This site has been on life support for some time, sustained only by the sporadic comments that still come in on Shark’s archived posts, and its future seemed certain; a slow but inevitable slide into Internet purgatory. When sites are no longer updated, they gradually sink in search rankings and lose links from other sites, thereby receiving fewer and fewer visits until they vanish into near total obscurity, much like your old MySpace page.

My name is Jake, and I’ve been visiting this site almost from the beginning. I’m a big fan of Shark’s outlook on life, and his ideas and insight have helped me greatly improve my game, but more importantly, pushed me to man up and overcome some of my irrational fears and counterproductive habits. Granted, we all have to do the really hard work on our own, but this site has been a valuable piece of the puzzle, giving me both inspiration and a kick in the ass when I needed it.

Needless to say, I was sad as hell to see it sitting on death row after Shark moved on, and not just for myself, but for the untold number of others out there who might never be exposed to the ideas and outlook Shark shared with us. So being a web guy 9-5, I figured I might be able to find a way to keep it going, or at least prevent it from completely dying. After much back and forth, and a stack of my hard earned Benjamins, I was able to convince Shark to let me take over the site. The deal is now done, and I’ve got the keys to the front door.

I don’t have any grand plans as of yet, but I’m going to start by updating the code and fixing things where they’re broken. I also want to make it easier for people (especially new visitors) to find the really good content, which will probably require some design / layout changes. After that, things are more up in the air.

We’ll need to figure out how to keep the site fresh enough to prevent it from descending into Google obscurity, but I’m not yet sure how to accomplish that. If people keep buying The Black Flag eBook, we’ll have a small budget to hire some good writers, which combined with involvement from the community, might keep things active enough. Of course, the problem is that no one can replace Shark, and I’m pretty sure he isn’t planning to contribute in the future.

Feel free to leave a comment if you have any input / ideas on the future of the site without Shark. In the meantime, I’m getting to work on some of the technical stuff and design issues.

Thanks,

Jake

P.S. Obviously I’ve had contact with Shark, but before I get inundated with questions, let me say that I don’t know much more than any of you about what he’s up to. I do know that he’s extremely busy on new projects, and I think he just mentally moved on from the site a while back. That happens in life, as there are only so many hours in a day. He never gave me the slightest indication that he might be open to dropping knowledge on us in the future, but of course, I’m hoping he does, or at least stops by once in a while.

“See you all on the other side”

P.S: will everyone trying to track down Shark stop e-mailing me thinking that I am him. Thank you.

“Enigmatic.”

For those who aren’t aware, enigmatic is a synonym for unfiltered pussy crack. Enigmatic drives women insane. Enigmatic makes a girl think about you for hours. It adds dimensions to your personality, shades to your character, vistas to your actions. You should often contain yourself with

- unreadable expressions
- non sequitur comments
- sudden silence
- pangs of distraction
- talents and abilities she never knew you had
- a sad side, buried deep inside
- a romantic side, extremely difficult to earn
- ambition without reason
- irrational confidence
- open ended phrases

Simply put, being enigmatic is a matter of not talking too much, not showing too much, and otherwise allowing the different facets of your personality to naturally unfold over the course of a very long time rather than consciously propelling them to visibility with the goal of qualifying yourself to someone. You want to be the reserved and accomplished musician, the powerful and laconic businessman, or the cold and focused athlete. If you’re running a contrary form of game, like c/f, you want these things to be visibly invisible. In other words, you want your c/f to be a success, but for it to be obvious that it’s more of a “charade to hide something much deeper,” yes, just like in the movies. Cliches are cliches for a reason. Imagine for instance, you run c/f all night, bring a girl home, bang it out while drunk, wild, and funny; but when she wakes up at 6 am to use the bathroom, she finds you playing chamber music in a secret room behind the bookshelf (or something more normal, like writing a novel or analyzing charts).

Throughout the story you’ll see the submissive constantly appraising her ability to satisfy her object of desire. Remember our assessment of the value of your time? Here we have another way to look at it – what’s the value of your desire? Power is the ability to to exert your desires, your will. When exercised correctly over other people, it makes them WANT you to exert your desire on them, lending itself to a sort of growth cycle. The more power you have over someone, the more they seek to please you, and the more power they want to give you. All humans seek to be enslaved, it’s simply a matter of whether they want to be enslaved by their own desires or the desires of someone else.

You will notice also that the girl finds her reaction to falling in love extremely unfamiliar, despite her age and ability to attract other men. A somewhat metaphorical demonstration of our current state of society. All of your lamentations about the girl you’re with not being “affectionate,” or “loving,” is disconnected with the reality surrounding her. She is not that way because it’s in her nature to be that way, she is that way because of her current circumstances. Place any girl who thinks she’s just “not the relationship type” in the presence of a guy far beyond her status, and with elegant grace, and you’ll have a whole different story.

The line “stop biting your lip, it makes me want to fuck you” should be in everyone’s yellow book of quotes to use. It seamlessly combines secksuality (for obvious reasons), dominance (it’s a demand), and vulnerability (weakness to her appeal) in a single hue of passion. All the dialogue used in the more intimate scenes can be taken straight from the pages for your screen play, in fact, don’t be surprised if you’ve already used half those lines.

And lastly, the main consumers of this book are married women in their early 30s / mid 30s. Can anyone point out a reason why a plot revolving around a secret secksual affair might be a problem? I should start selling paternity kits and lie detector tests for commission on here.

With these changes, I’ve gained a newfound clarity, and another saying comes to mind — Mo Money, Mo Problems. I take it that a majority of my readers are those in that unique position of in-between where they want to be and where they were, i e; in the process of breaking and rebuilding themselves. And with that, comes a unique set of problems. I am already familiar with them, but I was recently reminded of how hindering they can be.

Rejecting Success. Yes, it sounds incredulous, but it happens more often than you think. Because your mind is so accustomed to seeing the world through an unchanging optic, it resists against the slightest tilts, even positive ones. The problem is, because “rejecting success,” sounds so unintuitive, you end up doing it in extremely elusive ways making it all the more difficult to even be aware that you’re doing it. Sometimes when I gain momentum while working, I suddenly want to go on vacation or take a break. Granted it’ll put me behind, I justify it by thinking “I’m making ground, I should take a break before I burn out.” Other times, I might stick to a stratagem that I KNOW will fail, just because I’m used to it. When you’re at the bottom, you need to aggressively push upwards — at all times. When you’re at the top, you need to strategically keep yourself from going down while moving higher up at the right times. I have betrayed my success more than once by adopting an overly obsessive attitude, when I already had what I was chasing.

Some of you are familiar with this in the realm of women. The first time you start applying game and you realize it works; you try and cash out as fast as possible. You quickly move towards exclusivity with the girls that are now available to you, get a security deposit for yourself, and sit back while eroding away into your old beta habits. Sooner or later you backslide too far and you’re back at square 1. What went wrong?

The premise of game is to be confident in your ability to attract women — but you use it to seek security, an essentially unconfident endeavor. Your mind rejects the idea that you can consistently be successful with women, even though your eyes see it. You can’t resist but to see it as a fluke, a pyrrhic victory. You want to take the rewards you’ve gotten thus far and run back to the womb, you can’t imagine the possibility for consistent success.

 
And a second issue that comes to mind, what do girls like me for? The question is more ironic in spirit than anything. You build up a lifestyle and attitude attractive to women, and then you wonder “is this what I want girls to like me for?” But then you must ask yourself, “if not this, what else WOULD they like me for?” We’ve already discussed the problem of ever identifying your true self versus a socially constructed self; the both of them are too intimately connected to distinguish one from the other. But a more practical concern arises from all this postulation, how do you find a girl worth having a meaningful LTR with?

The problem is, once a man on a positive trajectory becomes aware of his secksual market value, it seems inappropriate to deal with almost any woman. A girl in his own range of success comes with too much entitlement; a girl below comes with too much frustration. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to throw a porcupine at a girl’s face while she’s telling me about her drama ridden problems. Imagine your typical high profile lawyer who charges $800 an hour to his clients, and then imagine what he must be thinking while spending an hour on the phone with his girlfriend because she’s crying about a fight between her and her best friend. You end up cultivating a sense of entitlement for yourself, and one that often frustrates you because you don’t want to deal with petty issues.

So what to do? There’s no way to “solve” this issue. Regardless of where you’re coming from, your time always has value, and is always wasted when you’re conceding to a woman’s need for attention. Hence the real issue is of coming to peace with this tradeoff, and striking a reasonable compromise. If you’re 22 and frustrated in your relationship because it’s a time suck, dump it. If you’re 30 and frustrated but considering marriage, you might be more willing to compromise. Either ways, the goal is to agree with your decision and to pacify your internal resistance. Once you’ve made it clear to yourself “I’m not considering marriage any time soon,” you must be willing to walk away from the relationship. On the other hand, once you’ve decided “I see potential with her, I love her, I’m attracted to her, and her caprice is of tolerable measures,” you must be willing to relinquish your frustration and remind yourself that she is a priority in your life, although never THE priority in your life. Never let yourself be deluded, every relationship is frustrating to a degree. The key is to find one you are willing to tolerate.

And a last issue of concern, how do you deal with post-relationship secksual market value? Any guy who regularly games underdogs knows what I’m talking about. When you approach a girl and you’re far and above her own secksual market value, things are easy as the both of you are aware of the discrepancy. God forbid you ever bend the knee, things will change. Once she becomes your girlfriend, a sense of entitlement creeps up and she believes a degree of commitment is required from you regardless of your other priorities. Get married, and this belief multiplies by 10. I once had this exact exchange with a girl:

Me: “You were so laid back before, what happened?”
Her: “Well, now I’m your girlfriend, so I should have more power”

That exact thought process, whether shared audibly or not, goes through every girl’s head when she’s dating an Alpha. Which means, if you’re an Alpha, you have a problem. The thought does not run through beta relationships, as it is implied from the very beginning that the guy must qualify himself to the girl (thus any sacrifice of attention is worth it).

Short of moving to a polygamous nation (which are slowly being infiltrated by The Matrix, so make your move quick if you’re going to make it), I see no solution. Enjoy your moments the best you can I’d say – the Titanic is going down one way or another.

I promise, I solemnly swear, I pledge, I stake my own life; that if you come upon that oh very vast plateau in life infamous for exhausting meager minded men, and you sacrifice your very fucking conscience to overcoming it, that it will bend itself in whichever way you want. I promise, that the days you spend grinding towards a goal or a project without reaping any visible rewards, will never be a waste. That you will never regret risking too much while putting everything you have into it; you will only regret gambling too little while putting everything you have into it, or gambling too much but not putting enough of yourself in. I promise, that if your’re willing to burn all of your distractions, walk away from the relationships that imbibe your energy, and punch yourself in the face the next time you sell yourself short, that no ambition, no level, no goal, no league, no extravagance, no obstacle, no time-limit, no other person will seem too significant, too impossible, or too unbecoming. None, nothing, no one.

I promise that the time you spend reading the classics, academic journals, enriching yourself with as much knowledge as possible, will be worth it. There will be people who tell you that you are wasting your time. They do not know what I know. I promise that that last rep of push-ups, the one you’re sure is impossible, is possible. And that if you consistently eat oatmeal, protein, and vegetables instead of Mcshitty burgers, your life will be better. That if you want to lose weight bad enough, you will lose weight. I promise that when you’re trying to learn how to paint, sing, dance, or play the piano; your sucking shit phase will pass. Consistent practice. No secret techniques, no magical formulas, nothing. Just hard work.

I promise that the girl you’re chasing isn’t worth it. That the Oneitis your suffering from is not your soul-mate. That the girl you’re driving yourself crazy over won’t make you happy. That you’re better off dumping your garbage instead of trying to recycle it. I promise that heartbreak is nothing easy, but that is something every man must go through. And the more times he goes through it, the stronger he becomes. I promise that all you need to do is grind your teeth and keep telling yourself “push through.” That there will be nights when you’re sure “I messed up the greatest thing in my life,” and that if you accidentally believe yourself, you’ll regret it for a lifetime.

All of this, I promise. Triumph. Keep pushing.

I can’t tell you how I know all of this, but I know it. I’ve been blessed with certain powers of prophecy. It has been written on an antique scroll like the one below some trillions of years ago. If you ever doubt yourself, don’t doubt me. I am never wrong, come back and read this when you have to.

An article about the science of kissing explores the possibility that swapping saliva may actually serve the same function as a shit test; to appraise a man’s value. But rather than quantifying his smoothness, it may be a way to indicate his T-levels or the presence of other hormones. Chemical profiling if you may, rather than the traditional personality profiling presented in shit tests.

Saliva is like a chemical cocktail, and hooking up may have evolved to help us quickly tell if someone is a good mate or not, Fisher said.

After all, haven’t we all been attracted to someone and then the first kiss just killed it? It might be because he didn’t have the right stuff in his spit. Lots of hormones are present in differing quantities in our saliva, and they may serve several romantic purposes.

“There’s evidence that saliva has testosterone in it, and there’s also evidence that men like sloppier kisses with more open mouth,” Fisher said. “That suggests to me that they are unconsciously trying to transfer testosterone to trigger the sex drive in women.”

It is a basic tenant of evolutionary psychology that the things we find attractive in potential mates are not a random assortment of qualities determined by a cosmic pair-bonding force; but a potent mix of traits that indicate things like fertility and good health. This article and its accompanying studies suggest that high testosterone levels may increase both an organisms chances for survival and reproduction by improving immune system functioning and triggering external changes that cue that development to women.

Women are subconsciously attracted to men with a high immune system, a new study suggests.

A paper published in Nature Communications today has found a relationship between testosterone, stress hormones, male facial attractiveness and a healthy immune system.

“The more antibodies a man produces in response to a vaccine, the more attractive his face,” said Fhionna Moore, co-author of the study and a psychologist at the University of Abertay Dundee in Scotland.

“We also found that men’s testosterone was related to their immune system and their facial attractiveness: the higher the testosterone, the stronger the immune system and the more attractive the face. Interestingly, this was qualified by levels of stress hormones: the relationships with testosterone were strongest in males experiencing low levels of stress.”

Physically fit men have increased levels of testosterone, or is that men with increased levels of testosterone are also more physically fit? We’ll come back to the dynamic relationship between testosterone and other components later. The important thing to note about the next article is that it hints towards the fact that body attractiveness is a better predictor for female attention than facial attractiveness. A rather obvious statement if you ask me. When it comes down to it, I could see a guy like Justin Bieber easily killed by a wild chimpanzee or an angry leprechaun. Whereas a man like Money Mayweather (who saw that recent fight?) could fight off all sorts of not very dangerous things.

Other hypotheses around sexual selection focus on fighting ability between individuals and its technical corrolary resource-holding potential (RHP). Without putting to fine a point on it, being big and strong has advantages in multiple domains. And guess what influences strength? Yes my astute lovelies… testosterone. It keeps coming back to the testosterone.

“Overall, body attractiveness was a better predictor of self-reported mating success than facial attractiveness. In line with our main hypothesis, we found a positive relationship between a composite measure of men’s physical fitness (PF) and men’s body attractiveness. This was obtained not only for aggregated attractiveness ratings but also for all 27 female raters individually. This finding is remarkable because individual attractiveness judgments reflect a strong idiosyncratic component, at least for faces. Attractiveness judgments were made fast and effortless. The strength of the attractiveness-fitness relation- ship obtained here suggests that signalling physical fitness may be one of the key functions of male attractiveness.” (Honekopp et al. 2006

Another interesting fact I ran across was that whilst single men have much higher levels of testosterone than married/committed men; adulterous men in committed relationships had levels of testosterone equal to single men. It begs the question of why men cheat and the cause/effect relationship between behavior and testosterone. My guess is, the two feed into each other in cycles. A man with high t-levels, and thus a higher sex drive, may find it more difficult to cope with one vagina. In turn, he cheats, and having secks with more women, again increases T-levels. On the other hand, a man with low T-levels may find it easier to cope with one women, perhaps indirectly because his low T makes it harder for him to acquire any mates at all; thus he is more willing to settle for a monogamous relationship. In return, stable secks with only one person reduces T-levels further by stripping away a secksually competitive mental state.

Is a man with libido 5x lower than his adulterous friend truly more virtuous for not cheating? Is a beta who couldn’t attract any other girl really more morally righteous than a married celebrity who had super models throw themselves at his feet and couldn’t keep it in his pants?

There’s been debate about what the most effective ways to increase testosterone. My theory being, return man to his primitive state. Sex – diet – activity. Primitive man had secks with real women, he did not fap to porn. Primitive man ate a healthy diet, he did not have candy and soda. Primitive man would ptear a pterodactyl a new asshole and fight in Coliseums, he did not play video games. As for anabolic steroids and other extreme measures, I wouldn’t go there just because the results seem equivocal. I have friends who claim to have gone through an entire cycle with no detrimental affects. They say the secret is simply to not abuse them. On the other hand, I know 1 or 2 people who claim to have suffered from weird side effects (one said he was lactating) after a single cycle. If anyone wishes to share their wisdom on the matter, drop a comment.

As much as he worships me, Dominic needs to get a life. He needs hobbies and friends, and while I want to be his top priority because we still have an overpoweringfuckawesomelove, if he didn’t have or want the other stuff…he’d be a bit pathetic.Of course, he can still hold me down and screw me like he bought me at a slave auction…

I can see it already, flocks of unacquainted men mooning about the depths of secksuality. I like Morgan’s metaphorical illustrations; they blow up the perception of women held by inexperienced men, and still contrast sharply with the moderately enlightened views of game acolytes. And even in the higher circles of game, the razor-sharp and ubiquitous dominance preferred in men is absent in favor of sloppy frame control or inauthentic personalities. I suspect your average girl meets about 1 or 2 guys in every major cycle in her life (High-school ==> College ==> early 20s ==> Mid 20s ==> Late 20s ==> Pre-wall ==> Wall ==> Post-wall) who could pass off as a palpable Ice Cold Alpha Male. Assuming that same guy offers that courtesy to multiple women; how small do you think the Apex percentile is? The 1 or 2 guys she meets btw, doesn’t necessarily have a relationship or even a friendship with her. It only means she’s spoken to them, perhaps been officially introduced. Which leads us to another corollary; just as your average beta male can go through life without enjoying the genuine intimacy of a single woman, your average woman can go through life without as much as a Facebook poke from a genuine Alpha.

Gabe is the ultimate male: tall, defined muscles, cock of epic horse proportions, piercing eyes (they’re sometimes penetrating or smouldering, of course), dirty smile. He’ll have a token weakness such as his pet dog, or he’ll be strangely and conveniently good with my four year-old. Occasionally, I orgasm if he bats his eyelashes a few times in quick succession.

He’s just as glorious in bed; he favours missionary or doggy, where he can exert his horse erection to the point where it forces my cervix to disintegrate, and his cockhead eventually materialises in the Russian wilderness. This is appropriate because he has the intellect of an astronaut and the tenacity of a Soviet spy.

When he talks, it’s about sex (read: me), work or himself. He’s got a bedroom voice –ragged and heavy with lust — and a boardroom voice, which is calm, deep and measured. I know when I’ve really got under his skin because he mixes the two up (either that or he forgot to take his bipolar meds).

Men want to be Gabe and women want to fuck him, but he’s mine, all miiiiine! He’s an alpha, and alphas are best at everything; there’s nothing he can’t do (except, of course, control himself when it comes to me. Or admit that he’s being stubborn). He’s rich, and if he’s not famous — he’s infamous in all the right circles.

You’d think that somebody this perfect might be a bit smug. A bit annoying, perhaps. Or maybe he’s disgustingly modest. His sheer Godliness might even be a bit intimidating to a simple female like me

The finest distillation of Game by a girl yet, provided at the risk of giving all of you performance anxiety. My apologies in advance.

The transitioning alpha is a fascinating creature. For whatever reason, he’s realised that it is in his nature to lead and to be in control, and the shame of occupying the role that cunts usually inhabit is slipping away. He’s experimenting. He’s not quite sure of himself, and he’s not ashamed to admit that. He’s often quite young, too. He’s occasionally done as a clichéd “my wife/girlfriend left me, so I’m not taking any more shit,” type — but it’s so much more than that. He’s not becoming something through deviant Darwinism: he’s embracing what was always there. Sometimes he’s revelling in his new experiences, and sometimes he’s fucking up, lead balloon style. Either way — I think he’s my favourite; fledgling arrogance, buoyant enthusiasm, ever teetering on the edge of control? Mmm. Yes please.

Why couldn’t we all evolve in flashes of white that spanned a few seconds like pokemon? The above presents a more relatable scenario; but more importantly, brings up the question of – is it ever over? Do you ever reach a finish line when you’re done with what you have to do? There’s no finish line, nor would you want there to be one. If you’re perfect, you have no where to go but down. Game presents itself in different phases:

Learning curve: Admitting your problem and not rationalizing your AFCness with a bunch of Disney trained responses. Getting unplugged. Figuring out that Edward Cullen really doesn’t have much game, etc.

Application: Applying what you learned in everything from relationships to lifestyle.

Internalization: Getting over that phase of over-analyzing the world around you and integrating what you’ve learned to the core of your personality.

Refining: Occasionally refreshing your understanding, sharpening your edge. When you’re here, no proactive steps must be taken. Your mind has somewhat reached a new belief system for itself and is grounded in its own reality. It would be just as difficult to remove yourself as you did when you were a beta; but may that not reduce your vigilance.

The alpha occupies a number of usual haunts: the business bad-ass has his office and plush hotel rooms; the Lord of the Manor has his study with the roaring fire and his dungeon with the shackles; the vampire has his somewhat bare and impersonal boudoir (usually filled with priceless antiques), or the alley around the back of Tesco’s. He’s not just made of flesh and teeth and questionable sexual practices: it’s about his space, his life, and the people and things he surrounds himself with.

What about those guys we don’t always think about as alphas, and the spaces they inhabit? The gamers at their tournaments, the emos at their gigs, the librarians (hello Giles!), the vicars, the drummers, the yoga guys, the scientists, the angels (proper angels, not just “nice boys” — although nice boys can make intriguing alphas too). Take that guy who you think doesn’t fit into the mould: warm him up. Get him pliable. Stuff him in. How’s he looking? Pretty damn good, huh?

Another relevant point here is that the traditional alpha is somewhat outdated and old fashioned (again, we see this played on a lot with vampires who have been around for centuries, or older Daddy/dom figures). What does it mean to be an alpha in the modern world, and how has he evolved?

I dare anyone to find a girl who says “he’s outdated” after introducing her to a proper Alpha who lives in a manor and has a dungeon with a dragon in shackles.

But her point is clear, Alpha is a flexible term. It’s a mindset, not just a schedule or list of accomplishments.

All too often, the alpha meets a sweet, innocent girl and sees the error of his ways. Last Friday? He was kicking it with the guys, scoping out the chicks (while secretly thinking how lame his friends were for enjoying such pastimes, since he’s better than that) and throwing a few beers/virgin nuns down his neck. This Friday? He’s going to Ikea with Bethany and then meeting her friends for dinner; sure, it’ll be awkward at first, but he’ll win them over in the end through his dry humour, evident love for Bethany and the fact that even her guy friends will secretly want to lick his shapely man-buttocks.

Hold up there.

Alphas like a challenge, right? So what the hell is he doing with Bethany, the pouty virgin who’s probably not going to let him near her asshole until they’re in the throes of a midlife crisis? (Contrary to popular belief, women do not relax all their inhibitions or preferences for the “right man”). Yeah, no guy has been good enough for her to bend her morals of steel — yet — but come on. Bethany lives in wait for her alpha. She’s the easiest catch going for this kind of guy.

You know who’d be a real challenge? Zara: the girl who is possibly slightly better than him at the office. The one who likes sex as much as he does, and is a lot more likely to want the things he wants in bed (and be experienced enough to be good at them). He’s a confident guy; he doesn’t need a girl who’s never had a lover before just to bolster his ego…does he? He can still “possess” her without being the only one ever to do so — in fact, so awesome is he, that all her previous lovers will pale into insignificance! Just because Zara dares to beat him at a few things, doesn’t mean that she’s dominant herself — she could make the ultimate sub. Now there’s a challenge. When you think about it, he could have a hell of a time with his equal in this respect.

Here we have a classic case of projection, an unfortunate mix up of facts. Because women like their men to be challenging they assume the same applies to the other side. Men prefer women who aren’t clingy but the “challenge” aspect is a bit dubious. If a girl’s too easy, she’s out of long-term potential. But if she’s too difficult, no man who could easily acquire a plethora of other options would sacrifice his time and energy in pursuing her to satiate his need for a challenge. The “Alpha males prefer challenging women” is a trope used to accomplish the opposite; to keep them IN the qualifying position with the idea that they prefer to be there themselves because it’s a challenge. Men are not hypergamous, it is not worth it for us to pursue an extremely difficult 9 over an easier 9; granted the latter still posed some degree of challenge and attractiveness.

The point also incorrectly assumes two things. First, that an “Alpha” would ever settle for Bethany in the first place, and turn into an emasculated beta bitch afterwards. Second, that both Bethany and Zara were of the same caliber. If one looked like she were a whale pumpkin harvested from Castlevania, an analysis of who the guy would choose and why could be simplified into a sentence or two.

Shark, I’d really like to see if you can tell me what I’m dealing with here. I’ve read this site top to bottom and learned a lot about where I’ve gone wrong but I can not figure this one out.

After 3+ years together we broke up a couple of months ago. I didn’t want that and of course I overreacted a little when it happened. Once I got my shit together I went no contact and within 48 hours she was calling and texting asking me to come over and see her. Sex… lots of sex. Almost every night since then. She wants to hang out other times too. She says she loves that our humor meshes, we like the same stuff, etc. Once in a while she will say things like “you’re so awesome… you almost make me want to date you again”, “you almost make me fall in love with you when you do ______”, “I love you… I mean… in a friend sort of way” or “maybe we will visit ______ next year… if we are together…”. I play it cool and act like I don’t care. The less I seem to care the more she seems to do this.

Now for the part that is confusing me. A few night ago we are getting frisky and talking dirty about having a three-way with another chick. Nobody in particular, just some fantasy she told me about months ago. It really turns her on when we talk about it, but after we finished and were lying there in bed, she starts talking about how it was really hot talking about another chick but how I shouldn’t kiss her and try to be romantic when we talk about that. Her reasoning being that she can’t think of me in terms of someone she wants to have a future with as well as someone who would have a three-way with her and another girl. Apparently this fantasy is a great turn-on for her but when I participate she sees me as just someone to have sex with, not as a long-term option. This came up after weeks of her being incredibly flirty and sweet with me, and just a couple of days before she had talked briefly about possibly wanting to get back with me in the not too distant future. I indicated at one point that I would like to be with her again in the future but I didn’t push it and I didn’t get mushy… it was just a quick comment and completely in context when I said it.

Maybe she’s getting with someone else or looking at other options, right? I would think that too, except that I am with her literally every night. Essentially, any time she’s not at work we are together. She constantly throws little compliments my way, seeks my approval, tells me she tries to look good for me, so this is why I’m turned around on this one. It seemed like my laconic attitude was working. She was trying to monopolize my attention, working hard for it, talking about a future… now as of a couple of days ago she is back to telling me that she doesn’t see a future with me and she doesn’t want to start over and date me again. Never mind the fact that what we do now is exactly the same as when we were dating, if not better… but of course she would never admit that.

What do I need to do here? I have not been applying NC at all really since the very beginning, and even then it was brief. Typically I do let her contact me and I don’t respond instantly, and I let her call me after work to invite me over. I went on a couple of dates with another girl but never told her about it because I didn’t want to instigate some sort of revenge on her part. She did get pretty insanely jealous about an email than another Ex sent me, so I can see the effect that another girl liking me could have on the situation I’m just afraid to apply it since this girl gets hit on by every guy who crosses her path.

Is it possible that she is just enjoying this feeling of independence, even if it is mostly and illusion? Maybe she wants to be chased and she got frustrated with me not chasing her? The day after the three-way conversation she still texted and called me at work and even invited me over that night, so she’s still interested on some level but I just can’t read this situation.

The situation is confusing to you for two reasons. First, you are approaching it within the anarchism of your relationship. Your view lacks objectivity because your mind is rationalizing attraction as a black and white concept; thus having trouble grasping the complexities of a relationship where you have some degree of attraction (via amused mastery and competitive anxiety), yet where you also suffer from some degree of Oneitis/dependency due the triumph of fear over your ego (“I’m just afraid to apply it since this girl gets hit on by every guy who crosses her path”) and because you aren’t making the jump to Jedi Game. You have game, but not Lothario game. You have confidence, but not God-like confidence.

Second, you are mistaking natural caper, caprice, and secksuality for contradictory behavior. This is how women act, it’s normal. Her insinuations toward romantic longevity are meant to keep you in check, the chaos is to keep you on your toes. Women like to imagine they are unpredictable, and they like to act in ways that make you think they’re unpredictable. The simple key to understanding women is to try to predict the unpredictable; read someone by knowing that they are trying to be unreadable; predict the actions of someone who was trying to do what you wouldn’t predict. Ever watch a romance movie where the guy says “I’m in love with you because… you’re so unpredictable!” to the girl? Same idea. Different context. Whilst you may think you have hand, the driver seat is actually being shared between the both of you. She is not “frustrated” by you not chasing her in the sense that she has absolutely conceded to your frame – rather, she’s shit testing you to flush out beta blood. Because your relationship is more verbally explicit about secks, her hamster took the opportunity to shit test you in a way you could not parry.

Now, prepare for a magic trick. I’m going to make this all clear to you in a brilliant flash. If you have read through the archives of this blog, it will make all the more sense.

“she starts talking about how it was really hot talking about another chick but how I shouldn’t kiss her and try to be romantic when we talk about that.” – Asshole game. Attraction. Dread. Anxiety. Jealousy. Dominance. Secks with a psychotic looking masculine guy and his girlfriend, both of whom she met the same day.

“Her reasoning being that she can’t think of me in terms of someone she wants to have a future with” – Vulnerability game. Love. Rapport. Commitment. Stability. Secks with a man she’s loved for years.

Does the paradox sound familiar now? You are not facing anything different, just a unique manifestation of the same paradox in female secksuality we have discussed over and over again. The lovable jerk, the vulnerable asshole, the dependable yet unpredictable artist, the painter of two emotions. Your girlfriend, like any other girl, wants you to be both within the context of secks AND a long term relationship.

Fatcat:

Shark could you help me?

I was just wondering about this thing thats been going on inside of me for as long as i can remember. When i was two years old, i walked in my living room and saw my dad and my uncle watching this porno with a girl tied to a chair and a guy eating on mer cunt. Ever since then I wanted to tie girls up and have power over them. I want only to do anal and choke these girls unconscious. I had a dream once that I had a girl in a sleeper hold and just kept knocking her out every time she would wake up. in that dream I feel i saw my meaning in life, you know, what i really enjoy doing with my time. I believe I’m a psychopath and the whole dark triad thing. All I want to do is have physical and mental control over women. What suggestions do you have for me to satisfy my needs??

