Fear

On May 20, 2012 by Shark

Reader R comments:

All right shark, I got several obstacles that I need some help with. How do you let go of fear and just approach? I find myself thinking too hard, looking out for IOI’s, and then chickening out at the last second. I know that rejection is supposed to be innocuous and that I should not dwell on it, philosophy of abundance and all. However, my beta self keeps rationalizing to me that if I get rejected, that it would have been a waste of time. That AT THIS TIME, I am not alpha enough. I have read your book and it has definitely opened my eyes. I’m just having a hard time transitioning. You could say I’m still at the point trying to build inner game for myself. The concept of ‘do and you shall become’ is probably where my internalization of alphahood gets blocked. My self-esteem and confidence rely too much on my perception of my appearance as well as other people’s opinion (weak ego). A possible root of this is that I have become obsessed with fitness because I used to be obese and was teased for it. I feel that If I do not have the perfect body, I will not have enough confidence in myself. I would say I am about 70% done towards achieving satisfaction with my own image (just the right muscle mass, just enough body fat, visible abs). Note that I am not anorexic, I do eat right, and have followed ways to increase my testosterone and build the muscle mass I want. I do feel more confident as a result of this compared to my original obese self. However, I keep telling myself that I am not done just yet. I guess it’s good to always strive for more, but it’s somewhat blocking my game. I want to achieve the paradox of being content and confident of my current state, but always aiming higher. Do me a favor. Hit me as hard as you can. Thanks.

 

Before going into how to solve your problem, we must first define and grasp it. What you’re suffering from is a womb complex. Your mind is seeking sanctity within your body, a self-constructed womb that needs to feel “complete” to medicate and lube your adjustment to the reality around you. The disease is always the same. People are afraid of death and purpose, so they seek asylum in religion. People are afraid of feeling inadequate, so they seek asylum in their jobs and salaries. People are afraid of getting rejected by women, so they seek refuge in their abs and biceps. The rationalization being, “If I do this perfectly” (worship a deity, make money, or look perfect), the cancer will fix itself. It will not. The real problem, as I’m sure you’ve realized by now, is fear. And fear is a very peculiar emotion. What you are subconsciously attempting to do right now, is redirect and mask it. Your fear of approaching is shifted into the fear of looking inadequate, thus you believe that by looking adequate, you can shift the success into approaching and conquer the original problem since if you objectively look “adequate,” you no longer have anything to fear. Savy?

The problem then extends into the realm of the abstract. Because the source of your worries – Fear – is never eradicated, it remains to be addressed. So when you’re finally pumped up and ready to approach, you feel it again. It creeps up your spine and chokes you. It asks you if you’re sure you should ask this girl for her number. Your rationalization then being, “If I’m still feeling this way, I must still be inadequate.” Hence the cycle is never ending; your insecurities keep feeding each other, enjoying opulent buffets when they can hit you with approach anxiety or mirror your shortcomings.

You are correct in one thing, it is always good to strive for more. Which brings us to another paradox in Game, aren’t insecurities necessary for success? Most definitely. In fact, I imagine that 99% of the men in a list of the “most influential men of all time” have some sort of deep insecurity driving them towards infinity and beyond. The key is to channel your insecurities in a beneficial way, but not to let them govern your actions or emotions. Fear must be utilized in a positive way, it must be controlled and dominated to feed the beast. Fear of not living up to your potential should motivate you to work 14 hours a day to achieve the impossible. But it should not make you wake up and stay curled up in bed because you’re afraid to get out there. A man with nothing to fear and no insecurities has nothing to motivate himself. You need fear to birth fire.

In your case, you want to control your fear of fear. You know you’re scared of approaching girls, and you know you’ll live a shitty and pathetic life if you don’t overcome that feeling. That’s what you should be afraid of. Leading a half-ass lonely life of fapping and having to settle for an overweight cat enthusiast in your late 50s. Imagine that versus approach anxiety. It’s absolutely incomparable. You should be afraid of looking back 10 years from now and regretting the last decade. THAT should drive you to approach. THAT should give you motivation to go out and meet people. Imagine looking back 20 years from now and realizing the limits you placed on yourself were just that – limits you placed on yourself.

