Btw. I have a good topic for you to cover.
I spend a lot of time in the gym and something I’ve noticed is women in the gym seem to have there strongest beta guard up. How would you approach 9s and 10s? One thought I had was to share a girl machine with them and wait for them to notice your just toying with them.
Any time a girl is engaged in something that requires stringent focus; procuring attention from losers drops in priority, hence the empowered beta shields. It’s not a club where she’s superciliously mingling away the minutes in an effort to turn orbiting men into curios. Your best bet will be to use highly masculine indirect game (as opposed to more femininesque PUA or direct game). If your conversation opens up with something related to working out, skid to a different topic as fast as possible. Nothing like a lecture on the mechanics of pilates to dry up an already dry pussy. You want to avoid being the stereotypical gym head obsessed with things like calories and form. Women have a bias against men who spend too long at the gym, it takes away a sense of “realness.” A girl wants a guy who’s jacked because he climbs mountains and fights leopards; not because he surgically micro-manages his meals, appearance, and routines. Neg and socialize consistently with everyone around you to establish a favorable environment to work in; remember most gyms are communities, plant seeds.
This is the tricky part: likely she’ll be moving to a different location within a few minutes of opening. If she doesn’t, she’s hooked enough to spot close. Otherwise, you lose proximity. If god forbid you try and follow her around, expect to get firmly shut down or ljbfed. The passive solution is to let it pass, stick to aloof game, and wait for another go later on. You’ll be “seeing her around,” you can flirt and charm your way into her favors in the long run. The active way is to run a cocky funny attitude hard, allowing you to stay with her as long you don’t mistake genuine disinterest for a hurdle. Direct game could work too, but I prefer the previous two options as this is not a one shot do or die mission. You’ll likely see her again; direct game would diminish your total success rate even if it results in a faster close within the span of things near done. Plus, you don’t want to be “that guy” in the gym. What are you going to do once you’ve beamed away all potential targets by approaching everything with a heartbeat and vagina? Change gyms?
Attempt at Alpha:
Recently, I’ve been reading your blog. But, I’ve enly countered a problem.
When I’m trying to act Alpha, my friends they still think of me as a beta.
It’s very confusing to describe, but that sums it up. So, how would one transition from an ultimate beta to an alpha?
Besides friends who notice you are trying to make positive changes to yourself and assist you on the way there, everyone else should be cut off or your contact with them limited. Their assumptions about you are too embedded within the texture of your relationships. They think of you in a certain way and they expect you to act in a certain way. You, regardless of how much effort you put in to do otherwise, will subconsciously be inclined to act in accord with their expectations, to reciprocate all their assumptions and smooth out conflicting paradigms. It is inevitable, a basic principal of psychology. Your mind and body is always seeking a sense of continuity and equilibrium, it cannot nurture dissonance within itself.
You will notice that the more you remain imprisoned by the environment around you while trying to “change” yourself, the more you will begin to force the change upon yourself making it all the less genuine. You will end up becoming resentful, overtly communicative, and perceptually incongruent. You will come off as try-hard, and never accept YOURSELF for who you are. It is a losing battle. The point is to not give a shit about anything around you. If you’re TRYING to convince people to accept that you don’t give a shit about anything, well… you see the problem there.
I was wondering if you could help me evaluate this situation I am in. I was with a girl who I believed was the one. When she met me I was the alpha male in her eyes. I had all the confidence in the world. Unfortunately, like most relationships the guy beta backslides. Not proud of it, but it happened. She out of the blue dumps me. I was sad, I did what you weren’t supposed to do, begged for her back… One time and one time only. I completely cut contact (well as much as I can do as I work with her.) I work on myself, I excercise, I basically have done everything mentioned here: http://www.solvemygirlproblems.com/2010/05/how-to-become-an-alpha-male-some-quick-steps-to-jump-start-your-journey/
I am back to that alpha male. I feel great. The only problem for me is I work in a remote location for long periods of time with my ex and can’t manage to meet other women. I know I meet one girl and she is out of my brain for good. But for now, it is very hard to keep her off my mind.