Find a girl willing to reciprocate.

Fatcat:

What is your opinion of these books?
Think and Grow Rich
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Thus Spoke Zarathustra

Have you read them?
What will each teach a man?
What will each help with in life?
Do you recommend reading them?
What other books do you recommend to someone who craves knowledge and power?

P.S. I read how to win friends and think it is an awesome book for my needs, but what are your veiws

Zarathustra is a favorite of mine, it will change way you see the world if you let it.

I would recommend the two other books if you aren’t already familiar with the ideas they propose. Social psychology and personal finance books work the same way. They are aimed at changing your perceptions, but once that’s accomplished, they serve no other purpose. Hence, there’s no reason to continue your education beyond knowing the fundamentals unless it’s to refresh your memory, hone your skills, or for motivation.

Read this: Books to read

Melqart:

How do you balance pseudo-time and realtime (words — internet — text — play VS. actual being where/what/why one is doing/saying/being accordingly)?

What’s your take on Gilles Deleuze?

Who wins: Isaac (ben Solomon) Luria Ashkenazi, Kennedy, or John Dee?

Why?

A balance you must judge yourself. For many, living in pseudo-reality is apart of their calling. It would be difficult to ask someone who runs a social media marketing firm to unplug themselves from social media.

Deleuze strikes me as an intellectual elitist; in the same class as Derrida or Butler

Kennedy. Because he’s Kennedy.

Sidenote: Want to become immortal? Die as a martyr

El Matador:

enfrightening indeed. I am wondering Shark, at what point should you draw the line between working your ass off to achieve superiority, whether it be at school or in the office, and taking your work lightly, not being too immersed it it that you don’t have time for encounters of the female race. At the higher levels of competitive high school where I go, it seems like you can only choose one.

It would depend on your own goals; different people put different values on poon and power. Professional pick up artists for example, tend to see both as synonymous.

Hey:

existentialist logic like this never stops getting confirmed

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

her clientele could have learned a thing or two from you

Tyler: Guys, what would you wish you’d done before you die?
Steph: Paint a self-portrait.
The Mechanic: Build a house.
Tyler: And you?
Narrator: I don’t know. Nothing…nothing. Come on get in the right lane!
Tyler: You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?
Narrator: I don’t know, I wouldn’t feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say?
Tyler: Not good enough.

Sammy:

Hey Shark,

In your ebook, you say that if you’re young, you have time to pick up a sport. How old is young?

Assuming you’ve played at least one sport when you were younger, whether for recreation or competitively, you can pick that back up again at any age till your body keeps it from being enjoyable. If you haven’t, compete against yourself at the gym.

K:

Shark, my girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago. At the time, I remained almost completely unaffected by the situation, there was no crying, no resentment, no anger, I had complete emotional control. It is only 1 month later, when she begs me to go back to her that I start feeling these kind of emotions. We often hear about how bad it is to “bottle up” your emotions, so if men are supposed to be in control of their emotions, where is our outlet? Is it unhealthy to repress these feelings?

Thanks Shark,
KH

A man does not talk of his emotions. The trope about it being bad to bottle your feelings up is a lie; a ruse to get men to more openly communicate their betaness, remain complicit with their insecurities and faux pas, and to allow women to more clearly scope out incongruency. Kind of like if there was suddenly a huge movement that supported women relinquishing make-up and liposuction so they wouldn’t have to bottle up their shortcomings, preventing men from accidentally sleeping with someone they’d regret to sleep with when they woke up in the morning or marrying someone only to have them inflate post-altar. Consider yourself unplugged.

Shark,

I know you touched on the Kardashian show back in December. But I recently saw that Kim Kardashian is dating Kanye West. I can’t help but wonder: What is she famous for? What did she accomplish in her life?

Most importantly: What do you think this is teaching young girls?

She represents the polarization of gender conceptions, another aspect of post-apocalyptic New Earth. You’ll have more hyper masculine sociopathic men, and more hyper feminine estrogen fueled shopaholic women. And in the middle will be a gender neutral population of betatized men and masculinized women. Should we be more worried about what Bruno Mars is teaching young guys, or what Kardashian is teaching young women? Pick your poison.

Following this comment, I had this exchange with a friend. Thought it might be of interest:

Me: Do you think Kim Kardashian would be a good role model for younger girls?
Her: If you watch the show, she’s really nice
Me: So, do you think Kim Kardashian would be a good role model for younger girls?
Her: Lol I mean, she’s hard working, she’s professional
Me: Scroll up after every evasive response from now on, it’s 10 cents a text for me
Her: Lol for a different group of people i guess
Me: You would want her as a role model for your daughter?
Her: Everyone has a different mindset, people are different

ANT:

Shark,

I think it may just be safer to tell all of your readers to go ahead and NOT try to explain game, or anything related, to women. Sounds like most guys on here would mess it up horribly. After all, is it not counter productive? Not that I’m some guru or anything but most of us would be way too overt.

I’d like to get you’re opinion on something if possible..

I wrote you awhile back about a relationship, involving children, a super conservative cult like religion, etc. Anyway..it ran its course, got ugly, and we split. And I’m doing pretty good with it thanks to the wisdom I’ve gained here.

Right now I’m gaming 3 women who know I’m the Alpha when it comes to my hobby. I do remember you mentioning, in a previous post, about women always being interested in the best at any given activity. Well I see it all the time… when they come in with their boyfriends. The mad wandering eye.

I’m basically applying game and trying to learn as much as i can from interacting with these 3. The crazy thing is how different they are, yet how similar they are. Their ages are 24 (no kids), 33 (single mom), and 39 (single mom). I am 29 years old, but look 22, and I know I’m very attractive. But I know looks are just looks, and NEED to be a leader.

Out of these three, the two youngest, act pretty nervous around..and they just dont seem to be ‘themselves’. The oldest, is the coolest, is ‘herself’ and just seems comfortable. I’ve made it clear (to all) that I’m not looking for a relationship, yet they ALL text first, escalate first, offer dates/plans first. I find myself WANTING to hang out with her…the other two..eh not so much. It’s more of a chore.

My question is: What is making the oldest more comfortable around me? I feel like I’m gaming correctly and showing my Alphaness. Confidence. The reason I ask is because I KNOW she is used to being around Alphas all day. She’s an ex marine, works at the county jail as a tactical officer (so her peers are tough ass kicking dudes). She’s a tough chick. She also has a bunch of loser inmates to which I contrast (however I’m sure a bunch of them are alphas). I think I may have answered my own question by writing this.. if I acted like a pussy around her, good looks or not, I’d pale in comparison to her current peers. You’re opinion is appreciated.

I am somewhat confused, you are asking why an ex marine tactical officer doesn’t get nervous around you?

If you have time for a monogamous relationship during your peak years, the chances that your relationship will be fulfilling is minimal. That may sound somewhat enigmatic, but the concept is fairly obvious. If you are consumed by an impending mission in life, you introduce an opportunity cost to your minutes. If you “do not have time” for a monogamous relationship, then to pursue one, you must make time. You must sacrifice hours of productivity to be salvaged for love. Without a mutual understanding that you are sacrificing SOMETHING for your relationship, both sides take it for granted. How she feels has already been elaborated in the last post, but the benefit extends to you. When you are under screeching pressure from your self to pursue a higher level of achievement; you begin to constantly appraise the value of your relationship and compare it to the value of your time.

The idea of entertaining a long distance relationship where you’re constantly anxious if she might be cheating? Gone.

The thought of maintaining a relationship where secks comes once in a while in the form of pussy payments traded for good behavior? Gone.

The chances that you’ll try and rush things with a girl because you want to desperately establish exclusivity? Gone.

As proclaimed over and over again; live your life the right away and everything else will fall into place.

But the article brings up another point, can you maintain a monogamous relationship while you’re young and bent on glory? Every minute spent towards the relationship is a minute that could’ve been spent towards your goal. He who sacrifices his conscience to ambition burns the picture to obtain the ashes. And it’s not even the hour glass you need be worried about, it’s the frustration and mental focus that every monogamous relationship demands. The slight obstructions to your trajectory, the minor blows to your halcyon state of mind.

The media complex around the “lonely successful bachelor myth” needs to be dissolved. The bullshit is baffling. Every other movie and song is about a man achieving success only to realize that a family would’ve been more worth it. The two are often portrayed as mutually exclusive, when they are not. You can just as well get married when you’re 35 to a girl in her 20s as you could in your own 20s. Likely under better circumstance, with more experience, and after you are well established. I’d like to see all the guys who have been divorced or lead shitty marriages get together for a callabo and do a song on how pursuing women over your dreams fuckin sucks. In fact, I’d be willing to sponsor it. This rush to settle down out of a fear of loneliness needs to be squashed. The impulse to sacrifice your own dreams for security in the form of a monogamous relationship needs to be killed.

An oft forgotten fact is that the monogamous Matrix we now live in is not just a fairly new system; but a straight up absolutely “surprise” split second mental gangbang for a species meant to exist in temporally polygamous relationships centered on apex Alphas. And after thrusting our upgraded simian psyches into said Matrix, we have developed a bunch of new perceptions of the world that we can’t seem to understand, let alone agree with. They are in perpetual discord with our true natures and out of tune with our biologically pre-programmed paradigms. For instance, it is true that men are supposed to use relationships to get secks and women to use secks to get relationships. We tend to forget that MALE AFFECTION is supposed to be something of value. Sadly, in our era, it is not. In fact, for the most part, especially among beta milieus, it is detested and in gross over abundance.

Just think about this statement for a second. Imagine it was being directed to a girl. “You maintain the household family, etc, and in return, you get attention from your husband.” It sounds ridiculous right? And in a world where female self-sufficiency carries on and extensive measures are taken by supra institutions to equalize resource attribution between men and women, it IS ridiculous. If a girl makes $60,000 and her husband $30,000; INTER-dependency and balance are a long shot. God forbid she’s also working as an assistant to a hedge fund manager in his mid 30s and still looking for fresh poon to pounce on, his genes are even more in danger and he’s better off helping his sister or brother in their marriage to replicate his kin.

Hence a maxim of interest, every day when you wake up, ask yourself “how valuable is my attention?” Imagine you’re living with your girlfriend and you play 2 hours of Call of Duty a day. Those 2 hours could easily be redirected to her without any tangible loss. To her, they are visibly worthless. In the same fashion, “Guy time” can be a turn off if it consists of getting high for 4 hours every single day. This is why your girlfriend gets resentful if you can’t spend time with her because you’re playing world of warcraft. Your time has no value. Her hamster realizes that she is conceding her OWN secksual market value by yearning for those 2 hours.

So why does that entire equation change in regards to an Alpha? Assuming we really are talking about an Alpha male, his girlfriend must be cognizant of HIS secksual market value. In other words, any time spent on her is time away from “other girls.” If he’s spending that time playing video games, there’s not as much to fuss about because those 2 hours in front of a PS3 have implicit value — as they are 2 hours desired by OTHER women. An argument can even be made for why this proves external game is more important than lifestyle game; you can waste as much time as you want as long as you act Alpha, consistently retain competitive anxiety, and thus grant your hours intrinsic value.

Some have wondered, how do you strike a balance between giving too much and too little attention? This is how. So long as your affection has VALUE, it can be given, as you desire. As soon as it becomes valueless, I e; taken for granted, it must be retracted. Equilibrium. Simple.

On that note, why are feminists in a rage about secks robots and why do girlfriends get so irritated if you fap to perfect 10s on Brazzers? Think back to the dynamic — what does it take away? The power of intimacy. Again, why is competitive anxiety so important in every relationship? Why must your girlfriend know that you are at least capable of procuring secks from other females? It helps to keep the relationship in that oh so delicate power balance.

Turning back to our original question, so why aren’t men good at covert communication? Why is this a skill that must be acquired through practice and Game? Applying the same logic discussed above; because it was never necessary. Alpha males who normally had multiple partners concurrently, and with no social stigma around their rotating harems, never had to “communicate” competitive anxiety. It was ever present. Confidence didn’t need to be hinted towards because only men with intrinsic value and ostensible proxies were considered as mates. There was no such thing as incongruency. Nowadays, every other well dressed guy with a Mercedes is a beta. Actually, every 99/100 of them are. This isn’t how it worked before. Bear eats man, man is beta. Man kills bear, Man is Alpha. There weren’t facades, delusions, illusions, tricks, or mockeries, a girl didn’t need to shit test.

And why do women hate overt communication so much? Ironically, because its fake. Tell your girlfriend “I can get other girls,” and boom, you’re try-hard. Sulking. AFC. Even if you CAN get other girls, it’s because you’re trying. See above example, Alpha means not trying. Tell your girlfriend “this really bothers me” and you’re in a beta shit storm. A bitch puppy. Crying about her machinations because why; they hurt your feelings? Pussy. Even things that are brazen in nature, like “drawing the line,” should be done covertly. She does something bad, soft next. She does something really bad, dump her. Explicate, do not deliberate. Your girlfriend should know that if she cheats, you will leave. You should not have to tell her or even worse, have a discussion about it. Literally saying “I’m going to leave if you do this!” is a bitch move.

Then again, this shit is kinda cute. I guess it’s understandable why some guys choose to live like one.

Dear Shark-All-Mighty

your blog, your book, your advice, your words, have changed mine eyes forever. And with everything I learned, I keep wanting to explain it to other people, especially girls. It seems impossible to me that they can’t understand it because its so plainly true and obvious. Can you explain game to a girl, should you even try? How can it be refuted when its so clearly obvious?

Yes and no. If you tinge on a deep enough truth, you may hit a chord of empathy, but it will not be the type of implicative understanding you yourself have gone through. You might be able to explain to a girl why she feels a certain why, and she may understand it, but it won’t change her perception of the situation nor how she reacts to it. For instance, I tell you “You want to pump and dump your ex-girlfriend because your ego seeks to be appeased.” You may then take that information and use it to allay your Oneitis and cut her loose, or pursue her on more genuine terms (*cough*). A girl will take it to understand herself better, but the chances are slim that it will alter the tilt of her decision. It will help more if it is already in accord with her decision or belief.

I have had variable success with online dating, although much more whilst utilizing the terrible secret I mentioned earlier. I post below, a conversation between me and one such character where I could not help but divulge my knowledge of her psyche after being struck by boredom. Keep in mind though, you should never discuss “game” with a girl. At most you may enlighten her about her own feelings to gather her reaction and amuse yourself.

Her: I like when you hold my hands tightly
Me: Why? Did your dad hold your hands tightly?
Her: lol what
Me: Is he the reason you like assholes?
Her: I do not
Me: You do, you’re probably getting turned on right because I even mentioned the word asshole and am not listening to anything else you say.
Her: Ew no
Me: Yes
Her: lol fine maybe a little
Me: Predictable
Her: I don’t know why I like assholes so much
Her: I hate when guys are too nice to me
Me: All girls like assholes genius, it’s in your bloodwork
Her: but why?
Me: You get bored of nice guys and hate them because they aren’t a challenge to you. Like all girls you only crave the things that run away from you, and will continue to do so until you get old and ugly in which case anything will be welcomed
Her: that’s a mean to put it
Me: I like how you used “mean” since “wrong” wouldn’t apply
Her: How do you know all this?
Me: Know all of what? I’m winging it dude, just guessing. Is this really how girls work?
Her: lol maybe.. is this why I like you?
Me: Yes, but I’m engaged, and I’m not very interested in you beyond having secks
her: that’s so wrong. I hate that im ok with that
Me: but you are, so why argue about it
Her: I wanna meet up
Me: Because we’re talking about assholes and me not caring about you, which happens to turn you on by eliciting the same emotions
Her: you’re too smart and you think too much
Me: you’re too dumb and you think too little, I’m trying to carry the team
Her: why am I ok with you saying something like that to me? I want to be able to fight back. My boyfriends have always treated me badly
Me: Because if you weren’t, it wouldn’t matter. Your mind is thinking “let me try and get him to love me first, THEN my theatrics will actually affect him”
Her: lol I actually love when you explain these things to me
Her: like I feel them but I cant explain them. You put them in words so easily
Me: symptoms of my genius
Her: You’re going to make a really good husband
Me: Or a shrink
Her: lol I love you <3
Me: Why?
Her: lol what?
Me: Try and answer, why?
Her: Because you’re smart and funny?
Me: Intelligence is only attractive to you if its accompanied by an asshole. You like guys who think they’re smarter than you, and who treat you dumber. How smart they actually are doesn’t matter
Her: lol maybe
Me: why did you say maybe?
Her: i don’t know
Me: Because no matter how hard you try, you can’t come to full terms with how you feel, and the reasons behind them
Her: I always wanted to have someone analyze me, but not my boyfriend
Me: I’m not your boyfriend
Her: ok w/e you are

It continued, but I have not the patience to type more of it. Notice how she says “you’ll make a good husband” while under the belief that I’m cheating on her while with my fiance. Should tell you everything you need to know about hypergamy, morality, and a girl’s standards.

Hey Shark, thanks for the earlier reply!

My immersion in the world of pick up and game is relatively short (less than 6 months), but the difference in my life is already huge. If I keep studying game the way I do now, the place I will be in a year or so will be one I could have only dreamed of. After finding your blog two weeks ago I feel I have made another huge leap.

I have another question. One of the premises on being alpha is that women should only be a compliment to your life (I understand from your blog and other sources). I don’t quite get how this relates to the fact that, bluntly said, women ARE the most important thing in our lives, because it’s our purpose to fuck and reproduce.

I interpreted it as being genuinely busy, working with passion towards a personal goal, and not letting your life revolve around girls (or worse: one girl). I’m 19 years old, physics student, and with a burning desire to KNOW things. My wish is to become a physics professor. I think I fit my own definition.

Still, I don’t quite get why it shouldn’t be one’s purpose to fuck women. I believe many a rich businessman or sportsman is driven by the fact his accomplishments will make women more abundantly available to him. So, concluding, is “women as a compliment to life” not just a facade? A facade behind which we men passionately work on personal goals in life?

I have told you some personal information, and it is to make another question less abstract. Which is: to which extent should you ‘focus’ on long term goals? I believe that thinking solely of a long term goal, ‘living your life in the future’, is counter productive, certainly at my age.

I know many people (mostly asians, factly), that talk about “they need to study in order to get a nice job”. They are focussing on their future, but in a way that doesn’t feed their zest for life, but rather make everything they do some kind of obligation to themselves. The result: they get depressed, get lesser results, and quit because they can’t stand what they’re doing any longer.

In my case, I believe I’m doing the right thing. Sometimes I let my mind wander off, and I imagine myself being a physics professor who’s also fucking the hottest girls around (ever heard of Richard Feynman? Yep, I imagine myself being him), but then I get back to work and doing what I LOVE.

I learned this the hard way; I tried pursuing a career in music, but miserably failed because every practice session felt like a chore to me, and every time I had the opportunity to learn something from another musician I didn’t take it, because I was afraid that he would be better than me, thus destroying my perception that I could make it as a musician. I (arguably) had the talent, but it was TOTALLY the wrong mind set: my ego was in the way of my growth.

Can you elaborate a little on how “pursuing long term goals” should look like in your eyes (maybe taking my age in consideration)?

Seeing as how you are a student of Physics, I assume you know of quantum theory and its many contradictions. How did Niels Bohr defend it, and how did he refute Einstein’s diatribe in their famous debate? He argued that the contradictions inherent in Physics are only contradictions due to the way we perceive them. The dual nature of an electron is not one holistic and uncompromising system – both aspects COMPLIMENT (not rival) each other. Our attempt at reconciling this by concurrently explaining both is faulty in and of itself.

The contradiction you pointed out is the same. In order to get women, you must have an attitude that says “women are only compliments to my life.” But if you adopt this attitude in order TO get girls, it begs the question of the goal OF your goals (In order to get women, you need to have goals outside of women, but if you have goals outside of women in order to get them, isn’t getting women the goal of having other goals?).

Saying it is then a “facade” and inauthentic, again, begs the question of what is genuine. Do you think were yourself BEFORE you learned game, and now you’re a fake person because you consciously know how to act to make yourself more attractive? If you do, then I must ask you, when were you genuine? Back when your entire personality was a social construct stemming from one giant cultural apparatus that functions in accord with the female imperative? Back when all of your thoughts were filtered through a collective social conscious and your perception of the world molded by stigma and hyper-capitalism?

Seduction, and life in general, is paradoxical by definition. Any attempt to study or practice either to success requires that you adopt a paradoxical nature yourself.

As for your other question, you must divide your focus between long-term goals and short-term goals. If you focus too much on long-term goals, your passion will die out because you will lack tangible markers that let you know you’re making progress. Everything will turn into an obligation aimed at achieving something years and years away. If you focus too much on short-term goals, you will lack an ultimate vision and often find yourself asking “why am I doing this?” They key is to strike a balance between both.

For instance, your long term goal can be becoming a physics professor/playboy. I personally know many people who have taken that exact path. They might not be the wealthiest but their positions grant a sense of power and authority; and they are VERY good at running extremely refined c/f. A girl will ask them “ohh so are you smart?” and they’ll be able to hold eye contact with such deep penetration and reply “Smart? I’m a genius,” that she, and everyone else who heard, believes it as much he does. They aren’t your average socially awkward nerd. Neither are they feminine or high-energy, they would not strike you as a “PUA”. They are very, very intimidating to be around and maintain extremely deep, masculine, Alpha vibes. It’s easy to be confident to the point of a god-complex when you think of yourself as smarter than everyone around you. And yes, that attitude guns down women like none other. Think along the lines of:

Her: “Wow you got a 41 on the MCATs??”
You: “Yah.”
Her: “That’s really good! did you study alot?”
You: “No, I’m good at everything I do.”

For short term goals, you want to think about your GPA, the gym, women, getting into triple 9 society, things of that sort. You still need the dopamine rush of success to keep feeding you energy. But you need to balance that out with long-term goals so that you don’t get too caught up with illusory ambitions. For instance, if you start getting too caught up with a girl or some hobby, you should be able to remind yourself “I want to be HERE in 7 years. Spending too much time in this will move me AWAY from that goal.” QZ posted a story on Usain Bolt that should illustrate this perfectly.

PurplePhoenix:

Shark, i need help again. My cousin is 18 and he is running after this girl. I tried to teach him some game, even introduced him to the community, gave him all my pick up books, but i still cant see even a shred of the same transformation in him after i discovered ur blog. This is what he wrote on the forum after i suggested that he join it… http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=193750

The whole thing comes back to the same point, how to help others with ur knowledge of the game ?

You can’t. The most you can do is show people the way, you cannot take them through it. It’s because of the very nature of Game. It is counter-intuitive, requires one to admit and confront their shortcomings, and remodel their perception of the world. The red-pill revelation is too much to bear for most; read NoSpoon’s comment in Project Mayhem.

But you can take a better approach by being more lax about it. Psych 101: people are more likely to conform to an idea if they believe it was their own, or at least partially their own. Somewhat like inception. What you need to do is clearly SHOW him that you are successful with women. He needs to SEE that you are. He’ll then note it, and start trying to learn from you himself. If you try and force an epiphany upon him by TELLING him “you need to change your game,” there will be too much internal resistance on his part.

James:

My story
i wanted to share a problem with you, ur site has made me understand some of the universal questions a man can ask in regards relationship problems, internal game etc and im truly grateful, i have become more in-touch with myself then ever, i can understand myself and the people around me better. however regarding this matter, i just realized i was always an alpha, not bragging but i always followed my fathers behavior, he is a politician, ex minister of defense in my country, ex soldier and i noticed NOW that he is a pure solid super alpha, even thought he fucks up my mind with his political mind games everytime i ask him for money but i love him he is the best father figure i can ever follow, he is also very romantic guy so romantic that he was in the newspapers for infidelity and he published songs abt it, crazy i kno, just imagine my moms reaction to this, but still they are happily married and mom is happy so im happy, ofcourse now and then i’d idolize Arnold and Dorian Yates, Hritik Rosan. As i told u earlier im working on my approached now, then slowly shift to number close etc, The thing i realized was that if i have one girl with me (just even a female friend) i become hercules alpha, i have the confidence to approch rachel weisz and fuck her balls deep in front of every1 in a shoping center. and if i have a girlfriend with me (who i have sexual intercourse with) ohh man i will beocme hercules alpha, WILL SMITH will look BETA in frnt of me, not joking, i become like a lion alpha, this is a problem. if i have no girl i become like pussy ass half arab bitch beta limp noodle dick, 0 confidence, always anxity, always thinking is my belly bigger than my tits ? always thinking weather i look like gaddafi since im half arab, feear of approach cuz im alone (all my frnds have their own gf and they dont hang out with me anymore) sad but i dont mind cuz deep inside i know its just a matter of time they’ll bow down to me and worship me as they used to when i had a gf and didnt hangout with them as much (i kno i should be dependent of a chick to gain fame but i seriosuly dont understand guy friends, if i have a chick with me they lick my ass, if i dont have any chick with me they dont even know me) anyways if i’d do it once’ i can do it again.(get a gf so preety which will plug their eyes out)

My problem
Today a chick texted me “DONT EVEN FUCKING TEXT ME I HAVE ZERO RESPECT FOR YOU) i replied “thanx god finally :D” no i didnt have any feelings for her, just wanted to fuck her, i was rather happy she said this cuz this means i shouldnt be wasting any more time on her since she will not fuck, done deal over, next. but however, wat she did made me realize was that
i am an asshole, natural asshole prolly got it from my father since he has fame/high value in my society so doesnt give a shit most of the time, my mentality was set like this, all the chick i talked with said only one thing in common, “UR AN ASSHOLE” i get that a lot, i dont know how to fix this, i mean i cant believe im saiying this but, “how to be nice ?” i think i neg too much but then again if i dont neg they climb up in my shoulder or lose interest/attraction. i know my problems are fucked up inside and out, im not that bad looking, some girls say im gorgeous, i dont stink, im build, i have mid long hair, always wear proper clothers armani style, i dont come close to looking like an average joe, AND MAYBE THATS THE PROBLEM, i look too intimidating, one chick said i look rough like imma fuck the shit outta u and she said “i got disspointed cuz i thought u were rough n tough but ur very nice to me, its like fake, i feel cheated” in my mind i was saying “ya im nice to u cuz im going to fuck u” im an asshole, i look like an asshole how can i be nice to girls, how can i be top amongst friends? how can i win the world ? how to be popular in college ?

I see three issues here.

Not being able to approach or maintain frame without a girlfriend is due to a lack of immersion. You are not in the moment; you are thinking too much about your external reality and other people’s perception of you. You need to learn the holiest of Zen ways, the art of giving a whole lot less of a fuck. Not giving a fuck about how you look, how you talk, how people perceive you, what people think of you, and whether you have any social proof. Your frame is currently dependent on having a mental cushion. When you have a girlfriend, you are able to lift any expectations from your current mind and become OUTCOME INDEPENDENT – the lifeblood of not giving a fuck. Think back to the philosophical ways of Fightclub. There’s two ways to not give a fuck. You either already have what you want (women), or you don’t care about what you want. The latter is the rawest of zen ways, a higher level of internal control than where you currently are. Somewhat discussed in the post on male scripts – Alpha is a way of thinking that extends naturally under certain circumstances, such as when you already have a girlfriend or are in a position of leadership. Your goal now is to internalize that mind set and turn it into an aqueous and eternal state of belief.

You have already described the problem inherent with asshole game. There’s a richter scale for assholeness, different girls react to it differently. Some girls need assholes of epic proportions, some prefer men who are Alpha but border-line nice guy. What you are trying to do is find at attitude that maximizes your chances with all women, but this is not the acme of seduction. You do not adopt an attitude that suits ALL GIRLS, you adopt an attitude that suits ONE girl, or the circumstances at hand. Reading your target, the environment, and fluidly adapting afterwards is what you need to learn. The girl who lamented about you being too nice, needed to be cock slapped a few times. She needed pure, unadulterated, aggressive asshole game mixed with some c/f to build comfort. Other girls who detest your assholeness need you to tone it down. You must be able to read and understand the people you’re talking to and calibrate with the perfect mix of attitudes.

The third issue, about being the best, stems from your first issue. Stop caring. Wanting to be the most popular person in college is a juvenile goal. Your success should never be relative to other people, it’s always you against you. You should care more about doing the things you love, doing well in school, and living to the highest of your potentials. The mindset you currently have is self-defeating. The more you try and top your friends, the more try-hard you become, and the more your insecurities are externalized and channeled in the wrong direction. The goal is, and has always been, self-mastery; not world mastery. Self mastery will give you world mastery, but world mastery will never give you self-mastery.

Drive:

Shark, I’ve reached a pretty low point in my life. Anything you have to say about this would be taken at high value.

I’m currently living in a foreign country, and my girlfriend dumped me about 2 and half months ago. She lives right down the street from me. The split was truly like a divorce, even though we are both young. Anyway, my Oneitis is strong, mostly because I don’t have any other options and she was my family unit here. I pretty much lived with her and her mother. We have remained somewhat in contact, her keeping me in her “casino” in hope to win more. The great memories of me and her burn through my head.

Anyway, I’ve developed some pretty bad habits as a result, smoking cigarettes has increased, my drinking has increased, my physical activity has decreased significantly, and I’ve lost a passion for my job which I used to have a pretty strong passion for. My obsessive behavior takes control of me. I find myself lurking on her facebook a lot, multiple times a day. And this is my problem and don’t know why I can’t control it. I don’t know how to control this shit. The facebook shit has become extremely complicated, I was connected with her mother as mother/son-in-law on Facebook. I recently broke it because I felt like it was time. And my ex has responded in her own way to it — changing her status to widowed, as if I have “died” — sticking the dagger further through me than it already is.

Meeting other people is not easy, due to the language barrier and the fact that I’m not identified in any social groups and the fact that I really don’t have many friends here. I’m kind of just drifting — I do have an ambition to learn the language and start studying full time starting in the fall. But I doubt how far this will really get me.

I feel like meeting a new girl would help this a lot. I’m definitely seeking a new relationship, but would also like to revive something with me and my ex. I’m open to both.

Anyway — I feel like my first steps need to be to break remaining connections with my ex in order for there to be any chance of me being in the mind state to start a new relationship — either with her or somebody else. I know you say that defriending an ex on facebook will reinforce my Oneitis, but would you recommed something like this in my situation? Everytime I see her on facebook it triggers horrible feelings — example: her reaction to me breaking the family ties on facebook. I now feel like absolute shit for breaking that connection, especially when her and her mother were my family here. Her mother even signed papers for me to be a legal resident on her flat, which I still am. Complicating things even further.