You must learn to not only control your fear, but to detest it. To hate it. To think it gross, and corpulent, and disgusting. To disdain yourself for it. To want to kill half yourself for nursing such a putrid thing. And in the madness of your hatred, to do all the things you’re afraid of just because you hate that other scared half of yourself so fucking much. To do a public speaking session butt naked, or approach a girl with a dildo on your head, because you hate that part of your conscious that houses humility. You must learn to hate, hate, hate yourself for it. It must occupy the deepest, most black part of your soul. And whenever it pops up its ugly and gross head, you need to smash it. To take every opportunity to purge it. To go out of your way to do what you’re afraid of to pain yourself for it. To MAKE IT A POINT to talk to a girl when you’re afraid of feeling inadequate. You need to feel a burning animosity when you think “Maybe I’m not Alpha enough,” and do exactly what you WOULD DO IF YOU WERE ALPHA ENOUGH, to prove your other half wrong. Don’t think of your fear as you. It is not you. It is a mind parasite, an externality, a soul leech that feeds off of your consciousness and pretends to be “apart” of you, pretends to be “natural,” so you don’t realize that it must be purged.

And eventually, after treating it with such frequent brutality, you come to a quite place where it no longer whispers to you because your fear fears you.

 

 

21 Responses to “Fear”

  • R

    You’ve shocked me into enlightenment. Thank You.

  • ben

    absolutely beautifully put.

    i’m going to get to the point that my fear is scared shitless… of me.

  • Msam

    AMAZING ! thats exactly what I needed to hear. You are awesome

  • James

    mind blowing post

  • Shark, i need help again. My cousin is 18 and he is running after this girl. I tried to teach him some game, even introduced him to the community, gave him all my pick up books, but i still cant see even a shred of the same transformation in him after i discovered ur blog. This is what he wrote on the forum after i suggested that he join it… http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=193750

    The whole thing comes back to the same point, how to help others with ur knowledge of the game ?

  • jaquan

    shark, shark, motherfucking shark! i love you man… you have changed my life.

    when i get a son i will name him shark and the first book he will read is and will be the holy “black flag”. i tell you this man, i will post here and tell you the date of the baby-shower and my address and you will be invited to attend that glorious ceremony. i am young right now ( only 20 ) so it is not going to be anytime soon ( im too busy conquering the world and fucking feminists and printing my alfa signature on their ass right now)but it will happen one day and shark you have got to come. i cant tell you how much i want to see you and how much i got love for you. been a reader of your blog for two years and homie you have changed my life. thanks man. Alfa male till i die………………..

  • Sim

    I was thinking about fear today. This is just what i need. thanks shark

  • James

    My story
    i wanted to share a problem with you, ur site has made me understand some of the universal questions a man can ask in regards relationship problems, internal game etc and im truly grateful, i have become more in-touch with myself then ever, i can understand myself and the people around me better. however regarding this matter, i just realized i was always an alpha, not bragging but i always followed my fathers behavior, he is a politician, ex minister of defense in my country, ex soldier and i noticed NOW that he is a pure solid super alpha, even thought he fucks up my mind with his political mind games everytime i ask him for money but i love him he is the best father figure i can ever follow, he is also very romantic guy so romantic that he was in the newspapers for infidelity and he published songs abt it, crazy i kno, just imagine my moms reaction to this, but still they are happily married and mom is happy so im happy, ofcourse now and then i’d idolize Arnold and Dorian Yates, Hritik Rosan. As i told u earlier im working on my approached now, then slowly shift to number close etc, The thing i realized was that if i have one girl with me (just even a female friend) i become hercules alpha, i have the confidence to approch rachel weisz and fuck her balls deep in front of every1 in a shoping center. and if i have a girlfriend with me (who i have sexual intercourse with) ohh man i will beocme hercules alpha, WILL SMITH will look BETA in frnt of me, not joking, i become like a lion alpha, this is a problem. if i have no girl i become like pussy ass half arab bitch beta limp noodle dick, 0 confidence, always anxity, always thinking is my belly bigger than my tits ? always thinking weather i look like gaddafi since im half arab, feear of approach cuz im alone (all my frnds have their own gf and they dont hang out with me anymore) sad but i dont mind cuz deep inside i know its just a matter of time they’ll bow down to me and worship me as they used to when i had a gf and didnt hangout with them as much (i kno i should be dependent of a chick to gain fame but i seriosuly dont understand guy friends, if i have a chick with me they lick my ass, if i dont have any chick with me they dont even know me) anyways if i’d do it once’ i can do it again.(get a gf so preety which will plug their eyes out)