I see her at work and she seems completely miserable. I know she sees the transformation in me back to the guy she met. But she continues to be pissed right off at me. She won’t talk to me (unless she throws a shit test my way about how “great” her new found life is), stares right through me and pathetically “runs” away when I get close to her. It is a sad pathetic case. I feel we should at least keep it professional but she won’t have it. If she hadn’t dumped me I would almost feel bad for her.
She left me for a better life and she really doesn’t seem all that happy afterwards. I am doing my best to get over her and move on. My question to you is what is going on in her brain right now? Is she attracted to me but won’t let herself realize it; or does she hate my guts? Where does the bitterness and hostility come from? Who is more over who at this point? Finally, where does her brain take her from here?
I remember one of your posts about women mating for life once they find the most alpha male… I feel as though I WAS her alpha male and she may never recover from this. I guess I get a small sense of satisfaction out of that… Make that a large sense. Any help at all please. I am just trying to understand how their hamster operates. Any help at all for the guy stuck in a remote location with an ex?
If I had made that point about woman choosing one man as life-long partners, I should retract it now because it is incorrect. Women are purely hypergamous and acutely aware of fluctuations in social dynamics. They choose single mates ONE AT A TIME, but are capable of dumping them later whether for a better prospect or out of pure disinterest.
Her resentfulness is coming out of a combination of things. Women absolutely hate incongruence in men. If you went from Alpha – to beta – back to Alpha, her hamster is too unsure of you. Now, don’t mistake this for naturally shifting from one end of the spectrum to another. If you beta-backslide amidst acting Alpha or get your act back together in the middle of beta-backsliding, you are still being authentic. But if you beta-backslide hard for a long period of time, get dumped, go no-contact, and then come back soon thereafter as a “changed” man; you come off as in-genuine. At this point, you would be better off being Alpha but toning down the asshole/aloof game and pushing those cards in the future, after you already have her hooked.
The level of aloofness you’re currently employing is only making her more resentful of you. It would be appropriate if she dumped you and you were trying to move on, or if she LJBFed you and the both of you agreed to “stay friends.” She may still feel attraction for you, but thinks you are trying to look down on her making it impossible to reconcile, short of a hatefuck.
On a sidenote, so long as you have Oneitis for her, and make no mistake about it, you DO have Oneitis for her, your relationship with her will always fail. Even if you do as I recommend and go for an Alpha-yet-friendly attitude and contrast it with asshole game LATER, your frame will still be shaky because it is built on a poor foundation. You must be OUTCOME INDEPENDENT, to get a girl you must not be afraid to lose her.
I’m glad you posted this. You seem much more human.
Can you point me to some literature on business/ entrepreneurship? So much of it seems like the equivalent of self-help books, just re-hashed psycho-babble bullshit that is not helpful in the slightest.
Or simply, where, if one is to start a business, does one begin? Or, how, and where did you begin with your business endeavors?
Understand if you don’t respond, you have so many people asking you for help now, it’s quite astonishing. The honesty & such.
I’ve never read a book on entrepreneurship that I found helpful. Never.
Your question is based on the assumption that you must have a well thought out plan, when you don’t. In fact, it may even hold you back in your initial attempt to get your feet off the ground. You don’t need a place to start, you just need to start. It doesn’t matter where. Sell stuff on ebay, start trading, or do something related to your job if you have one. Get a job you think might have potential or would be a good learning experience over one that offers nothing more than stability. The point is to take ever opportunity as it comes rather than to wait for a single “good” opportunity – that won’t ever come.
As for your education, don’t focus on that psychobabble nonsense. All of it is either intuitive, or can be found for free online. Most of what you read will be repetitive. They are good ways to refresh your mind, but don’t take them as sources of knowledge. For that, you want to focus more on solid information and statistics. Make a list of sites to regularly maintain tabs on. WSJ, Forbes, Entrepreneur Magazine, etc. Concentrate on reading TRENDS, and SUCCESS STORIES. Both will give you a constant stream of ideas. The success stories are exceptionally important because the ones that seem “extraordinary” are signs of a changing market. If you read about someone with a good idea, do the same thing or improve on it. If you read about someone who made a fortune selling cockroach skeletons, it should tell you “Wow, there’s a market for insect skins. Maybe I could sell beetle shells.”
