Reader R comments:
All right shark, I got several obstacles that I need some help with. How do you let go of fear and just approach? I find myself thinking too hard, looking out for IOI’s, and then chickening out at the last second. I know that rejection is supposed to be innocuous and that I should not dwell on it, philosophy of abundance and all. However, my beta self keeps rationalizing to me that if I get rejected, that it would have been a waste of time. That AT THIS TIME, I am not alpha enough. I have read your book and it has definitely opened my eyes. I’m just having a hard time transitioning. You could say I’m still at the point trying to build inner game for myself. The concept of ‘do and you shall become’ is probably where my internalization of alphahood gets blocked. My self-esteem and confidence rely too much on my perception of my appearance as well as other people’s opinion (weak ego). A possible root of this is that I have become obsessed with fitness because I used to be obese and was teased for it. I feel that If I do not have the perfect body, I will not have enough confidence in myself. I would say I am about 70% done towards achieving satisfaction with my own image (just the right muscle mass, just enough body fat, visible abs). Note that I am not anorexic, I do eat right, and have followed ways to increase my testosterone and build the muscle mass I want. I do feel more confident as a result of this compared to my original obese self. However, I keep telling myself that I am not done just yet. I guess it’s good to always strive for more, but it’s somewhat blocking my game. I want to achieve the paradox of being content and confident of my current state, but always aiming higher. Do me a favor. Hit me as hard as you can. Thanks.
Before going into how to solve your problem, we must first define and grasp it. What you’re suffering from is a womb complex. Your mind is seeking sanctity within your body, a self-constructed womb that needs to feel “complete” to medicate and lube your adjustment to the reality around you. The disease is always the same. People are afraid of death and purpose, so they seek asylum in religion. People are afraid of feeling inadequate, so they seek asylum in their jobs and salaries. People are afraid of getting rejected by women, so they seek refuge in their abs and biceps. The rationalization being, “If I do this perfectly” (worship a deity, make money, or look perfect), the cancer will fix itself. It will not. The real problem, as I’m sure you’ve realized by now, is fear. And fear is a very peculiar emotion. What you are subconsciously attempting to do right now, is redirect and mask it. Your fear of approaching is shifted into the fear of looking inadequate, thus you believe that by looking adequate, you can shift the success into approaching and conquer the original problem since if you objectively look “adequate,” you no longer have anything to fear. Savy?
The problem then extends into the realm of the abstract. Because the source of your worries – Fear – is never eradicated, it remains to be addressed. So when you’re finally pumped up and ready to approach, you feel it again. It creeps up your spine and chokes you. It asks you if you’re sure you should ask this girl for her number. Your rationalization then being, “If I’m still feeling this way, I must still be inadequate.” Hence the cycle is never ending; your insecurities keep feeding each other, enjoying opulent buffets when they can hit you with approach anxiety or mirror your shortcomings.
You are correct in one thing, it is always good to strive for more. Which brings us to another paradox in Game, aren’t insecurities necessary for success? Most definitely. In fact, I imagine that 99% of the men in a list of the “most influential men of all time” have some sort of deep insecurity driving them towards infinity and beyond. The key is to channel your insecurities in a beneficial way, but not to let them govern your actions or emotions. Fear must be utilized in a positive way, it must be controlled and dominated to feed the beast. Fear of not living up to your potential should motivate you to work 14 hours a day to achieve the impossible. But it should not make you wake up and stay curled up in bed because you’re afraid to get out there. A man with nothing to fear and no insecurities has nothing to motivate himself. You need fear to birth fire.
In your case, you want to control your fear of fear. You know you’re scared of approaching girls, and you know you’ll live a shitty and pathetic life if you don’t overcome that feeling. That’s what you should be afraid of. Leading a half-ass lonely life of fapping and having to settle for an overweight cat enthusiast in your late 50s. Imagine that versus approach anxiety. It’s absolutely incomparable. You should be afraid of looking back 10 years from now and regretting the last decade. THAT should drive you to approach. THAT should give you motivation to go out and meet people. Imagine looking back 20 years from now and realizing the limits you placed on yourself were just that – limits you placed on yourself.
You must learn to not only control your fear, but to detest it. To hate it. To think it gross, and corpulent, and disgusting. To disdain yourself for it. To want to kill half yourself for nursing such a putrid thing. And in the madness of your hatred, to do all the things you’re afraid of just because you hate that other scared half of yourself so fucking much. To do a public speaking session butt naked, or approach a girl with a dildo on your head, because you hate that part of your conscious that houses humility. You must learn to hate, hate, hate yourself for it. It must occupy the deepest, most black part of your soul. And whenever it pops up its ugly and gross head, you need to smash it. To take every opportunity to purge it. To go out of your way to do what you’re afraid of to pain yourself for it. To MAKE IT A POINT to talk to a girl when you’re afraid of feeling inadequate. You need to feel a burning animosity when you think “Maybe I’m not Alpha enough,” and do exactly what you WOULD DO IF YOU WERE ALPHA ENOUGH, to prove your other half wrong. Don’t think of your fear as you. It is not you. It is a mind parasite, an externality, a soul leech that feeds off of your consciousness and pretends to be “apart” of you, pretends to be “natural,” so you don’t realize that it must be purged.
And eventually, after treating it with such frequent brutality, you come to a quite place where it no longer whispers to you because your fear fears you.