She really hasn’t carried any pain of this break up — I’ve carried it all. She knows I’m still “around”. I feel like I need to say goodbye to her forever, either face to face or through a text, and give her these true feelings of loss, instead of just ignoring any further contact she tries to initate. Do you feel like this is a good solution next time she tries to contact me? What are some steps I can take? How can I control my obsessive behavior? Anything you got right now Shark, would be greatly appreciated.

Your idea of saying goodbye forever is an attempt at getting closure for your Oneitis and a subconscious “ultimatum” for her because you believe that by making it clear that you are saying “goodbye forever,” she must talk to you, else lose you for good. Neither will suffice; judging from her indifferent attitude she has already desecksualized you to a great degree and you are the more dependent person. A goodbye forever will fuck with your own frame more than hers. And an ultimatum is a statement of powerlessness. While it seems to be the contrary – what you are actually communicating is that you are backed up against a wall and have no other options besides saying goodbye forever as a last ditch attempt at extracting an emotional reaction from her or giving yourself much needed closure from your psychological dependency. Either ways, you move more towards game over than scoring anything.

Which brings us to a much contended fundamental; what attitude is chick crack post-break up and treats Oneitis infections most thoroughly? Not giving a fuck. And on this, you are failing horrendously. Stop being an emotional wad and get your act back together. If facebook is affecting you, stop logging on. If going to her casino makes you relapse and lose more than just your mind, stop going. It comes down to will power, nothing more and nothing less.

Cut your connections with her, move on, meet other people. She’s keeping you around because she likes to see you broken, it’s more and more self-affirmation for her. Until you show her the opposite, you have no chance of either moving on, nor getting her back.

Pa1:

Hi Shark I posted this comment on othe page on your blogs hopping to get answer thank you .

Shark
I walked away from my girl friend last week after I saw a text message from other mail a d when I asked her she said he is from work and be hit on her long time ago but nothing happen she saide trust me and she lie about meeting lucitoin with her boss and she sade she don’t have to a prove it so I told her if you not gonna prove it I am walking away
So for week we didn’t talk I Brock the roll I called her no answer
I went to her place to see what she is doing I saw her going with her friend so I went to the place that she was going she saw me in the car I told her I meeting with me friend he live close By , she saide she wanna drop her friend home but no true she was going to club in the same place she saw me I asked her to talk she asked why you didn’t call me for A week I said I was busy and tierd and I Still love her and I was thinking about her I didnt have enugh sleep she told me that I told her its over I told her I don’t mean it she is I don’t know that what you told me any Whay I have to go I call you tomorrow , this night I cloudint sleep , so my friend get upset at me for what I did . she text the next day asking g me how I know she was there that night I did t replay the next day she text so no answer no worry I get it i dint ansower too . So i don’t no what to do I Still love her and I can’t get over her my friends against me . They and I know she is not to good for me I dont no what do .
Thank you

Dump her and move on. Her antics made you more attached to her because you have Oneitis and she didn’t chase you back when you froze her out. You handled it incorrectly and came off more as a sulking AFC than a respectable boyfriend who won’t tolerate cheating or anything sketchy. She is clearly detached from your relationship and the power balance is far lopsided in her favor. Following her was a bad choice, never, ever do that again with a girl.

Nemesis:

Shark, please explain using the hypergamy theory why some women masturbate and fantasize thinking about their loser beta friends, why are pornstars happy with their job, and why some women love the idea of threesomes with two guys. I thought about this when today my gf told me she was horny at the mall and she was fantasizing about being raped by a loser worker there (she emphasized “loser”) and she got wet. Now I’m not saying it’s a problem to me, I just wanted to find a reason for these mechanisms.

Women have a lot of fantasies, probably more than any single man could conceive, besides me as the sole exception. Think about that statement carefully – “being raped by a loser.” Rape fantasies are common, they allow women to explore their most submissive of desires and transgress the social norms that surround them. A loser only serves to contrast the idea of rape further; as rape is by virtue an extremely aggressive and dominant act. She didn’t fantasize about being “loved and cared for” by a loser now did she?

Dreamer:

shark, you are a piscean. you sounds like one and i have no wonder why they say that pisces are one of the most advanced signs of this planet.

i am the one myself, and you are a mentor for me.

Try again.

Drive:

More yet: Should you ever confront your ex about the satellite position in which she has established you and the games she is playing? And tell her that you are not going to play the game being offered? is that ever a good move to make during post-break up?

Here’s my casino theory, which I think you might find interesting:

There is a certain psychological technique that they take advantage of in casinos: in order to make people addicted and not leave the game after they lose, they let them win from time to time — not a lot, just a bit, just enough to get people hooked on hope to win more, because winning is obviously possible… Eventually people get obsessed with trying to win, and loose a lot of money in the process. This post break up game seems to be similar: as soon as she senses I am considering leaving the game (not answering her messages or giving less attention), she lets me “win” a bit : “I kinda miss you”, “Your great”, “I love you”, “Can I see you?” etc. It is not enough to actually develop a relationship, but enough to keep me hooked… I was trying to use the metaphor of “leaving the casino” for refusing to play the game offered to me.

She the girl be confronted about the games she is playing? Then tell her that you love her but you’re leaving the game. I feel like this is a noble approach to take. What do you think? Sorry for the subsequent posts!

She’s not “playing games,” you are understanding her actions through the optic of a man. Women function intuitively, anything she does is a subconscious reaction, not a well-thought out plan aimed at undermining your frame, even though that might as well be the result. In other words, you will attain nothing more than resentment and an oblivious reaction if you try and confront her about it. Women are averse to overt communication, I’ll do a post on exactly why soon.

The phrase “playing games” is a terrible way to put it. It’s littered with negative connotations because this is precisely what The Matrix would demand, a taboo on the exploitation of female/male psychology to reap the benefits of bio-mechanics. It functions in accord with the female imperative because women are naturally good at it, and men can only be consciously good at it (in the absence of reproductive proxies), allowing the former to succeed and the latter to be trimmed down to men with reproductive value. Robert Greene said it best – you are forced to play games in this world, so you might as well be good at it. Not talking to your ex will make her crazy for you. Manipulative? Playing Games? It doesn’t matter how you phrase it, the fact stands, and will always stand. You can adapt to it, or you can reject it. It will not change in accordance with your perception.

Your casino parallel is gold, that’s exactly how push/pull works. What you must do now is reverse that script in your favor. Right now she’s the one who’s rewarding you to keep you in orbit. The next time she says “I want to see you,” don’t see her. Right away you gain frame control and are then the determinant factor. Chat with her lightly, and see her eventually, but on better terms. In other words, make it so that you are the one pushing and pulling. Be the less invested person, she should be the more REACTIVE person.

Drive:

Shark, me and an ex have been going through back and forth shit for over two months. I started giving a lot less attention and then she started to crack and got pretty eager to meet. So we met. Now I feel like the back and forth shit is gonna keep going. We agreed to meet for lunch, she said she could any day this week. Then I asked her, and she said she couldnt today. In order to break this cycle, something needs to be done. I know you don’t like the ideas of “Lay your cards on the table.” But the cycle needs to broken and I need to maintain dignity. What do you think about the idea of telling an ex: Look, don’t call or text me unless you’re interested in starting something again, and then maybe I’ll think about it. Then I break the connections. (Im “legally” listed on her flat and we have concert tickets together, facebook friends, etc.) I think like you said, nothing will drive us back together unless she feels the loss. So I feel like breaking these connections and talking about this would drill the loss into her, and make her ambivalent side come to a more clear truth. What do you think man!? Help !

Read the explanation on ultimatums from one of the responses above. An ultimatum is a statement of powerlessness. You are going to accomplish nothing by giving one to her. Your inclination to lay your cards on the table is a beta tendency. Patience is the refined art of confidence. Women escalate when they wish to monopolize your attention. Unless you’re talking to other women, she will never feel this way. Likely, she sees herself as the only source of intimacy you have access to, and thus, sees no reason to establish exclusivity or a relationship. You need to increase your value in her eyes.

Your idea of breaking the cycle while maintaining dignity is another example of AFC rationalization. It is inherently flawed and betaesque, but masked with the misconception that something “must be done.” That thought, in and of itself, is beta. You must never feel you must break anything, progress anywhere, or feel a sense of urgency. An Alpha state of mind is an unreactive state of mind. You must be outcome independent. If you want to communicate loss to her, be less available and work on yourself. Do not try and TELL her she’s going to lose you.

Stuart:

Shark I would love some ADVICE on a interesting situation I have. If this is the last advice you ever give me, PLEASE let it be this post.

Me and this girl were talking on line for a few years, now she was never my girlfriend but about a year ago we used to tell each other we loved each other and act it and we were real close. Fast forward one year we don’t say it any more. When her interest level declined, I declined mine too and it pulled her back in. I told her I wanted to be with her and she said the same. Her actions matched her words.

I never beta back-slid, her interest level was at around 90% for a year. We talked hours every night, I vanished for a long time in between keeping her interest level high, building competitive anxiety mixed in with vulnerability game while pursuing other women, while keeping my game TIGHT with teasing and a strong frame and burning shit tests to the ground. (Shes a option to me and a good option) I told her I am going to come see her as soon as I get a job. (But finding a job is a long process for me in the UK)

This girl was home schooled all her life and never knew her true value. She is a hot girl with no beauty complex. Recently she started school so I decided to LJBF’d her. I knew she’d get attention from men so I decided to step back and be chill and persue my passions. She is a hot girl with no beauty complex. I played it safe.

Now fast forward a few more months, recently I noticed her interest level rapidly declining. Its been from around a consistent 80-90% for a year but now its dropped to around 60-70%. I said to her ”Is everything ok recently and she said she noticed my behaviour changing. I made a beta mistake and said ” How do you feel about me? She said she doesn’t know because she didn’t know how I felt. I told her I love her but she never told me she loved me back. I figure she would have if she truly did? Like she used to. Apparently my behaviour is changing but she still feels how she always felt. Nowadays she’ll tell me she is more busy and i’ll be chill about it.

However ”View her ACTIONS not her WORDS’ come into play and she doesn’t tell me she loves me or appear as interested as she once was. I mean, she signs off line or goes ‘away’ when I come on but still kind of seems happy to see me but responds in less time. Just she doesn’t tell me shes horny any more or she loves me. She comes from a strict family but then again all women run by code. She’ll message me too so its a mixed thing.

I mean, she still comes on line a lot and is pleased to see me but this drop in interest from 90% to 60-70% is quite apparent and it is declining gradually. My question to you is, how should I play it from now on? Should I come on line EVEN LESS and show my interest decline ? Do I completely move on and take the ass hole route instead of the blubbering beta? I’d like to keep the door open for us in the future. Should i address the issue and tell her i noticed she doesn’t feel the same any more OR simply do nothing and let her interest decline while mine declines also? She doesn’t tell me she is horny any more, I get pussy outside this ‘thing we have got going on’ but shes a option i’d like to keep alive till I can go see her. I am getting the impression she is having interests in someone else by her behavioural and pattern shifts.

It is quite apparent I am caring more than she does right now. She doesn’t say much affectional things to me any more but still comes on line a lot to chat. Doesn’t tell me she misses me either. But then notices when I go quiet and asks me. I still keep the sexual tension, teasing but things seem differant than a year a go. I guess I tell her I miss her and slightly more affectionate than she is.

How do I play this SHARK? My goal is to simply keep the interest high so I can go see her when I save up. Am I being a beta about any of this? What do I do to do the right alpha thing? Have you noticed anything that i’ve done/ doing wrong? We talk on line mainly, its not a relationship but kind of feels like one. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

A simple matter, most of your problems are embedded within your response. If you re-read it without any emotional ties, you will see them yourself.

“I said to her ”Is everything ok recently and she said she noticed my behaviour changing. I made a beta mistake and said ” How do you feel about me? She said she doesn’t know because she didn’t know how I felt. I told her I love her but she never told me she loved me back. I figure she would have if she truly did? Like she used to. Apparently my behaviour is changing but she still feels how she always felt. Nowadays she’ll tell me she is more busy and i’ll be chill about it.”

She notices a shift in your dynamic and thus projects the change unto you, when it is more a result of both her new circumstances, perception, and your new laid back attitude. You gave up any hand the moment you said “how do you feel about me,” by indicating you care how she feels about you, stripping away an outcome independent aura. She might have said she loved you that moment, but as soon as you said you love her, attraction, challenge, and dominance all dropped dead.

You answered your own question. How do you keep interest in a girl high? Talk to other girls, work on yourself, don’t care as much. If she’s not attracted to you already, your aloofness isn’t going to do anything. Freeze-outs require the subtext of high interest, for her to even care and notice that you’re not talking as much.

The general theme of these comments seems to be caring far too much. All of you have to learn to let go.

All right shark, I got several obstacles that I need some help with. How do you let go of fear and just approach? I find myself thinking too hard, looking out for IOI’s, and then chickening out at the last second. I know that rejection is supposed to be innocuous and that I should not dwell on it, philosophy of abundance and all. However, my beta self keeps rationalizing to me that if I get rejected, that it would have been a waste of time. That AT THIS TIME, I am not alpha enough. I have read your book and it has definitely opened my eyes. I’m just having a hard time transitioning. You could say I’m still at the point trying to build inner game for myself. The concept of ‘do and you shall become’ is probably where my internalization of alphahood gets blocked. My self-esteem and confidence rely too much on my perception of my appearance as well as other people’s opinion (weak ego). A possible root of this is that I have become obsessed with fitness because I used to be obese and was teased for it. I feel that If I do not have the perfect body, I will not have enough confidence in myself. I would say I am about 70% done towards achieving satisfaction with my own image (just the right muscle mass, just enough body fat, visible abs). Note that I am not anorexic, I do eat right, and have followed ways to increase my testosterone and build the muscle mass I want. I do feel more confident as a result of this compared to my original obese self. However, I keep telling myself that I am not done just yet. I guess it’s good to always strive for more, but it’s somewhat blocking my game. I want to achieve the paradox of being content and confident of my current state, but always aiming higher. Do me a favor. Hit me as hard as you can. Thanks.

Before going into how to solve your problem, we must first define and grasp it. What you’re suffering from is a womb complex. Your mind is seeking sanctity within your body, a self-constructed womb that needs to feel “complete” to medicate and lube your adjustment to the reality around you. The disease is always the same. People are afraid of death and purpose, so they seek asylum in religion. People are afraid of feeling inadequate, so they seek asylum in their jobs and salaries. People are afraid of getting rejected by women, so they seek refuge in their abs and biceps. The rationalization being, “If I do this perfectly” (worship a deity, make money, or look perfect), the cancer will fix itself. It will not. The real problem, as I’m sure you’ve realized by now, is fear. And fear is a very peculiar emotion. What you are subconsciously attempting to do right now, is redirect and mask it. Your fear of approaching is shifted into the fear of looking inadequate, thus you believe that by looking adequate, you can shift the success into approaching and conquer the original problem since if you objectively look “adequate,” you no longer have anything to fear. Savy?

The problem then extends into the realm of the abstract. Because the source of your worries – Fear – is never eradicated, it remains to be addressed. So when you’re finally pumped up and ready to approach, you feel it again. It creeps up your spine and chokes you. It asks you if you’re sure you should ask this girl for her number. Your rationalization then being, “If I’m still feeling this way, I must still be inadequate.” Hence the cycle is never ending; your insecurities keep feeding each other, enjoying opulent buffets when they can hit you with approach anxiety or mirror your shortcomings.

You are correct in one thing, it is always good to strive for more. Which brings us to another paradox in Game, aren’t insecurities necessary for success? Most definitely. In fact, I imagine that 99% of the men in a list of the “most influential men of all time” have some sort of deep insecurity driving them towards infinity and beyond. The key is to channel your insecurities in a beneficial way, but not to let them govern your actions or emotions. Fear must be utilized in a positive way, it must be controlled and dominated to feed the beast. Fear of not living up to your potential should motivate you to work 14 hours a day to achieve the impossible. But it should not make you wake up and stay curled up in bed because you’re afraid to get out there. A man with nothing to fear and no insecurities has nothing to motivate himself. You need fear to birth fire.

In your case, you want to control your fear of fear. You know you’re scared of approaching girls, and you know you’ll live a shitty and pathetic life if you don’t overcome that feeling. That’s what you should be afraid of. Leading a half-ass lonely life of fapping and having to settle for an overweight cat enthusiast in your late 50s. Imagine that versus approach anxiety. It’s absolutely incomparable. You should be afraid of looking back 10 years from now and regretting the last decade. THAT should drive you to approach. THAT should give you motivation to go out and meet people. Imagine looking back 20 years from now and realizing the limits you placed on yourself were just that – limits you placed on yourself.

You must learn to not only control your fear, but to detest it. To hate it. To think it gross, and corpulent, and disgusting. To disdain yourself for it. To want to kill half yourself for nursing such a putrid thing. And in the madness of your hatred, to do all the things you’re afraid of just because you hate that other scared half of yourself so fucking much. To do a public speaking session butt naked, or approach a girl with a dildo on your head, because you hate that part of your conscious that houses humility. You must learn to hate, hate, hate yourself for it. It must occupy the deepest, most black part of your soul. And whenever it pops up its ugly and gross head, you need to smash it. To take every opportunity to purge it. To go out of your way to do what you’re afraid of to pain yourself for it. To MAKE IT A POINT to talk to a girl when you’re afraid of feeling inadequate. You need to feel a burning animosity when you think “Maybe I’m not Alpha enough,” and do exactly what you WOULD DO IF YOU WERE ALPHA ENOUGH, to prove your other half wrong. Don’t think of your fear as you. It is not you. It is a mind parasite, an externality, a soul leech that feeds off of your consciousness and pretends to be “apart” of you, pretends to be “natural,” so you don’t realize that it must be purged.

And eventually, after treating it with such frequent brutality, you come to a quite place where it no longer whispers to you because your fear fears you.

Notice the smooth transition from indirect to direct game to turn the frame secksual, and how he reacts when she makes it slightly awkward after the transition. The awkwardness was both an implicit shit test plus the result of her inability to properly reciprocate. You must remember that most women do not have the same level of mental scytheness as your average PUA. When something changes, they are often confounded, and react with awkwardness, literally by accident. Clearly she was interested, but how does one retain plausible deniability while giving the green light to her dance partner? In this aspect, as the guy, you must always lead. Don’t default on the common excuse of “this bitch is awkward, I’m out” to explain your lack of Game.

Staged, but a good example nonetheless. “I’m Ricco Suave” would be a good answer to “what’s your name?” or “Hi, I’m Ricco Suave” would be a good opener on its own. Penetrating eye contact before the close – while she’s still rambling – is money. 0:58 provides a good illustration. If there ever was a hard neg, “you’re one of the ugliest girls in this club” would be it.

If any of you are planning on doing approach marathons, I would recommend that you watch this first. Not for instructional reasons, but it will make blowouts and number closes seem more real and down to earth. Your goal is to be somewhat numb of both the emotional high of closing, and the low of a blowout.

Speaking of blowouts, yes, they happen. Don’t shit yourself over one. Training yourself to be able to jump to the next approach without holding on to the baggage of a slump is crucial to becoming outcome independent; both in approaches and relationships. Rejection should be strategically avoided when possible, but not feared or dwelt upon.

Btw. I have a good topic for you to cover.
I spend a lot of time in the gym and something I’ve noticed is women in the gym seem to have there strongest beta guard up. How would you approach 9s and 10s? One thought I had was to share a girl machine with them and wait for them to notice your just toying with them.

Any time a girl is engaged in something that requires stringent focus; procuring attention from losers drops in priority, hence the empowered beta shields. It’s not a club where she’s superciliously mingling away the minutes in an effort to turn orbiting men into curios. Your best bet will be to use highly masculine indirect game (as opposed to more femininesque PUA or direct game). If your conversation opens up with something related to working out, skid to a different topic as fast as possible. Nothing like a lecture on the mechanics of pilates to dry up an already dry pussy. You want to avoid being the stereotypical gym head obsessed with things like calories and form. Women have a bias against men who spend too long at the gym, it takes away a sense of “realness.” A girl wants a guy who’s jacked because he climbs mountains and fights leopards; not because he surgically micro-manages his meals, appearance, and routines. Neg and socialize consistently with everyone around you to establish a favorable environment to work in; remember most gyms are communities, plant seeds.

This is the tricky part: likely she’ll be moving to a different location within a few minutes of opening. If she doesn’t, she’s hooked enough to spot close. Otherwise, you lose proximity. If god forbid you try and follow her around, expect to get firmly shut down or ljbfed. The passive solution is to let it pass, stick to aloof game, and wait for another go later on. You’ll be “seeing her around,” you can flirt and charm your way into her favors in the long run. The active way is to run a cocky funny attitude hard, allowing you to stay with her as long you don’t mistake genuine disinterest for a hurdle. Direct game could work too, but I prefer the previous two options as this is not a one shot do or die mission. You’ll likely see her again; direct game would diminish your total success rate even if it results in a faster close within the span of things near done. Plus, you don’t want to be “that guy” in the gym. What are you going to do once you’ve beamed away all potential targets by approaching everything with a heartbeat and vagina? Change gyms?

Attempt at Alpha:

Recently, I’ve been reading your blog. But, I’ve enly countered a problem.

When I’m trying to act Alpha, my friends they still think of me as a beta.

It’s very confusing to describe, but that sums it up. So, how would one transition from an ultimate beta to an alpha?

Besides friends who notice you are trying to make positive changes to yourself and assist you on the way there, everyone else should be cut off or your contact with them limited. Their assumptions about you are too embedded within the texture of your relationships. They think of you in a certain way and they expect you to act in a certain way. You, regardless of how much effort you put in to do otherwise, will subconsciously be inclined to act in accord with their expectations, to reciprocate all their assumptions and smooth out conflicting paradigms. It is inevitable, a basic principal of psychology. Your mind and body is always seeking a sense of continuity and equilibrium, it cannot nurture dissonance within itself.

You will notice that the more you remain imprisoned by the environment around you while trying to “change” yourself, the more you will begin to force the change upon yourself making it all the less genuine. You will end up becoming resentful, overtly communicative, and perceptually incongruent. You will come off as try-hard, and never accept YOURSELF for who you are. It is a losing battle. The point is to not give a shit about anything around you. If you’re TRYING to convince people to accept that you don’t give a shit about anything, well… you see the problem there.

C:

Shark,

I was wondering if you could help me evaluate this situation I am in. I was with a girl who I believed was the one. When she met me I was the alpha male in her eyes. I had all the confidence in the world. Unfortunately, like most relationships the guy beta backslides. Not proud of it, but it happened. She out of the blue dumps me. I was sad, I did what you weren’t supposed to do, begged for her back… One time and one time only. I completely cut contact (well as much as I can do as I work with her.) I work on myself, I excercise, I basically have done everything mentioned here: http://www.solvemygirlproblems.com/2010/05/how-to-become-an-alpha-male-some-quick-steps-to-jump-start-your-journey/

I am back to that alpha male. I feel great. The only problem for me is I work in a remote location for long periods of time with my ex and can’t manage to meet other women. I know I meet one girl and she is out of my brain for good. But for now, it is very hard to keep her off my mind.

I see her at work and she seems completely miserable. I know she sees the transformation in me back to the guy she met. But she continues to be pissed right off at me. She won’t talk to me (unless she throws a shit test my way about how “great” her new found life is), stares right through me and pathetically “runs” away when I get close to her. It is a sad pathetic case. I feel we should at least keep it professional but she won’t have it. If she hadn’t dumped me I would almost feel bad for her.

She left me for a better life and she really doesn’t seem all that happy afterwards. I am doing my best to get over her and move on. My question to you is what is going on in her brain right now? Is she attracted to me but won’t let herself realize it; or does she hate my guts? Where does the bitterness and hostility come from? Who is more over who at this point? Finally, where does her brain take her from here?

I remember one of your posts about women mating for life once they find the most alpha male… I feel as though I WAS her alpha male and she may never recover from this. I guess I get a small sense of satisfaction out of that… Make that a large sense. Any help at all please. I am just trying to understand how their hamster operates. Any help at all for the guy stuck in a remote location with an ex?

If I had made that point about woman choosing one man as life-long partners, I should retract it now because it is incorrect. Women are purely hypergamous and acutely aware of fluctuations in social dynamics. They choose single mates ONE AT A TIME, but are capable of dumping them later whether for a better prospect or out of pure disinterest.

Her resentfulness is coming out of a combination of things. Women absolutely hate incongruence in men. If you went from Alpha – to beta – back to Alpha, her hamster is too unsure of you. Now, don’t mistake this for naturally shifting from one end of the spectrum to another. If you beta-backslide amidst acting Alpha or get your act back together in the middle of beta-backsliding, you are still being authentic. But if you beta-backslide hard for a long period of time, get dumped, go no-contact, and then come back soon thereafter as a “changed” man; you come off as in-genuine. At this point, you would be better off being Alpha but toning down the asshole/aloof game and pushing those cards in the future, after you already have her hooked.

The level of aloofness you’re currently employing is only making her more resentful of you. It would be appropriate if she dumped you and you were trying to move on, or if she LJBFed you and the both of you agreed to “stay friends.” She may still feel attraction for you, but thinks you are trying to look down on her making it impossible to reconcile, short of a hatefuck.

On a sidenote, so long as you have Oneitis for her, and make no mistake about it, you DO have Oneitis for her, your relationship with her will always fail. Even if you do as I recommend and go for an Alpha-yet-friendly attitude and contrast it with asshole game LATER, your frame will still be shaky because it is built on a poor foundation. You must be OUTCOME INDEPENDENT, to get a girl you must not be afraid to lose her.

Hashmal:

I’m glad you posted this. You seem much more human.

Can you point me to some literature on business/ entrepreneurship? So much of it seems like the equivalent of self-help books, just re-hashed psycho-babble bullshit that is not helpful in the slightest.

Or simply, where, if one is to start a business, does one begin? Or, how, and where did you begin with your business endeavors?

Understand if you don’t respond, you have so many people asking you for help now, it’s quite astonishing. The honesty & such.

I’ve never read a book on entrepreneurship that I found helpful. Never.

Your question is based on the assumption that you must have a well thought out plan, when you don’t. In fact, it may even hold you back in your initial attempt to get your feet off the ground. You don’t need a place to start, you just need to start. It doesn’t matter where. Sell stuff on ebay, start trading, or do something related to your job if you have one. Get a job you think might have potential or would be a good learning experience over one that offers nothing more than stability. The point is to take ever opportunity as it comes rather than to wait for a single “good” opportunity – that won’t ever come.

As for your education, don’t focus on that psychobabble nonsense. All of it is either intuitive, or can be found for free online. Most of what you read will be repetitive. They are good ways to refresh your mind, but don’t take them as sources of knowledge. For that, you want to focus more on solid information and statistics. Make a list of sites to regularly maintain tabs on. WSJ, Forbes, Entrepreneur Magazine, etc. Concentrate on reading TRENDS, and SUCCESS STORIES. Both will give you a constant stream of ideas. The success stories are exceptionally important because the ones that seem “extraordinary” are signs of a changing market. If you read about someone with a good idea, do the same thing or improve on it. If you read about someone who made a fortune selling cockroach skeletons, it should tell you “Wow, there’s a market for insect skins. Maybe I could sell beetle shells.”

The Association of Chronos:

Shark, its good to see back. I’ve been a Reader/Lurker for the past couple Months. Your blog suits me well as I have become a fan of Philosophy, an Sociology as I’ve grown older in this world.

Anyway, I wanted to post until the storm of comments had died down an ask simply this: With all the Politics, Rules, an of course Game blogs that have seen a increase in numbers in these past couple of years I wanted to ask, Do you, not just as a Guru of some sorts but, as a person that, do you think that the “Genuine is dead?”

Maybe I’ve become too Immersed into My times of thoughts of life but, this question had popped up inside me. I feel like this world has become one big Video Game of sorts. To tie in with the “Matrix” word that pops up in Game blogs an of course the world that we do live in, do you believe that, “The real is dead?” or, as we continue on this path of Life with new ways of thinking. . . . .

Is this just the new “Real”….

I had thought so for a long time, but realized that this idea begs the question of what is real in the first place. Was a man more genuine BEFORE he learned game? While his entire personality and perception of the world was streamlined through rosy colored filters? While he acted the way he did, because he was DELUDED rather than because that’s the way he “was?” Do people even have “real” personalities and identities? Is everything not a combination of their genetic endowment and the collective social conscience around them? If you see someone you would call fake, is he actually “fake,” or is he acting “real” in accordance with himself, which your perception deems fake?

This idea, ofcourse, stretches far beyond game. And in that respect, I cannot deny a break away from the real. Using romantic movies and porn, both men and women are going through a forceful catharsis to experience elated levels of emotion and pleasure. Using social networking and the media, intimacy itself can be turned into an online experience. As for politics, well, that’s always been fake.

Coffey:

girl im talking to sometimes doesn’t text back, but it is possibly because of her really shitty phone, so I don’t text her after that until she texts me first. is this the right approach to this situation?

Rule of thumb: never text a girl twice in a row. Exceptions can only be made for girlfriends, and very infrequently at that.

Kenny:

The bitchez got cold on me from lacking in rapport and they feel kinda played. How do I reopen them where they feel comfortable and with me touching them as well. Attraction is threw the roof btw. I feel like that makes this harder since the ratio is so off.

Glad you’re back bud.

Wait a week, reopen with a flirty text, and then focus on emotionally connecting instead of attraction. You’ve already dated them, you should be able to easily assess what buttons to push.

Jesse:

Shark,
Me and my hb8 girlfriend of 8 months just broke up. I started out naturally alpha but then once i told her i loved her things hit the fan. I broke up with her a week ago, she cried, i stayed. Then she broke up with me two days ago with the maybe we should just be friends card. I said alright and then she said maybe we could try again in a little bit. Trying to maintain my frame i said no if we break up were broken up forever then i left. Later that night i beta backslid a fucking again. I called her and she didn’t answer i left a voicemail saying i didn’t want to get back together but id like to clear the air with her, and i didn’t want to downplay our relationship cause she changed me blah blah blah betashit. Then i sent her text about how we got caught stealing a street sign on our very first date and a picture on our last, just a weird coincidence the only two times i’ve ever gotten caught taking shit. She texted back very laconically. I never texted back. I know there is other girls out there that are hotter and i could get along better with. I just have oneitis so fucking bad right now and she was just so convention she lived like two minutes away. My first ltr and she took my virginity. The fact that she offered to try again does that show there is some interest left or this is just a giant shit test? I know its always better to pursue another relationship but in this case it’s so convienent.and i still have oneitis. I’m in highschool and i kind of hate all the girls there just rich bitches. I plan on going no contact for a week and a half trying to cure my oneitis and then randomly hit her up. I’m also going to get with another girl in that space. If she talks to me in the next week would it be appropriate to respond?