The Association of Chronos:
Shark, its good to see back. I’ve been a Reader/Lurker for the past couple Months. Your blog suits me well as I have become a fan of Philosophy, an Sociology as I’ve grown older in this world.
Anyway, I wanted to post until the storm of comments had died down an ask simply this: With all the Politics, Rules, an of course Game blogs that have seen a increase in numbers in these past couple of years I wanted to ask, Do you, not just as a Guru of some sorts but, as a person that, do you think that the “Genuine is dead?”
Maybe I’ve become too Immersed into My times of thoughts of life but, this question had popped up inside me. I feel like this world has become one big Video Game of sorts. To tie in with the “Matrix” word that pops up in Game blogs an of course the world that we do live in, do you believe that, “The real is dead?” or, as we continue on this path of Life with new ways of thinking. . . . .
Is this just the new “Real”….
I had thought so for a long time, but realized that this idea begs the question of what is real in the first place. Was a man more genuine BEFORE he learned game? While his entire personality and perception of the world was streamlined through rosy colored filters? While he acted the way he did, because he was DELUDED rather than because that’s the way he “was?” Do people even have “real” personalities and identities? Is everything not a combination of their genetic endowment and the collective social conscience around them? If you see someone you would call fake, is he actually “fake,” or is he acting “real” in accordance with himself, which your perception deems fake?
This idea, ofcourse, stretches far beyond game. And in that respect, I cannot deny a break away from the real. Using romantic movies and porn, both men and women are going through a forceful catharsis to experience elated levels of emotion and pleasure. Using social networking and the media, intimacy itself can be turned into an online experience. As for politics, well, that’s always been fake.
girl im talking to sometimes doesn’t text back, but it is possibly because of her really shitty phone, so I don’t text her after that until she texts me first. is this the right approach to this situation?
Rule of thumb: never text a girl twice in a row. Exceptions can only be made for girlfriends, and very infrequently at that.
The bitchez got cold on me from lacking in rapport and they feel kinda played. How do I reopen them where they feel comfortable and with me touching them as well. Attraction is threw the roof btw. I feel like that makes this harder since the ratio is so off.
Glad you’re back bud.
Wait a week, reopen with a flirty text, and then focus on emotionally connecting instead of attraction. You’ve already dated them, you should be able to easily assess what buttons to push.
Me and my hb8 girlfriend of 8 months just broke up. I started out naturally alpha but then once i told her i loved her things hit the fan. I broke up with her a week ago, she cried, i stayed. Then she broke up with me two days ago with the maybe we should just be friends card. I said alright and then she said maybe we could try again in a little bit. Trying to maintain my frame i said no if we break up were broken up forever then i left. Later that night i beta backslid a fucking again. I called her and she didn’t answer i left a voicemail saying i didn’t want to get back together but id like to clear the air with her, and i didn’t want to downplay our relationship cause she changed me blah blah blah betashit. Then i sent her text about how we got caught stealing a street sign on our very first date and a picture on our last, just a weird coincidence the only two times i’ve ever gotten caught taking shit. She texted back very laconically. I never texted back. I know there is other girls out there that are hotter and i could get along better with. I just have oneitis so fucking bad right now and she was just so convention she lived like two minutes away. My first ltr and she took my virginity. The fact that she offered to try again does that show there is some interest left or this is just a giant shit test? I know its always better to pursue another relationship but in this case it’s so convienent.and i still have oneitis. I’m in highschool and i kind of hate all the girls there just rich bitches. I plan on going no contact for a week and a half trying to cure my oneitis and then randomly hit her up. I’m also going to get with another girl in that space. If she talks to me in the next week would it be appropriate to respond?