    My problem
    Today a chick texted me “DONT EVEN FUCKING TEXT ME I HAVE ZERO RESPECT FOR YOU) i replied “thanx god finally :D” no i didnt have any feelings for her, just wanted to fuck her, i was rather happy she said this cuz this means i shouldnt be wasting any more time on her since she will not fuck, done deal over, next. but however, wat she did made me realize was that
    i am an asshole, natural asshole prolly got it from my father since he has fame/high value in my society so doesnt give a shit most of the time, my mentality was set like this, all the chick i talked with said only one thing in common, “UR AN ASSHOLE” i get that a lot, i dont know how to fix this, i mean i cant believe im saiying this but, “how to be nice ?” i think i neg too much but then again if i dont neg they climb up in my shoulder or lose interest/attraction. i know my problems are fucked up inside and out, im not that bad looking, some girls say im gorgeous, i dont stink, im build, i have mid long hair, always wear proper clothers armani style, i dont come close to looking like an average joe, AND MAYBE THATS THE PROBLEM, i look too intimidating, one chick said i look rough like imma fuck the shit outta u and she said “i got disspointed cuz i thought u were rough n tough but ur very nice to me, its like fake, i feel cheated” in my mind i was saying “ya im nice to u cuz im going to fuck u” im an asshole, i look like an asshole how can i be nice to girls, how can i be top amongst friends? how can i win the world ? how to be popular in college ?

    • Blackbird Young

      I find your post['s] very interesting. Do you come from some Arabian Royalty or something? Your father/ status you mention sounds like he’s the more intimidating figure than you – possibly projected onto you, or you are projecting his persona onto yourself

      I don’t know you, but if what you say is true, perhaps the girls you’re trying to game…are intimidated by your kin & their high status in society; and your being an asshole to them only fuels the inadequacy or unworthiness they may feel in a negative way. This is, assuming they are aware of your background.

      Simultaneously, this would lead one to think/assume that you have gold digging hoe’s clawing at your thigh’s for an entrance into your family & their prominent status/ apparently (at least at one point – highly) influential position in reality; thus, you should have a Harem already by design. Why don’t you go to events with your rich-famous Alpha dad & meet people of equal status. Or, dress down, and don’t play the Armani wearing Arab prince role with a rich daddy, and just be a dude, only to reveal later, after much mystery, that you didn’t want anyone to know how fucking important your family apparently is, and how extremely rich you likely are going to be…

      What year of college are you?

  • hey

    There lived a woman named Abigail who was in love with a man named
    Gregory. Gregory lived on the shore of a river. Abigail lived on the
    opposite shore of the same river. The river that separated the two lovers
    was teeming with dangerous alligators. Abigail wanted to cross the river
    to be with Gregory. Unfortunately, the bridge had been washed out by a
    heavy flood the previous week. So she went to ask Sinbad, a riverboat
    captain, to take her across. He said he would be glad to if she would
    consent to go to bed with him prior to the voyage. She promptly refused
    and went to a friend named Ivan to explain her plight. Ivan did not want
    to get involved at all in the situation. Abigail felt her only
    alternative was to accept Sinbad’s terms. Sinbad fulfilled his promise to
    Abigail and delivered her into the arms of Gregory.

    When Abigail told Gregory about her amorous escapade in order to cross the
    river, Gregory cast her aside with disdain. Heartsick and rejected,
    Abigail turned to Slug with her tale of woe. Slug, feeling compassion for
    Abigail, sought out Gregory and beat him brutally. Abigail was overjoyed
    at the sight of Gregory getting his due. As the sun set on the horizon,
    people heard Abigail laughing at Gregory.

    This scenario was given to my class and we were to rank each of the people 1-5 based on how evil/immoral they are, with 1 being most evil and 5 being least. a surprising number of dumbshits irrationally sympathized with abigail and glorified slug for being a heroic savior of the clear “victim”, putting both of them in either spots 4 or 5, sometimes 3 or rarely 2. i was the only one to put slug as 1 and i was one of the very few to put abigail as 2. when asked why i put slug as 1, i didn’t even know where to begin, so i impulsively spat out some shit that would make sense to people if they were unplugged (in other words, i was in the mindset that i was talking to people like myself). regretfully, i think i said something like “slug only reinforced abigail’s feeling of entitlement to a relationship, which encouraged her to keep on acting like she deserved any guy she wanted.” of course no one had a clue about what i was talking about, so i looked like an idiot. though i didn’t care because i knew that everyone in that class is an idiot who is either in the class for the wrong reasons (they just want the credit, they really arent interested in philosophical discussions but thought they were when they signed up, etc) or in the class simply because he or she was taught shitty feminist-like ideals and is now looking for an outlet to express them.