This is what happened: When you first broke up with her but got back together because she cried, she realized you took hand and wanted it back. Yes, women are keenly aware of these power vacuums. Because you got back together so soon, she realized she had more power than she thought, but still wanted to officiate it. She needed self-affirmation, her secksual market value took a big hit by getting dumped. In response, she breaks up with you a week later. Just like she wanted, you beta backslid, gave up hand, and are now in the conceding position of the relationship whereas she is in the power position. On top of this, she is now the person who broke up with you, so she doesn’t need self-affirmation. The solutions include:

(a) When you first broke up, you should’ve waited a while. Never break up with a girl and get back together right away.
(b) Date other girls. She’ll either come back as a result of dread and attraction, or you’ll have gotten over her. It’s a win-win

If she tries to talk to you, I see no reason why you should ignore her, but keep it aloof and detached. Your Oneitis is stemming from the fact that SHE dumped you, it’s a trick your mind plays on you because it wants what it can’t have. When YOU were the one dumping her, you didn’t have Oneitis. Your ego is now seeking approval from her because she rejected you.

And keep this in mind from now on: Never do anything because a girl starts crying. It sets bad precedent by establishing that your attention can be acquired by sympathy. Attention, as a reinforcer, should always be given due to something positive, or when it is needed to calibrate emotionally. Do not give it when she shit tests you, do not give it when she’s crying, do not give it when she’s yelling, do not give it when she’s going ape shit, do not give it when she’s holding out on secks, and do not give it when she’s trying to start a fight.

Micky:

Hey Shark, My ex girlfriend is threatening me with suicide, long story short I played the game and lost interest in her she kept chasing me for over an year calling and trying to meet me at places I usually hang out in!
I was parting and really tipsy she was there and giving all the signs BIG MISTAKE I took her to a hotel and BAM! she started calling again every other minute its crazy, I have black listed her from my mobile (she calls from different numbers) and blocked her on face book. The message she just sent me is ” If you dont call me today I will end my life I am serious good bye.”

You do NOT want to be involved with a psychotic girl. If she would actually consider killing herself, you, or a future girlfriend of yours, this is a very delicate situation. I can save you from this, but you MUST trust me. Ask no questions, just trust me.

DO NOT blacklist her number or ignore her calls. Always keep Game in mind. What happens when you push a girl away? She wants you more. You must do the opposite. Start calling her every single day. Start being over protective. Start being mushy. Take cocaine on the side and randomly start acting a little fuckin crazy now and again. DO NOT create competitive anxiety or dread. Establish routines. Call her exactly at 10:00 pm every night to say good night. Be VERY predictable. Send her your schedule and make sure she always knows what you’re doing and when you’re going to call her. Take her out to the same place over and over again. Don’t work out for a month and get fat. Stop brushing your teeth or putting on deodorant. When you have secks, finish as FAST as possible. Make it as distasteful for her as you can. Make sure all of her friends think of you as a loser.

Phase 2 is to pawn her off to another guy. Find someone with game and introduce the two of them. Let him AMOG you in front of her. Cunningly set them up and let her cheat on you. As soon as she does, or when she dumps you, you have a free ticket out.

Shark,

I have been a student of the red pill for some time now after a 5 year LTR that ended about 9 months ago. I am currently spinning 3 plates and life is good, however my latest addition to the stables has started to grow on me. I have kept solid frame the entire time, passing shit tests, and letting it be known I have options. She insists that we are just fuck buddies, however when we are together we wind up spending the weekends together and it feels like we have been dating for months when its only been a few weeks.

I know how this usually ends up, where the girl eventually concedes that she has feelings for the guy, etc. I am not adverse to this, but it would be great to get your perspective on how to handle fuck buddies to maximize the benefits, and what to do If a relationship happens as a result of the interaction. Any pointers on maintaing frame in the midst of her seeing other guys, or her figuring I am smashing other chicks would be great too.

There is a single line in your question that hints to me what your real problem is.

“She insists that we are just fuck buddies”

This tells me that you want exclusivity more than she wants it. You may be dating other women and it may not be a “Oneitis” – but nonetheless, there exists a discrepancy between who would more strongly consider a relationship. You always want the girl to be in that position, never you. You are the more dependent person and thus feel the sting of jealousy more than her. It’s a very bad spot to be in for a guy, as women are more naturally adept to “sharing” their partners than men are.

The solution is simple, care less and be less available. More Alpha fuck buddy, less beta relationship-seeker. And make sure you’re fucking her a lot better than everyone else. No emotional secks yet, keep it highly, highly dominant.

Arachnid:

Hey Shark, just bought the book and am digesting it slowly. Thanks much for all your words of wisdom, they are much appreciated. I’m currently in a 3-year LTR, and things are great. I’ve been unconciously doing a lot of things you teach us to do, but I didn’t know until now exactly WHY they worked. It’s nice to have it all explained so logically.

Now, a couple questions.

1) Any idea when your 2nd book might be out? Seeing as I’m not out actively trying to pick up girls anymore, a book on keeping an existing relationship strong would interest me more than The Black Flag. (Not that I can’t use any of the info in it. I have.)

2) This is more of a comment. You talk a lot about the evils of pedestalizing women, and how Disney movies are much to blame in today’s post-modern culture. Now, I haven’t read everything you’ve ever written, by any means, but what is your opinon on this?

To me, the pedestalization of women began long ago, back when humanity faced more difficult times, such as colonizing new worlds, battling invading armies and plague in the Middle Ages, etc. Back then, women were given more value than men because of their higher biological value. Children were needed to continue the colony, town, kingdom, and the species in general. Without today’s standards of safety, hygiene, and modern medicine, women were held in much higher regard. I believe it is remnants of this that has carried down to today’s post-modern era, and has only been exacerbated by Disney, whose movies are mostly reflections of those bygone eras, with all their princes and princesses.

That’s not an excuse for the pedestalization of women, but it’s a reason that I haven’t heard addressed. I think the male tendency to do that is more evolutionarily ingrained in our psyche than what has been instilled in us by Disney-controlled pop culture.

Anyway, thanks again for the unplugging, and the motivation to be more than what I am.

Not for a while. If you have any questions about your relationship, post it here and I will address it. I have much to do in my own sphere of work, a second book will have to wait.

The pedestalization of women has always existed to some extent, but mediated through an overarching patriarchal social structure. The problem nowadays is not just a proliferation in the implicit compulsion to pedestalize women, but the circumstances under which it occurs. The very context of our world is too polluted. If I had to point out a specific, time period, event, or trend; it would be the secksual revolution, the liberalization of female secksuality, and all the changes that followed. But multiple aspects work in tandem to make our current dystopia possible. To elaborate:

Media: Perpetuates a soul-mythology and teaches women to hold unreal expectations of their partners (like porn does for men)

The Legal Structure: favors women far more than men

Social fluidity (texting, facebook, etc): Exposes women to more men concurrently, allowing more Alphas to become cads and washing out more betas from the secksual market. In the past, betas were still able to acquire poon by virtue of not having to compete with any Alphas within their vicinity.

Feminism: A boundless number of impacts. It portrays cougarhood as a socially acceptable lifestyle and marriage by a woman’s 30s / 40s as ok – perhaps even ideal, encouraging more women to ride the Alpha carousel in their 20s while accepting a beta provider after hitting the wall. Betas pedestalize women even more due to their lack of real intimacy for years on end, being more than happy to serve as backups.

The question of whether this will ever stop, is debatable. While some say a revolution is in call for, it would be difficult to conceive of anything in the likes of one, in a world where Game exists (leading one to wonder if game is helpful or harmful in the long run). The misandry bubble for instance, predicts that we will reach a bifurcation point after enough nice guys collectively decide they’ve been tipped over the edge. But in a world where men are taught game, this transition will be lubed and softened far too much. Take all of you for example. Now you know not to marry a succubus and how to screen out women who are unfavorable candidates for long term relationships. Rather than marrying and getting divorced and finally saying “fuck the system,” and bombing your local divorce court, you’ll simply choose not to marry until you’ve found someone you WANT, and CAN marry. The misandry bubble does not predict the implications of millions of men taking on this same approach, and voiding themselves from the system or intelligently circumventing its abuses. It assumes that everyone WILL be sucked into the institutions that propagate the female imperative, be broken by it, and THEN hate it enough to take a torch to it. But men who learn game, do not hate women or the antics of feminism, they are amused by them.

The recent lack of posts was the result of a one week life-meditative-hiatus I undertook to get certain things in perspective, a practice I highly recommend all of you exercise when you deem it necessary; especially after major life transitions or when your mind feels cluttered from extraneous chatter. Normally it should only take a day or two, but the period can span for as long as needed.

Note, this is not the same thing as a vacation and confusing the two is the reason why most people never experience the former. A vacation takes you away from your worries, it only dislocates them; what I propose is the opposite. You are physically inactive, but your mind remains as efficacious as ever, diving into your thoughts as deeply as possible. It categorizes things into “shit that doesn’t matter” and “stuff that matters.” It distinguishes between “goals that get me closer to my original purpose” and “goals I’ve picked up on the way there that have nothing to do with what I ultimately want to accomplish.” It lets you know how you’re wasting your time or money, reminds you of the things that must be learned or have been forgotten, and warns you of the habits that you must relinquish.

After you come back from a vacation, you are theoretically as inefficient and unproductive as you were before, minus the energy you obtained from being physically rejuvenated. You come back, and everything is the same, just as you had left it. When you come out of a meditative hiatus, you are 10x as productive as you were before. Not in terms of how “hard” you’re working, but in terms of moving in the right direction and being able to triage your priorities. You may even work less, if you determine afterwards, “I am not spending enough time with my family,” or something of the sort. Your new-found clarity will grant you the ability to understand what you really want in life, to visualize your future, and to gauge your progress more accurately. For those of you who feel you are “over-analyzing” the world, or are torn between choices, I urge you to consider a brief stretch of self-reflection. If you are making a major decision, this will let you analyze your options in the style of Zen, rather than the crack-like state of paranoia you usually make decisions in.

In an aptly coincidental way, throughout the week I ran into moments that summarized all of my thoughts. While eating Chinese food with a friend, I opened a fortune cookie that said, “Happiness is to be content with little” while she opened one that said, “greatness is achieved through hard work.” Immediately, she said, “we switched cookies by accident, this one must be yours,” inducing a split second epiphany. To be content with little versus to be frustratingly pursuing a greater degree of accomplishment at all times because you are never content with what you have are simply two opposing views of the world. Both can be justified, and neither trumps the other from a Meta perspective. Which made me realize, this blog does not spread “truth” in a distilled fashion, in that regard, the way I thought it had. It spreads an opinion. It encourages people to see the world the way I see it, to seek out challenges, to develop, to always strive for more. If you agree with that view, you will benefit from most of what I have to say. But if you relate more to the school of thought encouraged by The Underachiever’s Manifesto, do not take my view to be “superior” than your own or better than any others. Simplicity is magnificent in its one way. The comments that quote “Shark, you say I do!” fail to grasp the fundamental purpose of this blog. Live and think the way you deem fit; not in a way dictated by anyone else.

I was reminded again of the pain of a break up. It seems that no matter how much mastery or experience is achieved in the process of learning Game, one always remains susceptible to the feeling of emptiness. But you learn not to let it overwhelm you. I no longer fear it; I admire it for being the greatest of humbling experiences.

Work has been a mess for the past 2 or 3 months because I have been working in a way that made me think I was working hard, when I really wasn’t. Made bad investments, had bad ideas; and they were all pursued with the idea that if I worked psychotically hard enough, everything could be turned around. Cutting all of my losses this past week has reminded me that to achieve beyond your dreams, you must combine audacity with practicality. One without the other always leads to failure. You either see too little and willingly jump into a pit, or you see too much and are never willing to jump at all.

And finally, just yesterday, I overheard a conversation about Game. After a few minutes, my name was dropped and I realized they were talking about THIS site and my own articles. How it helped them overcome their break ups and how one of them finally found a girlfriend he was happy with because he had learned to date through multiple women and screen for natural chemistry better. The other talked of how, although he still hasn’t had much success with women, it helped him overcome approach anxiety and how he now feels comfortable being himself. It was refreshing, to say the least, to see the fruits of my work play out before me in 3-D. I pondered for a moment about what it would be like if I introduced myself as their lord and savior; then grabbed my laptop and ran away.

PittsburghPete:

Hey Shark,

With the gay marriage debate heating up in the US after North Carolina banned gay marriage overwhelmingly, i began to think, and im stuck in my own thought process and want to hear your explanation if you have one to jar my brain free. Is being gay genetic? I know some scientists have/or are trying to prove there is a “gay gene” but wouldnt that be against evolution and natural selection? For instance if it was genetic wouldnt it be weeded out through evolution because people who are gay do not reproduce with members of the opposite sex, thus passing on their genes? I know there are some couples who artificially have kids, through a surrogate or other means, but i dont believe this to be the majority. There have been accounts of gay people for hundreds of years. They say Alexander the Great was gay. So shouldnt there be significantly less gay people today if its genetic due to it being weeded out through evolution? Seems to be the opposite today. There seems to be more gay people.

I dont mean for this to be a political post or for you to even share your personal belief on the issue, just a look at it from evolutionary perspective. Maybe im missing something, but i cant figure out how being gay is genetic.

Thank You Shark

I do not have much scientifically grounded knowledge on the subject; but if you want my opinion, being gay is a genetic quality and cannot be changed anymore than one’s height or ethnicity. The etiquette they share is far too all-encompassing and consistently apparent for it to be a conscious choice or a result of socialization. Where do gay people fairly isolated from “gay culture” still learn to “act gay?” And by that, I do not mean their disposition towards certain secksual acts, but rather, their entire personality phenotype. There may be exceptions, but the rule is made by what is common. The question of “shouldn’t they be weeded out if it’s genetic?” is easily dismissed – gay animals exist. If it’s a choice then it would have to be a spontaneous one, lest gay animals secretly play out their own broke back mountain roles within the confines of their habitat and teach each other why being gay would be a preferable lifestyle.

I think, or rather prophesize, that they will never find a gay “gene.” It is more likely the result of a combination of different endowments that result in someone being homosecksual. In other words, it is a holistic quality (with possible environmental influences), not one that stems from a specific gay gene. I could be wrong. As for how it could persist through evolution, the same reason why we still have diseases and genetic mutations. Yes, evolutionarily speaking, it would indeed be a dysfunctional quality, but so would [insert 1 trillion recurring disorders and genetic shortcomings].

Nick:

Hi Shark I have been reading and implementing from this amazing blog and The Black Flag the only thing running in my mind is the concept of KARMA does it really exist or is it all just a story in our heads.

I know way too many assholes in full Machiavellian force who enjoy elated lifestyles to believe in an omniscient system that returns all of your bad deeds to you. And if they were simply exceptions and Karma did exist – I know way too many nice guys who should be getting laid but aren’t. No, I don’t believe in externalizing the idea of karma as something that guides the order of the world. It is simply a value that one should hold. Do positive things, surround yourself with positive people, think positively, and positive things will happen to you. Do the opposite, and negative things will follow. The assholes in the above example are of the former – they may “fuck other people over,” but they all share an insatiable hunger for life and a euphoria that comes from simply being alive.

Ben:

Hey Shark, I am in dire need of your expertise.

First, I cannot issue you enough praise for ‘unplugging’ me and for ‘unplugging’ all these guys.

A few months ago my oneitis and I went our separate ways after 4 years of me slowly being made into her beta bitch. During that time, my social life became deceased and I put all my time and effort into that relationshit. I started college whilst in the relationship and didn’t make an effort to meet ANYONE. I went to parties/bars/clubs, but mostly hovered around my oneitis. I fucked myself big time and am now virtually friend-less. The only people I know now, I met through my ex; the oneitis. And she is WAY better friends with any given one of them.

My friends from highschool are all either battling pending legal charges or are so immersed in the matrix that unplugging them would call for the likes of someone much more experienced than myself. I’d turn them onto your blog, but I don’t know if they could handle (or would actually try to read and understand) it.

My question is this: With my new reformed self, should I attempt to talk to her friends/acquantinces (who are mostly girls) and maybe game them? Is it a lost cause?
How about my old beta friends? Ditch them? Attempt to become their mentor?

Any advice you can provide would be deeply and immensely appreciated. I’m pretty much on my own and have been spending A LOT of time alone working on myself. Too much time, maybe.

You’re doing an awesome thing by operating this blog. We are all in debt to you, Shark. If you ever need a kidney, man, I’m sure I’m not the only one who would oblige.

I fucking love you dude,
-Ben

A multi-pronged assault is in call. I cannot say that isolating yourself from the world because you are surrounded by unfavorable circumstances would be the way to go; I have had way too many people make huge differences in my life for the better. You should, however, screen the people you spend time with the same you would filter out bad habits. The position you’re in is a good opportunity to force yourself to be social. Find people you believe would uplift you rather than hold you back. Being with new people would be preferable either ways; the assumptions and inaudible envy of your current friends will slow down your progress. Ditching them isn’t necessary. You can hang out with them, socialize with them, but keep enough distance so as to limit their tangible influence on you. Beta males are like crabs in a barrel, they would hate to imagine the possibility of one escaping the predicament of the entire group.

Gaming your ex’s friends is not a question, you should game any girl you’re interested in. The circumstances are irrelevant. Man fucks woman. The only thing you should avoid is having lapses of emotion regarding your ex. If you believe you’ll get caught up with her by being around her friends, then avoid them all together. Don’t be afraid to venture out and find new people. I find that people tend to stick to their old friends more out of habit than anything else.

Sebastian:

Shark,

You’ve changed something in the site codes, the page numbers at the bottom of the page aren’t see-able, i’ve got to highlight them in order to see. New viewers might not get it.

I have someone else manage everything besides the actual writing of articles, nothing has been changed recently. It may be your browser, I can see the numbers.

Ant72:

2:30am. Just got in. Field report/Update time.

I went out with a bunch of my co-workers and the girl in question above. I didn’t make it awkward at all, but I fed the sexual tension between us. I utilized every ounce of my charm to laugh it up with co-workers, while seeing her constantly look at me, as if wondering why I was having such a good time and I wasn’t miserable. All she got from me was a toss of my head for a hello, and a few light negs, but other than that, I paid her very little attention. She was hammered; I wasn’t drinking but I was still having fun. This confused her.

The bar closes. Everyone’s saying goodbye, and our groups are coming together. I walk off while saying goodbye to some of the coworkers I’m friends with and walk home.

She texts me “Im sorry”

Sweet. Fucking. Victory.

To the guys who responded; thanks for being there for me. I’m just going to nonchalantly respond tomorrow as if nothing was wrong.

Game… is beautiful.

Nemesis:

Shark, reading this post made me think one thing:
I am in a relationship, I want to have a threesome with my gf and some hot girl. She knows that I get a boner everytime I see this girl. She gets turned on by me wanting to bang other girls. Yet it is obvious that she doesn’t OVERTLY want that I bang other girls.

Following the logic on this post, if I am seen as an alpha by my gf and peers, then IF I asked my gf to organize a 3some with this other girl, then I should succeed.

I’m pretty sure that she will shit test my frame by saying BS like: “Then you should let me bang some big black dick as return!”, and honestly, I know that I would feel a little burning but I’m sure that I will keep my frame and answer in witty ways. Anyway, could you give me some advice on HOW could I handle this situation?

By reading your blog I learned a lot, mostly that “as you think, you shall become”, and if before I would have been sure that this situation wouldn’t have been real, I KNOW NOW, that IT COULD HAPPEN, and I’d like it to happen. On the other hand I’d like to avoid too much bullshit that may come from my gf as a consequence. Will she start shit-testing harder if this happens? Could I handle all the reinforced shit-testing?

The shit tests will only increase if she becomes resentful. Which is more likely to happen if:

(a) The threesome is with a friend she’s close to.
(b) You cum inside of the other girl

(a) isn’t that big of a deal, it can be flipped to become beneficial by increasing secksual tension. (b) would be a soul-kill, but the after-effect would be fun to watch.

Her getting turned on by you wanting to bang other girls is not a unique quality, it is true for every girl. Every woman loves the challenge of having to work to keep her boyfriend to herself, and despises the possibility that no other girl may like her boyfriend and that he is with her more out of desperation than interest.

A menage a trios is not the only thing you can make possible by believing in it. The possibilities in life are boundless once you are able to conceive the “impossible.”

Doug:

Great work! Half way though reading The Black Flag. Quick question, is out wrong to ask a woman out to be your gf?
All my exes from my past asked me out to become exclusive, however I know of a few guys who have done the asking part and seemed to be doing good with their girlfriends. I figured it would kill the chase if you make the move on them. Had an ex get with a really nice guy who asked her out. After a LTR 4 year relationship ended I moved on with a new woman and then when the ex wanted to work things out with me she tried making me jealous by telling me this guy might ask her to be his gf and I told her go for him his a nice guy (i knew the guy). She said no she wanted me and only me, but as time past and I resisted giving her another chance she is now going out with this guy and have been for about 6 months now. I have a feeling she has not moved on from me heating about her actions from her friends. Is it beta ask them to make it official?

This may help:

Should you ever ask a girl to be your girlfriend

Westside Daddy:

Another thing to ask you shark… she says she doesnt contact me alot because she feels like since she is the girl that I have to do the contact and arrange the dates (she comes from a hispanic background where they have those kind if believes).. so what she sayin is true, that she dont contact me because of that or is it really because her attraction level isnt high enough (she mention somethin about becoming exclusive with me )…sorry for being such a pain shark.

You cannot, ever, let operative social conventions dictate the workings of your relationship. It sets bad precedent. It is not a result of low attraction. Remember that even if a girl is highly interested in you, she always wants to turn you into a beta orbiter because she’s compelled to monopolize your attention. It is a paradox that has always governed female secksuality. By virtue of wanting to extract as much utility from you as possible, a girl loses attraction for you because if you indeed do what she wants (be the more dependent person and focus on rapport), then you lose the aspects of challenge and dread.

Your mistake is in assuming that this is a result of having a “hispanic” background. The world itself, the Matrix, functions in accord with the female imperative. Husbands are depicted as bumbling twats dependent on their wives, rich men are depicted as unhappy because they sacrificed love for material wealth, love stories depict the “ideal” lover as someone who pedestalizes their partner, men are always encouraged to be saviors and providers, soul-mate myths permeate society to encourage Oneitis, etc. If you stay complicit with a girl’s need to betatize you by believing “she’s different,” and it’s because she holds certain values, you have been hoodwinked like millions of other men. You are still plugged in to the popular sensation that mythologizes the female-male dynamic. It is not “Man does whatever women asks because that’s what society says is right,” it’s “Man fucks woman because that’s how the world has always worked.”

If she is mentioning exclusivity, I doubt her attraction level is low unless she’s baiting you with intimacy; you’ll have to judge for yourself. Either ways, don’t fall for this “you set up all the dates” fiasco. This is the same as a girl saying “I’m not easy, you’ll have to work for it” or “I’m not that type of girl.” Talk to other girls, be a little less keen on setting up dates, and watch the farce fragment away. Adhere to a favorable ratio, she should always be the person who initiates more dates and conversations than you do.

Servvante:

Well tell me this, what consists of a good conversation with a female, like what are good topics to talk about, or better yet what intrigues them. Like what would you say was a good conversation after a good pick while gaming?

I appreciate you responding, I’ll check both of them out as well as The Black Flag.

The key to choosing the best topics of conversation is to listen carefully, albeit in a way that makes it look like you’re doing anything but. Read her carefully, figure out the things that interest her, and what she’d want to talk about.

Shark,

Have you discussed the correct approach when dealing with / taming a GF that’s a real bitch? This is not a girl who just bitches once in a while, but one who is generally considered to be a bitch by friends, family, coworkers. Of course she is more compliant with me, but she will often bitch about me not giving her enough attention, etc. If she gets too bitchy/disrespectful, I’ll give her no-contact for a day or so, but that only seems to infuriate her more.

Does the idiom that “you can’t treat old dogs new tricks” apply to the bitches as well?

Yes, never assume you can change a girl. If she’s bitchy or border line crazy, best to avoid her and find someone who is not. The most you will accomplish it to have her tone it down temporarily by adding dashes of competitive anxiety or proper no-contact, but you will never be able to “change” her. Worse yet, if you DO manage to temporarily tranquilize her, you will likely convince yourself that she’s changed, only to have the assumption bite you in the ass in the future.

If she is resentful or more infuriated after short periods of no-contact, the idea that being “more of a bitch” will solve her problems is too cemented within her perception of social dynamics. She believes that an over aggressive output is always the solution to lacking power or control. If in the past, you have fed this assumption by giving her more attention when she’s bitchy (either through overtly communicated no-contact, supplicating, or fighting); you have only strengthened her cause.

M:

yes.

or start with madness and read house of leaves.

or go with a classic like don quixote.

or begin where I did in 9th grade with Dante.

or translate Goethe on your own.

or start where many many many literary fuck’s do with Ham on Rye or Pulp.

what augusten burroughs would you recommend? I’ve been snooping around his stuff for a while but never have dove in.

+1

Shark I know this has been covered but your advice is always sound. My 4 year ltr ended close to 6 months ago due to some horrendous backsliding/supplication (it sickens me just thinking about it). I handled the breakup like a champ, the heavy weight of loss was great but in spite of this I commited myself wholeheartedly to my endeavours, I started lifting, got back into swimming (former (former national rep), boxing and manly pursuits. My job has gone from strength to strength and I’ve cleared all my debt and started working on business ideas for the long term. In this time I’ve also built up a nice little harem and don’t find myself wanting sexually. In short I’ve become an alpha boss and I love it.

Contact with my ex has been limited — we had some shared property and I basically just gave her money for it and left it at that. Contact outside of this has always been initiated by her and initially aS quite curt comments like “it appears the person I knew has left the building” and “I find it hard to see how much you’ve changed” spring to mind. She has been creeping on my friends Facebook photos obviously has seen me with the honeys, sailing and looking buff and fly..

Anyway since mid April she has been far friendlier and more open offering info about her university studies and how her family is (unprompted). So a couple of days ago she messages me thanking me for some money I gave her for some flights we took a week before we broke up and mentions she’d really like to catch up when the semester is over (approximately a month away). My question is this should I bother? I do still care about her she is the only girl I can say I truly loved but I feel like this is a trap to friendzone me and my newly found redpill lifestyle/persona will not stand for it. I really don’t think there is another guy on the scene if there was he has big boots to fill. Do I ruthlessly game her and insert her into the harem? Do I pump and dump her? Do I start dating her again from a massively dominant position. Or do I just keep flaking till she gets the message.

Thanks shark.

Read my response to the first comment on this post

If you believe you still have feelings for your ex and there is a chance you might revert back to habits of Oneitis, avoid her. I suspect this is true just by your concession that she is the only girl you “truly loved.” It is a dangerous path to tread. Never be so confident in the red pill that you carelessly take a bottle of blue pills afterwards. Men conquer worlds, women conquer men. There are a countless number of ways that this could backfire. Imagine that you pump and dump her – do you think you wouldn’t feel any guilt for doing it to the only girl you are convinced that you have ever loved? And if you do feel guilt afterwards, where would that take you? Even if you’ve gone through months of working on yourself, never underestimate the power “love” can have on you. It is a powerful, parasitic, intoxicating, and overwhelming feeling. You may have escaped the rope attached to its noose; but that rope is always so very short. The depth of one’s enlightenment may relieve one of its effects, but it never lengthens the rope itself. And every man who believes it has, has been properly yanked out of his illumination and taught otherwise.

On the other hand, if you have an ex that you are no longer psychologically dependent on to any extent, you are free to pursue her in any way you wish. As friends, for a relationship, as a scandal, whatever the both of you agree to. So long as no extra effort is required to overcome any potential baggage, I see no reason to avoid it.

Ben:

Shark,

I am moving back home from a college town for a variety of reasons. I am looking forward to kind of taking it easy as far as my partying and lifestyle go, but I am not sure how to deal with the fact that there isn’t a college too close to me that has a bunch of girls. Where do you think are some of the best places to meet girls ages 20-24 in a non-college town. I’m trying to rework my game to give me the option for opening more sets, but i cant seem to find too many girls around these parts.

You’ll have to viscously pursue day/night game. From cafes, bookstores, and public places to clubs and bars. Expand your social circle so you’re exposed to more opportunities to meet people.

Horus:

Hi Shark

First, i’ve just read the Black Flag…BEST BOOK EVER IN TERMS OF SOCIAL
DYNAMICS AND GAME! CONGRATS MY MASTER!

I’ll like your view on something, Here it goes:

I made my masters studies in Europe in 2008 (BTW Im from central America) There i met a gourgeous Mexican Girl which whom i inmediately made a connection with and we both felt for each other. we move in together and everything was perfect.At the time i’ve already had some LTR in the past but neither one of them compared to this relationship with her. She was the most gorgeous HB9, intelligent, charismatic, self secure, funniest and spiritual girl i’ve ever met.

So everything went well like a fairytale during that year, i managed to be alpha and she admired me as a man, etc. The time came when we had to return to our countries, so we did. I went to visit her to Mexico on summer 2009 with the intention of getting engaged there and with a ring in my pocket, so i did, we got engaged, her parents accepted and everything was going great.

So here comes the downwards part of the rolleroaster ride, we stayed in LTR until i could get a decent job here in my country (i own my own company now), and everything started

to decline since i couldn’t be with her personally, LDR SUCK! only skype and email communication and even though i got into the stupid idea that it could work , i could’t be more wrong, Well on christmas 2009 she broke our compromise and left me argumenting distance (I knew later she was hanging out with another man), i never spoke to her again and never let her seek for validation, she did once email me 3 months after the breakup but i just responded cold. Inside i felt devastated so started to look on ways to move on. After that i became more alpha. more confident and more spiritual and self secure, got a wonderful job and found my own company later and slept with many girls, including models and beautiful babes here. BUT every single relationship casual or Long term was eclipsed at her memory, she certainly was the best and continue being until today and i don’t know if that’s pedestalizing but i really don’t care that much. She got married to the guy 6 months after our break up.

Here comes the other part of my story. Recently in one of my business trips to europe i started feeling nostalgia towards her (not that i don’t have a GF or plenty of girls cause i do) so i emailed her for the first time in 3 years: ‘hey sup’? how u doing been a long time” she wrote me back and started talking again via email. She told me that she remembered me a lot, that she missed me that leaving me was the worst amd most difficult thing ever, she told me about how much she missed me and that leaving me was the most torn decision she had to take, and we spoke again in the phone and it was actually as if time never elapsed and we never separated. Our chemistry is out of this world in every aspect so we starting comunicatng again (she’s still married BTW) So i came and told her: ‘Would u accept a coffee? she responded: ‘Do u want to come here just to see me?’ i responded: Just for a few hours and at the next day i’ll leave. She told me that would be great and that seeing me again would be awesome and told me she couldn’t even speak from the excitement of the idea. It’s been 3 years already and my life had been great after overcoming that break up, ok shark you’ll probably ask, why im the world are u going to mexico just to see her? well, i don’t really know and i don’t know what’s gonna happen but i will love to see her again. I will like to see if she still have feelings when she see me and if i have an opportunity with her long term not now would be a great thing (in case her marriage falls apart and that’s just what is happening, hence her willing to see me again) i didn’t expect this i just emailed her out of nowhere but..well…I think i torn her in some way i really don’t know. Yesterday she wrote me and asked what was that thing so important that i have to tell her in person and told me she can’t wait to see me.

