound, and joke with me about how “he didn’t like it so much that she came to my house, since he liked her but she was together with me”. And I didn’t even get any action with her!(I posted before, maybe you remember) but she was fucking that guy and I was like a wuss just being nice and all that crap. And I get blamed for all and get the worst part of everything.

    LAUGHED IN MY FACE!!! No wonder, either, how that guy has been avoiding me like the plage. I tried to friend him on social networks, and other ways, but he kept ignoring me like crazy. Turns out, he thought he was the only boyfriend but heard from someone that she was together with me or something. But refuses to believe it and doesn’t wanna let her go.

    That’s what surprises me… I’m beta, but not as fucking beta as that guy. And I have had a huge improvement(till this cheating thing exploded in my face) during the relationship.

    I just heard all this and…damn I’m so shocked. I was almost pain-free, but… aw man..it’s back with the power of a Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick in the face. Shit….

    Now we have loads of commonf friends, i also “kinda” know that guy, and could contact him anytime. And those common friends could know something(about her cheating), or just know that she was only with him, while others might know that she was only with me.

    I… dunno if I can go and meet with those common friends anymore? Specially if they mention my relationship? What if the person knows she’s with him and I mention I went out with her(without me knowing what they know)? Should I just lie to everybody and say I wasn’t with her to not get into trouble nor to look like I’m doing this on purpose? Or should I just about it openly and get her reputation get fucked up?(before she used to say “I don’t tell people that u’re my bf because.. maybe if some day we break up that would be loosing a lot of face…” but I guess I know now why. I’m a foreigner by the way, and she’s east asian, I’m in her country)

    Should I even do anything? Had the temptation of talking to that guy. Just to know the truth, because I didn’t hear it directly(but it filled my premonitions so well that I was shocked). Should I even talk to that guy? Or to my ex? Say “wtf are you doing, you whore?” Or.. just let go and let her get away with it and let her think that I don’t know, letting her be super happy by cheating 2 guys at the same time…?

    Been so tempted to talk to that guy and just ask a little question “hey, you’re blabla’s boyfriend?” Just to know, to make sure that the rumors are true and that I won’t be prejudging her(nor him), and that would put doubts in his head(yeah, I kinda feel like at least a little revenge). He might say the truth(yes or no) or lie and say “no”…

    I’m…. so freaking mad, confused and extremely hurt. So here I seek your wisdom. Hopefully I can get on the right track. I won’t do anything yet. One good thing I have is that I don’t do things when my emotional health has been affected. Hopefully in a few years I will have improved so much that I just don’t give a crap about anything and it will be easier.

    Cheers, Shark.

    • Alex

      I will add that I didn’t talk to her since the break up. For 2 months and a half.

      I only answered to one message once. “Are you at our univ.?” a few hours later I said “nope, already left” The other two messages she’s ever sent me I didn’t answer.

      • King

        go on craigslist

        find an erotic massage

        fuck a bitch

        move on

        There exist women far better suited for your sensibilities, my friend.

  • Lamar Turner

    Could you me some advice on how to handle this situation I got into to?

    I’m naturally a dick. I’ve been called it all, asshole, jerk, smart ass, etc. Of course, I just take it in stride, especially considering the people calling me out like this are people that I don’t respect anyway. The lower denominator of peers, the attention whores, and the you’ll-never-believe-this-one teachers. It isn’t even an act of defiance, I have no respect for any of my teachers. My male ones are spineless whelps, my female ones are lonely broken old hags and straight up High school girls. Their personal opinions saturate their teaching, their stupidity spread in one of the worst outlets possible. A classroom full of impressionable teenagers.

    Not even mentioning the students, who have been a driving force in all the trouble I have been getting into lately. It’s not really fair to say students, some of them are great people who are going places in life, and most are good friends of mine, I’d say I’m fairly popular in class. It’s a specific group of students, and guess what, they are all girls. Girly girls. Almost diva level. It’s 7-8 of them, consistently ganging up on me in arguments that are screamed from across the room. It’s not that I can’t handle them intellectually, their pretty daft, despite them making up half of the enrichment class. The problem stems from the fact that the constant arguing is wearing on me, and realizing that they can’t break me mentally by shouting out slurs (only Black person in enrichment, small town in South Texas, you know) and ganging up on me, they have been turning to straight up submitting complaints to teachers and the principle.

    Normally, snitching the way they have on a problem literally no one else is having with me would be looked down upon, they would be shunned, and I would be able to continue on without being bothered. But there are so many of them, they don’t have to worry about being put down because they can out number anyone who bothers saying something to them, and promptly destroy them verbally. So every day I live to fight again is another day I sustain more injuries.

    So, I am being harassed by these morons, and having to be constantly in a state of trouble due to not respecting my idiot teachers, and overall my year at school has been pretty shitty. It’s a lot for my ego to take, but I still take it like a champ. They have not phased me, they have not changed me, I still stand strong.