    so, how would _you guys_ rank the people in the story? i ranked slug as 1 (he brutally beat a perfectly innocent person in the name of satisfying a retarded bitch), abigail as 2 (typical bitch), sinbad as 3 (obviously low on game; reinforced abigail’s toxic perception of sex being a reward), ivan as 4 (understandably, he didn’t to get involved with a bitch’s inconsequential problems), and gregory as 5 (there is no indication that he even wanted abigail to come over, and its perfectly understandable that he wasnt fond of desperate sluts like abigail. he did good by casting abigail aside)

  • Drive

    Shark, I’ve reached a pretty low point in my life. Anything you have to say about this would be taken at high value.

    I’m currently living in a foreign country, and my girlfriend dumped me about 2 and half months ago. She lives right down the street from me. The split was truly like a divorce, even though we are both young. Anyway, my Oneitis is strong, mostly because I don’t have any other options and she was my family unit here. I pretty much lived with her and her mother. We have remained somewhat in contact, her keeping me in her “casino” in hope to win more. The great memories of me and her burn through my head.

    Anyway, I’ve developed some pretty bad habits as a result, smoking cigarettes has increased, my drinking has increased, my physical activity has decreased significantly, and I’ve lost a passion for my job which I used to have a pretty strong passion for. My obsessive behavior takes control of me. I find myself lurking on her facebook a lot, multiple times a day. And this is my problem and don’t know why I can’t control it. I don’t know how to control this shit. The facebook shit has become extremely complicated, I was connected with her mother as mother/son-in-law on Facebook. I recently broke it because I felt like it was time. And my ex has responded in her own way to it — changing her status to widowed, as if I have “died” – sticking the dagger further through me than it already is.

    Meeting other people is not easy, due to the language barrier and the fact that I’m not identified in any social groups and the fact that I really don’t have many friends here. I’m kind of just drifting — I do have an ambition to learn the language and start studying full time starting in the fall. But I doubt how far this will really get me.

    I feel like meeting a new girl would help this a lot. I’m definitely seeking a new relationship, but would also like to revive something with me and my ex. I’m open to both.

    Anyway — I feel like my first steps need to be to break remaining connections with my ex in order for there to be any chance of me being in the mind state to start a new relationship — either with her or somebody else. I know you say that defriending an ex on facebook will reinforce my Oneitis, but would you recommed something like this in my situation? Everytime I see her on facebook it triggers horrible feelings — example: her reaction to me breaking the family ties on facebook. I now feel like absolute shit for breaking that connection, especially when her and her mother were my family here. Her mother even signed papers for me to be a legal resident on her flat, which I still am. Complicating things even further.

    She really hasn’t carried any pain of this break up — I’ve carried it all. She knows I’m still “around”. I feel like I need to say goodbye to her forever, either face to face or through a text, and give her these true feelings of loss, instead of just ignoring any further contact she tries to initate. Do you feel like this is a good solution next time she tries to contact me? What are some steps I can take? How can I control my obsessive behavior? Anything you got right now Shark, would be greatly appreciated.

  • Sebastian

    Yeah R, I stand by everything that Shark just stated, especially the last paragraphs.
    When I feel a bit of approach anxiety comming on, I make it a point to approach. I find it easier and alot more fun if I just neg silly and laugh at them (amused mastery). Or compliment them and after that insult them leaving them confused. I haven’t found ANY girl worth my emotional time, I see absolutely no point for approach anxiety. Simply do not give a fuck and enjoy yourself. Also avoid being a complete idiot when picking up a girl, I know it makes me feel better about myself thereafter.

  • kenny

    I’m not very talkative, but i have a strong presence around my current circle. How do i turn the girls attraction into action without conceding my frame?

  • Tampa

    That is some prophetic motherfucking shit right there. God damn you….motherfucker…I could walk through a fucking wall after reading that shit. Keep moving me Shark. You the fucking man!

    “You must learn to not only control your fear, but to detest it. To hate it. To think it gross, and corpulent, and disgusting. To disdain yourself for it. To want to kill half yourself for nursing such a putrid thing. And in the madness of your hatred, to do all the things you’re afraid of just because you hate that other scared half of yourself so fucking much.”

    (bump)

    And eventually, after treating it with such frequent brutality, you come to a quite place where it no longer whispers to you because your fear fears you.