Me, i’m just relaxed waiting to see what happens, i’m really detached and non caring about this situation but curious at the same time of what will or could happen in this reunion. I don’t deny it will be great if i could own her mind again but i really don’t care if she leaves her husband cause of me (she told me she had a moral issue ’bout seeing me because of what could happen or what she can feel, i never insinuated anything more than coffee actually, she did) that and she feels something bad could happen so, my questions for u shark are:

How do u think she will react when she sees me and what do u think it would happen considering she’s married? and what would be the correct approach with her in order to fuck her mind (and fuck her phisically too) and affect her indirectly but positively towards me? Does she has some kind of feelings still? Should i even go to see her in the first place?

Thanks for your help and your awesome blog and writing, it has inspired me in so many ways and ignore my comment and questions if u consider them too much of a waste of time or too long, i really don’t give a fuck ’bout this situation but your impresion on it will be more than great and welcome.

Thanks FOR EVERYTHING MY MASTER!

DO NOT fuck her unless you’re sure her husband is a pacifist. If you’re not, then give her a fake address if she asks where you live. In regards to other people’s wives and girlfriends, if you get caught, there is a small yet legitimate chance that he may try and kill you (There is not a touch of sarcasm in that statement). Take all the necessary steps to avoid potentially being hunted down.

This is all Oneitis in full blast. You have never loved another girl as much as her because you have never let yourself let go of her. It is also possible, and highly probable, that through a series of cognitive rationalizations, you’ve actually convinced yourself you’ve never loved anyone as much as her VERY RECENTLY but your mind believes it has always been like that. She left you for another man which has damaged your ego in an almost irreconcilable way and you now subconsciously hunger to fuck her while she’s married to the same man that tore your relationship apart.

Her lamentations about missing you and having a hard time breaking up with you are all ungrounded. They are true insofar as she currently feels that way due to emotional spikes, but they are not true in the way she is making them out to be. She married the new guy too quickly. Her hypergamous nature kicked in, and now she wants to cuckold him for you. She hasn’t “retained” her old feelings, she just remembers the way you used to make her hamster spin more clearly now that her husband doesn’t make her hamster spin any longer.

On the other hand, this will be an easy lay. If you want the honest true, I’d probably do the same thing you are doing just to get it out of my system. But afterwards, cleanse yourself.

Matt:

A bit of a social dynamics problem i guess, but affects my game but sure you can help me here as you seem to have it figured.

I started uni in september, I am older than all the people i live with. At first we all got on really well. I live with bitchy girls, a gay guy, a big gob mother hen and a disabled guy.

Anyways, we all got on really well, were partying a lot, the gay guy would touch me when i was drunk and I quickly made it apparent that he was not aloud to touch me inappropriately (eg grabbed my private parts). Where as the other guy I live with is camp and happy for this to happen.

Around Christmas I distanced myself from them a bit as I had deadlines to meet, and they noticed and started bitching about me to the point where when I tried to interact they would DHV, and not include me in things. I also found at the start I would wash up, cook things etc… and they would take advantage, but I felt as though they were like kids and stopped being taken advantage of as it felt as though they were all after something for nothing. Bad on my part but I had been working with nice people previous to this and we would always share everything.

Anyways, after I went away for a few weeks as soon as I get back they act all nice, and it takes about a day until they slip back into their habits. The alpha bitch tries to disqualify me from everything, it’s only ever good if it suits her or if shes getting her own way. I was wondering what the best way to turn this around could be? I keep distant from them but every time I go in the communal area I get abuse or childish remarks trying to D me as lower value. When my friends are all there they can’t touch me because I have a lot more friends than them.

I have found it better since finding this site as I now know she throws ALOT of shit tests at me, but im not always fast enough to respond to these and she makes me feel really awkward around them because she knows that she holds the floor.

Anyway to the point with girls. When I got back, my friend had her friend staying over, HB9, and she was attracted to me, and the first night we flirted, and had she not gone to a different club I would have probs ended up with her (even though I ended up withanother girl, I still wanted her). The next day, in the flat it goes back to usual, the alpha bitch bitches about me etc… and its as though im not cool enough to talk to. So I notice he next day this HB9 doesn’t want to talk to me otherwise she will get abuse off the alpha bitch.

I feel as though by becoming aloof I have let this happen and grown far apart from them. They are bitchy girls and get jealous. They don’t have lives, they just sit on fb all day and gossip. I read before about being alpha is about adapting to your environment, however, I cannot adapt to them in the way of becoming how they are.

What would you suggest in trying to turn this situation around so they respect me as a group?

Never, ever, ever, move in with a group of “mean girls.” The presence of a gay guy makes it even worse. There is no way to “turn-around” the situation you are in, it will only breed envy. You got too close in the past which has already embedded certain assumptions about you within their paradigms. You need to move out.

John:

Shark,

Great post as always! Reminds me of my economy classes.

Now I hope you can give me some feedback on something that I’ve been struggling with for quite a while now. I’ve know Game for a very long time (give or take 2 years, I’m currently 19) and have read/listened/watched virtually everything that is out there. Because of this I have a great theoretical understanding of what I should be doing. Theoretical, because applying I haven’t been applying this knowledge all that much. Sure I’ve made more progress in my life and with girls with game than I would have without it. But I’m not consistently doing the things I should be doing like approaching, pushing the few interactions I have.

I go out almost every week or so and each and every single time I psych myself up over the course of the week and when the night is finally there, I just stand there crippled by anxiety, not able to move and making every possible excuse in my head. Even if I get into the occasional conversation (by accident), I’m too scared to push things further and let the conversation slip.

My problem is therefore I think, that I think too much. Alcohol is not an option for me, as I don’t want to rely on any substance for my successes. I really need some cold hard advice/wake-up call/something to snap me out of this bullshit. It’s driving me crazy to be honest! I can’t seem to push myself in situations involving women. At least not like I am able to do in other aspects of my life such as health, fitness and education.

I really hope that you’re able to read this and I would be honored with a response.

All the best,

John

There is nothing anyone can do, short of holding you at gunpoint, that will force you to overcome your approach anxiety. It’s a quantum leap, you must traverse the gap through pure force of will.

My best advice would be, take it in steps. By having a heavy theoretically based grasp of game, you are likely seeing everything from the perspective of a Pick-Up-Artist rather than a regular down to earth guy. So when you think of approaching a girl, you think:

“I need to open. Attraction phase 1. Attraction phase 2. Comfort phase 1″ etc. All you really need to think is:

“Nuke her with my dick. Leh go.”

To simplify it, don’t make your goal “to approach.” Your goal the next time you go out your goal should be “talk to 10 people.” Not necessarily people you are interested in, or even girls for that matter. Just people. Your mind is currently thinking, “you win if you close someone,” when it should really be thinking “you win if you’re enjoying yourself.”

Further reading: Approaching

Cody:

Hey Shark. I was wondering what would make a girl get tired of being with an Alpha male. All the shit tests I would laugh at or give smartass responses and when he was looking for attention by flirting with other guys when we were out together, I didnt give a shit and would throw it back in her face by doing the same thing. She was always trying to get me to skip school or work to hang out with her and I would never do it. I am driven to get my degree and to make money. I would tell her that I had to work to support her and because I was thinking about our future together, but I guess she was more interested in the present as opposed to later in life. We were together for 2.5 years, both of us being in our early 20′s. I personally think she just got bored because we were together for a while, and she just wanted something different cuz she was young and dumb, but what are your opinions?

Alpha alone is not enough. You can be dominant, aloof, and a good provider; but remember this always: girls are interested in guys they have fun with. It is a fundamental forgotten too often. Even if you were working on other projects, did other GIRLS like you? Was there secksual tension? Were you taking her out to new places? Were you reinventing your personality? Were you fucking her in new ways? She got bored out of a combination of a lack of time spent with you (zen balance is key, avoid both too much AND too little attention), and a shortage in emotional excitement. You must remember to always maintain an electric passion in every relationship.

“lol…creep”

“wow… psycho”

“Stalker.”

“Stop being clingy”

“Ew…”

“I’m still not over ________”

“I duno if I’m ready for a relationship yet.”

“I feel too young to be in love”

Among all of them, I find “creep” particularly useful. It seems to catch women utterly off-guard and bewildered. The trick is to get it down before her, so zergling rush it. They are not just words. They are like spells. Merely uttering them changes the structure of your relationship because of the assumptions that lie behind them. The conversation, and your entire dynamic with her for that matter, is now FRAMED under the assumptions being posited. Without a proper response of amused mastery like the ones you’re accustomed to delivering, no matter what she says, she concedes to the established frame.

That you are not over someone else, so she is the one chasing you.

That she’s clingy, so you’re the one being chased.

That you’re not ready, so she’s the one that will have to do the pursuing.

Recall from the game that Ross Jeffries asked Strauss, “Are you going to come see your guru at his seminar” or something of the sort. Answering the actual question — that he is going to the seminar — concedes to the 2nd assumption being made in the sentence, that Ross is his guru. Same idea. It can be deployed in multiple ways as a general tactic for building a frame out of thin air. It’s a verbal compliance test. The person it’s directed to, by virtue of addressing the question, agrees to the assumptions embedded within the question itself.

If you are on the receiving end of said line, reply with either a freeze-out (assuming there was enough attraction previously established), or amused mastery (demonstrated below).

Her: “Wow you’re early. Desperate to see me?”
You: “Oh, I was hanging out with another friend around here right before”

Her: “Creep”
You: “not my type, try again.”

Her: “I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship”
You: “SCORRRREEEEEEE!!!!!!”

A reader once commented here saying that he “fucked up badly” because his girlfriend found a secks tape of him and an ex from the past. He apologized vehemently and then came to me for advice. I didn’t tell him at the time, but I laughed at the thought. Can you imagine if James Dean’s girlfriend found a secks tape of him and another girl? She would beckon for an opportunity to star in a tape herself to outdo her competitor. Which brings us to our first misconception. Women do not suffer any biological consequences from cheating the way men do. Monogamy is enforced through cultural stigma and men tend to forget this. Like I said above, because it is within the very nature of men to want to OWN their partners for paternal assurance; it is much easier to condition them to think women function the same way. It is never a turn-on for a guy to see his girlfriend flirting with another guy. It might incite jealousy, which could provide a much needed boost in passion; but it will never literally make him see her as a higher value partner. It is, on the other hand, one of the greatest aphrodisiacs for a girl in a committed relationship to see that her boyfriend/husband is at least capable of acquiring other partners. It appeals to her hypergamous nature by assuring he is of high reproductive value and affirming his congruency.

When you show off your loyalty to your girlfriend – you are incorrectly assuming that she sees the world the way you do. Loyalty is not a “turn-on” for women the way it is for men. It is the opposite, it only risks that she may lose attraction because you are indirectly starving secksual tension. Does this mean you should cheat? No. But it does mean that a sense of misplaced loyalty will harm your relationship much more than help it. What’s worse is, due to the conditioning noted above, you’ll likely backwards rationalize it and pat yourself on the back for being “loyal even when she’s not.”

This whole issue begs the question of what exactly men should apologize for. I see far too often that a guy thinks he “fucked up” for something that actually HELPS his relationship, or overly exaggerates his mistake because he thinks of how HE WOULD FEEL in the same position. Yes, if you found a secks tape of your girlfriend, you wouldn’t be happy. But this isn’t “do unto others what you would have them do to you.” This is social dynamics; and men and women, for better or for worse, operate differently. It is a fact of nature, and no amount of lobbying and conditioning will ever change it. Mask it – yes. Bend it – maybe. Change it completely – Never.

How would you have handled the situation above? A more appropriate response would’ve been:

“We were young, crazy, and in love. Can you blame us?”

instead of “ZOMGG IM SOOOO SORRRRRRY. IT WAS A MISTAKE. I TRIPPED AND TURNED THE CAMERA ON. I’M A PERVERT. I’M A SICK SICK MAN. I’M SOOOO SORRY.”

Remember your partner will mirror your emotional state. The more you apologize, the more the both of you consent to a frame that says you fucked up badly. The more you agree that your secksuality is something to be demonized, the more you let that become truth. If you get into a fight and she pulls the “you’re crazy” card on you, you shouldn’t come CRAWLING back to her agreeing that all men are psychotic assholes. Have some dignity, for your own sake.

The James Dean example, while somewhat ideal, serves to illustrate how important frame control is. In a world where you lack it, you concede to the popular Frame. The one of the Matrix. The one that dictates you are a bumbling fool and that making a secks tape with an ex girlfriend is only something a secks-crazed maniac could do. But hold your own state, and it’s just something young and crazy people do when they’re in love. She thinks it’s uncompromisable? Tell her you must not be right for each other then.

(a) A girl shit tests a guy she thinks is a beta: To keep him in a qualifying mode of operandi, preserving her frame and keeping him as a beta orbiter to extract attention as needed.

(b) A girl shit tests a guy she thinks might be an Alpha: To gauge his congruency; check if he falls in line with all her attraction cues.

(c) A girl shit tests her boyfriend: To both gauge his Alphaness AND try to gain hand. A combination of both (a) and (b).

In light of relationship discussions, we’ve always held that this paradox was true as a matter of fact. Women want to turn their boyfriends and husbands into beta hubbies even though this process is ultimately self-defeating in terms of a stable relationship. And most of relationship game, on the side of the guy, is about dodging this mechanic by eluding shit tests while maintaining a desirable balance between attraction/rapport, security/dread, secksual tension/comfort, ecksetera. As time passes, a guy will beta-backslide more often lest he catches himself at opportune moments to reinvigorate attraction and become consciously aware of his sloping power. Otherwise, he continues to spiral down as she actively draws more and more beta blood. She initiates more jealousy shit tests, aggravates him more frequently, and embarrasses him in public with more zeal.

From a Darwinian perspective, monogamous relationships make no more sense for a woman than a man. Genetic variability requires not only for men with high reproductive value to fuck as many women as possible, but for women to fuck as many VIABLE partners as possible. A compulsion that allowed women to betatize their partners would encourage them to find a NEW Alpha whenever possible, falling in accord with the above principle.

Anyone familiar with the misandry bubble will recall that this spiel sounds very familiar. Female self-sufficiency combined with secksual liberalization and a culturally reinforced feminine imperative now allows women to indulge in this very exact system with a twist. Women can ride the Alpha carousel through out their peak years and settle for a beta provider post-coyote. The twist comes with the addition of contraceptives and blurs the obvious result of all this. Take condoms out of the equation, and you have a full manifestation of the hypergamous dystopia we’re currently in. Girl fucks 5 or 6 Alphas throughout her peak years. Ends up with 5 or 6 kids — all born from different Alphas, maximizing both reproductive value and genetic variability. Then settles for a beta provider for security; someone who would willingly get cuckolded out of a white-knight complex.

So, to the point, what does all this have to do with your relationship? If women are acutely aware of fluctuations in social dynamics, ESPECIALLY in their peak years, it means your status, not just your game, needs to be moving up on a fairly rapid scale. Even staying at a high point yet stagnant wouldn’t be enough; as hypergamy demands a girl get bored of her partner to encourage her to pusue something higher or at least different. Change must always be introduced, whether in the form of emotional turbulence, game induced complexes, or wealth and power. Hypothetically, you would only be able to “slack off” AFTER a girl has been removed from the secksual market; either through the wall or a lack of other opportunities.

And as we move towards an age where texting, networking, and online dating are allowing for the market to maximize surplus through over exposure to options, age will slowly become the ONLY equalizer. To explain further, take a look at this diagram (anyone with basic knowledge over economics will understand it better)

Imagine women as consumers and men as producers. At equilibrium, producer surplus and consumer surplus are fairly equal. When you have trade liberalization, the price drops and consumer surplus increases. This is akin to secksual market liberalization, where women have access to more options. It lowers the “price” (tradeoff between women and men) because more men are forced to compete with each other, washing out a larger number of betas and allowing a smaller number of Alphas to dominate the entire market. For a simpler demonstration:

Imagine a society with 10 women, 10 guys. 8 are beta, 2 are Alpha males. With secksual market liberalization, the 2 Alphas may only be able to contact perhaps 6 women in total. They don’t have access to Facebook or texting; they can only game the women AROUND them. We assume hypothetically that each has only 3 women around them. Now we have 2 Alpha males, each getting 3 women. 4 women are left, which leaves only 4 lonely betas.

With “free trade,” Alphas are given more flexibility to game more women. They have access to ones they are partially disassociated from and are thus able to monopolize all 10, leaving 8 lonely betas instead of our previous 4. All 8 wash each other out until the women are done “consuming” Alphas and must seek out stability instead.

Of course this isn’t how it literally plays out, only a basic demonstration. In peak years, the market will be more similar to the above raw diagram. Variable factors like contraceptives and the economic thesis of the misandry bubble will affect it in unpredictable ways; but the point remains clear.

Among the various issues that pop up in threads throughout this forum, there are three or four that consistently incite debate, even flaming, due to the fact that they have no real answers. It’s not that they are unclear, just that there are no direct yes/no answers to them. If anyone can think of another issue in addition to the ones I’ve expanded on below, feel free to add it. There’s no point in arguing about these things over and over again as it’s impossible to ever reach a consensus on what the “right” answer is.

 

(1) Is there such thing as an HB10?

Many have claimed that we should switch to an HB 0-1 scale because the 0-10 scale is superfluous. There is no such thing as a “perfect” girl, but that’s not the point of using a 0-10 scale. Ask any guy who has actually HAD in-field experience and he will contend that you game a girl who is a 7 or a 6 differently from a girl who is a “10.” When I’m writing a field report and I say “I met HB10” I am trying to tell you “I met a girl who was much hotter than every girl I saw this week” to give you a more accurate picture of how I felt; not to pedestalize a girl. A 0-10 scale is used for pragmatic reasons, and offers a certain degree of flexibility absent in a scale between 0 and 1. If I told you “I hard negged HB1” in the latter scale; would a better picture of the quality of the girl not help in assessing my approach?

However, the argument against ever using the number “10” is correct on its own merit. People say that because most of the guys on this forum DO have a bad habit of pedestalizing women. I see it right away when someone titles their thread “met HB 12.” In that sense, I would also discourage the practice.

 

(2) Does game exist?

Obviously yes, but that’s not why people post “forget about Game” in their responses. It’s because there’s a bad tendency to rely on game as a crutch, and/or read on and on about without every applying anything learned. What good does it do for a guy who learns a bunch of terms like “negging” and “take away” if he’s never going to USE THEM on a girl? The practice is too often reduced to intellectual masturbation, when in reality, it’s supposed to be something learned IN-FIELD. You hit you’re first real learning curve when you’re actually out there TALKING to girls, not when you’re reading about how to talk to them.

This being said, it’s still useful. Without blogs and forums that offer a compendium of information about the Venusian Arts, you’d still have guys socialized to believe that acting in an all-supplicating manner was the key to a woman’s intimacy. It is not. Game is useful insofar as it unplugs a guy from his faux conditioning; but it is not meant to be a permanent crutch for his development.

On another note, some people would swear that Game doesn’t exist because they know 2 or 3 guys who are amazing with women who have never heard of it. Just because a guy doesn’t consciously know about game does not mean he’s not exercising it. For instance, a man raised as a leader and taught to pursue his own dreams above everything else will naturally be inclined to do things like ignore a girl’s text or avoid desperate behavior. It’s not because “that’s what Mystery said to do,” it’s because that’s what he feels is right on a gut level. He knows that his ambitions are more important than the women around him. The problem is, most men are NOT raised in an ideal environment and instead, nurture various complexes and AFC mentalities. Game helps to make them AWARE of these things.

In the past where a man conditioned the wrong way had no hope of getting out of his beta complex — we now have generations of betas systematically altering their personalities to stop being pussies and AFCs. It’s not a bad thing.

The question is not whether game exists or not; it’s about how it is implemented. The natural does it subconsciously and instinctively because that’s how he was conditioned to respond to women, that’s how he PERCIEVES the world around him. He thinks “I want this girl, so I’m going to go talk to her.” The Game acolyte thinks “I want this girl, but fuck I’m scared to talk to her.” Through game, he is then able to CONSCIOUSLY remind himself about what’s hindering him (approach anxiety), and then take steps to overcome it. Yes, it would be ideal if every guy were raised as an Alpha and never had to resort to Game, but it is not so. There is no shame in relying on external game or developing inner game until it becomes internalized to the core of your personality.

 

(3) Does Game apply to relationships?

Seduction has always existed as an art. Game is simply the modern day compression of the basic tenants of seduction into a textbook science. But seduction, the art of making someone love you or like you or believe in you, has always existed in its many forms. You do not stop seducing, ever. You either have the ability to seduce, or you lack it. It is not a reality you can escape.

So what do people mean they say “Don’t play games in relationships?”

They mean don’t overanalyze things to the point of reversing progress. But should you “stop” gaming your wife? Should you ever say “fuck social proof” and decide to become a househusband while your wife gets a job as a massage therapist for people working on Wall Street? If your ex breaks up with you because of a lack of interest, do you “not play games” and just spill the beans on how you feel, or do you “play games” and perhaps make her jealous and withdraw attention? 90% of guys who use the “don’t play games” justification, do so to rationalize their own AFC behavior.

“Don’t play games — I’ll just tell her how I’m jealous”
“Don’t play games — I’ll just tell her I’m insecure”
“Don’t play games — I’ll just tell her I’ve been talking to other girls to make her jealous”

It just doesn’t cut it.

 

(4) Why do Pick up Artists sound gay?

There are two answers to this. First, because it works. While nowadays game has evolved into a more masculine form, people forget how effective old school pick up tactics used to be. Being high energy and quirky, while seemingly feminine, DID get you laid because it allowed you to open sets and introduce yourself to girls. Masculine game; sitting at the bar and waiting for a girl to walk by and then boldly charming her did not let you plow through set after set. Sometimes if you’re being too unreactive and aloof, you may MISS opportunities around you.

And second, because most pick up artists are NOT Alpha males. While most of the tactics in PU artistry are related to mimicking Alpha behavior and body language to elicit the same reactions from woman as a natural would; it does not mean that a good pick up artist is an Alpha Male. Nor does it work the other way around. I know men who are extremely Dominant over other men (army officers, lawyers, etc) but have no fucking clue how to talk to women. It’s a bad habit to assume the term PUA encompasses everything within social acuity.

One needs only to read the Game and recount Mystery’s huge bouts of Oneitis or Neil’s very own Oneitis at the end of the story to recall that both of them were indeed betas. They might have been betas who were very good at getting laid; but they were betas nonetheless. The two are not mutually exclusive.

 

(5) Do looks matter?

Again, yes and no. No because an ugly Alpha will out game a good-looking beta any time, anywhere. No because women become blind to looks and other faculties of logic when they are in the presence of a dominant man. No because when you go up the Alpha scale enough, it comes down to other factors like game and social proof.

Yes because it DOES affect you. It WILL, you cannot help it. The effect however, can be ambiguous. I know ugly men who lack confidence because they feel they are ugly. I know very good-looking men who have confidence because they’ve always been told they were good looking. I know ugly men who ARE confident because they have learned that this was the only way to compensate for their looks. I know good looking men who are NOT confident because they’ve been too feminized to retain the rugged confidence it takes to work women.

And besides all this, the question of how it effects you in-field also has no straight answer. If you’re good looking does it mean direct game will work for you better? Maybe, because a girl might find you attractive enough to give you a shot. Or maybe if you’re ugly, a direct approach is exactly what you need to let your boldness mask your looks.

What does all this mean? That the looks debate is irrelevant. You cannot change how you look, so you should never worry or ask about it. As a corollary, how much game you have is infinitely more important than how good you look when you go out. In fact, the main reason for looking good, is more FOR GAME than to give women aesthetic pleasure. When you look good, you tend to feel good, and thus you push better game. When you dress very well, other women might notice you which gives you more social proof.

Hey Shark-

Back in December you gave me some advice on how to handle a situation with a girl I was with for 5+ years. I had unknowingly backslid hard thinking that our relationship had the longevity to negate the need for game. I quickly learned soon after your response and reading of ‘The Black Flag’ that you must never stop running game; that you must always maintain your frame.

Anyway, if you want to refer back to my comment to refresh your memory (it was detailed) feel free, but the gist is: I lived with this girl for over 5 years and things were great, gradually it was perceived by her that I was struggling to make a business work when I began asking her to pay for her share of our bills, she began losing attraction for me as a provider and protector, etc. I apologized (looking back I can’t believe some of the things I said), she began sneaking around behind my back and cheating on me, I acted out emotionally and was obviously upset (serious DLV), she moved out, then said she was confused and was considering coming back, I told her there was no chance of revival, she began seeking validation by texting me, and I gave it to her by trying to hang out with her.

This is when I asked you for advice. You basically told me to forget about her, that the relationship has way too much baggage, and once a girl cheats there is no going back because subconsciously she will assume it is acceptable. Truth. So I did my best to keep every thought of her out of my head and it worked as I was able to focus on new chicks and myself. I ignored her weekly texts. Her friend lives in the top floor apartment of my house, so as she realized I was not going to try to get her back, she began coming over to my house more often. She began parking in my typical spot right outside of my front door obviously trying to be seen. This continues week after week. She makes as much noise as she can coming in and out of my house. I hear her asking her friend ‘whose car is that?’ when she notices one of my new girls’ cars outside.

A month later, she hears through a friend that I am hanging out with another girl and she’s taking me out for my birthday that weekend. My ex invites me out for a harmless birthday drink and I accept, thinking that I am going to subtly show her how great my life is (which it was then and is now), and I’m not going to give her an inch. We go out, she is obviously physically attracted to me again (since I have been hitting the gym hard (up 20lbs since October), lots of inappropriate-for-Disney-World type of kino, some nasty talk, whatever… Anyway, we both get sufficiently drunk that I start thinking about bringing her back to my place (she’s an easy 9). She seems totally down with it, but when we get back to my place (her car was there), instead of just leading her inside or offering to show her my new pet marmocet, I ask her if she’s coming in. She tells me she’s really attracted to me but she thinks it’s too soon since we just broke up, she says if she comes in we’re gonna have secks and she’s afraid of what will happen afterwards (doesn’t want to regret her decision, I chose this path and now I’m on it) yada, yada. She says that I’m going to get laid by some girl the next night anyway. After some back and forth, I say ‘whatever’ and get out of the car, knowing that I fucked up. She follows and asks me if I’m mad. I say ‘it’s whatever’. We’re both pretty hammered. She gives me a hug and leaves. I go in the house thinking I lost control of the situation and I’m really pissed at myself. I think about ‘The Black Flag’ and how this bastard Shark is just dead right about this stuff. At that very moment, your words were fully accepted as truth. As a sidenote, I just wanted to plow her, nothing more, as I had and still have a variety of girls at the ready.

She texts me at the crack of dawn the next morning saying ‘Happy B-day’ and I text her back thanks, she texts me back looking for more conversation and I say nothing. She calls me a few weeks later to ask me a stupid question about her car that anyone else could tell her. I brush her off. Unsolicited, she tells me about what’s happening in her life like I should care and I don’t and it’s clear.

A few more weeks go by and it is the end of February. I see her leaving my house early in the morning as I am coming back from a girl’s apartment. She asks me where I’ve been and I just shake my head and tell her she’s not looking so good with a straight face (I meant it). She says her sister just had a baby earlier that morning and she was too wasted to drive to see her. I said ‘that sucks’ and went in the house. She looked at me longingly like I should care; that she could cry.

After that, she stopped coming over to my house to see her friend.

She had been nice and friendly and seemingly hopeful of some type of something between us in the future up until this point, but she texted me a few weeks later that she was coming to take her grill that she told me I could keep (mind you I still have a bunch of random shit of hers in my basement). I told her she could have it when I moved out and she sent me a cunty text which I ignored. I then saw her drive by my house as I was walking to my door about an hour later. She drove by like a creep with some dude in her car and when she saw me she slowed way down like she wanted to turn around and go back the other way. I just grilled her as she drove by and she gave me this super gay embarrassed grin as she passed. I texted her and asked her how old she was. I did not see her again for two months.

This past weekend I saw her boss at a bar and ended up talking to him for a while since we used to be pretty good friends and I hadn’t seen him in 5 months or so. He told me things were the same with ‘the business’ and my ex was still slaving away for them. I told him about my new job and general things about how sweet my life is. I made it a point to insinuate how much money I was making since I knew whatever I said would make it back to my ex. I was with this hot-ass girl that looks similar to her to top it off. Anyway, what do you suppose happened the next day?

I get a text from her straight out of Forgetting Sarah Marshall or something like that: ‘Steve said he saw you the other night (it was last night and this dude probably had just told her) and he said you looked really great and sounded really great. Glad your job is going well!’ I didn’t respond and still haven’t.
Before we broke up, she made it clear that she lost attraction for me because I was not as jacked as I used to be (I ate a vegan diet because of her, jesus), and because she felt insecure about our future in terms of my income-generating abilities, i.e. you have lots of great ideas, but I don’t think you will make any of them work. Now she knows I look good and I have money. I missed her for a month or so and still miss some of the best parts of her, inevitably when I don’t see them in another girl, but for her to leave me when I was down, for her not to believe in me, and cheat on me for fux sake, is all unforgiveable, backsliding or not, and getting back with her has never been an option.

Now she knows for sure that I truly don’t give a shit about her (she KNOWS this or at least her hamster does) and honestly I don’t. You may not believe me but I don’t. I just think she is finally coming to grips with the fact that I will never be a part of her life again and she is realizing what it means to break up almost 6 months later. She knows I’m making a healthy salary and have a business on the side, she sees my new car (it’s not an Accord), she knows there are other girls, and she knows I’m happy without her.

So I’m writing to you to get your opinion partly because I never thanked you for your golden advice months ago, and also because I feel like I owe it to myself since you led me down a path to success when I could have gone down a path of self-destruction or maybe just self-loathing and apathy. Plus you enjoy reading detailed stories, yes?

So what to do, Shark? Is she trying once again to lure me in so she can say ‘ish don’t think so’ again and feel validated? Is she trying to test me to see if I’m really as alpha as she may perceive me to be now? Does she really want to me to join her minions in the friend zone (she already knows being friends is not an option)? Does she want to find out if she still has feelings for me? Does she want to steal my kidneys and sell them? Probably all of the above…

My head tells me to just keep ignoring her, but my gut says ignoring her is the beta route to take. I think that talking to her and dominating her mental faculties through sheer masculine will may solidify my transition and make me feel even more all-powerful. I can tell you honestly that my goals in life include exploring the plethora of women available in the world and in no way do I want to get involved in a soul-sucking relationship with anyone, especially this girl. So respond and dominate or ignore?

