Shark, I’d really like to see if you can tell me what I’m dealing with here. I’ve read this site top to bottom and learned a lot about where I’ve gone wrong but I can not figure this one out.
After 3+ years together we broke up a couple of months ago. I didn’t want that and of course I overreacted a little when it happened. Once I got my shit together I went no contact and within 48 hours she was calling and texting asking me to come over and see her. Sex… lots of sex. Almost every night since then. She wants to hang out other times too. She says she loves that our humor meshes, we like the same stuff, etc. Once in a while she will say things like “you’re so awesome… you almost make me want to date you again”, “you almost make me fall in love with you when you do ______”, “I love you… I mean… in a friend sort of way” or “maybe we will visit ______ next year… if we are together…”. I play it cool and act like I don’t care. The less I seem to care the more she seems to do this.
Now for the part that is confusing me. A few night ago we are getting frisky and talking dirty about having a three-way with another chick. Nobody in particular, just some fantasy she told me about months ago. It really turns her on when we talk about it, but after we finished and were lying there in bed, she starts talking about how it was really hot talking about another chick but how I shouldn’t kiss her and try to be romantic when we talk about that. Her reasoning being that she can’t think of me in terms of someone she wants to have a future with as well as someone who would have a three-way with her and another girl. Apparently this fantasy is a great turn-on for her but when I participate she sees me as just someone to have sex with, not as a long-term option. This came up after weeks of her being incredibly flirty and sweet with me, and just a couple of days before she had talked briefly about possibly wanting to get back with me in the not too distant future. I indicated at one point that I would like to be with her again in the future but I didn’t push it and I didn’t get mushy… it was just a quick comment and completely in context when I said it.
Maybe she’s getting with someone else or looking at other options, right? I would think that too, except that I am with her literally every night. Essentially, any time she’s not at work we are together. She constantly throws little compliments my way, seeks my approval, tells me she tries to look good for me, so this is why I’m turned around on this one. It seemed like my laconic attitude was working. She was trying to monopolize my attention, working hard for it, talking about a future… now as of a couple of days ago she is back to telling me that she doesn’t see a future with me and she doesn’t want to start over and date me again. Never mind the fact that what we do now is exactly the same as when we were dating, if not better… but of course she would never admit that.
What do I need to do here? I have not been applying NC at all really since the very beginning, and even then it was brief. Typically I do let her contact me and I don’t respond instantly, and I let her call me after work to invite me over. I went on a couple of dates with another girl but never told her about it because I didn’t want to instigate some sort of revenge on her part. She did get pretty insanely jealous about an email than another Ex sent me, so I can see the effect that another girl liking me could have on the situation I’m just afraid to apply it since this girl gets hit on by every guy who crosses her path.
Is it possible that she is just enjoying this feeling of independence, even if it is mostly and illusion? Maybe she wants to be chased and she got frustrated with me not chasing her? The day after the three-way conversation she still texted and called me at work and even invited me over that night, so she’s still interested on some level but I just can’t read this situation.
The situation is confusing to you for two reasons. First, you are approaching it within the anarchism of your relationship. Your view lacks objectivity because your mind is rationalizing attraction as a black and white concept; thus having trouble grasping the complexities of a relationship where you have some degree of attraction (via amused mastery and competitive anxiety), yet where you also suffer from some degree of Oneitis/dependency due the triumph of fear over your ego (“I’m just afraid to apply it since this girl gets hit on by every guy who crosses her path”) and because you aren’t making the jump to Jedi Game. You have game, but not Lothario game. You have confidence, but not God-like confidence.
Second, you are mistaking natural caper, caprice, and secksuality for contradictory behavior. This is how women act, it’s normal. Her insinuations toward romantic longevity are meant to keep you in check, the chaos is to keep you on your toes. Women like to imagine they are unpredictable, and they like to act in ways that make you think they’re unpredictable. The simple key to understanding women is to try to predict the unpredictable; read someone by knowing that they are trying to be unreadable; predict the actions of someone who was trying to do what you wouldn’t predict. Ever watch a romance movie where the guy says “I’m in love with you because… you’re so unpredictable!” to the girl? Same idea. Different context. Whilst you may think you have hand, the driver seat is actually being shared between the both of you. She is not “frustrated” by you not chasing her in the sense that she has absolutely conceded to your frame – rather, she’s shit testing you to flush out beta blood. Because your relationship is more verbally explicit about secks, her hamster took the opportunity to shit test you in a way you could not parry.