    The main issue, the important stuff that comes after the back story, is the fact that I cuss. Often. It isn’t on purpose, I don’t have to put any effort into swearing. In fact, I have to put a ton of effort into avoiding using a swear. This, along with the fact that my ego is untouchable and my respect is nearly unobtainable, is the reason I suspect these girls hate me, my teachers feel broken by me, and I am always getting into trouble.

    So, what is your take on my troubles. Honestly, lately I have been feeling that the effort would be worth it to stop swearing simply because I am tired of those dumb bitches bothering me and always being in trouble, but I hate that am being forced to change who I am by the Matrix I was unplugged from.

  • DungBeetleJake

    “I am somewhat confused, you are asking why an ex marine tactical officer doesn’t get nervous around you?”

    Classic, lol

    But seriously, what’s the deal with girls “trying to prove something” in traditionally male arenas (ex. law enforcement, military, firefighting etc.”

    Is reader ANT supposed to be recognized by this woman as a superior, or does a woman like this NEED to be superior to men she has relationships with?

    I’m intrigued because I know of a “happily married” couple where she’s a cop (with alphas all day) and he’s a nurse (with females) all day….and I can’t figure out how the dynamic appears to be working for them?!?

    • cyubnt

      every male nurse i’ve met is a slacker

      in other words
      a due who works the system

      60+an hour to do menial tasks
      fuck yeah

      meet chicks at the same time, while they’re vulnerable
      fuck yeah plus more

      could go on

      job doesn’t matter, it’s self title that does

      i could make a recording of sticking pens in a fan and call it experimental music; if it sells, i’m an artist.

      that’s the logic you need comprehend

  • Curious

    I have read many of your articles recently and found them very informative and truly inspiring indeed. However, even though you may have discussed similar issue earlier, I would still like to draw your attentiom to assess this situation in my relationship. I’ve been dating this girl for 7 months now and I really do enjoy spending time together with her. Now, I am highly motivated 12 year student with ambitious goals to accomplish in the near future. I tend to work hard and luckily succeed in achieving every milestone towards my goal to acquire good career later on. I am well recognised in my school community and seem to be respected for my steel drive and independace. 

    So, I met this girl at school (we’ve been having classes together, but never talked nor noticed each other). One day I thought it could work for me to ask her on a date with me, my friend and his gf. It was completely random and I did it through facebook. She agreed. We met up at the Mall. Most of the time she was silent, though laughed at some jokes I threw. That was the beginning. She really didn’t expect me to be well dressed or funny and intresting at all as I found out later from her. I am not ugly, and girls find me attractive actually. Such prejudgement of hers is probably because I may could have seemed a bit of a nerd at school, since I started to study hard after stopping hanging out with notorious friends who had bad influence on me. I realised this life has much more to offer and killing your time doing nothing wouldn’t really help to get use of it at all. I quit smoking, drinking alcohol and went hardcore studying 3 years non stop, thus earning some sort of reputation in the end. Nobody would push me, nor fuck around, since I can stand for myself. 

    Okay, now about the issue I’m having. This girl (an 8) looks rather shy at first, but I am ok with that. I love her nature. She pretends to be not afraid of anything and sometimes tries to maintain frame control of a tough guy. She always says she’s not affected by anything, nor could be influenced by anyone and she’s stubborn as fuck. But I can literally feel her instability through unconfident behaviour, laugh and etc. Generally, she told me she is more interested in manly stuff like construction, cars and etc. Even mentioned she would rather be a guy than a girl. I found her character unusual and attractive. However, I suspected she is like that just to cover her insecurities and look strong. The problem I’m having is concerning her attitude to some responsibilities each part has to take in the relationship. We would meet at school rather rarely and hang out just once a week or two. I do invite her to go out about twice a week, but get rejected sometimes, as she says to be busy with family and  etc. And this is what pisses me off badly. Or did, as I learned to be patient and not show too much effort to meet her. She never invited me to go anywhere as she believes it’s a guy’s duty. Did a few times, when brought me to meet her family few weeks after we had secks (she said it was the best night ever in her life (music, aroma candles, wine. Did it the right way)). Ok,  I thought, maybe her behaviour would change after this. Guess what. It did not. She gets pissed if I don’t text her, but doesn’t text herself. Does text, but only when I have texted many times before. She never says she misses me nor she loves me first, except once on my birthday. Only replies so she does too, when I say I love her. She doesn’t show affection directly. So, I started to show less affection too and became slightly distant from her. Effect? Zero. If I don’t invite, she won’t bother herself to do it either. But probably gets annoyed, but not showing that at all. And I am surprised she is ok to meet up so rarely. All my friends’ gf are not like that. I suppose she is trying to maintain frame of independant woman, but seriously, wtf? I am moving to another country in a week or so, and so does she, but a bit later. I told her that I don’t like to invite her to go out all the time few days ago and she said, she feels awful even when she thinks of an idea to invite a guy on a date. Stoll promised to try. Maybe she is going to change? Fuck knows..