I’m aware that just writing this is placing way too much importance on this girl, but you must trust me that the only time I spend thinking about this girl is when I get it shoved in my face by an interloper. This comment is for the education of myself and other readers that are faced with this same dilemma. I feel dirty just writing this. I’m going to the gym.

Excellent.

All of the above. Her faux indignation is a combination of affirmation seeking behavior, a need to re-assess your frame, and authentic attraction which she’s having trouble coming to terms with. Betatizing you or selling your kidneys would be the obvious cures; but (hopefully) ones she’ll never get. Assuming your value is continuing to shoot up and up, I suspect her hamster is having trouble reconciling with her compulsion to trade up the hypergamy ladder considering that what she dated in the past dwarfs her future prospects. And as a result, is trying to turn you into a perceived beta to increase the viability of her other options and re-affirm her own value. And of course, now that you guys aren’t in direct contact with each other, she has no way to shit test you other than to find side avenues that grant proximity and plausible deniability at the same time (she wants to be around you, but needs another reason other than you).

That instance on your birthday was handled incorrectly as far as your goals are concerned. If you wanted to get back with her, what you did was right. But if your goal was secks with no strings attached, you should’ve led her inside; a bold move I’m sure she wouldn’t have second guessed. Any proceeding LMR from then on could easily be defused by short bursts of freezing out. To simplify further:

Her rationalization of not wanting things to escalate falls in line with our theory of “never listen to what a girl says, only what she does.” Always see actions in light of their most elementary intentions. Why is a girl interested in you? Attraction + Rapport. If attraction was already there, what was missing that kept her from asking to come inside herself? Rapport. A woman never thinks logically (especially not when under the influence), she thinks emotionally. Her reason for not wanting to come inside couldn’t have anything to do with a rational concern over the long-term stability of your relationship and/or her own well being.

She felt that the gap between your statuses was too far and that having secks with you would only widen it. When you asked “are you coming in?” You did the right thing in terms of establishing frame control, and one of strong detachment and amused mastery; but it took you too far out of her own reach. She knows you already have hand, this would’ve been giving you everything else. The things she said, “You’re going to have secks with another girl tomorrow anyways,” “Are you mad?” and texting you the next day are all symptoms of this. Starting with the first; her hamster caused her to blurt out one of its insecurities in Freudian fashion, she wanted to see if “you’re mad” because by eliciting an emotional response from you she would’ve gotten hand again (which you could have conceded to and then turned the entire thing into a huge emotional hate fuck), and she is torn between wanting you and wanting you to want her.

Ignore it, do not try and re-engage even under a “new frame.” To solidify your transition would mean to let go of it. Your urge to dominate it is stemming from a deep seated need for self-affirmation from a girl that previously cheated on you; a type of ego confirmation that says “Yes, now I KNOW I’m Alpha because I conquered the greatest symbol of my Beta self,” but so long as you need something to solidify your transition in the first place, you can’t get there. The end of the journey comes when you no longer want to quantify your progress.

This entire dynamic is poison for you and needs to be cut. You’re doing well, continue it. I also notice, and this may or may not be true, that you chose a very specific way of acting on your birthday incident. Like I said, you had two options:

(a) Not have secks but retain strong frame
(b) Have secks even if you need to concede a bit, gives you secks if that’s all you care about

Being a reader here by then and already on your way to a better life, I’m sure you were at least subconsciously aware of the second option. But still, you didn’t choose (b), you chose (a). You’ll have to figure out if that’s because there are lingering remnants of a Oneitis there or because she shook up your frame so strongly in the past that you are now more inclined to remain unshakable (a rarer strain of Oneitis). But this has the ironic double effect of meaning she DID get to you, because she caused you to react by actively choosing to remain unreactive (if that makes any sense). If you’ve read the post on Golden Nuggets, recall how important it is to know thyself. Be in tune with your subconscious and understand where your weaknesses lie. Your conscious mind will tend to justify them as strengths, but they are not. You see her as the greatest reminder of your beta past and now feel the need to conquer it as a way to finally objectively conquer your beta self; this is why your gut instinct does not agree with passively ignoring it. But to conquer it IS to let go of it – it doesn’t work the other way around.

Hey Shark,

I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now, read your e-book.
Absorbed every bit of information as I could and actually questioned it without being naive.
Your e-book was actually worth it, thanks; it put a lot of thoughts into words for me.

I’m in need of some advice and tips.
My situation is kind of interesting.

I was born in Romania, my parents didn’t really have time for me as a kid, they were always away on business; they worked together. We had a store franchise, everything went great although of course it was a lot of work for my parents.

At a point, my father motivated us to emigrate to the United States. He went there first and started a transportation company.
When he had about 5 trucks and trailers, he brought us there as well. I was maybe 3-5 years old when we moved, don’t remember much.

We moved somewhere near San Diego, California. The store franchise back in Romania was given by my father to his sister (fuck). It was a mistake of course, she sold everything and didn’t give us a penny.

So I started school at 7 years of age. Moved a lot because my mother couldn’t adapt to ONE place.
I’ve been all over the USA… NYC, LA, Las Vegas, Washington DC, you name it.

I did well in school. I guess I was really quiet, a “loner”, didn’t really fit in and didn’t care to try.
I remember though that about every hot girl in school had a crush on me, also kept hearing gossip at almost every school I went. I learned how to play the violin, guitar and piano in middle school. (I think it’s called elementary).

I was like the hot European guy who doesn’t give a fuck about any American pussy, negs the fuck out of em’; is rich, maybe spoiled but doesn’t show it (I was not spoiled) and rode in daddy’s Jag. My views were mainly on business and financial ideas. I remember the first gf i’ve ever had was by accident, because I tried avoiding having the school cheerleading captain as a girlfriend (long story). Turned out they had a bitch fight and one ended up crying in the bathroom (avoided both of them after that).
Anyway, in 7th grade/year we wanted to move to the United Kingdom. I thought Birmingham was cool, didn’t care really about moving. I liked the adventure of moving, went to about 4-5 different schools in the US. So it wasn’t really a new experience.

The same thing happened in Birmingham.
Had the biggest house in the neighborhood, had a jaw dropping Chevrolet Explorer and Mercedes shipped from America to England including all our American collection of furniture.
Kind of the worst year of school for me, avoided going with the Cheve to school.
The English weren’t really that friendly with me, I guess it’s because I mind-fucked all their screwable chicks that year.
Joined the school basketball team, the second best school in the area.

So when I left the US, I had just finished the 7th grade/year.
Then when I arrived at Birmingham, they said that it’s equivelant to the 9th grade/year in England.
So I actually skipped 8th grade/year.

In England, we didn’t start any business. We actually spent a LOT of money and had no income.
After spending most of our money, the tables had turned.

We decided to move back to Romania.
So I had finished the 9th grade/year in the UK, and normally when a student comes from another country to Romania and tries to enroll at a school here, he/she’s put in a grade/year lower, equivelant to their studies.
(The Romanian Curriculum is a lot more vast and complex than in the US or UK.
The stuff they teach here in the 10th — 11th grade/year is equivelant to College or University stuff in other countries, especially in Mathematics).

The children here all start school at the same time as in the US though, but it’s just harder, they also finish 12 years of school, same as in the US.
When I sent the papers to the Ministry of Education, it took about 3 years to respond, we called and coincidentally the lady was looking over my papers at the exact same time, heard our situation and said that it’s almost christmas, so just be happy and continue onto the 10th grade/year. (She was actually supposed to put me into a few years lower even though we requested the 10th grade/year.)

We have 2 houses here that we’re renovating, some land properties as well.
So 3 years have passed since then, I just finished the 12th grade/year here and took my Baccalaureate exams. (It was really hard catching up to my peers)
I finished high school at 16 years of age. when everyone else in my class were 18-19 years old.

I analyzed my situation, and I think that it’s best that I move back to the US and start a business.(oh, I’m not an only child, had a sister born in California while we were there)
(a year passed since I finished HS) I’m turning 18 this summer. As I said the tables have turned, we spent most of our money in England, had just been able recently to get back up
enough to renovate and construct these 2 houses.

I’m thinking of going as an International student, registering to a city college because it’s cheaper, get married(not really going for college, but for marriage and a business idea).
The thing is, if I don’t get married within my college/univ. period, I’ll be deported back to Romania.
I want to move back and start a business. Then expand and maybe go into Agriculture after buying some land in the US.
All of this I will accomplish on my own, I’ll only have my dad for a little financial help and advice.
I’m considering paying a girl to marry me if I can, have an open relationship with her (or official, whatever), until I can move on (or stick with her if we get along).
I think I’ll throw up in the plane toward the US. I don’t want my parents to know that I feel this much pressure, i’m sure my dad knows how I feel anyway.
It really is a lot of pressure. Starting from scratch, attending college, marrying a girl without being desperate (but actually be) to not let her take advantage of you (or paying her).
How would you play the getting married part out? Do you have any pointers on getting married for papers? I don’t know if I should just be straight forward or… It’s just too complicated for my 18 year old brain to handle at one time.
I’m just going to let the chips fall where they may and be my best self.
How would you approach this?
I’ve never had any problems with women, had a more profound look upon life. It’s like a masculine character and outlook on life is unavoidable for me.
I’d say my dad’s a super alpha. Doesn’t cheat on my mother, usually flirts if the woman has a hot daughter for me…
I’ve dated recently only 20-23 year old girls. I have because I can, people say that i’m very mature for my age, look mature too, wear stylish clothes, classical, original, different. I’m still 17 years old.
This situation is very stressful for me, It’ll be a different situation in the US, i’ll be starting from scratch, no reputation, nothing.
Shark, I don’t need a savior, I’m very political, I also know about religion.
All I need is a good piece of advice, I don’t know, maybe a little bit of help with my self-esteem. (In your own way)
I’m not really good with words, more of a body language type of guy and with my tone of voice.
What do you think?

Seeing as how you have game and ambition; finding a girl to marry won’t be difficult. The harder part will be living with your decision in case you think it wrong in the future or if your marriage becomes unstable. Although you could, however, take the Machiavellian route and choose to marry only for papers and then take advantage of America’s very gracious divorce standards. Get an iron-clad prenup and bam; you’re on your way. Which means your options are three-fold:

(a) Kill it at university to transfer into the best school you can. Become a very viable candidate for a job that offers a work visa or become successful enough to get a business visa
(b) Pay a girl to marry you
(c) Marry and assume you can always get divorced later on

If you want the honest answer, I would approach this the same exact way you are currently approaching it. I’ve never felt I was working to the pinnacle of my capabilities unless I was backed into a corner. You’re stressing out about it because you are worried of what will happen in the event that you “fail.” Embrace it. Let it flow through all of your thoughts. That anxiety will keep you focused throughout. Are you guaranteed to succeed? Hell no. But where would the challenge be if you were? Do or Die.

Option (a) is much, much safer than you think. In fact, everyone I know who was in your situation has done exactly that. They came here, fist raped American students in Math and engineering, and then went on to acquire work visas at ease. Remember there’s a reason why many countries suffer from a brain drain. To approach this with as much audacity yet practically as possible, I would say work your heart out in both business and school simultaneously.

Hi shark, any thoughts on swinging? If your gf seems interested in experimenting new things sexually (despite us having a great sex life), is that necessarily a sign of low interest? Thanks

Go for it. If it were low interest, she wouldn’t bring it up.

Here’s a delicate situation that I wish the Shark to spread some light on:

It’s 10pm on a Friday night. You and your girl have driven far out of town to visit some of HER friends (consisting of two females and one metro-sexual male). Your girlfriend, the little shit-testing devil she is, feels empowered because she’s now with her friends (funny isn’t it?). She then decides to throw a cosmic shit test your way. In front of her friends, she enthusiastically proclaims that you all should go dancing at the hottest, most flaming gay club in town. All of her friends cheerfully agree. You, on the other hand, do not see a night of rubbing up against gay men as “fun”.

Naturally, you decline, suggesting a straight club instead. Nevertheless, she and her friends press for the gay club, laughing and smirking as they realize they have you on the hot seat. “What’s the matter? You’re not afraid of gay men, are you?”

“No,” you reply, “I’m not gay, why would I go to a gay club?”. You look away, feigning aloofness. To concede now would be to surrender your balls to her IN FRONT OF HER FRIENDS, one of the most abject forms of castration known to mankind.

Like in a chess match, you quickly contemplate your options. A delicate situation indeed! For only a man unsure of his own masculinity would be so resistant about partying at a gay club. You want to prove that you are confident and fun, whether among gays or hoes, but you have already cast your position. To backtrack now would be to fail the shit test, betray your own ideals, and spend all night in gay club while your girl and her friends laugh and cheer on gay men with impunity. After all, there’s nothing wrong with her flirting and dancing with gay gays in front of you, right? They are gay, after all.

Your options, as I see it:
1) Refuse to go, ditch them, and head by yourself to a normal club instead. Then again, you may come off as a homophobe, a man unsure of his masculinity, and an overall party pooper/loner.
2) Go ahead with them to the gay club. Then find any women there and hit on them while your girl tries to pull off her antics around the gays.
3) Give her your alpha sith lord death stare and pray you have enough dominance in the relationship to make her pussy quiver and her mind change. ( I wish I had this one )

I’ve been in this situation before, the correct answer is:

(4) Go there and run game. Let the guy guys hit on you, buy you shots, and all that jazz.

You laugh? Think about it this way; your girlfriend has unknowingly bought you into a club where social dynamics are inverted and skewed in your favor. Your masculinity stands out like a porno flick in the vatican movie room. She will assume you’ll go introverted and be uncomfortable, a chance for her to gain hand. Instead, you go, and your presence, for the first time, far outshines hers in the secksual market. It’s not even close. No one cares that she exists, everyone is buying you drinks and trying to grasp if you’re gay or not. No one understands you, which adds a flavor of bold mystery.

She’s not jealous in the sense that she feels threatened; but she IS jealous of how much attention you’re getting and she’s not. She begins to try and edge her way to you, but is blocked by gay people clamoring for your attention; pissing her off further. She starts to get worried, “omg, his ego is so fucking inflated right now.” She learned her lesson, and never brings you around gay people again. She secretly thinks to herself how horrible it would be if she was the guy and you were the girl in the relationship.

hey dude. What is it with chicks and horoscopes? Every girl I know seems to swear by the idea that being born in a certain month influences their entire identity. Now I just think it’s total bullshit, but would looking into it more be a good idea (if only for an extra topic of conversation)?

Think about it this way: If a girl has a limited number of eggs and must maximize her biological payout by ensuring she mates with partners that have the highest reproductive values; why would it be favorable for her to assume that an external force has prearranged her love life? It removes the risk that she could be CHOOSING THE WRONG PARTNER; something with far less repercussions for men.

Even if you think its total bullshit, play into it. If she asks you what your sign is, tell her to guess but never actually tell her.

And for anyone wondering how it works; it’s all confirmation bias. A libra girl will read a line that says “Libras may love shopping” and think “wtf? that’s totally me” while a Virgo guy will read a line that says “Virgo loves chastity” and think “holy shit, that’s totally me.” But in reality, both traits are simply characteristics of their gender in general.

Try this experiment for shits and giggles: copy and paste one Zodiac personality summary and send it to a girl of a different sign but don’t tell her it’s not hers. Ask her “This is what I read about your sign, is it true?”

Also, any thoughts on starting a message board for us to interact with each other?

I’ve considered it before; possibly when there are more readers here.

Shark, I’ve something to pick with you. Reading this article has just forced my hand with this comment, as it was kind of the last nail in the coffin. It may also help any newcomers to the site, if you do choose to respond…

Excellent material, as always. Compliments aside however, I just wanted to let you know what not only your articles, but what the existence and my learning of the entire PUA world has done to me. How can I put this… I think I’ve been prematurely unplugged. Being a little younger than most hasn’t helped, by the way. Most on the site seem to think it’s a good thing, coming out of the Matrix, but because I’m either intelligent or pragmatic enough to believe you, the epiphanies that have come with the new lenses you’ve given me have also dealt out wave after wave of depressing realisation. I haven’t been genuinely enjoying life since this happened.

Before you jump the gun: I don’t really lack in the game department, and I have read a fair bit of PUA material before (not your book though). I’ve been in a relationship for about a year now, with another LTR before that went for longer, and I don’t find it hard to ‘get’ girls. So for someone that completely (albeit begrudgingly) believes you, and has had the last glimmering hope of ‘true love’ extinguished, how can I go on and be happy?

No Spoon has a very good answer to this:

I understand what you are saying about the harsh reality behind the ‘magic’ of love, but you are insinuating that what you thought of as ‘true love’ is the only thing that made you happy; the only thing you lived for. Focus on your goals and activities that you ‘love’ and in time you will be glad to have taken the red pill.

I now liken my experience to discovering Santa Claus wasn’t real. It was shocking at first because the mystique of how the presents arrived was gone. But after a while, I discovered what the holiday is really supposed to be about (family/hitting retail targets?), I still got the presents, and now just because I understood the mystique does not mean I enjoyed it any less, just in a different way. Follow me?

(1) Adhere to natural geometry

Despite the complexities associated with the modern metropolis, social stratas have, for the most part, been organized in pyramids. Advances in communicative abilities (from social networking to weapons that make regulation more cost-efficient) only expand the scale at which societies are organized, but this fundamental layout remains the same. What does this have to do with your small business?

Don’t start it with 3 “equal” partners. If you have an idea, run with it. Bring the others along but maintain a mutual understanding that you are the controlling partner. Don’t seek out partners JUST to have them. If someone’s your equal, you won’t be able to fire them without a fair amount of sand bagging. The internal conflict resulting from a lack of clear leadership, and an unequal work ethic + a demand for equal payouts will tear you a new asshole. On the other hand, don’t opt to work by yourself or you limit your potential for growth and new ideas. Start something, and then delegate authority after you have assessed a persons’ value and are sure that they will cover their own costs to a profitable degree. Find leaders who are willing to follow you, not followers who want to lead you. And never grant someone control without properly gauging their motive and work ethic.

In every project, there must be ONE person with the authority to say, “I know we’ve been working on this for a year, but it sucks balls. We’re going to have to start from scratch again.”

(2) Prefer knowledge over how to make money than how to control it

It sounds kind of cryptic, but the idea is simple. Before tasting success, everything I ever learned about finance seemed to be of use. In your first few business ventures, you’ll have to micro manage everything yourself, making minute skills like bookkeeping of paramount importance. But once you start generating profit, these skills become less and less important. At one point, I firmly remember thinking “should I review accounting principles… or just pay an accountant?” followed by, “holy shit… everything I ever learned about finance is now useless because I have money.”

Edison summarized it best, “I can hire a mathematician, but a mathematician cannot hire me.” Be a businessman FIRST, and everything else later. A person with a vision but no skills has more potential than a person with a myriad of skills but no vision. It is better to be resourceful than to have resources.

(3) Why am I doing this?

Going back to the accounting example above, unless you understand why it’s important to keep meticulous notes that clearly illustrate WHERE your money is going, you will fail to reap its benefits. More likely you’ll see it as a chore to avoid getting your asshole taxed. But in reality, it will help you understand EXACTLY where your business is inefficient and how it can be improved. Your business is like a wife, every now and then, you’ll have to trim the fat off of that shit, or watch it bloat into a plumpy corpse of debt. They say Rockafeller owes the majority of his success to having the soul of a bookkeeper which always kept him inclined to pour over his numbers.

The importance of understanding WHY you’re doing something extends to every facet of your business. Take hiring a lawyer for example, most business owners assume you should hire one just to have one; and end up (if they’re successful) hiring some overpaid junior suit from a tier 1 firm who doesn’t carry much more than a brand name. Unless you NEED that, opt for a mid-size firm with a good reputation, known to give its clients a proper amount of attention. You need to be in rhythm with your business; what does it NEED, why ARE you doing _________? Is it helping?

Youtube confirms our worst fears, people who play video games are becoming more Alpha than people who rap about guns, money, and hoes.

Notice the extreme reverse polarization of Alpha traits (Theme Alert). We’ve lamented before about how women are becoming more Alpha and guys becoming more beta, but this is just blasphemy.

Break up song for a guy:

Break up song for a girl:

Bruno Mars: Exactly what not to do in a breakup

Beyonce: Exactly what to do in a break up

Why is this such an important point? Most of the articles I have written about post-relationship mortem regard the same principles. The trick is to have you read them over and over again till the concepts get cremated into your heads. So if you have a beta fapshit song like Mars’ and a guy listens to said song over and over again post-breakup, what ideas are circulating in his head? “we’re soul mates,” “call her again,” “miss her,” “you’ll never find someone like that again,” etc. If you listen to this song pre-relationship, you might not even get to that point. Expect a hard LJBF while you’re fapping to Bruno Mars playing in the background. Hope this brings tears to your eyes.

On the other hand, listen to I’m a survivor, and what goes through your head? It has come to the point where you have to listen to one of the hardest power to the pussy artists out there, as a guy, to get motivation for getting over your ex girlfriend. Oh the irony.

A clip that metaphorically represents the grim future I see for later generations:

See that scene where the hobbit grabs his hand because it gets burned? Tolkien was foreshadowing phase 1. Men will be imbued with genes that scorch their fingertips every time they try to fap, granting god like power to pussy. Protein shakes and beer will be spiked with estrogen enhancing supplements. The trend will continue until men are reduced to little midget slaves as a combination of female self-sufficiency, technological innovation, and ultra-neo-feminazism render the sperm, primal ambition, and other masculine attributes obsolete. Likely we’ll be farmed and experimented on for the betterment of humanity womananity. Women will take pride in saying “I am no man” while wielding fancy CEO labeled pens and slaying business deals. The last few Alpha Males will be forced to battle each other to death in giant Amphitheaters for the entertainment of the female swarm. Resistance to the Matrix will be punishable by death. Amused mastery, witty responses, and ignoring women will result in exile from society. Giant womanbots capable of shit testing at 50,000 illogical statements per half-hour will be utilized to purge the system of threats. Or 2012 will strike first. Your pick: death by shit tests or death by apocalypse?

Oneits again, hehehe!

Good job!

I have a question.

You and Roissy says that show Vulnerability in the right moment is a powerful game tool.

Shark, You never wrote a post about “how to show vulnerability in a relationship”. Can you do it ?

Vulnerability game in a relationship isn’t so much about showing vulnerabilities, i e; expounding on your insecurities, as it is about showing that you have a vulnerable side and POSSIBLE vulnerabilities yet to be unearthed. Women chase what they can’t have, and in a relationship, they already have your exclusive intimacy. What they don’t have, and what they crave, is access to the more guarded parts of your mind and a monopoly over your attention. The irony behind it being that if you do hand these things over, there’s nothing else to chase and she loses her interest in the relationship. Remember cat string thing, a cat only chases the ball that moves in front of it; but loses interest if it either catches it or if it moves too far away. This is the essence of vulnerability game. If you blatantly come out with your insecurities, there’s no mystery behind it. On the other hand, if you run masculine game too hard and come off as a rock, there’s nothing for her to chase. You want to show flashes of vulnerability to spike her curiosity. Some ideas to illustrate:

You were heart broken before and no longer believe in love (she will work to prove that it’s real)

You’re insecure about achieving your dreams, you don’t know if it’ll be possible but you’re willing to work to death to try it (she will work to support you and not bother you when you’re busy)

You’re unsure if it’s ever safe to open up to someone (she tries to get you to open up)

Notice that all of these insecurities come in very abstract and divine forms. “I’m insecure that I might not be able to live up to my full potential” is very different from “I’m secure that you might be cheating on me.” The former causes someone to look up to you, and for your ego to push yourself harder. The latter makes you over protective and whiny.

shark, is there ever a time when it is appropriate to fight for a girl- metaphorically speaking? for example, if you were TOO much of an asshole and actually really hurt her, is it ok to be a beta and ask for her forgiveness? how would you handle this? no contact isn’t working

I answered a very similar question on the pick-up-artist-forum recently, I’ll copy and paste my response:

If you do something that breaks rapport on an extreme level, whether it be cheating or yelling the shit out of her, DO NOT back pedal. Instinctively when men do something wrong on this level, we apologize dearly because we’ve been conditioned to believe that it’s the right thing to do. But often times, the right thing to do morally is not the best thing to do for a relationship. Rapport and attraction have an interesting dynamic. When you build attraction, you can break rapport. But you build rapport, you must never break attraction. Remember that women are NOT turned on by men they only have rapport with, the subtext of attraction is a critical element. Without it, all rapport gets funneled through an LJBF filter.

Going back to your example, after you yell at a girl, you’ve broken rapport and must find someway to rebuild it. But by apologizing and sending flowers, you attempt to build it while SUPPLICATING. She might think of you as a “nicer” person now, but you strip yourself of the higher value allure that draws her to you in the first place. An example of building rapport WITHOUT taking away attraction:

You yell at her. She cries. You guys don’t talk for a week. She finds out you’re “talking” to some other girl. She eventually texts to “talk about stuff.” She says “wtf is wrong with you?” when you guys meet up. You grab her and tell her “You’ll never know how much I love you” and then just walk away. No-contact for another week or two, let her imagination and anxiety run wild. From my experience, this routine works 95% of the time.

That 1 statement, delivered powerfully, “You’ll never know how much I love you,” is all the rapport you will ever need in a relationship. No flowers, gifts, texts, voice mails, nothing. Just that and be gone. That + mystery and dread = Pussy Quakes.

When a girl wants to avoid you because she’s worried about something, you must tell her “I’m avoiding you because I’m a monster” or some shit like that. The genius of it is how little it makes sense. It is logically incongruent, yet in the eyes of a woman, you are now what SHE cannot have, even though it is technically her who is not supposed to want you. Never be angry that women do not abide by the rules of logic, celebrate it and use it to your advantage.

I wouldn’t say she’s in control right now as if you’ve gamed a girl correctly, your dominance becomes somewhat hard-wired into your dynamic with her. But she’s definitely gaining it and you’ve given her hand by conceding to her frame.

It’s also important that you understand this whole thing about you yelling is almost insignificant. I have seen guys do way more fucked up shit and suffer little to no consequences for it. These things come off as fucked up because we’ve been trained to believe they are so supremely fucked up. So when they happen, the girl ACTS like you just murdered Gandhi. And if you CONCEDE TO HER FRAME and apologize a thousand times for it, you only AGREE with her that what you did was wrong and that you now need to supplicate. After a bit of confirmation theory and post-hoc rationalization kicks in, she keeps going off on it. Remember that women will do whatever it takes to preserve their agency, it is an extension of the female imperative. She is compelled by an implicit need to dominate your attention and turn you into a beta orbiter; this whole fiasco is just another opportunity for her to say “You fucked up, gimme what I want.” The more you treat an issue like an important issue, the more ammo you give her.

Your relationship isn’t stagnant, it’s just that she is freezing you out. And it’s so easy for her because right now she is in the power position. It’s always harder for the person WAITING for something to happen, than it is for the person who’s waiting to MAKE something happen. So long as she feels no anxiety about actually losing you, there will be no strong motivating force to push her to get you back. We only chase the things that run away from us, are you running away or towards her?

Game is counter intuitive, inaction is often the best course of action.

Her saying that you’re moving too fast is not what she literally “means.” Remember that a girl only mirrors her internal emotional state. What you did by flipping out was show that there’s something INCONGRUENT about you. And when a girl finds something incongruent about the guy she likes, she immediately takes a step back to re-evaluate the relationship. This is when she will say something like, “I think we’re moving too fast” or “I think we’re too attached.” Whatever cliche logical explanation she has seen in movies and tabloids will be the one to leave her mouth.

Unfortunately, when this happens, guys tend to PULL back harder when you’re supposed to do the opposite. 99% of the time a girl is not breaking up with you for the reason she is saying she’s breaking up with you. In most cases like yours, it will ironically happen because of a lack of ATTRACTION, not rapport. The guy does something fucked up, believes he fucked up, and supplicates to make up for it sooooo much that the girl gains a disproportionate amount of power and loses all attraction for him.

And when/if she gets back with you, pay no attention to this. Never bring it up or randomly apologize for it. When you’re an Alpha, a halo affect takes place. Your girl will rationalize every single one of your mistakes if she wants you bad enough. Men underestimate the power of power itself too often. It is simply unfathomable how strong the female inclination to submit to a dominant cock is.

The only time no-contact doesn’t work is when your relationship is already too broken for it to work. Either you were TOO MUCH of an asshole and your relationship now has emotional baggage – you’re better off building a new one. Or, she already lost interest and this asshole move was the excuse she needed to dump you. Otherwise, you’re not waiting long enough for the effect of no-contact to kick in (usually 4-6 weeks but could be longer).

Read this post on no-contact.

Hey Shark, Kinda needed to read this today. Ex wants me back. We went through a sort of honeymoon period where we spent some time together, although I told her I couldn’t just take her back without considering the future and what I wanted. She slept around a bit since we broke up and I haven’t.

So last night I finally slept with another girl. Cute, fun to be around, she smokes which is a turn off, sex was ok, but not near as good as with my ex…it was kinda fumbling in the dark. I feel like a machine with my ex, with this girl I honestly don’t know if she was faking or not, and didn’t care much really. New girl is getting kinda clingy, I’m keeping her at arms length.

Here’s the issue. After sex, I was pretty sure I wanted my ex back…this wasn’t as good as what I could be having, plus there are solid feelings between us. I’m not going to jump the gun, I’m going to go out and meet more women, sleep with more to see what I’m missing. But is it oneitis every time I think of my ex? Can I not legitimately want to be with her as a better girl than those I’ve been meeting, or would you chalk it up to fear and what’s easy?

There needs to be a term for this reaction, something like PBDO (Post-breakup-Dick-Oneitis). When your ex re-enters the secksual market as a free agent, the competitive part of your mind that seeks to minimize paternal risk wants to fuck her more and more because it unconsciously understands that there is a greater chance of her now getting impregnated by another man. A quick google search would reveal a conclusive number of studies, like this one, that support the idea of sperm competition and higher secks drives among men with multiple or unreliable partners.

But in a species like ours, where the male invests all his resources in raising children inside a monogamous couple, spending them into genetically unrelated offspring means a biological disaster. For example, when men spend more time away from their partners (when their partners could get the opportunity to mate with other males), the number of sperm cells per similar sperm volumes rises sharply.

In other words, even if you think you objectively remember secks being better with your ex; you can’t trust your mind. It’s more than likely that your brain is DECREASING the pleasure of having secks with other women because of a PDBO reaction.