Now, prepare for a magic trick. I’m going to make this all clear to you in a brilliant flash. If you have read through the archives of this blog, it will make all the more sense.
“she starts talking about how it was really hot talking about another chick but how I shouldn’t kiss her and try to be romantic when we talk about that.” – Asshole game. Attraction. Dread. Anxiety. Jealousy. Dominance. Secks with a psychotic looking masculine guy and his girlfriend, both of whom she met the same day.
“Her reasoning being that she can’t think of me in terms of someone she wants to have a future with” – Vulnerability game. Love. Rapport. Commitment. Stability. Secks with a man she’s loved for years.
Does the paradox sound familiar now? You are not facing anything different, just a unique manifestation of the same paradox in female secksuality we have discussed over and over again. The lovable jerk, the vulnerable asshole, the dependable yet unpredictable artist, the painter of two emotions. Your girlfriend, like any other girl, wants you to be both within the context of secks AND a long term relationship.
Shark could you help me?
I was just wondering about this thing thats been going on inside of me for as long as i can remember. When i was two years old, i walked in my living room and saw my dad and my uncle watching this porno with a girl tied to a chair and a guy eating on mer cunt. Ever since then I wanted to tie girls up and have power over them. I want only to do anal and choke these girls unconscious. I had a dream once that I had a girl in a sleeper hold and just kept knocking her out every time she would wake up. in that dream I feel i saw my meaning in life, you know, what i really enjoy doing with my time. I believe I’m a psychopath and the whole dark triad thing. All I want to do is have physical and mental control over women. What suggestions do you have for me to satisfy my needs??
Find a girl willing to reciprocate.
What is your opinion of these books?
Think and Grow Rich
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Thus Spoke Zarathustra
Have you read them?
What will each teach a man?
What will each help with in life?
Do you recommend reading them?
What other books do you recommend to someone who craves knowledge and power?
P.S. I read how to win friends and think it is an awesome book for my needs, but what are your veiws
Zarathustra is a favorite of mine, it will change way you see the world if you let it.
I would recommend the two other books if you aren’t already familiar with the ideas they propose. Social psychology and personal finance books work the same way. They are aimed at changing your perceptions, but once that’s accomplished, they serve no other purpose. Hence, there’s no reason to continue your education beyond knowing the fundamentals unless it’s to refresh your memory, hone your skills, or for motivation.
Read this: Books to read
How do you balance pseudo-time and realtime (words — internet — text — play VS. actual being where/what/why one is doing/saying/being accordingly)?
What’s your take on Gilles Deleuze?
Who wins: Isaac (ben Solomon) Luria Ashkenazi, Kennedy, or John Dee?
A balance you must judge yourself. For many, living in pseudo-reality is apart of their calling. It would be difficult to ask someone who runs a social media marketing firm to unplug themselves from social media.
Deleuze strikes me as an intellectual elitist; in the same class as Derrida or Butler
Kennedy. Because he’s Kennedy.
Sidenote: Want to become immortal? Die as a martyr
enfrightening indeed. I am wondering Shark, at what point should you draw the line between working your ass off to achieve superiority, whether it be at school or in the office, and taking your work lightly, not being too immersed it it that you don’t have time for encounters of the female race. At the higher levels of competitive high school where I go, it seems like you can only choose one.
It would depend on your own goals; different people put different values on poon and power. Professional pick up artists for example, tend to see both as synonymous.
existentialist logic like this never stops getting confirmed
her clientele could have learned a thing or two from you
Tyler: Guys, what would you wish you’d done before you die?
Steph: Paint a self-portrait.
The Mechanic: Build a house.
Tyler: And you?
Narrator: I don’t know. Nothing…nothing. Come on get in the right lane!
Tyler: You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?
Narrator: I don’t know, I wouldn’t feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say?
Tyler: Not good enough.
In your ebook, you say that if you’re young, you have time to pick up a sport. How old is young?