This is what happened: When you first broke up with her but got back together because she cried, she realized you took hand and wanted it back. Yes, women are keenly aware of these power vacuums. Because you got back together so soon, she realized she had more power than she thought, but still wanted to officiate it. She needed self-affirmation, her secksual market value took a big hit by getting dumped. In response, she breaks up with you a week later. Just like she wanted, you beta backslid, gave up hand, and are now in the conceding position of the relationship whereas she is in the power position. On top of this, she is now the person who broke up with you, so she doesn’t need self-affirmation. The solutions include:
(a) When you first broke up, you should’ve waited a while. Never break up with a girl and get back together right away.
(b) Date other girls. She’ll either come back as a result of dread and attraction, or you’ll have gotten over her. It’s a win-win
If she tries to talk to you, I see no reason why you should ignore her, but keep it aloof and detached. Your Oneitis is stemming from the fact that SHE dumped you, it’s a trick your mind plays on you because it wants what it can’t have. When YOU were the one dumping her, you didn’t have Oneitis. Your ego is now seeking approval from her because she rejected you.
And keep this in mind from now on: Never do anything because a girl starts crying. It sets bad precedent by establishing that your attention can be acquired by sympathy. Attention, as a reinforcer, should always be given due to something positive, or when it is needed to calibrate emotionally. Do not give it when she shit tests you, do not give it when she’s crying, do not give it when she’s yelling, do not give it when she’s going ape shit, do not give it when she’s holding out on secks, and do not give it when she’s trying to start a fight.
Hey Shark, My ex girlfriend is threatening me with suicide, long story short I played the game and lost interest in her she kept chasing me for over an year calling and trying to meet me at places I usually hang out in!
I was parting and really tipsy she was there and giving all the signs BIG MISTAKE I took her to a hotel and BAM! she started calling again every other minute its crazy, I have black listed her from my mobile (she calls from different numbers) and blocked her on face book. The message she just sent me is ” If you dont call me today I will end my life I am serious good bye.”
You do NOT want to be involved with a psychotic girl. If she would actually consider killing herself, you, or a future girlfriend of yours, this is a very delicate situation. I can save you from this, but you MUST trust me. Ask no questions, just trust me.
DO NOT blacklist her number or ignore her calls. Always keep Game in mind. What happens when you push a girl away? She wants you more. You must do the opposite. Start calling her every single day. Start being over protective. Start being mushy. Take cocaine on the side and randomly start acting a little fuckin crazy now and again. DO NOT create competitive anxiety or dread. Establish routines. Call her exactly at 10:00 pm every night to say good night. Be VERY predictable. Send her your schedule and make sure she always knows what you’re doing and when you’re going to call her. Take her out to the same place over and over again. Don’t work out for a month and get fat. Stop brushing your teeth or putting on deodorant. When you have secks, finish as FAST as possible. Make it as distasteful for her as you can. Make sure all of her friends think of you as a loser.
Phase 2 is to pawn her off to another guy. Find someone with game and introduce the two of them. Let him AMOG you in front of her. Cunningly set them up and let her cheat on you. As soon as she does, or when she dumps you, you have a free ticket out.
I have been a student of the red pill for some time now after a 5 year LTR that ended about 9 months ago. I am currently spinning 3 plates and life is good, however my latest addition to the stables has started to grow on me. I have kept solid frame the entire time, passing shit tests, and letting it be known I have options. She insists that we are just fuck buddies, however when we are together we wind up spending the weekends together and it feels like we have been dating for months when its only been a few weeks.
I know how this usually ends up, where the girl eventually concedes that she has feelings for the guy, etc. I am not adverse to this, but it would be great to get your perspective on how to handle fuck buddies to maximize the benefits, and what to do If a relationship happens as a result of the interaction. Any pointers on maintaing frame in the midst of her seeing other guys, or her figuring I am smashing other chicks would be great too.
There is a single line in your question that hints to me what your real problem is.
“She insists that we are just fuck buddies”
This tells me that you want exclusivity more than she wants it. You may be dating other women and it may not be a “Oneitis” – but nonetheless, there exists a discrepancy between who would more strongly consider a relationship. You always want the girl to be in that position, never you. You are the more dependent person and thus feel the sting of jealousy more than her. It’s a very bad spot to be in for a guy, as women are more naturally adept to “sharing” their partners than men are.