The solution being what you already suggested, keep fucking more and more women, preferably ones you find more physically attractive than your ex. The real trick though, is going to be finding a girl who makes you work for it. Think of emotional investment as a form of capital. Right now, 90% of yours is invested into your ex. A cute, but clingy girl, will make it too easy. It’ll shift only 5% of your previous investment, still keeping you 85% invested into your ex. But a girl as cute as your ex, who doesn’t put out until you put in work, will cause much more mental mayhem. And if she occasionally distances herself and acts in all the capricious and coy ways men find irresistible, she may cause a full turn around.

For me to chalk it up as fear without knowing anything more about your relationship would be far too naive. I don’t know enough about either of you, or your dynamic with her. You’ll have to do your best to gauge the chances yourself – do you want her out of fear and dependency or is this something you’d pursue regardless? By best advice would be; if you want to play it safe, cut it loose. If you want to play the odds, go for it but be weary of signs of psychological dependency and resentment. The last thing you want is to complacently pull yourself back into a soul sucking relationship.

I have a girl in my mind that I really love, and I want to improve our relationship, I have known her for a good 7 years but I don’t know if I should ask her out, could someone plz help as I have no idea how to advance our relationship.

7 years? She has friend-zoned you hard. Pray for divine intervention.

Shark,

My name’s Carlo and I’m from the Philippines (dunno if you’ve heard of it, but yes you have a reader here). I’m 18 and currently in college. About 2 months ago I found your website at a time that couldn’t have been any better, fate perhaps? To cut the story short, I played my then girlfriend for my ex and for another girl. And I got shit for it. Back then, I was dumb founded, I had no idea what the hell happened and I was even surprised with my actions. After reading some of your posts I realized, I acted the way a guy would. I cheated on her cause she withdrew sex (cause of her belief in purity, and how she’ll only have sex with me if I marry her), this girl was something else, the epitome of a disillusioned diva (probably cause of her past and background of family). She’s probably an 8, but her knowledge and control of social dynamics was far greater, I didn’t stand a chance. Though, what surprised me was that she had sex with me a week before she found out (this probably cause she sensed that I was talking to other girls, building attraction, etc.) I was a happy blind man, not realizing that THAT sex was cause she felt obliged to give it to me, not because she wanted to. Hell of a difference, it sucked btw. Anyway it haunts me when I think back, cause I realize how much of a cunt I was. And I thank you for initiating the first real time my eyes were opened to the world, oh the place where opportunists thrive and the naive succumb to the pitfalls of feminism and content never finding their purpose in life.

Now I have a couple of things that i’d like to ask you, cause I’m new to all this. And my mind is craving for enlightenment, and the problem is I have no real mentor, if ever there is an unplugged alpha here, I will never find him. So here:

1. As you might’ve noticed, asian countries (well at least us) probably fueled feminism to greater heights. Women are seen as prizes, goals, bragging rights, etc.; most of the middle class to higher classes of women probably don’t know how to drive and don’t even want to work. This then gives them a greater extent of control over the sexual market here, since they realize that their pussy can actually suffice their needs and wants. I see my facebook friends posting shit about how they found the love of their life and people commenting and liking it, even guys. I see boyfriends carrying bags, paying for everything, doing extra gay things to get the girl’s attention back; this then supports the actions of these people making them even more lost into the matrix. Now I’d like to know how exactly do you battle a culture of this? How do you go against the existing social structure when even your own family and friends support it and going against it will get you into trouble? Now I tried being aloof, but it still gets to me. I’d just love to damage that pedestal they’re all sitting on.

2. When exactly did human beings develop the idea of feminism, qualifying, and idealism? Was it bound to happen? Or was there a certain point in history that catapulted us into this kind of social structure? And if we knew what exactly this event was, can we use it again to effect change? Is that even possible now? This is probably a stupid question, since even adam and eve showed the need to qualify themselves. But if there is another answer, I’d like to know.

3. How do you find your purpose in life? Is it supposed to be something innate that you should just know, cause what if the stimuli that you were exposed to growing up affected you’re personality and thoughts in a way that you don’t really know what makes you happy and what you’re supposed to do (though this is inevitable, I’m talking about something that forced itself in your thoughts because this is what you were told to believe)? How then do you find that thing that will give you access (if you persist) to unlimited will power?

That’s it for now, I still have a lot more to ask though. Things that go beyond the surface of daily life. Thank you in advance, and again you have no idea how much you’ve helped me grow and understand myself better. If I ever meet you one day, i’d like to test how much of a man I’ve become against THE shark. Hahaha cheers! Best wishes to us.

As a response to your prelude: A girl having secks with you because she felt pressured into it versus because she spontaneously wanted to is one and the same. There is no shame to be felt about it, no reason that you should let it haunt you. In a world where purity has become a sensationalized myth, Machiavellian methods will truncate idealized romance. You feel like it sucks because you’ve been conditioned to think that it sucks. It’s a operative social convention aimed at preserving female agency by regarding intimacy as a reward for men rather than as a way for women to keep their men (the way it should be). Women are supposed to use secks to get relationships and men are supposed to use relationships to get secks. But in our world, women use their presence to get relationships and men are taught that they must be complicit with that system to get secks in the first place – which ironically dehydrates female passion. You witnessed this first hand; like you said, your girlfriend wanted to have secks with you when she detected that your attention started to shift towards other women. She gave you shit for it afterwards because she felt hoodwinked, but it was really her duping herself. Remember, always judge a girl by her actions rather than her words. She didn’t have secks with you when you were loyal. When you began to allude that you may be cheating on her, she had secks with you. What does that tell you about the nature of women? Be at peace with yourself, there is no shame in being a Man.

(1) In overly betatized societies, cultures, and communities; aloof cold asshole game will get pussies vibrating at light-speed frequencies. Because women expect to be pedestalized by men they are interested in, your infallible state control and perfect discipline will get them intrigued. The Don Juan is always the exception. He is the guy every girl is interested in because he does NOT act like every other guy. But I suspect you are already aware of this, which is why you were able to date 3 girls concurrently.

Your real challenge is not going to be to battle the culture you’re in, it’s going to be to escape that battle. Think about it this way, I say that I want all men to become Alphas, but do I really? If everyone around me suddenly stepped their game up, it would mean less pussy for me. The more your culture cultivates betas and pedestalized women, the more adept you will be at taking advantage of that culture. Women sitting atop sky high ego totems are the easiest to game – drop a few negs and bam; they’re seeking qualification from you. And betas acting desperate and needy leave more secksually arid women seeking attention from a guy like you. Let go of the hatred you feel for feminism – always be the UNCARING ASSHOLE rather than the caring asshole. You don’t want to be the guy who buys into societal myths, but neither do you want to be the cultural renegade who lets every little thing phase him. Let go of everything and embrace the world as it is.

(2) Qualifying has existed for as long as inter-gender dynamics has (since there was both a male and a female gender). It’s just the method through which one organism of a secks shows that he/she is a viable mate for someone of the opposite secks. Feminism took off I’d say in the last 100 years or so, within the context of the post-secksual revolution. We can indeed use this to affect change; feminism has been so effective because it has encompassed both the micro and macro stages. You see it governing major social changes, but at the same time, influencing a relationship in a far away part of the world. Masculinity must do the same. It needs to trickle down and function on a covert level.

(3) This is a rather interesting question, and your reasoning is correct. Our identity affects the social apparatus around us, but at the same time, our social apparatus affects our identity. Trying to figure out your “true self” in a vacuum is impossible. For instance, you may consider yourself apart of a certain religion, but you CANNOT ignore the possibility that had you been born to a different culture, your conception of truth would be completely different, and thus, you would have a radically different perception of self.

So how do you find your purpose in a life where external purposes can’t be spliced from internal ones? You can’t. It might be a scary thought for some, but the world is only what you make of it. In fact, there is no such thing as purpose nor a dichotomy between internal and external purpose. It does not intrinsically exist in this world. The word is a label given to an imaginary idea that weak people invented to justify the existence of mankind, to give it value in an infinite cosmos where we are only specks. Your job is to move past that restraint. To conceive a world where your purpose is defined however you want to define it. Read my post on Nuggets of Gold, especially point #2. I never found a purpose I was satisified with until I ripped through 15 or 20 other ones. To find yours, you need to live life fearlessly and not be afraid to jump into things. Never worry that you’re not fulfilling your “true purpose,” in life. Find the things that you love and pursue them with a never ending audacity.

Shark, I’m at an impass. I’m going to develop a product with a business partner of mine and I have two obvious courses of action I could take:

One is we work with a company a co-worker of mine has founded (let’s call this co-worker Nick), we leverage their marketing and design skills, continue to be involved in the community they’re creating (which is great for brainstorming and putting pen to paper), and learn a thing or two. On top of that there’s a programmer who works right beside and on the same team as Nick, who is also interested in working with me and my business partner. I get along well with this programmer and would like to leverage his talents. Nick would also like him to work with his company. Taking this route means forgoing IP to our product in exchange for an agreed upon portion of sales and effectively working under Nick (this is what would infuriate me most).

The other is that we get my programmer co-worker to join us instead of working for Nick’s company and risk ostracizing Nick and the community he’s building (which frankly is a good connection to maintain and I don’t have tight connections with the other members yet, a few of which are my co-workers)….

Or third as I should have thought of earlier, I speak more with my programmer co-worker, come back to Nick and tell him this is what is happening: my business partner and I are working with our mutual co-worker (which will happen at the rate things are going regardless of whether it’s under Nick’s company or mine) — re-propose my position that we own the IP and work mutually with their company to leverage their marketing and design skills (a position Nick wasn’t too fond of before since he felt they could better focus their efforts on developing internal products), and negotiate a nice margin or something else for them in return.

To be honest I give less of a shit about the money at this point than I do about developing a successful product, furthering my experience, connections in the community, and getting my name and business name out there. The issue I have is I’m not the most charismatic person ALL the time. My strength lies 1-on-1, and I’m good at being a rock solid support when presenting with one or two other speakers (particularly if they know my style), but I’m not a natural crowd-pleaser or charmer — except for in very small doses where everyone suddenly pays attention to me (need to figure out how to better capitalize on that when going out for dinner or to the bar where a large amount of time is spent together socializing). My charm comes from being direct — and the confidence that effectively backs that up comes from knowing I’m top dog and have the ability to shine.

I know if I work under Nick the resentment will build up — so realistically that’s not even an option. I can’t put him above me (even if he doesn’t frame it like that when speaking with me). I suppose I’ve answered my own question: The third option, which seemed to elude me before starting to write this, is clearly the best choice. My struggle lies in figuring out the best way to convince Nick to help develop my company’s IP and make it seem like a good deal for him (and particularly for his business partner who I have far less contact with and who I think is even more inclined to keep it under their banner). Maintaining positive relations is priority one here for the next few months. I anticipate my footing to grow stronger among the various parties to grow stronger relative to his connections over time, so this becomes less of an issue (not that I plan on brutally undercutting him, but if it came down to it and things soured I want my position to be strong enough for others to rally around me so that I’m not ostracizing potential business contacts). I could really use any words of wisdom or life

I was in this exact same situation quite a few times in my life and this is what I learned (the same lesson, over and over again):

Why the fuck am I doing business, and why did I pursue all the things I did throughout my life? The one prevailing theme, among the random clutter of activities and hobbies, has always been power. I wanted control over my own life and I realized that giving up that control to advance in any area would be subsuming the whole purpose of getting into it in the first place. If I wanted to work under someone else, I never would’ve started working on a project, I would’ve placated myself with a 9-5 job and a “steady” paycheck. But I love the thrill. I love feeling insecure. I love not knowing how something will end up. I love that my success almost fully depends on my own ability rather than the abilities of anyone else. I think you came to this same conclusion yourself, which is why you ruled out #1.

But thinking practically, you’re right, #3 would be the best option or #1 combined with a bit of sand-bagging in the end where you reserve a path to regain control of your product.

For #3, you don’t need to charismatically persuade an audience. In fact, if you do, you’re selling a bad product. Read the 48 Laws of Power if you haven’t already, otherwise, recall Law #4 – always say less than necessary. If I ever hear a presentation from a person who looks try-hard or talks too much, I assume their product sucks. On the other hand, if someone hands me a 2 page business proposal scrawled on loose leaf paper that CLEARLY indicates I will profit, I’m in. If you truly believe in your product, it will show. You don’t need to rely on oratory skills. And if, in addition to that, your product truly is worth its words; it will sell itself.

I commend you on focusing on building a good PRODUCT rather than something that will sell; it is the hallmark of a winning businessman. And trust me on this, the complex you’re lamenting about is going to end up as one of your greatest strengths. The most successful people I know share one trait: they are all secretly very insecure about their own work. They are perfectionists because they never think their work is good enough. The fact that you think you lack charisma will cause you to compensate for it by working harder to create a product that doesn’t NEED to be sold with charisma and persuasiveness. Something you could just put in front of an audience and say,

“Behold, peasants, commoners, and little people. The future.”

the question is HOW to feel alpha ?

Action precedes thought; do Alpha things to feel Alpha

What kind of guys would you say your way of running game is primarly intented for? Does looks affect how you should run game. Seems to me like direct game would be perfect for most handsome men while indirect game is intended for guys that wouldn’t have the instant value etc that some get due to looks. I’m sure certain game techniques are more effective for certain people etc. Can you do a post on this?

The effect of looks on game is ambiguous, it would be ignorant to dismiss either school of thought. A 5’4 balding butt ass ugly man can out game an Armani model if he has enough master game or social proof.

But put both of them in identical lifestyles and equalize their levels of game, and now, who do you think will be more confident? The ugly guy thinks he’s ugly, the good looking guy has been told all his life by his girl-friends that women would fuck him in a heart beat.

On the other hand, it could also be in reverse order. The good looking guy could have had a few bad experiences whereas the ugly man lucked out which fed into a positive cycle of reinforcement.

On direct game, a very good looking guy is likely to have his approach reciprocated more often; but an ugly guy might be able to compensate for his looks by the very act of cold approaching.

So you see, the answer is really “it doesn’t matter.” Don’t think about it. Game is game and as you go higher up the Alpha scale, looks become more and more irrelevant. A very good looking beta might have a better chance than a shit ugly beta; but among two Alphas the question of looks becomes irrelevant.

All the more reason to learn game.

Could you elaborate on this, I’m quite curious, From my experience all religion has done is make me want to do bad things even more ironically, also I’d like to point out that the most sluttiest girls are the ones from all girl catholic schools.

Both religion and the absence of religion have caused strife, both capitalism and communism have been responsible for a countless number of deaths, and both the right wing and the left wing are responsible for the status quo.

What’s the common denominator?

Hey shark I appreciate all the help wit the site, it has made me, without a doubt, a better man. I have a scenario in which It has been my first, looking for your feedback on this one.

Back in September, I was ‘gaming’ this girl at my school, were both in grade 12. She is a perfect fucking 10, perfect ass, perfect tits, perfect face, without a doubt the hottest at my school. We had everything going good, attraction was through the roof, until November hit. I had been sucked into her demon ways and at that point I had been treating her like a ‘beta’, this was before I found out about this site of course. By December, she had given me the ‘Lets Just Be Friends’, heartbroken, I had accepted reality and treated her like a friend. My first real heartbreak. Ever since then I had not given her any signs of jealousy and had moved on with my life, not texting her for anything but homework help. Not knowing moving on with my life after LJBF, increased attraction, she had given me some shit tests, in which I thought she was just being a bitch. At about 9 PM I texted her.

Me: Hey… did you do the English essay?

*2 hours pass and she finally texts back, she normally replies instantly*

bitch: Why are you talking to me? I swear I told you to lose my number?
Me: No time to make up tonight hun, I have homework…
bitch: Then just delete my number or I’ll block you myself!

It ended bad in December, I had treated her like a complete jerk as well. Normally, the responses that came out of me shocked her since I was giving her beta resentment in the past. It ended bad to the point where I deleted her off Facebook and we had not talked ever since. At this point I had looked up on the internet about help with relationships and eventually found this site. Reading upon letting go, I completely moved on with my life, not giving 2 shits about her. I also read and kept in mind how she never got the ego inflation from me, which she was going to look for. One day she came on my bus with her friends, she sat right in front of me. Talking so much about guys and how happy her life was, I could instantly decipher that she was trying to make me jealous. I showed no emotion or attention, I got off my stop like any regular one.

Through the first few months of 2012, she has seen me with many girls (HB8+) at our school. I have been working out and dress 10x better. Now today, April 24, I was waiting at my bus stop. She comes out of nowhere and stands at the bus stop across the street. I noticed her ass got a lot bigger and so did her tits, the sight made me want to angry fuck the shit out of her. After 5 minutes, we finally locked eyes and she smiled and waved at me. I had given her no response but a straight look in the eyes, confused, she tried another attempt to wave, I guess hoping to get a wave back. I did nothing but look her dead in the eyes. After a few minutes I looked and noticed her staring at me, but once I made eye contact, she looked away instantly. Her bus came and she went on it.

Now I read how going back to your ex will slow down your recovery process. But ever since that heartbreak with her in December, and upon finding this site my success with woman increased dramatically. I had learned from my beta ways and I thank her for breaking my heart, as it is the only thing that made me evolve into the alpha I am now. I had multiple woman interested with me, all HB8+, and have been successful with them so far. I am convinced that I have become alpha, but still crave to be the ultimate alpha. I am convinced that if I talk to her again I WILL NOT resort back to my beta ways. I do want to fuck the shit out of her, and I know at one point she wanted to too. Since I have been a crybaby bitch beta with her for the most part in the past, I will have to give her some hard dick game, to show her that i have indeed changed. Any ideas about going upon this? How should I react when we see each other in the halls? Even if I can be just friends with her, I know it will spark competitive anxiety with the plethora of woman interested in me at my school.

Thanks.

You won’t need much to convince her that you “changed.” If she sees you with other girls, she’ll rationalize her new found attraction for you (a result of competitive anxiety) as a shift in your own personality, not in her perception of you; although both of those things may be factors.

I know you think you won’t revert back to your beta ways; but the very fact that this instance matters to you so much is indicative of premature Oneitis. You have other girls interested in you, why not go for them?

Either ways, if you do go for your ex, I trust you have changed enough to understand how to better handle situations. Don’t let go of your cards and keep competitive anxiety high. A hate fuck is a possible option, but be weary of getting caught up in a past flame.

Shark,

I was with a girl for a couple months and she was infatuated. She took me on trips, bought me gifts, and sexed me up real nice. I was very aloof, passed her shit tests, and never once gave her any reason to believe I enjoyed her company other than actually spending 1 day a week with her. She was overt in her communication about how she felt with me, and not only was I not overt, but I wasn’t even covert. I kind of treated her like an fbuddy. I had known her for years prior to actually hooking up, and always had higher status (known her for about 7 years or so). I am 3 years older. She is in college and I am working at a great job. We met over the summer and after a couple months she had to go back to school. Anyway, the distance was really too much for me to bear and I felt I needed to do something to keep her interest in me high. We took turns visiting, and I eventually asked her to be exclusive. I know, I know…never ask for exclusivity.

Anyway, I asked her out, she said yes, then I took it back because I wasn’t ready. I felt bad about doing that, and right around the time I took it back she became more distant. At this point my affections became more overt. For two weeks I was pretty bad with my communication, and it drove her away (my only AFC tendencies). This is just the backdrop on the story. I’m pretty sure she has moved on to her MAJOR beta “friend.” Someone who was her shoulder to cry on when we were having issues. This guy is really AFC. Because I have known this girl for so long, she knows that the two weeks I spent clinging to her really isn’t my personality. All her previous boyfriends have been hard core betas. She lost her virginity to me. I guess my main question is: Is it natural for a woman to leave an alpha relationship to SEEK a beta relationship? I know you have done a post on this before…but any insight would be helpful. Perhaps she just enjoyed the thrill of getting a beta reaction out of someone she placed high value on? If this is the case, how is it possible to re-establish alpha in her mind?

Thanks man.

You answered your own question with the second to last line. She enjoyed the thrill of getting a beta reaction from someone she perceived as an Alpha. The male equivalent of a woman consuming and breaking the ego of a man she thought was better than her is a man fucking a girl he thought was way out of his league and cuming inside of her 100 times straight.

2 weeks of beta backsliding compounded with the fickle nature of women is much worse than you think. The amount of attraction you lost depends on your degree of backsliding, not the length of time it spanned.

Re-establishing yourself as a dominant Alpha will take time, it is not your primary goal. Right now you want to inject a bit of emotional turbulence in her. If she’s already sought out a rebound, no-contact will not be enough. You must resort to the most nuclear of all emotions; jealousy.

I am so Fucken stuck in oneitis ! I let this girl pull me back in after i was almost away , as soon as she found out I was dating she was right there feeding whatever i needed to be fed to pull me back in , I backed off , i shielded my heart , but where the fuck am i now , heartache !

Shark — read your book front to back twice, read most of your articles and all the ones in the break up section, but thing is, I still can’t get over my Oneitis. its like she knows what im thinking and does the exact right things to suck me back in to it over and over again. i think i know what you’re going to say but still, enlighten me my sensi

How is it that women are so adept at keeping their boyfriends tethered to their Oneitses?

The answer lies in a woman’s intimate relationship with her hamster, the subconscious part of her mind that governs attraction and houses a reservoir of information regarding inter-gender dynamics and the art of romance. Through a combination of genetic programming and consistent regimens of study (men analyze sports and money when they get together, whereas women analyze men), by the time a girl hits her first relationship she is more synchronized with game then you will ever be; intuitively that is. While a seasoned Don Juan can far surpass women in the tactical manipulation of social dynamics due to an unmatchable analytical understanding of the subject; he will never rival the organic game all women are born with.

And thus when a girl catches herself amidst the turbulent end of a relationship, a series of unconscious protocols kicks in.

Look better

Talk to other guys

Show him it’s not affecting you

Lose any weight you gained

Make him jealous

etc, etc. In other words, all the shit I need to hammer into your heads through repeat over-exposure, she has already internalized into her core understanding of relationship science. This is why you’ll sometimes wonder “Is this even affecting her? If it is, she’s really good at acting like it’s not.” Unlike you, she doesn’t feel its counter-intuitive to act aloof, she knows what must be done to regain attraction. She has no internal resistance as she’s baiting you into a jealousy bear trap.

All this of course, comes with the obvious vulnerability of only functioning intuitively. Without the emotionally sterilized grasp of game men are capable of attaining, women become more averse to having the script flipped on them. So when you go no contact or set a margin of jealousy about your relationship, everything changes. Introduce a bit of chaos and watch how it makes her veneer of rock solid state control schism into a thousand and one pieces.

Among the various habits of her hamster is the impulse to seek confirmation for a decision. When a girl breaks up with you, she needs to know that her decision was right. That’s where no contact or jealousy comes in – it tells her that her perception of you during the break up might have been INCONGRUENT. “Oh shit, maybe he’s not a loser?” or “Wow, maybe I DO like him if I miss him so much.” And in a case where you get pulled back into a Oneitis after a few easy girl gimmicks, the opposite happens. Attraction declines again, she realizes she’s more secure than she thought, and that oh so familiar bubble of ennui and frustration starts its cycle of begging to be burst again, and again, and again… and again.

She’s looking for affirmation from a father figure just as she always has. And if she gets it too quickly, there’s nothing to strive for. Worse yet, if you lose your edge in dominance, you no longer maintain the position of her needing affirmation from you at all. As creatures absorbed in the practice of trading up the social ladder, she needs approval from someone above, not below.

So relax the fuck out. Take a vicodin, hit up another girl, punch the wall, and then vibe to some Dean Martin. If you see yourself getting pulled back into the same Oneitis over and over again, take a step back to evaluate the reasons why the relationship has so strongly mauled your soul. She’s not any better than the other girl you were considering, your mind is just more strongly attached to the girl you have already invested so much into. It wants to fix this relationship instead of pursuing a fresh one. But like any intelligent investor will tell you -

Turn-arounds never turn around.

(1) When a shit test isn’t a shit test.

In the pre-coital phase, a girl, usually a 5 or a 6, may put you down for no other reason than to increase her own esteemed value in the secksual market. The way it works is similar to a battle royale. From the perspective of a girl, by putting you down or rejecting you she has proven that she is better than you (one of the reasons why an ex might pull you back if you dumped her only to flip the script on you). If you’ve just hooked up with a 9 for example, a 6 might bust your balls to show that she’s “more picky” than the 9, knowing very well that there’s no chance you’ll go for her anyways. Or if you’re considered a respected misogynist, a chick might try and aggravate you into a debate just to showcase her own bitter sagacity.

In the post-coital phase, your girlfriend or a girl you’re dating may choose to publicize your flaws or actively put you down in front of others to equalize both of your statuses. What she perceives is a gap in value and projects that unto the perception of other people, and then tries to close that gap by openly disqualifying you. A giveaway will be if her shit-testing habits go up considerably when you’re with her close friends or your close friends versus when the two of you are alone or in public with people you don’t know very well. Look for signs that is she is trying to prove something to the people who are familiar with your relationship.

(2) When secks talk IS secks talk

In the post-coital phase, a girl bringing up secks, even under unusual circumstances is nothing to be alarmed of. Someone on a forum recently questioned if he should be worried that his girlfriend was bringing up the fact that she was having dreams about fucking movie stars. Women tend to suppress their secksuality even more than men for the double reason of being shamed for it, and not being lucky enough to find a guy they’re attracted to enough to share that repressed energy. If she meets that guy, and got comfortable enough with him, she may hint towards what she wants him to do through indirect signals like this. All you need to do is read between the lines. A girl I dated a while ago had a clear obsession with furries to the point of borderline bestiality, so I, being a merciful lord, dressed up in a rabbit costume for Halloween and relieved her of her tension. It was, I quote from her, the most unbelievable secksual experience she had ever had. No girl is likely to directly communicate her fantasies to you. To be the best lover she ever had, you need to draw them out yourself and then satiate her. It’s far more important to touch on the most erotic spots on her Id than her body.

Some of the more common yet taboo fantasies range from fucking her best friend’s boyfriend (for the very reason that it’s taboo) to bondage and aliens.

(3) When compliments aren’t compliments

As illustrated in the previous post, women are realizing that it’s harder to assess a man’s personality because their tactics are becoming more obvious. As a result, they will tend to bait you into a date or 2 that go pleasantly, and drop a mega shit test far later to blow up your spot. This will happen more often if you have preceding social proof.

But in more subliminal fashion, compliments may also serve to get you to concede to her frame by thrusting you into a “positive” qualifying mentality. Think about how it feels to be “Alpha” in a moment. You’re the best at something, getting massive amounts of attention, and essentially, you want to MAINTAIN this glowing perception that others have of you. But ultimately, this mentality is self-defeating because it takes away the “I don’t give a shit about what other people think of me” attitude crucial in remaining IN STATE in the first place. Some of the more insidious examples:

“Awee you’re so cute. Can you get me flowers? I want flowers from a real prince like you”

“Hey you’re finally cool enough to go on a date with me”

“I heard you were really smart, can I ask for your opinion on something (follow-up with neo-feminist bull shit)”

“You seem like a really nice guy, I’m the rare type of girl who’s attracted to nice guys”

Game will change because all men will be exposed to it in one way or another before hitting 18. Most people, especially in your generation, are not aware of how big this change is. Everyday, men are being unplugged and taught the ways of Poon by blogs and forums across the web. Just a few years ago, an AFC who got LJBFed would have to rely on the fortune of either having a Natural as a friend or unplugging himself through spontaneous epiphany. Otherwise, he’d remain imprisoned by his misconceptions and the Matrix would only strengthen its grip over him as he became increasingly socialized by the women and media around him. Today, he comes online, does a quick Google search, and by his second relationship, is far more equipped to deal with the hypergamous nature of his rival gender. If you think about, the spread of game is probably the single greatest blessing to mankind in the 21st generation, especially to those of the beta caste. Inter-gender dynamics is no longer an inexplicable phenomena, and as a result, pussy is no longer the food of the gods.

This will not change the fundamental makeup of women, nor the things that give them gina tingles, but it will affect how game plays out. Two things will become more important. The covert execution of game, and inner game. More men will take the seemingly easy route (I say seemingly because it’s not actually any easier) and rely on external game, driving up the value of men with substance. You will see less men relying on reproductive proxies to indicate value, and more men relying on routines, artificial DHV stories, and pre-scripted conversations. Approach anxiety will slowly vanish, more men will utilize the power of C/f, and there will be an explosion of routines. If you run canned material, expect to eventually run into a girl who asks you “wait… isn’t that from Sinn?”

Because game concepts are easily misinterpreted or poorly executed, 95% of men will run it too overtly. They’ll neg a girl too forwardly with something like, “hey… I think you have a booger in your eyes” and bam, the whole opening will turn into a crap cake. Those capable of running game smoothly and under the radar of game-aware women will have a leg up. The advent of texting, Facebook, google +, and other disengaged methods of communication will result in less men using direct game. If you can gather up the balls to approach women head first, cold and fearless, you will be an insect among bacteria.

The liberalization of female secksuality (decrease in slut shaming), increased social networking, and a reliance on short-term game, will see to an increase in short term relationships. Men will be able to run bursts of game to pick up girls and initiate relationships, but due to a lack of internalization and congruence, will not be able to sustain them. Facebook and texting will also allow Alphas to maintain more and more plates simultaneously, adding more instability to beta relationships. This will have the counter effect of making relationships with Alphas MORE stable, because women will intuitively realize that naturals, and “real” men, are a rare thing to pass by.

Game techniques, because they will be executed with more impunity, will make more men look try-hard. It will become more important to be congruent than to be out-going and charismatic. You will see more obnoxious shit testing and the importance of maintaining a nitrogen cold frame will go up. Because men will be more cognizant of initial shit testing, women will begin to lure them down a path where they think they have already passed the attraction threshold, and THEN drop a more daring shit test. You will see women go on 1 or 2 dates before throwing a huge hurdle at their prospect, because they will know that their dates are expecting a shit test in the beginning, and will thus, have their amused mastery charade up. Mid-game/ late game will become more important and last minute resistance will be more common as a longer period of time will be required to assess a man’s value. This will somewhat counter act the increase of flings that result from the reasons isolated above, leading to a steeper slope where Alphas are able to close more often and betas able to warm up women more often. Ever walked into a club full of herbs? Your presence stands out because of how strongly it contrasts with the losers circulating the floor.

Business and art will change because “original” ideas will no longer exist in the conventional sense of the term. Creativity will be governed more by your ability to connect the dots between other people’s work (Zuckerberg, Jobs) than to create your own dot. The next “original” idea will be an unoriginal idea that combines the originality of a ton of other ideas. If you’re producing a song or writing a book, you will never be credited with being absolutely original. People will always draw parallels between your style and those of your predecessors. But don’t see the sour end of this, learn to adapt to it.

Imagine you want to write a book on philosophy. Rather than confining yourself to the few ideas you may have thought of yourself, you will have the liberty of reading the works of generations past and combining them into a new idea. You have an opportunity that no past generation has ever had, the ability to synthesize past ideas into ones that are IMPOSSIBLE to think of independently.