Assuming you’ve played at least one sport when you were younger, whether for recreation or competitively, you can pick that back up again at any age till your body keeps it from being enjoyable. If you haven’t, compete against yourself at the gym.
Shark, my girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago. At the time, I remained almost completely unaffected by the situation, there was no crying, no resentment, no anger, I had complete emotional control. It is only 1 month later, when she begs me to go back to her that I start feeling these kind of emotions. We often hear about how bad it is to “bottle up” your emotions, so if men are supposed to be in control of their emotions, where is our outlet? Is it unhealthy to repress these feelings?
A man does not talk of his emotions. The trope about it being bad to bottle your feelings up is a lie; a ruse to get men to more openly communicate their betaness, remain complicit with their insecurities and faux pas, and to allow women to more clearly scope out incongruency. Kind of like if there was suddenly a huge movement that supported women relinquishing make-up and liposuction so they wouldn’t have to bottle up their shortcomings, preventing men from accidentally sleeping with someone they’d regret to sleep with when they woke up in the morning or marrying someone only to have them inflate post-altar. Consider yourself unplugged.
I know you touched on the Kardashian show back in December. But I recently saw that Kim Kardashian is dating Kanye West. I can’t help but wonder: What is she famous for? What did she accomplish in her life?
Most importantly: What do you think this is teaching young girls?
She represents the polarization of gender conceptions, another aspect of post-apocalyptic New Earth. You’ll have more hyper masculine sociopathic men, and more hyper feminine estrogen fueled shopaholic women. And in the middle will be a gender neutral population of betatized men and masculinized women. Should we be more worried about what Bruno Mars is teaching young guys, or what Kardashian is teaching young women? Pick your poison.
Following this comment, I had this exchange with a friend. Thought it might be of interest:
Me: Do you think Kim Kardashian would be a good role model for younger girls?
Her: If you watch the show, she’s really nice
Me: So, do you think Kim Kardashian would be a good role model for younger girls?
Her: Lol I mean, she’s hard working, she’s professional
Me: Scroll up after every evasive response from now on, it’s 10 cents a text for me
Her: Lol for a different group of people i guess
Me: You would want her as a role model for your daughter?
Her: Everyone has a different mindset, people are different
I think it may just be safer to tell all of your readers to go ahead and NOT try to explain game, or anything related, to women. Sounds like most guys on here would mess it up horribly. After all, is it not counter productive? Not that I’m some guru or anything but most of us would be way too overt.
I’d like to get you’re opinion on something if possible..
I wrote you awhile back about a relationship, involving children, a super conservative cult like religion, etc. Anyway..it ran its course, got ugly, and we split. And I’m doing pretty good with it thanks to the wisdom I’ve gained here.
Right now I’m gaming 3 women who know I’m the Alpha when it comes to my hobby. I do remember you mentioning, in a previous post, about women always being interested in the best at any given activity. Well I see it all the time… when they come in with their boyfriends. The mad wandering eye.
I’m basically applying game and trying to learn as much as i can from interacting with these 3. The crazy thing is how different they are, yet how similar they are. Their ages are 24 (no kids), 33 (single mom), and 39 (single mom). I am 29 years old, but look 22, and I know I’m very attractive. But I know looks are just looks, and NEED to be a leader.
Out of these three, the two youngest, act pretty nervous around..and they just dont seem to be ‘themselves’. The oldest, is the coolest, is ‘herself’ and just seems comfortable. I’ve made it clear (to all) that I’m not looking for a relationship, yet they ALL text first, escalate first, offer dates/plans first. I find myself WANTING to hang out with her…the other two..eh not so much. It’s more of a chore.
My question is: What is making the oldest more comfortable around me? I feel like I’m gaming correctly and showing my Alphaness. Confidence. The reason I ask is because I KNOW she is used to being around Alphas all day. She’s an ex marine, works at the county jail as a tactical officer (so her peers are tough ass kicking dudes). She’s a tough chick. She also has a bunch of loser inmates to which I contrast (however I’m sure a bunch of them are alphas). I think I may have answered my own question by writing this.. if I acted like a pussy around her, good looks or not, I’d pale in comparison to her current peers. You’re opinion is appreciated.
I am somewhat confused, you are asking why an ex marine tactical officer doesn’t get nervous around you?