  • Drive

    It’s funny how you’ll notice that in a lot of cases, not all, but you fear something, and then the thing that you fear actually happens, becomes reality – and the fear suddenly, magically dissipates. A beautiful phenomenon.

  • El Matador

    enfrightening indeed. I am wondering Shark, at what point should you draw the line between working your ass off to achieve superiority, whether it be at school or in the office, and taking your work lightly, not being too immersed it it that you don’t have time for encounters of the female race. At the higher levels of competitive high school where I go, it seems like you can only choose one.

  • Jack Be Nimble

    I just want to tell you that i got the number from the hottest chick in the bar at this happy hour tonight and it was solely because of this post. The happy hour was ending and i had talked to her earlier, but i was pussying out about reapproaching her and getting her number…..then i thought about this post. We will find out if the number is worth anything early next week but I’m just happy that I confronted my fear head fucking on and beat it. I beat the living shit out that bullshit womb educed asshole fear. Dude…fuck fear. Fuck it! This paragraph right here has changed my life

    You must learn to not only control your fear, but to detest it. To hate it. To think it gross, and corpulent, and disgusting. To disdain yourself for it. To want to kill half yourself for nursing such a putrid thing. And in the madness of your hatred, to do all the things you’re afraid of just because you hate that other scared half of yourself so fucking much. To do a public speaking session butt naked, or approach a girl with a dildo on your head, because you hate that part of your conscious that houses humility. You must learn to hate, hate, hate yourself for it. It must occupy the deepest, most black part of your soul. And whenever it pops up its ugly and gross head, you need to smash it. To take every opportunity to purge it. To go out of your way to do what you’re afraid of to pain yourself for it. To MAKE IT A POINT to talk to a girl when you’re afraid of feeling inadequate. You need to feel a burning animosity when you think “Maybe I’m not Alpha enough,” and do exactly what you WOULD DO IF YOU WERE ALPHA ENOUGH, to prove your other half wrong. Don’t think of your fear as you. It is not you. It is a mind parasite, an externality, a soul leech that feeds off of your consciousness and pretends to be “apart” of you, pretends to be “natural,” so you don’t realize that it must be purged.

    And eventually, after treating it with such frequent brutality, you come to a quite place where it no longer whispers to you because your fear fears you.

  • Nitin

    Hey shark this is fucking awesome!!!
    thankyou so much.

  • Szabo

    Wow, this is so much like the problem I’m experiencing at the moment! I am also an avid gym-goer, not because I was ever obese, but because I was always a short-arse growing up and bullied/teased/excluded throughout most of my childhood and teenage years e.g. most of my life. When I was 13 my parents and I moved away from where I’d grown up and I fell into a deep, deep depression. When I say deep, I mean really deep. I never sought help, because I was scared, and this depression lasted two years. I got out of it by myself, pulled myself up, read some shit on the internet about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and was out of the worst of it within 6 months to a year, but I still had little self confidence, and used arrogance as a tool for masking my insecurities. Later, I dated a girl who I never should have dated. I was a beta-male fuck up, she was two years younger than me and a total asperges retard, but I was no better with my pussy mood swings and low self-worth. I realise that now and I laugh at my old self, but he is still a part of me.

    I am not tall, at 5 ft 8, but this is not a problem for me. I am a good musician/singer, I am very good looking and have a great body, but for some reason, I cannot get over this bloody fear of rejection! I am now twenty going on twenty one and have done a lot of research into Buddhism. Yes, escaping into religion is a way out, but I think Buddhism unlike most other religions does not encourage you to seek approval from some higher imaginary friend in the sky who watches over you, as there is not one, but to take responsibility for your own actions without dogma. What do you think of Buddhism, Shark? A lot of the stuff I’ve read on this blog seems very similar to the teachings I’ve read, and I’d be inclined to say that you’ve read a lot on this subject?

    I am ridiculously motivated to achieve in life, something which has recently led people to describe me as ‘intense, but in a good way’. I’ve tried to understand what this means. I believe it means that I can be forceful with my opinions, not taking any shit, maybe talking about stuff that is deep without realising it, but to balance it out I have a good sense of humour and can take the piss out of myself. I’m very full-on, and perhaps I don’t seem laid back?

    I’m still young. I have time. I am going to start hating this fear that builds up inside me, fear of feeling as rejected as I have been throughout most of my life. Maybe I need a bit of advice to help me on my way, but I’m getting there. I’m intelligent and I can do it. I know what’s up. Hold out R, and chill out, and work out :P. I’m with you in this.

    Thanks so much, Shark

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