In finance and similar fields, rather than people perfecting 1 or 2 techniques and practicing them for repeat success, you’ll see hundreds of different techniques mechanized into gigantic systems capable of executing independently of human biases. Outsourcing, globalization, the free transfer of information, and the pace at which technological innovation can allow capital to replace labor will render job security obsolete. Where 5 paralegals were once required to sift through libraries of information, a single one can now digitally search through an entire archive in a fraction of the time it used to take. The skills necessary to succeed in fields will become more abstract, you’ll need people of generally sharp acumen who are capable of picking things up quickly. The importance of generalized tests will increase, and people who major in fields like Mathematics and physics will be preferred over their colleagues.

Art will be open border. You don’t need a journalism degree to become a writer, only a blog and content that will attract readers. More people will be able to lead unconventional lifestyles and hold invented professions. This will have a double effect on the job market. Micro-specialization in different industries will require that you stay in school longer and complete more preliminary work to begin a licensed profession. Because entrepreneurship will be a more viable alternative, capable people will opt to either stay in school for far longer or for far shorter. Bachelor degrees will be worth nothing, people stacking on triple majors for no reason will effectively be branded as retards and enemies of the intellectual state.

Note em down, note em down. I want to get as much credit as Nostradamus when the shit hits the fan.

(1) Holding a book: Head to Barnes and Nobles and pick up one of their glossy leather bound classics. Get something very well known, but not commonly read. The Divine Comedy, or the collection of Dickens’ novels will work wonders. Sparknote it so you don’t sound like a complete dumbass in case she HAS read it or knows something of it. The biggest advantage of this isn’t that you come off as more intelligent, but that it eliminates the “creepy guy” vibe fatal to so many direct game approaches. People who read books, especially intelligent books, are perceived as far less likely to be psycho murderers. I say leather bound decorated classic because a raggedy old book will draw less attention, and with a kindle, she only knows that you “read,” not that you’re reading a classic. The point is to stand out, in a subtle manner, and a kindle is far too much of a common accessory. A classic will work better than a philosophy or science book, as the goal is to come off as artistic and interesting, not nerdy or over-analyzing (unless you’re in an area more tailored to that sort of game).

(2) Fancy water: Think Voss or Fiji. Fill the bottles up with tap water afterwards, and keep em cold so air bubbles don’t give away your charade. There’s something about the aesthetically inventive design of artesian water that gives your presence a more refined edge and aura. People around you tend to think, “oh shit, boss” because you spent an extra $2 buying a cylinder shaped brand-name bottle than an eco friendly Poland spring one. However, keep away from environmentally obsessed green chicks. This could be a deal-breaker for them.

(3) Engagement ring: Goes back to taking advantage of pre-selection and hypergamy, a point I stressed in Online Dating. There’s two ways this could play out. If you’re with a girl who goes through with it aggressively the entire time, you’re in the clear. If you’re with a girl who you think is going to show last minute resistance because of the ring, flip the script. Suddenly tell her “you’re right I don’t know what I was thinking,” talk about it for a bit, let it heat up, escalate Kino, then go for it again. The LMR is a shit test. If she’s already come this far, obviously your marital status is not of concern to her. Pulling back a little can also be helpful in the first scenario, and possibly push a girl to be far more eager in pleasuring you by adding an essence of competition.

(4) Gun: Legal matters should be taken into consideration, but yes, a gun will give you a near mystical aura. A threatening vibe is an Alpha vibe, even pissed off betas come off as momentarily Alpha if they can avoid the “immature tantrum” label. And what’s more threatening than a gun? This is likely the key peacocking tool used by members of the Hezbollah and other clubs of similar interest. This should be reserved for after you guys have already established an intimate relationship; otherwise we go back to the creepy psycho killer vibe.

(5) Cigars: Three things are required for this. First, a general knowledge over cigars. I promise, some other cigar enthusiast will ask you “what are you smoking?” to which you shouldn’t reply “A cigar.” Second, how to smoke em smoothly. Know how to cut em, gut em, choose em, the whole 9 yards. And finally, when to pull em out without coming off as a pretentious prick. That last one might take a bit of practice. You can’t head out of a bar for a smoke and while everyone else pulls out a Marlboro, you pull out a Cuban.

(6) Cuff Links: Take me on faith for this one, buy cufflinks from Tiffany’s.

(7) Torch flame lighter: If you smoke cigarettes. For added effect, buy a colored flame lighter. Possibly one of the best ways to get free approach opportunities, everyone’s willing to talk while they’re smoking. It can also be used as a minor way of bouncing or locking down (“come out for a smoke with me”).

(8) Custom pictured credit card: This has to be his most borderline stupid-genius idea. His credit card is one of those where you are allowed to design it with a custom image, so he makes it look like a generic “black card” sort of thing. How women are so easily boggled by the slightest value cues would amaze anyone.

(9) Champagne in cooler: To avoid having to F-close at home. God forbid he actually took a girl to his apartment, she would immediately see the incongruity of him being a James Bondesque character; and Fapjuice blasted all across the bathroom ceiling in a Jackson Pollock type design, piss stains in the carpet synthesizing with moss to blossom into pisshrooms, and stacks of cam videos with exes. So instead, he takes her to his car (A pre-owned Benz, which remember, will still out game a brand new Accord) and pulls a champagne cooler out.

(10) Take everything straight: Caters to the tendency of people to associate taking things straight, from liquor to coffee, to being more Gung-ho. But if you’re really not, sneak your drink into the bathroom and slip a chaser or some milk and sugar in there and then drink it at ease to look like you were bred to stomach things that would make lesser men cringe.

Note, you must already be proficient in all aspects of external game, from frame control to approach anxiety, to pull this shit off. A girl will assume that if you ARE a high value male that you will ACT like one. You must be able to fluidly reinforce an attitude that remains congruent with your perceived status. If you ever lose congruity, embrace it rather than trying to recover from it by backpedalling or explaining it. Morph the script into something new and yet still congruent. I e; if she does see your apartment and you’re living in the basement of a harem, say you just came out of a divorce and your wife took all your shit or the IRS recently took all your belongings because you’ve been evading taxes since you were 13, instead of trying to justify a strange taste for living in basements;

With this higher standard though, comes more leeway. When you begin ACTING like someone else, and people acknowledge you as that new person, you grow “artificial” – but also real – confidence. It would be like playing out a role in a mask, you lose touch with yourself and adopt a new personality, hence, it becomes EASIER to act congruent. You lose conscious awareness of your other weaknesses and your more “real” self. It goes back to method acting being a viable way for changing oneself.

When I asked you for an article that would explain how women should be treated, it was too vague of a question indeed. What I meant to ask was, “Overall, from an Alpha perspective, how should women be perceived.” You have answered my question, and I thank you for that. Just to clarify though, would that not be considered unhealthy? Thinking of women as inferior is misogynistic and degrading — full of contempt. I mentioned in my previous comment that I’ve never had a leading figure in my life, and this is an ambiguous and confusing matter for me.

People reading this blog would laugh and think to themselves, “What a pansy beta,” and I’m anticipating that you would argue and say that I’ve been affected by feminization of society and that I need to break out of this thinking pattern. No perception of Alpha is necessarily correct, its a relative concept, meaning that we’ve ‘defined it’ and that it is flawed. Yet, I do understand that there are qualities observed in males that would make them more desirable. i.e. as you say, viewing women as inferior

From an evolutionary perspective, yes, men are providers and therefore very valuable, but on the other hand women are our caretakers and nurturers. They are also very valuable and I can’t wholeheartedly argue that they are inferior in that sense. How about our mothers and sisters? If we adopt that worldview of women, doesn’t that put our very creators on a level below our own?

Challenge my thinking.

You’re thinking it’s wrong to view them as inferior because you believe it directly translates into not having respect for them, but it does not. I don’t think my gardener has as much value as me, but I don’t DISrespect him. Women desire men of higher value, what better way to communicate this than to truly believe it? I view them as having lower value than me, in the sense that I think I’m lord and god of the entire world, but I undeniably hold a certain respect and fascination for them.

Not having any respect for them, while audibly more crude, would still be functionally correct for the purpose of attraction. Moral prejudices aside, it works. You begin to view them as more “primitive,” and all humans, regardless of gender, are at their cores, primitive creatures. If you lack respect for a person, you consequently strip them of their more complicated human aura and begin to see the far simpler and predictable animal inside. You begin to ACT like you’re better than them, which is the essence of game.

But you can respect women and still understand them. You don’t need to ostensibly believe women are only objects of pleasure to treat them so during secks. And in fact, that’s exactly what a girl wants. For you to respect her, but still treat her in a way that lets her surrender to you. For her to be able to be open about her secksuality, but for you to not judge her for it or look down on it.

To demonstrate further, I view interns as “inferior,” but I still have respect for them. I don’t attach overly complex intuitions to them. They are animals, I know what they want. They are working to put something on a piece of paper so they can feel more secure about job hunting in the future. They want money so they can provide food and feed their consumer obsessions. They are simple. By understanding them, I know how to LEAD them because I know the things that MOTIVATE them. Zen mastery over women and people in general requires that you take them off their human pedestals, that you see them on a far more fundamental level.

Shark, a question just popped into my mind.

How do you talk to really influential people when you have a chance to talk to them? Specially if you want to keep in touch, or have some sort of … connection with their world.

It came to my mind because tomorrow James Cameron is coming to my film school in Beijing(I’m from Europe) and of course…being able to befriend James Cameron is a little too farfetched specially with limited time and being just a student and people are just going to try to talk to him like crazy so I guess I cannot do much other than watch from afar(specially because people are ultra over excited with the crappy 3d version of titanic… I haven’t even seen that movie, but I LOVE Aliens and Terminator)

But, often other people that are not so known by face on the media come over here. Like, producers, editors, other directors, art directors, sound engineers, etc.. How should I talk to them for them to get interested in me? To keep in touch? So they introduce me to other people? In all, to get CONNECTIONS in the world I want to be? Or also… just so I know some kick ass people for future needs, social proof, or just for the hell of it.
In this case it’s film, but it could work for business, other arts, sports, whatever.

Do I look up to them? Do I let them talk? Do i disagree with them? Do I make the most amaizing 1st impression about myself? Do I treat them like a 100% equal? etc.etc.etc.

Would love it if you could elaborate a bit, I have some limitations with my language skills when asking questions, my bad.

Thank you very much, kind sir.

Praise their work in a very specific way. Notice something about their style of art that they intentionally do; but that people normally do not see. Disagreeing never works, you’ll more likely annoy them. For example, if you were to meet Lebron James, you would say “Your 4th quarter defensive stops are amazing,” instead of the more common “Your athleticism is crazy” or a criticism of his offensive late-game performance. Very good questions also work. But don’t count on making an impression on a Super Alpha like Cameron and expecting it to stick.

On the other hand, when you’re ABOVE someone on the social scale, criticisms become gold. People will praise you for pointing out their flaws and for helping them see their invisible shortcomings.

“Go do some push ups, drink 2 cups of coffee, and then make a list of things you want to accomplish in the near future. Then go out and meet someone new.”

I’ve done a lot of research and I’m not finding an easy way to get over someone which is mostly what I’m interested in. I’ve been desexualized sometime ago and I’m just an emotional buffer. Problem is, I really shouldn’t spend time/money/effort on this situation. I’ve taken extreme measures such as changing my number, only to come back and realize her grasp on me is stronger than that. Coming from an individual with strong will, I have trouble resisting. At this point, I’m considering even more extreme measures such as joining the military, or other distancing tactics. I would really appreciate some good and detailed advice.

Unfortunately, there is none that I can give you. It’s tough, seemingly impossible, to get up after a real, heart-tearing experience; but there’s nothing to it beyond letting yourself get over her by meeting new people and doing other things. The best advice I can give you is, I’ve never felt truly over someone I loved till I either met someone new worth committing to or devoted myself to a greater cause.

Hey Shark, do you watch any professional sports?
I know you’re not much into wasting too much time on entertainment. I don’t like watching that much myself, but sometimes T feel like I need to watch.

Ocassionally watch a random football(soccer) competition(specially when they’re important or sometimes just with friends to socialize), or the MotoGP(which is a beautiful sport) or even some boxing or MMA if I can.

MMA, basketball, the Olympics whenever they’re on, but nothing more than that. And even those, not feverishly.

Shark,

Awesome blog. Question: is dealing with procrastination a sheer matter of willpower or are there techniques/methods to go around it?

Techniques and methods may work, but they are reserved for those who lack will power. It would be akin to a beta relying on canned routines without ever internalizing the concepts behind them; the practice is self-defeating in nature because it only mentally affirms your weakness. When you tell yourself “I need to use this technique to make myself productive,” you admit that your success and determination is dependent on something else.

Can anyone send me a link to the original challenge?

I’ve been reading to Black Flag and all the blog posts, working to kill the remnants of the beta-mindset that i had.

I want to try out the challenge shark mentioned in this post to test my mettle.

Triumph

Shark,
My name is Emily and I am 18 years old. How I came across your site, I’m not sure, but now, after nearly three weeks of carefully combing through your articles (selected for reading solely by the thumbnail and wittiness of the title (I judge books by their covers because it’s efficient)) I have begun to suffer from an inner complex of what I know to be truth and that which I wish wasn’t truth at all. For instance, I wouldn’t call myself a feminist, but I have an innate drive within me that runs counterpoint to game. I want to better myself, and I want to enlighten myself, and I want to make a lot of money so I don’t need to rely on anyone other than myself. All of these things, as outlined in your posts, seem masculine. Men do these things so they can make money and fuck bitchez, because they want to pass on their genes (as off brand as they may be) to the next generation. I recognize this is a fundamental part of evolutionary psychology and it breeds progress. It’s funny actually–now that I’ve become aware of my own feminine psyche instead of subconsciously aware of it, I can recognize why I have lost attraction for a guy instead of just realizing I’ve lost attraction for him. However, I fear that the part of me that wishes to retain its own autonomy will turn a lot of men off; it’s not even like I want to emasculate them, or that I feel entitled to my spot on the pedestal. There is a biological portion of me that wants to meet my Alpha match; that wants to be challenged; that wants to be dominated. On the other hand, I know for a fact that I am more intellectual and capable than many men, so the idea that just because they are men, they deserve to achieve more than me so they can, in essence, mate with me, is fucking ridiculous. This mentality won’t give me a great payout though. Men don’t care if women are successful or if they are funny or if they are even intelligent. My worth is esteemed by my appearance, which seems so laughably minimalistic to the components that make up men’s worth. Again, I realize this paradox exists for a reason; that is where my confusion and frustration comes in. I know how to play the game as a woman. It’s not hard. I just have to be attractive. But, at the same time, that is not enough for me. I want to do all things men do without losing my femininity or playing into the feminist Matrix. Is this even possible?

P.S. I hear all PUAs end up in Valhalla after death. Some may consider this an equivalent to the 9th circle of Hell, but I think it’s actually closer to a rowdy New York night bar.

The answer to if it’s possible, is yes.

The conflict you’re feeling between acknowledging evolutionary psychology versus wanting it to be different, I’m sure, has pained everyone reading this at one point or another. It goes back to the issue of humans being only animals from a reductionist view and culture being impartial in its judgement. Women will view men as shallow, because, like you said, their achievements are reproductive proxies aimed at communicating value to mate with you and men will view women as shallow because women want to mate with them based on their accumulation of these proxies. The same way you feel “wtf? Men are ultimately only driven in their pursuits because of a biological imperative to mate with me,” A man will feel “wtf? Women are ultimately only driven in their pursuit to mate with me because of a biological imperative that highlights my value based on my pursuits, or ability to manipulate that imperative (game).”

But biomechanics is inescapable. I hate that I can’t be attracted to every girl around me and then judge them purely based on their intelligence and my chemistry with them the same way you hate that you will be judged according to your looks far more than your intelligence. But it has, for better or for worse, been the most favorable way to propagate our species.

The reason why you FEEL like you can’t “do all the things men do,” is because self-entitled women in positions of power has become a cliche, the same way assholes and disgusting men are a cliche in those same circles. I remember early on when I first began venturing into business, the girl I was with asked me to get a 9-5 job instead, “Please don’t, all men who get into business become egotistical monsters.” And I began questioning it, will I lose the things I like about myself if I embraced my hunger for achievement? I noticed a strong correlation between these men, people I did NOT want to be like, and people of power, which made me question if “masculinity” directly equated to this attitude.

Fortunately I learned, later on, that it did not. One of the major aims of this blog is to share that enlightenment.

Lack of masculinity < Negative Masculinity < Positive Masculinity. As you can guess, so few men fall into the last category that negative masculinity gets interpreted as MASCULINITY ITSELF, which makes it an easy target for equalists.

The same applies to femininity. From the disillusion post you commented on, recall that I pointed out how attention is intoxicating for women the same way power is intoxicating for men. Women who are “successful” by today’s standards are so often denatured through hyper-competitive environments that champion the cause of feminism that they no longer remain attractive. But like the glimmer of positive masculinity that remains within the entire sphere of masculinity, there remains hope for women who want to combine the best of both worlds.

It is not REQUIRED that if you do great things as a woman, that you MUST become a zealot of feminism or lose touch with your femininity; the same way that it is not REQUIRED for a man to become a sociopathic morally dubious human being if he wants to be masculine. We only BELIEVE that these are directly related because that’s what we’ve been conditioned to believe. But let’s not be naive, these stereotypes exist for a reason. One needs only to visit a law or investment banking firm to be sure of it.

The reason why negative masculinity and feminism run so rampant across the upper echelons of success and power is because that’s what everyone gets exposed to. At 16 I remember walking into my first real-life boiler room, and everyone there was a fuckin animal. So what was my immediate assumption? That to be rich or a good financial trader, you also needed to be rude and unhygienic. Similarly, I imagine most ambitious girls immediately get their feminity truncated when their friends compel them to join “Women in Power” clubs. They become mind-warped, just like men, into believe that being a denatured feminist is almost a necessary component of being “successful.”

There is also a more natural cause for this. Being hypergamous, women in power view men of lower statuses with far more contempt, especially beta males of lower statuses. It’s an inevitable instinct, women are SUPPOSED to detest lesser men. But then again, who cares about the opinions of lesser men anyways?

As for finding a man you will be attracted to, there is both good news and bad news. The good news is, as you meet men of higher caliber, ASSUMING THEY ALREADY FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH, they will judge you more and more for your intelligence and charisma (granted they don’t go past a certain threshold). The higher up you go in the Alpha scale, the more the men have options. And when men have options, beauty becomes fairly irrelevant. Basic economic forces pushes the value of beauty down (abundant factor) and pushes the value of intelligence/humor (scarce factors) up. And this is where most women get hoodwinked. They assume that betas are more appreciative of personal attributes because of who they date, but in reality, it’s because a beta male will take whatever he can get. A lesser man will praise you for your intelligence because he’s been socialized to do so. But if you go far up enough, you begin to meet guys who are not phased by beauty. It’s only a thing to appreciate. The ones aiming for relationships will never commit to a girl just because she’s hot, they look for characteristics that they would find favorable on a longer time scale. The more capable a man is of attracting 9s and 10s, the more he becomes willing to screen for higher quality women. Then again, this doesn’t apply at all to men who plain pull themselves out of the monogamy market or ones who would rather deal with women as little as possible (in which case intelligence/charisma are again irrelevant, but why would you want to be with a guy like that anyways?)

The bad news is, actually, there’s a lot of bad news. Men of higher caliber are far more prone to dropping you for someone else, cheating on you because the option is so easily placed before them, and most of all, make you rationalize that they wouldn’t do either of these things because you find them THAT attractive and rare. And if you go on to do things that are “masculine,” and you DO lose touch with your feminity, they simply will not pay any attention to you. You need to be practical about it, the same way men must be practical about women. There’s nothing wrong with reading, writing, being intelligent, exploring the world, but you cannot forget that men are attracted to sweetly feminine and coy women. Do not let your achievements, accomplishments or pursuits remove you from reality. Similarly, if you’re a guy, it might be attractive to be unavailable, wealthy as fuck, and a genius; but you must remember that attraction is not enough to keep a girl, you also need rapport. Embrace reality and think practically; but don’t let that stop you from chasing your ideals and dreams.

One last thing, Shark.

Do you know much about how or how quickly someone can shift from the habit of living in one’s head (internal stimulation) to getting (needing) your fix from social and external interactions? I’m beginning to think introversion is an unforgivable sin.

Literally speaking, a moment. If I remember correctly, Napoleon was naturally introverted but learned to exude charisma because he realized its power. I suppose he is the greatest practitioner of external game, ever.

Is Mr. Chadwick an alpha?

http://www.judicialaccountability.org/articles/7year.htm

Couldn’t say. Seems like an Alpha move, but he could be a really pissed off beta too.

So how do I tell a girly-girl diva from a psycho with borderline personality disorder? There’s actually alot of commonly shared traits?!?

There’s only one full-proof litmus test. You have to do some really really fucked up shit, and then see if she tries to kill you. If she does, she’s a psycho. If she doesn’t, she’s only a diva.

Btw Can you please email me personally as I have a dilemma I would love to talk about It involves a girl who can’t get over her ex yet likes me. Don’t know what to do.

This is, quite literally, an impossible scenario. Judge a girl by her actions, not her words. If she says she has feelings for both you and her ex but isn’t having secks or committing to you, she is still into her ex. If the both of you ARE in a “physical” relationship, but she still mentions her ex and declines to be in an exclusive relationship with you, she is interested in you but relatively more interested in her ex; she is using you as a rebound. If she is both committed AND physical with you to a respectable degree, she is interested only in you but is using her past relationship as shit testing ammo. Or, she isn’t explosively attracted enough to jump the gun on this.

Women are hypergamous. They don’t have 2 eggs simultaneously, only one. Meaning, their hearts can only be fully owned by one person at a time.

What if you have a class everyday with someone and you can’t afford to skip class. It undermines everything you teach, mystery, routine etc. Is it possible to make this situation work?

You are missing the concept behind mystery, and the more fundamental aspect of putting yourself above women. Being mysterious only means that you appeal to a woman’s imagination. I say you should avoid a girl for weeks at a time because the general audience here is no longer in school, but the idea behind it is simply “don’t give her attention or reveal too much about yourself” and “don’t hang out with her too often, keep passion on ice.”

As for skipping class for a girl, never. It sub-communicates lesser value because you’re putting her priority to hang out with you above your priority to increase your value.

ok shark, b4 i start i wanna say u my man, u helped me thru some tought shit, i really hope one day i meet a stranger and become friend with him then i find out its u (1 of the best day of my life man) however this time i come with u with a complicated AS FUCK kinda problem, this girl i met few months back, we brokeup last month bcuz i HV FEELINGS FOR MY EX, yes the same midget i’ve been talking abt for 2 yrs now, ofcourse i didnt tell her that “i broke up bcuz i hv feelings for my ex” and the relationship wasnt official or any shit like that i used to say “ur my rose flower” she used to say ur my teddy bear kinda relationship, so this girl loved me a lot judgiing by her interest and shit, she deleted me offf facebook (i didnt mind at all, rather i practing sarging with my other friends), she moved to virginia (i didnt mind) she tried to make me jealous (i tried to flirt with her best firend) she flirted with other guys (i uploaded pics of me with a hot stripper)

later we used to send each other variations of indirect love message via new timeline, she upload those pics loke “our love is true love” then id upload pics like “fuck yea” vise versa, recently she DEACTIVATED her facebook, THAT FUCKING GOT TO ME MAAANNN, cuz i used to check her 4 times a day, and it was a few days b4 her bday, now i didnt wish her, followed ur advice (if a chick love u it will increase the love if u ignore her + powerful ppl care less etc) but its been a month, she didnt come to facebook, i havnt seen her, i miss her like shit, i know all the games that exes play like u said “she will try her best to get a statement out of u like i miss u or something like that, self reassurance” so what should i do now, she is a very nice girl, NOT DIVAS, NOT BITCHEZ, very emotional girl who likes to believe in truw love n barbie stories, the kinda girl u’d get married to and have kids with, the kinda girl who will cook n clean ur dick if u tell her to, i wanna send her a flacid text like YO U ALIVE ? after another 10 days what do u say ? u say i do man

Ahh, the inevitable curse of humanity, to always want what you can’t have. And as a corollary, to finally want what you had all along. You need only to relax and realize that you see this girl as perfect right now BECAUSE you can no longer have her.

If you wish to pursue, a non-sequiottoir text should do it. “You alive?” hints that you’ve been bursting to talk to her and so shaken up by her freeze out that you assumed she must have died (yes, girls read very much in between the lines).

At the same time, this might be something you should let go of, especially if this is a long-distance Oneitis. Those happen to be particularly excruciating.

love the video with tyler, dudes hilarious.

This site has helped me a lot with my betaness. I have really seen a huge stride foward in my inner game and as a result my outer game is on point and I am # closing and K-closing every night i go out. I was stuck real bad on oneitis for this girl, my “first love” i suppose. Recently after a few weeks of NC, and me going out every night working on game, I realized I can close girls i never thought i could and was finally starting to feel good again. Cue the text from the ex.

“Are you gonna pay me back for when i picked you up from the airport?”

I wasn’t going to respond, but feeling strongly that I am not going to revert to my beta ways with her i chose to respond.

me-”Sorry who’s this?”
bitch- “Who recently picked you up from the airport that you owe?”
me- “..? who is this? i think you might have the wrong number.”
bitch- “your a dick. It’s _____. I thought you had my number memorized. I needed a ride from you and I helped you out when you needed a ride and now you can’t help me.”
me- “k”
bitch- “god fuck you seriously i am really stressed about a ride”
me- “are you asking for a ride?”
bitch- “yes my flight leaves at 8.”
me- “alright i’ll come stay over and we’ll leave in the morning”
bitch- “okay you don’t have to, like if you’re with people, or if you’re drunk, dont come if you’re drunk”
I didn’t respond to these, i just went over and called her to let me in.

I walked in laid down rolled over facing away from her and started to pass out.

bitch- “hey ben, do you ever think about if we hadnt broken up, we’d probably be getting married soon.” (puts her arm around me)
me- “yeah, but aren’t you a little glad we didnt, i mean we’re young as fuck, i’m not ready to get married.”
shit test
bitch- why do you say such mean stuff to me?
me- I really don’t wanna talk about the past.
bitch- well you said some really mean things and im pretty sure i hate you so fine. (Rolls over away from me)
me- nothing. falls asleep. She wakes me back up.

I kiss her, she pulls away and says “you’ve hurt me so bad ben i’ll never kiss you again.”
Fall back asleep. she wakes me back up. I kiss her again, this time she kisses back and i proceed to try to go a little further.

Anyways, i had to deal with probably 10 shit tests, but by the end i was fucking her from behind, nutted and we both passed out. Then I had to deal with an hour car ride of her telling me how she missed me and that she had been thinking a lot about me and that she had ripped up all our old pictures that day, and how she liked another guy and he didnt end up liking her, I smiled and just drove on down the road. Anyways she brought some CD with all these country love songs and told me they all reminded her of me and stuff. Its obvious shes trying to suck me back in. but schools out in a week and shes graduating and im going home to finish my last year. I don’t want to fall back into anything with her unless i can stay alpha, but i have no problem with a little action this last two weeks here cause she does suck a mean dick and she pushes me to get my schoolwork done.

My question is, should i even be talking to her, should i have handled her differently, and what should i be focusing on to maintain attraction and rapport with her. We have a nasty on and off history where we dated for one year then were off and on for another year… and it was filled with drama and crazyness, but i guess thats college for you. I feel like ive grown up and know i should probably stay away from her, but part of me kind of wants to keep her around while i pursue other options, just to prove to myself ive changed my beta ways.

You handled it excellently. Noobs take note, the force is strong with this one.

If you feel she will have a negative influence on your life, keep her at a distance and more as a friend with benefits. If you see her visibly pulling you down, cut her off completely.

As for keeping her as an option, maintain attraction the same way you’ve been doing, through amused mastery. Rapport however, will be more about showing “cracks” in your armor. Sometimes make it look like you’re ABOUT to say “I miss you too,” or “I love you too,” but then you changed your mind. Make it seem like she’s “making progress” in terms of sucking you back in, but always keep her emotions oscillating in limbo. Balance between making her feel rejected and accepted, let her be UNSURE of where things are going.

I recently had a similar dilemma. I didn’t even want to hook up with the girl though. But, consequently, because she went all out and professed her love for me, and asked me to take her virginity, and I denied her, a few times, even denied kissing her (I just couldn’t bring myself to do it), I lost an entire circle of friends. Pretty much my only group of friends in this new town, where I moved for school. It sucks because I had a tight knit group of people, and was definitely going to hook up with a few of the attractive girls in said group. But, because the one I denied is such an integral friend in the group, and was a good friend of mine (I honestly didn’t even realize how hard I was unintentionally gaming her back then), I look like a total asshole, and now no one from that group wants to hang out with me; they all paired off into best friend cliques and I was left on the side because I was busy doing my own thing. She is someone I used to hang out with pretty much daily on campus, due to location. Now that we all live off campus, it’s like they’ve shunned me from their group. Should I just cut my losses and avoid all contact with any of them now? When I run into them downtown they act like nothing’s happened, but now they no longer contact me (which they always did first), and if I send them a brief text, they respond like a day later if at all. Like I seriously think they hate me for NOT wanting to take a girl’s virginity that I’m quite positive (and one main reason I don’t want to attempt to) I wouldn’t be able to get it up, which would be even more devastating to her, I feel, than outright rejection.And she’s 22, so I’ve told her there are thousands of horny guys, if she just goes out one night and takes her pick it’ll be easy, or that maybe before sex, she should start slow and work her way up, like mess around with people and get comfortable with herself, by a vibrator, etc…I think she is, or is becoming a lesbian due to her lack of male sexual influence though. Largely in part to her hot Diva friend who gets all the attention, and makes her pale in comparison. Kinda sad.

Thanks for the great post. Reminds me of quite a few girls I know and have known. Can’t really refute any of what you wrote. Seen and experienced it all.

Have you ever had oneitis for a girl, then met someone who had the same name, and your oneitis subsided? This happened to me recently, and the name is NOT common, only met 2 people, the two in question, with this name. Because now when I think of _____ I think of ______ & _____ and it’s really weird how much it helped having the additional same-named girl to think of in relation to the girl I have/had oneitis for. Kinda hard to explain. Keep it up.

A fairly relevant psych trick: If you meet a taken girl, tell her you know someone with her boyfriend’s name. Mention him fairly often, and associate his personality with loserish traits.

Enlightening.
Shark,

How would I go about orbiting a 8/10 by and after breaking off an exclusive relationship. Her having secks with other guys doesn’t bother me, however, I wouldn’t mind her around when the cawk gets itchy. (just reposting incase my other post didn’t go through.

Limbo is always the answer, read 2 comments above this one.