    I have worked on not showing my emotions hard enough and dont show much affection, just maintaining frame, sometimes making jokes of her. She laughts, gets a bit anxious, but I handle it well. 

    What shall I do? How can I make her take iniciative more often to communicate and make her want invite me on a date so bad she would do it. As I am leaving the country to join university and I’m not sure whether I should keep the relationship or quit, as I suspect we would still meet up rarely due to living in different cities (not really far away). She is taking a gap year as not sure what she want in life. So..

    Would love to see the situation from your perspective. Shed some light, Shark. 

    Much appreciated.

    P.S. I reposted same message in a new thread.

  • He whats up Shark, I read this article recently on Gizmodo, I laughed. What’s your take on this
    http://gizmodo.com/5913767/why-women-date-weaklings

  • cs

    Hey shark, great site and advice. Been beta all my life (40yrs old). Slowly becoming unplugged. Ltr relationship ended cuz of betaness and not being able to come “out” with relationship(was coworkers ex). This is 2nd time she broke it off. She came back after she found I was dating another. We hav kept in touch and I recently hooked up wit same girl as 1st breakup. Think ex found out and no contact. Wots goin thru her mind? Hate…disgust?

  • IK

    Whaddup Shark
    Ive read all your posts, and i got to tell you- You hit everything NAIL ON THE HEAD for survival of the fittest when man is facing a breakup or dealing with some women issues.

    Anyways, I myself am an Alpha naturally born. My ex girlfriend actually told her best friend that she broke up with me cuz i was too alpha for her haha.. idk what that meant really, maybe i was being a bit too harsh.

    Anyways, long story short she broke up with me 3 months ago and right away was already dating someone else, now keep in mind ive known her for 10 years and been with her for about 5 years.

    We are long distance about 700 miles apart but i flew one to two times a month to see her. She was def wifey material for me.

    She is in a current rebound, how i found out? He called me to tell me , i played it cool and told him good for him and im not mad at him.

    We went on a vacation that was already planned with me and her friends and her rebound didnt come. this was back in may. I slept with her a few times and she threw me off a couple times telling me she feels “shes cheating” on her man. I was like WTF

    anyways, my question really comes down to this:

    Currently she keeps in touch with you, mainly her initiating contact at a “friend level”.. I am being myself and I do feel she does get weak at times on the phone but she fights it. we dont really talk much on the phone.. but it is growing maybe., She talks to me behind her rebounds back. Her rebound is a complete BETA, how do i know? Well when i was going thru the mental break up i went into her voicemail and he left messages crying to her and acting like a complete wimp. All voicemails left by him gave me that extra shot to pick my alpha back up, thanks to him haha.

    So what should i do if i want her back? Should i continue to provide comfort when she calls and be myself? Or slowly go no contact.. The longest her and i went no contact in the past 3 months that shes been with flame boy has only been 6 days. than contact breaks, mainly from her asking me questions about life and school . She knows i got my grind on right thats why she comes to me, and he rebound cant provide wat i do. BETA CAN NVR FILL THE SHOES OF AN NATURALLY BORN ALPHA

    So what should i do? Whats my plan or am i fine?

    Let me know ur thoughts.

    Thanks!

  • Naruto

    Dear Shark,
    at first, sorry for my English, sorry for my Grammar and sorry for myself being unconfident to be confident. Pretty long I’m walking through the theories of the Game, which lead me to several sites, several books, philosophies, mindsets, struggles, self-loosing-traits, believe-loosing-traits, even existential removals by thinking mind gaps like wormholes circulating in nowhere. Honestly I have diverse problems besides women and social interaction itself, cause both are deeply linked in my operating system with my lack of as you said alpha psychology and masochism. To give you some background information, I’m suffering from a dismorphophobia that is leading my life through daily routine by restraining myself of kicking my ass of my fucking chair and start talking to that pretty girl in that group of strangers. I see no sense in nothing, except table tennis, soccer and learning more and more, but if you imagine myself having more than 200% ressources more than normal people, 290% get occupied by my desease, I mean my friend! Fuck off those preposterous NLP programs, i got rid of them. Even influences of the Dark Triad and something dark bubble up under the inside.
    The irony is, I’m sucking good looking. My biggest wish is to be ugly and not to have that perfectionism and things I’m good at and my beloved family, so nothing is holding me back and I can end up that bad programed game. Also I cannot really put the core into words, cause it is so much going wrong I’m not capable of that amount of IQ to write it even 1% fullfilling to understand the whole thing. Why I’m writing right now is that i couldn’t sit on the table of foreign women and talk to them, I don’t even know what to say, that fucking theory I’m reading doesn’t help me cause I don’t get it in my mind to use it….Fuck off I can’t go on writing…I hope you can ask the questions so I can answer that way for you to understand it right (I have been to hospital two times because of psychological problems)
    Thanks Shark

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