The recent lack of posts is due to an updraft in my workload, but a very promising one. The last post was reflective of this, as I feel I’ve been waiting ages for this to finally happen. An old adage comes to mind — perseverance is the most important trait for success. Due to this change, I will also no longer be posting regular replies to comments. The process is simply too big of a time suck, especially because most of the answers are already embedded within the archives. One need only extrapolate the fundamentals taught and apply them to one’s situation.
With these changes, I’ve gained a newfound clarity, and another saying comes to mind — Mo Money, Mo Problems. I take it that a majority of my readers are those in that unique position of in-between where they want to be and where they were, i e; in the process of breaking and rebuilding themselves. And with that, comes a unique set of problems. I am already familiar with them, but I was recently reminded of how hindering they can be.
Rejecting Success. Yes, it sounds incredulous, but it happens more often than you think. Because your mind is so accustomed to seeing the world through an unchanging optic, it resists against the slightest tilts, even positive ones. The problem is, because “rejecting success,” sounds so unintuitive, you end up doing it in extremely elusive ways making it all the more difficult to even be aware that you’re doing it. Sometimes when I gain momentum while working, I suddenly want to go on vacation or take a break. Granted it’ll put me behind, I justify it by thinking “I’m making ground, I should take a break before I burn out.” Other times, I might stick to a stratagem that I KNOW will fail, just because I’m used to it. When you’re at the bottom, you need to aggressively push upwards — at all times. When you’re at the top, you need to strategically keep yourself from going down while moving higher up at the right times. I have betrayed my success more than once by adopting an overly obsessive attitude, when I already had what I was chasing.
Some of you are familiar with this in the realm of women. The first time you start applying game and you realize it works; you try and cash out as fast as possible. You quickly move towards exclusivity with the girls that are now available to you, get a security deposit for yourself, and sit back while eroding away into your old beta habits. Sooner or later you backslide too far and you’re back at square 1. What went wrong?
The premise of game is to be confident in your ability to attract women — but you use it to seek security, an essentially unconfident endeavor. Your mind rejects the idea that you can consistently be successful with women, even though your eyes see it. You can’t resist but to see it as a fluke, a pyrrhic victory. You want to take the rewards you’ve gotten thus far and run back to the womb, you can’t imagine the possibility for consistent success.
And a second issue that comes to mind, what do girls like me for? The question is more ironic in spirit than anything. You build up a lifestyle and attitude attractive to women, and then you wonder “is this what I want girls to like me for?” But then you must ask yourself, “if not this, what else WOULD they like me for?” We’ve already discussed the problem of ever identifying your true self versus a socially constructed self; the both of them are too intimately connected to distinguish one from the other. But a more practical concern arises from all this postulation, how do you find a girl worth having a meaningful LTR with?
The problem is, once a man on a positive trajectory becomes aware of his secksual market value, it seems inappropriate to deal with almost any woman. A girl in his own range of success comes with too much entitlement; a girl below comes with too much frustration. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to throw a porcupine at a girl’s face while she’s telling me about her drama ridden problems. Imagine your typical high profile lawyer who charges $800 an hour to his clients, and then imagine what he must be thinking while spending an hour on the phone with his girlfriend because she’s crying about a fight between her and her best friend. You end up cultivating a sense of entitlement for yourself, and one that often frustrates you because you don’t want to deal with petty issues.
So what to do? There’s no way to “solve” this issue. Regardless of where you’re coming from, your time always has value, and is always wasted when you’re conceding to a woman’s need for attention. Hence the real issue is of coming to peace with this tradeoff, and striking a reasonable compromise. If you’re 22 and frustrated in your relationship because it’s a time suck, dump it. If you’re 30 and frustrated but considering marriage, you might be more willing to compromise. Either ways, the goal is to agree with your decision and to pacify your internal resistance. Once you’ve made it clear to yourself “I’m not considering marriage any time soon,” you must be willing to walk away from the relationship. On the other hand, once you’ve decided “I see potential with her, I love her, I’m attracted to her, and her caprice is of tolerable measures,” you must be willing to relinquish your frustration and remind yourself that she is a priority in your life, although never THE priority in your life. Never let yourself be deluded, every relationship is frustrating to a degree. The key is to find one you are willing to tolerate.
And a last issue of concern, how do you deal with post-relationship secksual market value? Any guy who regularly games underdogs knows what I’m talking about. When you approach a girl and you’re far and above her own secksual market value, things are easy as the both of you are aware of the discrepancy. God forbid you ever bend the knee, things will change. Once she becomes your girlfriend, a sense of entitlement creeps up and she believes a degree of commitment is required from you regardless of your other priorities. Get married, and this belief multiplies by 10. I once had this exact exchange with a girl:
Me: “You were so laid back before, what happened?”
Her: “Well, now I’m your girlfriend, so I should have more power”
That exact thought process, whether shared audibly or not, goes through every girl’s head when she’s dating an Alpha. Which means, if you’re an Alpha, you have a problem. The thought does not run through beta relationships, as it is implied from the very beginning that the guy must qualify himself to the girl (thus any sacrifice of attention is worth it).
Short of moving to a polygamous nation (which are slowly being infiltrated by The Matrix, so make your move quick if you’re going to make it), I see no solution. Enjoy your moments the best you can I’d say – the Titanic is going down one way or another.