The solution is simple, care less and be less available. More Alpha fuck buddy, less beta relationship-seeker. And make sure you’re fucking her a lot better than everyone else. No emotional secks yet, keep it highly, highly dominant.
Hey Shark, just bought the book and am digesting it slowly. Thanks much for all your words of wisdom, they are much appreciated. I’m currently in a 3-year LTR, and things are great. I’ve been unconciously doing a lot of things you teach us to do, but I didn’t know until now exactly WHY they worked. It’s nice to have it all explained so logically.
Now, a couple questions.
1) Any idea when your 2nd book might be out? Seeing as I’m not out actively trying to pick up girls anymore, a book on keeping an existing relationship strong would interest me more than The Black Flag. (Not that I can’t use any of the info in it. I have.)
2) This is more of a comment. You talk a lot about the evils of pedestalizing women, and how Disney movies are much to blame in today’s post-modern culture. Now, I haven’t read everything you’ve ever written, by any means, but what is your opinon on this?
To me, the pedestalization of women began long ago, back when humanity faced more difficult times, such as colonizing new worlds, battling invading armies and plague in the Middle Ages, etc. Back then, women were given more value than men because of their higher biological value. Children were needed to continue the colony, town, kingdom, and the species in general. Without today’s standards of safety, hygiene, and modern medicine, women were held in much higher regard. I believe it is remnants of this that has carried down to today’s post-modern era, and has only been exacerbated by Disney, whose movies are mostly reflections of those bygone eras, with all their princes and princesses.
That’s not an excuse for the pedestalization of women, but it’s a reason that I haven’t heard addressed. I think the male tendency to do that is more evolutionarily ingrained in our psyche than what has been instilled in us by Disney-controlled pop culture.
Anyway, thanks again for the unplugging, and the motivation to be more than what I am.
Not for a while. If you have any questions about your relationship, post it here and I will address it. I have much to do in my own sphere of work, a second book will have to wait.
The pedestalization of women has always existed to some extent, but mediated through an overarching patriarchal social structure. The problem nowadays is not just a proliferation in the implicit compulsion to pedestalize women, but the circumstances under which it occurs. The very context of our world is too polluted. If I had to point out a specific, time period, event, or trend; it would be the secksual revolution, the liberalization of female secksuality, and all the changes that followed. But multiple aspects work in tandem to make our current dystopia possible. To elaborate:
Media: Perpetuates a soul-mythology and teaches women to hold unreal expectations of their partners (like porn does for men)
The Legal Structure: favors women far more than men
Social fluidity (texting, facebook, etc): Exposes women to more men concurrently, allowing more Alphas to become cads and washing out more betas from the secksual market. In the past, betas were still able to acquire poon by virtue of not having to compete with any Alphas within their vicinity.
Feminism: A boundless number of impacts. It portrays cougarhood as a socially acceptable lifestyle and marriage by a woman’s 30s / 40s as ok – perhaps even ideal, encouraging more women to ride the Alpha carousel in their 20s while accepting a beta provider after hitting the wall. Betas pedestalize women even more due to their lack of real intimacy for years on end, being more than happy to serve as backups.
The question of whether this will ever stop, is debatable. While some say a revolution is in call for, it would be difficult to conceive of anything in the likes of one, in a world where Game exists (leading one to wonder if game is helpful or harmful in the long run). The misandry bubble for instance, predicts that we will reach a bifurcation point after enough nice guys collectively decide they’ve been tipped over the edge. But in a world where men are taught game, this transition will be lubed and softened far too much. Take all of you for example. Now you know not to marry a succubus and how to screen out women who are unfavorable candidates for long term relationships. Rather than marrying and getting divorced and finally saying “fuck the system,” and bombing your local divorce court, you’ll simply choose not to marry until you’ve found someone you WANT, and CAN marry. The misandry bubble does not predict the implications of millions of men taking on this same approach, and voiding themselves from the system or intelligently circumventing its abuses. It assumes that everyone WILL be sucked into the institutions that propagate the female imperative, be broken by it, and THEN hate it enough to take a torch to it. But men who learn game, do not hate women or the antics of feminism, they are amused by them.